![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on October 13, 2003, at 11:04:31
I'm just looking for thoughts. Can one *love* one's therapist? Can a therapist *love* a client? Do they love all their clients? How can they have so much love then?Do people have experiences exchanging "I love you"s with their Ts? That must be weird and intense. I'd love to hear stories and feedback. (I know it's bad to have sex with your therapist, but I'm talking about LOVE. I'm wondering, is it real? Of course, this raises huge questions about the nature of love, etc. What the hey is love, anyhoo? I have no idea. Thoughts on any of this of course may be interesting.)
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2003, at 16:03:18
In reply to therapists and love, posted by crushedout on October 13, 2003, at 11:04:31
Love is a loaded word. It has so many meanings that I think a therapist would be foolish to use it. Too much room for misinterpretation.
I love my dog, I love my son, I love my husband, I love pasta, I love my favorite TV show, I love Babble, and I love my therapist. What that means to me in each case is different, never mind what it means between different people.
Posted by crushedout on October 13, 2003, at 16:08:31
In reply to Re: therapists and love » crushedout, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2003, at 16:03:18
I know what you mean, Dinah, but we use the word all the time in life despite its ambiguity (and "loadedness").I thought therapists and patients often did say those words to each other. I personally have never done it, but I've heard stories from others. Am I wrong?
Do others agree that it's foolish? Dinah, have you ever told your therapist you love him/her?
> Love is a loaded word. It has so many meanings that I think a therapist would be foolish to use it. Too much room for misinterpretation.
>
> I love my dog, I love my son, I love my husband, I love pasta, I love my favorite TV show, I love Babble, and I love my therapist. What that means to me in each case is different, never mind what it means between different people.
>
>
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2003, at 16:13:33
In reply to Re: therapists and love, posted by crushedout on October 13, 2003, at 16:08:31
Yes, I've told him that. And although I'm sure he knew what I meant, I also made it perfectly clear. So I took the ambiguity out of it for him.
And he was even less (if possible) ambiguous in his reply. He said he cared a lot about me, which I know to mean that he wanted the best for me.
All perfectly proper and unambiguous.
There's nothing wrong with you telling your therapist that, despite the ambiguity. Be prepared for some clarifying questions though. I think that maybe it isn't wise for a therapist to be that ambiguous. It could end up hurting a client.
Posted by Adia on October 13, 2003, at 17:20:19
In reply to therapists and love, posted by crushedout on October 13, 2003, at 11:04:31
Hi..
I agree with Dinah that this is confusing...I do feel loved by my therapist. and I do feel I love her. She has explained what she means, and I understand that she cares about me and wants the best for me.
I have told her I love her.And I heard those words from her too..She explained how she can love me..she said she loves me as a human being and accepts me, but she cannot love me the way I would maybe like her to...(as a mommy)but she does love me as (her name), as my therapist.
I feel she does care about me and it is real..I've asked her too if I could trust it to be real.
She has made clear what she wants for me..
And I what I feel is that she does care and wants the best.
However, since it is a bit confusing, I try to hang on to actions..to what she does..to things she does that show me that she does care about me...her availability, how happy she seems to be if I make progress, her acceptance of me, some little probably stupid things, like if she gets angry for me if someone hurt me or did something bad to me.
I did feel the need to hear I love you and fortunately she has told me...not very often, I remember two times..One was when I disclosed in writing something that was really important and which I had never ever said to anyone..and the fact that she said I love you very much made me feel I wanted to live ... and then, recently, after I took a brave step in telling too...and when we said goodbye she said those words.
but she has always made clear to me what she meant by that.I know all this sounds confusing, as Dinah has shared...
I don't even know how to explain :o)just wanted to reply to your post and share my experiences...
all the best,
Adia.
> I'm just looking for thoughts. Can one *love* one's therapist? Can a therapist *love* a client? Do they love all their clients? How can they have so much love then?
>
> Do people have experiences exchanging "I love you"s with their Ts? That must be weird and intense. I'd love to hear stories and feedback. (I know it's bad to have sex with your therapist, but I'm talking about LOVE. I'm wondering, is it real? Of course, this raises huge questions about the nature of love, etc. What the hey is love, anyhoo? I have no idea. Thoughts on any of this of course may be interesting.)
Posted by crushedout on October 13, 2003, at 18:20:58
In reply to Re: therapists and love » crushedout, posted by Adia on October 13, 2003, at 17:20:19
Adia,Thanks so much for your response. Can I ask how long you'd been seeing your T before you exchanged these words? I'm just curious. I'd really like to have this experience, even though I know it may also be painful.
> Hi..
> I agree with Dinah that this is confusing...
>
> I do feel loved by my therapist. and I do feel I love her. She has explained what she means, and I understand that she cares about me and wants the best for me.
> I have told her I love her.And I heard those words from her too..She explained how she can love me..she said she loves me as a human being and accepts me, but she cannot love me the way I would maybe like her to...(as a mommy)but she does love me as (her name), as my therapist.
