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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DaisyM on October 31, 2003, at 10:27:07
Do you tell about all your dreams? And, do you tell what you think they might mean?
If you disagree with their interpretation of the dreams, do you say so?
Is a "daydream" as important as a "real" dream?
Also, how do you ask about the upcoming Holidays without seeming too needy?
Posted by Poet on October 31, 2003, at 11:01:56
In reply to More Questions for the Club, posted by DaisyM on October 31, 2003, at 10:27:07
Dreams. I tell her dreams that I think might be meaningful. She loves dreams. What she does is have me tell her what I think it means before she tells me her interpretation. So if we disagree it's more like looking at the same situation two different ways.
Daydreams. I don't tell her them because I'm afraid she'll just tell me that I'm not being realistic.
Holiday neediness. My T makes it easy, I always see her on Thursdays and the week before a holiday (like Thanksgiving) she asks if I want to skip the next session or come another day.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 11:40:39
In reply to More Questions for the Club, posted by DaisyM on October 31, 2003, at 10:27:07
I rarely dream, and I lost my daydreams about seven or eight years ago. When I do dream, they're pretty straightforward and don't need a lot of analysis.
He knows the holidays are a problem for me. He tries to work things out as best he can, without sacrificing his personal life, or forgoing his needs. I appreciate his efforts. But I still pout a bit. And he's ok with that. In fact he'll ask me if I'm angry and tell me it's ok if I am before I even say anything.
Posted by Poet on October 31, 2003, at 13:11:58
In reply to More Questions for the Club, posted by DaisyM on October 31, 2003, at 10:27:07
Is it okay for the perfect patient to not tell the therapist something that might make the therapist send them to someone else?
Yesterday I told her that I binged and purged two days in a row and we talked about it. She said, if your bulimia stays out of control, I'll refer you to someone with more expertise.
I know this sounds like I'm rationalizing, maybe I am, but I think I just fell back on an old habit for comfort- eating in mass quantities. I've been bulimic for 26 years, I haven't binged two days in a row in years.
Do I tell my T if I lose control again or just keep my mouth shut? I don't want to see anyone else. I have trouble opening up to her, talking to somebody new would be horrible.
Fellow club members, please advise.
Poet
Posted by Medusa on October 31, 2003, at 14:10:14
In reply to Another question for the club, posted by Poet on October 31, 2003, at 13:11:58
> Do I tell my T if I lose control again or just keep my mouth shut? I don't want to see anyone else. I have trouble opening up to her, talking to somebody new would be horrible.
>Poet, I've been there. (Albeit not 26 years long!)
Can you talk to her about this *now* and ask if she would _add_ a specialist, not replace herself with one?
Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 16:54:27
In reply to Another question for the club, posted by Poet on October 31, 2003, at 13:11:58
I'm with Medusa. Could you ask her to think of alternatives that didn't involve abandonment, such as adding a specialist.
My therapist once asked me, hypothetically, what I would do if he said that if I cut he'd refer me out. And I replied that if I had to, I'd lie through my teeth. And that I hoped I wouldn't have to. He said that's what he figured I'd say, and that's why he never laid down that ultimatum. I saw my survival depending on him not abandoning me. Lying would have felt like my only choice.
Of course, I'm not advocating that you lie to your therapist. I just think they shouldn't put us in that position, and I'm glad mine didn't.
Talk to her about alternatives.
(P.S. I eventually offered on my own to promise not to cut, and he agreed not to terminate me if I found I couldn't keep the promise. And I very rarely cut any more.)
Posted by Poet on October 31, 2003, at 18:08:45
In reply to Re: Another question for the club » Poet, posted by Medusa on October 31, 2003, at 14:10:14
Hi Medusa,
Yup bulimic for 26 years- not active, though. What happened is rare. I have never seen a therapist about it, I thought about it years ago but manage to control it on my own. Except this week.
