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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 9:59:59
I was talking to my therapist about how I feel when the men (but not the women) in my life are angry. I feel a shrinking inside, then I feel so little and the anger seems sooo big. I feel helpless and hopeless that anything will ever change. Then all these automatic suicidal thoughts crop up.
He says what I'm describing is regression.
But how do you change that automatic reaction. He implies it's a bad thing, but doesn't really give any concrete tips on how not to regress. It all happens so suddenly.
Any ideas?
Posted by Tabitha on August 2, 2003, at 11:04:35
In reply to Regression, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 9:59:59
Dinah, not sure if my experience will help, but here it is. I had regression reactions related to romantic rejection. It was a sort of desperate need to get validation from my object of interest, along with compulsion to pursue them. At one point I was having a lot of it, and just tried to stay with the feelings and really feel it for what it was, ignoring the thoughts about the present situation. I had a sort of little breakthrough where it really felt like old pain, the pain of a child. It was clear the feelings were about my parents, but I couldn't tell if it was toward mom or dad or both.
I also went through a time where I forced myself to stop reacting to the feelings by carrying out the cycle of behavior that was re-creating the situations (namely pursuing men who weren't all that interested in me). After the combination of those 2 things, the whole cycle seemed to just break up. That particular reaction doesn't come up much for me anymore.
My theory is.. our old pain just wants to be heard. Once we hear its message, it doesn't have to keep coming up.
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 13:49:10
In reply to Re: Regression, posted by Tabitha on August 2, 2003, at 11:04:35
Hmmm... I'll try to do that. I've got the house to myself for a while, and I'll try to focus on the feelings and follow them back. It's so hard to do at the moment I'm regressing, but doubtless another opportunity will come up soon, and I'll try again then.
It's so hard to say. Both my parents have anger problems, and I think maybe my grandpa (who I lived with when I was little) did too. So I'm sure I have lots of memories of anger and my reactions to it. Maybe too many to clearly sort out. But I'll give it a shot.
Maybe I'll be able to figure out what I'm trying to *do* at those moments.
Here's a bit of a ramble. But you know how sometimes it's hard to draw a line? This is ok and normal, and this isn't? My therapist tells me things I experienced when I was little weren't normal. Weren't just the run of the mill parent stuff. But he's sort of my advocate, you know? So what he tells me, I sort of wonder about.
Definitely rambling. I've got a mixture of decongestant, cough medicine, and Excedrin running through my veins. It may actually be a good time to try to follow those feelings back. :)
Posted by Morgen on August 2, 2003, at 22:08:14
In reply to Re: Regression » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 13:49:10
I'm definitely there with you on your question about therapists telling us what happened wasn't normal.... I feel like so much of the time I'm desperate for some sort of excuse for my self-doubt and the other problems inside me. Some excuse for being in therapy, I suppose. And my therapist is very clearly my advocate... a voice fighting my own impulses to hate and blame myself. She is constantly telling me I take too much responsibility. She gets angry on my behalf about things that happened in my past.
I love her for it, too. But though I don't think she'd ever lie to me, I do sometimes fear that she sometimes is unrealistic, either because she's caught up in the role as an advocate, or worse, because perhaps I've portrayed things unfairly.
If I expressed this concern to her, I'm sure she would just say that it was so like me. Which is true. So who knows, maybe she is right.
Morgen
Posted by Dinah on August 4, 2003, at 10:11:57
In reply to Regression, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 9:59:59
I'll bet there are some automatic thoughts involved as well....
But therein comes my problem with automatic thoughts. When caught in a flaming amygdala attack, how does one stop the physical reactions long enough to intervene with thoughts.
Posted by Dinah on August 4, 2003, at 10:16:11
In reply to Our comforting advocates..., posted by Morgen on August 2, 2003, at 22:08:14
I'm sure she is. Especially since a therapist's job is not only to advocate for us, but also to confront us with self defeating thoughts and actions.
Yet still, I wonder. My view of my parents totters from side to side, but usually comes to rest on just plain odd and limited people who did the best they could. I get plenty of outside confirmation on the odd and limited from those who know my folks. On the other hand, are they really more odd and limited than the average? Or just not as good at hiding it?
Posted by jay on August 6, 2003, at 4:53:19
In reply to Regression, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 9:59:59
> I was talking to my therapist about how I feel when the men (but not the women) in my life are angry. I feel a shrinking inside, then I feel so little and the anger seems sooo big. I feel helpless and hopeless that anything will ever change. Then all these automatic suicidal thoughts crop up.
>
> He says what I'm describing is regression.
>
> But how do you change that automatic reaction. He implies it's a bad thing, but doesn't really give any concrete tips on how not to regress. It all happens so suddenly.
>
> Any ideas?Hi Dinah:
Well, the best option (IMHO) would be to have your therapist role-play with you. What it sounds like you need is specific direction, not just insight. Ask him about it the next time you see him. You could even make a trip to the library, get some books on counseling and see if you can find examples that a therapist would use. It's not rocket science (I don't mean anything bad towards you saying that...) just that the more knowledge you have on techniques, the better. A good therapist can even teach their client some of the fundamental tools of therapy.
If you need further help...please let me know.
Best wishes,
Jay
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