Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LibbyH on April 3, 2003, at 19:38:38
This is the THIRD WEEK I have tried to go back to work. My boss has been outstanding about this. She called today and said she wasn't angry or upset with me for not coming back yet. She wasn't pressuring me and said she didn't want to upset me. They just wanted to know how I was doing. I told her the truth - that I would have been in much sooner, but am terrified to come back because I'm afraid of what everone will say & I'm afraid I can't do the job anymore.
So she said, "Well, why don't you come in tomorrow? If it's too much & you need to go home, then go home. I promise you nobody here will think a thing about it. We all love you!"
Then she told me about once when she'd been physically sick & she'd come back, it took her two weeks just to sort through her mail. She says if I have to do that it's ok.
"Accomodation" doesn't get any better than this organization has offered me. It's really amazing what they've done for me. They let me come in late, take time off for docs, etc.
Still, I'm really, really scared to go back. I tried to go back yesterday and had to turn around because my heart was POUNDING and I just couldn't face it. I feel like a complete FREAK. It's not that I'm embarassed about being mentally ill. I've had to take time off for my depression before, but this is the first time I've ever been in hospitalized and this episode was so much worse than any of the others.
It's been a month since I left the hospital & I'm able to function at home, but I don't like to go out. The only "away from home" experiences that are comfortable for me are visits to my docs, my mom's, and my daily bicycle rides. Otherwise, I don't really want to leave the house. I don't eat much because I don't like to go to the grocery. I'm very afraid of people. Once I'm actually IN a social situation, I do great. No fear, no anxiety, but I would give anything if I never had to leave my house again!
I am an incredibly intelligent, educated, and creative person... and I HAVE to be the queen of the underachievers. I have Ph.D. and most days it's more than I can do to figure out how to pay my bills and water my houseplants.
Are these feelings normal? Will they go away?
L.
Posted by mair on April 4, 2003, at 7:53:25
In reply to Back to work tomorrow- this time for sure.... HELP, posted by LibbyH on April 3, 2003, at 19:38:38
Libby - I don't know what you do, but is it possible for you to go in first for an evening or on the weekend? I haven't been in your precise situation, but I certainly have known days when I just couldn't face being in my office - the whole thought of it was too stressful. - or times when I can't force myself to do work related things I have to do, so I sit in my office getting further and further behind and feeling anxious about it. Sometimes it has helped me to go in on a weekend when no one is there and it's quiet just to break back into things at a different pace.
Mair
Posted by noa on April 4, 2003, at 10:34:49
In reply to Re: Back to work tomorrow- this time for sure.... HELP » LibbyH, posted by mair on April 4, 2003, at 7:53:25
Maybe go in to pick up your mail? That way it is just a brief visit and you can take the mail home to look at. Desensitization--one step at a time. I like Mair's idea, too. Get desensitized to the place without all the people there first.
Posted by LibbyH on April 4, 2003, at 15:08:10
In reply to Re: Back to work tomorrow- this time for sure.... HELP, posted by noa on April 4, 2003, at 10:34:49
I 'm back. People haven't been much different. A lot of my work was given away while I was out, but it's work I wasn't attached to anyway and I've been given new work that I will actually enjoy more & is better suited to my skills, so that's good. I was two hours late this morning, but my boss said she was glad to see me in. I've been very busy & even had a couple of meetings, so I feel pretty much back in the groove again. My boss & I had a long talk about how to manage future episodes, although she said she didn't really have a problem with what happened this time. She says as long as I am still making a contribution during the times I am at work and am not "sinking the ship" with my personal problems, it's not a big deal to her.
Thanks for the responses, though... I was terrified to come back!
L.
Posted by Dinah on April 4, 2003, at 17:08:52
In reply to Re: Back to work tomorrow- this time for sure.... HELP, posted by LibbyH on April 4, 2003, at 15:08:10
Posted by noa on April 4, 2003, at 22:51:52
In reply to Re: Back to work tomorrow- this time for sure.... HELP, posted by LibbyH on April 4, 2003, at 15:08:10
Glad it went well. Sounds like you've found the right place for you, and you have a good attitude.
Posted by WorryGirl on April 6, 2003, at 18:07:31
In reply to Re: Back to work tomorrow- this time for sure.... HELP, posted by LibbyH on April 4, 2003, at 15:08:10
Libby,
You handled the situation well. It sounds like you're right on track now. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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