> I feel she does care about me and it is real..I've asked her too if I could trust it to be real.
> She has made clear what she wants for me..
> And I what I feel is that she does care and wants the best.
> However, since it is a bit confusing, I try to hang on to actions..to what she does..to things she does that show me that she does care about me...her availability, how happy she seems to be if I make progress, her acceptance of me, some little probably stupid things, like if she gets angry for me if someone hurt me or did something bad to me.
> I did feel the need to hear I love you and fortunately she has told me...not very often, I remember two times..One was when I disclosed in writing something that was really important and which I had never ever said to anyone..and the fact that she said I love you very much made me feel I wanted to live ... and then, recently, after I took a brave step in telling too...and when we said goodbye she said those words.
> but she has always made clear to me what she meant by that.
>
> I know all this sounds confusing, as Dinah has shared...
> I don't even know how to explain :o)
>
> just wanted to reply to your post and share my experiences...
>
> all the best,
> Adia.
>
>
>
>
> > I'm just looking for thoughts. Can one *love* one's therapist? Can a therapist *love* a client? Do they love all their clients? How can they have so much love then?
> >
> > Do people have experiences exchanging "I love you"s with their Ts? That must be weird and intense. I'd love to hear stories and feedback. (I know it's bad to have sex with your therapist, but I'm talking about LOVE. I'm wondering, is it real? Of course, this raises huge questions about the nature of love, etc. What the hey is love, anyhoo? I have no idea. Thoughts on any of this of course may be interesting.)
>
>
Posted by ridesredhorses on October 14, 2003, at 9:31:10
In reply to therapists and love, posted by crushedout on October 13, 2003, at 11:04:31
My therapist says, 'you are such a great person.' He says, 'You don't deserve to ever have another bad experience in your life.' He says, 'you are truly remarkable.' He says, 'I am so proud of you for taking that step, thank you for trusting me.' I think he has been around the block enough times to avoid loaded phrases and words. I do not 'love' him, either as a brother, father or sexual figure. I respect him, and I honor him by trusting him. Now, I think I have just described a 'loving relationship.' Yes?
Posted by Adia on October 14, 2003, at 16:25:25
In reply to Re: therapists and love, posted by crushedout on October 13, 2003, at 18:20:58
Hi!
You are welcome!
I've just checked my writings and journals to see when I exchanged those words with my T..I had been seeing her for a year and a half...
at first I tried to say the words without drawing too much attention to them, for instance, I would write 'I love you very much', closing a letter to her :o) but I have told her out loud..especially after a hard hard moment and if she reaches out to me..She told me that after I had really risked sharing and trusting her.
I wish you the best with your therapist. How long have you been seeing him/her?
If you wish to know something else, don't hesitate to ask..
sending you lots of support,
Adia.> Adia,
>
> Thanks so much for your response. Can I ask how long you'd been seeing your T before you exchanged these words? I'm just curious. I'd really like to have this experience, even though I know it may also be painful.
>
>
> > Hi..
> > I agree with Dinah that this is confusing...
> >
> > I do feel loved by my therapist. and I do feel I love her. She has explained what she means, and I understand that she cares about me and wants the best for me.
> > I have told her I love her.And I heard those words from her too..She explained how she can love me..she said she loves me as a human being and accepts me, but she cannot love me the way I would maybe like her to...(as a mommy)but she does love me as (her name), as my therapist.
> > I feel she does care about me and it is real..I've asked her too if I could trust it to be real.
> > She has made clear what she wants for me..
> > And I what I feel is that she does care and wants the best.
> > However, since it is a bit confusing, I try to hang on to actions..to what she does..to things she does that show me that she does care about me...her availability, how happy she seems to be if I make progress, her acceptance of me, some little probably stupid things, like if she gets angry for me if someone hurt me or did something bad to me.
> > I did feel the need to hear I love you and fortunately she has told me...not very often, I remember two times..One was when I disclosed in writing something that was really important and which I had never ever said to anyone..and the fact that she said I love you very much made me feel I wanted to live ... and then, recently, after I took a brave step in telling too...and when we said goodbye she said those words.
> > but she has always made clear to me what she meant by that.
> >
> > I know all this sounds confusing, as Dinah has shared...
> > I don't even know how to explain :o)
> >
> > just wanted to reply to your post and share my experiences...
> >
> > all the best,
> > Adia.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > I'm just looking for thoughts. Can one *love* one's therapist? Can a therapist *love* a client? Do they love all their clients? How can they have so much love then?
> > >
> > > Do people have experiences exchanging "I love you"s with their Ts? That must be weird and intense. I'd love to hear stories and feedback. (I know it's bad to have sex with your therapist, but I'm talking about LOVE. I'm wondering, is it real? Of course, this raises huge questions about the nature of love, etc. What the hey is love, anyhoo? I have no idea. Thoughts on any of this of course may be interesting.)
> >
> >
>
>
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.