I think that talking to my therapist about it now is a good idea and then if she thinks I need to see a specialist, making sure I can still see her too.
I can tell her that seeing only someone else will make me feel abandoned. She knows I have major abandonment issues.
How is the self esteem going?
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 31, 2003, at 18:50:32
In reply to Re: Another question for the club » Poet, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 16:54:27
I think *therapists may not cause fear of abandonment* should be one of our rules. If we are perfect therapy patients than they should be perfect therapists.
I'm going to talk to her about if the time comes when I need to see someone else, I need to still see her. She knows I have a fear of abandonment and trouble talking to any therapist, so she should understand why I still need to see her.
Keep compiling our rules, so you can post them and the members of the club will vote on them. If you don't want to do it, I can. :)
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 31, 2003, at 18:52:50
In reply to Re: Another question for the club » Poet, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 16:54:27
I think *therapists may not cause fear of abandonment* should be one of our rules. If we are perfect therapy patients than they should be perfect therapists.
I'm going to talk to her about if the time comes when I need to see someone else, I need to still see her. She knows I have a fear of abandonment and trouble talking to any therapist, so she should understand why I still need to see her.
Keep compiling our rules, so you can post them and the members of the club will vote on them. If you don't want to do it, I can. :)
Poet
Posted by deirdrehbrt on October 31, 2003, at 21:21:38
In reply to More Questions for the Club, posted by DaisyM on October 31, 2003, at 10:27:07
I think that using threat of abandonment as a theraputic tool should not be part of the perfect therapists' toolkit. Just too big of a hammer.
On the other side, I think that the perfect patient is expected by the perfect therapist to be perfectly stable. That doesn't mean that the perfect patient should have no severe problems, just that they should be stable enough to not fall into suicidality or self injury without warning. (Note: I do not believe this, I just think that it's what most therapists expect from 'perfect' patients.)
On to my questions.... Having DID, I guess mine will deal with dissociation.
What exactly does "being present for your appointment" mean?
If more than one of us show up, do we have to pay extra for the alters?
How many of us have to read the assignments?
If the one who is in the office now doesn't remember last week's session, is it OK to ask you to give us the highlights?
If I miss an appointment because I knew it was Wednesday when you knew it was Thursday, can you handle that without getting angry?
If I self-injure, would you rather me tell you, and deal with it, or would you rather that I ignore that aspect of my life for fear you will stop seeing me?
Posted by Poet on November 3, 2003, at 10:36:07
In reply to Re: More Questions for the Club, posted by deirdrehbrt on October 31, 2003, at 21:21:38
> I think that using threat of abandonment as a theraputic tool should not be part of the perfect therapists' toolkit. Just too big of a hammer.
My head still hurts from that hammer.
> What exactly does "being present for your appointment" mean?
I'm not DID, but I think, for all patients, it means that you are ready to talk openly about what you need to and not dodge questions. If she hits on something painful I start staring out the window or looking at something in the room. She pulls me back with "where did you just go?" A revised version of "what are you thinking?"
> If more than one of us show up, do we have to pay extra for the alters?
No, you'd only by one ticket for a movie.
> How many of us have to read the assignments?
I think it would depend on what the topic is and how it was assigned to.
> If the one who is in the office now doesn't remember last week's session, is it OK to ask you to give us the highlights?
Absolutely, I think the therapist would appreciate that you are trying hard.
> If I miss an appointment because I knew it was Wednesday when you knew it was Thursday, can you handle that without getting angry?
Write down the appointment, confirm it outloud and it's okay to call the day before to make sure.
> If I self-injure, would you rather me tell you, and deal with it, or would you rather that I ignore that aspect of my life for fear you will stop seeing me?
Ooh, tough one. I'm dealing with that myself, she said if I keep binging (I'm bulimic among other things) she'll refer me to a specialist. So if I binge, do I lie or tell her the truth and get dumped? Other posters suggest to ask if I could still see her and the specialist. You could ask the same thing.
Poet
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