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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by laurarn on January 30, 2003, at 20:07:38
I'm in a tough spot in therapy. I realize that I need to move on through this and not run away, like I've done for years. I think once I work this process through it will metabolize in my system somehow and work itself out.
But, I feel 2 times a week would help and so does my therapist. Just for a short while, to get through this time. But, I cannot pay for 2 sessions a week, only one. I am not being cheap, I just cannot afford it. My HMO will not cover this therapist as he is "not in network". Never mind that I've been seeing him for over a year. But, I feel paying for therapy is part of the process. I am willing to sacrafice some things in order to afford this part of my life. It is like an investment for me.
I also quit my job today. I have to work and do not have a disability plan, so I will need to find something else to do. But, I'm losing whole parts of my day and cannot afford that in my profession. This is the first time in my life that I've felt beaten by all this. Finally beaten.
I used to be able to hold it together, quite nicely in fact. I no longer can do that. And I am terrified right now.
Posted by agencypanic on January 30, 2003, at 21:14:15
In reply to Frustrated as I can be, posted by laurarn on January 30, 2003, at 20:07:38
Sorry for your difficult times of late. Being out of work is especially
frightening-- I know how that feels. I wish that there was something more that I could
say rather than saying, "Oh, unemployment, I know what that's like." or "Oh, not having money enough
to receive the treatment that you want and deserve. I know how that feels too."
Perhaps sharing one's own pain is all that we can do at such times.
I'm unemployed, having a very difficult time emotionally, taking zoloft for my depression, but not really able to afford it
as I have no insurance plan. These are hard times and I really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm really unhappy
and so, in that sense, I really do sympathize. I hope that things will work out for you. Keep us posted.
Posted by Dinah on January 30, 2003, at 21:17:58
In reply to Frustrated as I can be, posted by laurarn on January 30, 2003, at 20:07:38
I'm sorry. I'm reaching that point myself, so I understand all the complex feelings of not being able to do what you fully expect yourself to somehow pull off because somehow you always did.
It must be scary to be out of a job, but will it be better for you in the long run to be in a better environment for you? While I agree that twice a week therapy has a continuity that once a week lacks, and that help you work on more difficult issues, if you can't manage it you can't. I'm sure there are things you can do with your therapist to spread your therapy out over the week and bring continuity to it. Journaling or homework assignments maybe?
I think it's great that you've committed to working through your difficulties and not running away. That in itself is a big step. Is the working through in therapy what caused you to be destabilized to this point? Is there any way to cushion it any so that you can do what you need to do, workwise?
Posted by Tabitha on January 31, 2003, at 3:25:28
In reply to Re: Frustrated as I can be » laurarn, posted by Dinah on January 30, 2003, at 21:17:58
Every day I'm stuck between wanting to quit my stressful job that aggravates my syptoms, and terror of losing health insurance and income. Hanging on day by day. I know you're suffering, but when I read that you quit you're job, I feel downright envious. Good for you.
Posted by laurarn on January 31, 2003, at 8:43:10
In reply to Re: Frustrated as I can be...laurarn, posted by Tabitha on January 31, 2003, at 3:25:28
Thanks everyone for your replies. I gain so much from each one. Now that I've started posting I'm realizing how helpful it is to just share with somone. I want to write out answers to each one of you, but that would probably be too much. Just know that I read and think about each one.
I'm not alone. Others are going through similar situations. There are measures I can take that will enhance and draw out the time I do have in therapy. It didn't occur to me to write out what I am feeling during the week. I will try that. In terms of my job I think quitting is an incredibly healthy move for me right now. Thanks Tabitha.
Now, I've got to go to work. More later.
Posted by noa on January 31, 2003, at 18:51:11
In reply to Re: Frustrated as I can be...laurarn, posted by laurarn on January 31, 2003, at 8:43:10
Laura, sorry to hear you are in a rough patch. While 2x week therapy sounds like it could be useful, if it will not be feasible financially, try not to fret too much about not doing it just now. Maybe you will be able to afford it at a future date. But you don't need more stress added to the pile of stress you're already dealing with. Give yourself a break--you are doing the best you can right now. And it can get better.
Posted by laurarn on January 31, 2003, at 19:48:05
In reply to Re: Frustrated as I can be...laurarn, posted by noa on January 31, 2003, at 18:51:11
Wow. What a difference a day makes. I worked my last day today and was offered an even better position should I ever decide to return.
You know, just for now I need not to be in that stressful place. It doesn't mean I won't ever be able to return as I do enjoy 90% of the work. But for now I am going to take on a similar position but with much less responsibility.
I've thought about this today. I used to be able to cover up the chaos in my life by doing outstanding work. No one has a clue unless they spend much time around me. They know something isn't quite right but I do such good work that they tolerate me.
But, the energy needed to live that way is incredible. In therapy I am looking at some pretty traumatic stuff. I feel that I need to give the therapy part of my life as much effort as I do taking meds. I am realizing how much I dissociate from reality. Today I found a file holder in my trunk that I don't remember buying. Is that too weird? I sort of recall buying it but I was sure I had gotten a different color. Ummm.
Thanks Noa. I did decide not to stress about doing two sessions. I liked Dinah's idea about journaling and then highlighting what I need to bring up in my weekly session. I've decided to spend some time out of each day to write. I'll let you all know how it goes. Thanks for being there!
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