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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cubbybear on January 26, 2003, at 2:21:18
[I posted this message also on the psycho babble board and one poster suggested that I add it here too.]
I would just like to hear from anyone who can help me feel that I'm not alone--that having to suffer from major depression is hell on earth. Every waking minute of every day for weeks or months on end, your mind is in excruciating psychological pain and worst of all, you are continuously terrified that it will never end--that it will go on forever. Maybe you have a few fluctuations or little uplifts from time to time, but they are just false starts. You fear that the meds you've been taking will not work; meanwhile you have to wait the usual 4-6 weeks till they kick in (if they help at all.). Then of course, there are all the usual symptoms, like waking up early and not being able to get back to sleep, having no appetite, not wanting to do anything that ordinarily gives you pleasure. Can you identify with this? The part I really want to know about from other fellow-sufferers is that, when you're badly depressed, you think that it will go on forever and ever and never stop--you think you have an incurable mental illness. I just need some support from anyone who has gone through it, too.
Posted by coral on January 26, 2003, at 7:59:01
In reply to In the depths of depression--please help, posted by cubbybear on January 26, 2003, at 2:21:18
Dear Cubbybear,
Yes, I can identify with everything you said. You're not alone.
There is hope. I hesitated to post because I'm one of the rare ones here who got out of hell.
Keep on fighting. For me, the fight (with many, many rests along the way) was the answer -- through a dozen docs and more meds than I can remember, until I found the right combination. With only two minor relapses (very minor), I've been depression-free and drug-free for several years. The one thing I got right early on was the world's best psychotherapist.
Good luck.... and know you're not alone.
Coral
Posted by indirect00 on January 28, 2003, at 20:40:19
In reply to In the depths of depression--please help, posted by cubbybear on January 26, 2003, at 2:21:18
Yes, I can definitely relate to your experience. Your symptoms are identical to mine. I had depression for about a year. I can relate to the strong feelings of hopelessnes, worthlessness, and helplessness. The only thing that kept me alive was the hope that one day I would be happy.
I always give the same advice to those suffering from depression: Imagine yourself being happy. If it is at all possible for you to be happy (and it is), isn't it worth looking into treatments rather than just giving in to suicide? Happiness may be hard to achieve sometimes, but it is well worth the effort to achieve, no matter how hard it may be. Take my word for it, perhaps the greatest feeling in the world is being relieved of depression. If you can find a medicine that works for you, you cannot imagine how great it will feel. Talk to a psychiatrist, please. Get help, you deserve it.
Posted by cubbybear on January 29, 2003, at 9:13:53
In reply to Re: In the depths of depression--please help, posted by indirect00 on January 28, 2003, at 20:40:19
> Yes, I can definitely relate to your experience. Your symptoms are identical to mine. I had depression for about a year. I can relate to the strong feelings of hopelessnes, worthlessness, and helplessness. The only thing that kept me alive was the hope that one day I would be happy.
>
> I always give the same advice to those suffering from depression: Imagine yourself being happy. If it is at all possible for you to be happy (and it is), isn't it worth looking into treatments rather than just giving in to suicide? Happiness may be hard to achieve sometimes, but it is well worth the effort to achieve, no matter how hard it may be. Take my word for it, perhaps the greatest feeling in the world is being relieved of depression. If you can find a medicine that works for you, you cannot imagine how great it will feel. Talk to a psychiatrist, please. Get help, you deserve it.
Thanks for your very welcome response.. The fact is that I DID have a medicine that worked for me for 18 years-MAO Parnate, but it is not available where I live (Thailand). I'm seeing a pdoc weekly who presently has me on 600 mg. Moclobemide (Aurorix)--an AD that has drawn mixed responses on this board. So far it hasn't kicked in ( yet), and today I sunk so low that I started wondering if the drug itself could be worsening my depression. (I read that the chances of an AD causing worsened depression are less than 1% so it's probably that I just haven't responded to the med so far. But today I felt the worst torture of my entire life--and I've experienced depressive/anxiety episodes for about 30 years. You may say, "well if you made it through them all, you'll get through this one," but honestly I don't ever recalling it being this bad. The psychological pain was so excruciating that I felt like my life and future were hanging on a thread. I don't mean that I was consciously feeling suicidal. It just felt like I was forever trapped in a world of pain and will never get out of this. I hope to go to t he U.S. in March or April and will get the Parnate again if the Moclobemide proves a failure. Indirect00, please keep talking to me, as much as possible, I don't have any real support system here. People like you are my only source of encouragement in any way.
Posted by indirect00 on January 29, 2003, at 12:01:10
In reply to Re: In the depths of depression--please help, posted by cubbybear on January 29, 2003, at 9:13:53
Well, I didn't realize that you were actively trying to treat your depression. I am extremely sorry to hear that your medicine is in fact worsening the depression. I probably can't (and don't want to) imagine how miserable that must be. My hope and thoughts go out to you. If you do not start reacting to the med about 3 weeks after you begin taking it, I suggest telling your doctor every single detail.
As for my advice on naturally easing your depression, all I can suggest is to find someone whom you can talk to. I will give you all of the support I can. If you would like to contact me on aim or msn messanger, my aim screenname is 'richardanders118' and my msn screenname is 'r_anderson_17@hotmail.com' Hang in there and remember that I, along with everyone else on this board, care for you and wish you the best: happiness.
Posted by cubbybear on January 30, 2003, at 0:36:01
In reply to Re: In the depths of depression--please help, posted by indirect00 on January 29, 2003, at 12:01:10
> Well, I didn't realize that you were actively trying to treat your depression. I am extremely sorry to hear that your medicine is in fact worsening the depression.
I'm not sure if it's actually worsening it, but it surely isn't helping it (so far).
I will give you all of the support I can. If you would like to contact me on aim or msn messanger, my aim screenname is 'richardanders118' and my msn screenname is 'r_anderson_17@hotmail.com'
I very much appreciate your giving me your E-mail addresses. But I'm a bit ignorant of something: if msn provides Hotmail, then who is aim? I might write to you at the hotmail address some time.Hang in there and remember that I, along with everyone else on this board, care for you and wish you the best: happiness.
thanks so much for all your caring.
cubbybear--Steve
Posted by indirect00 on January 30, 2003, at 14:25:40
In reply to Re: In the depths of depression--please help » indirect00, posted by cubbybear on January 30, 2003, at 0:36:01
AOL provides aim. A.I.M. stands for aol instant messanger.
Well, are you feeling any better? I would imagine that if the medication is right for you, it won't take longer than three weeks to kick in. Sometimes I find that music or sports will ease my depression. Perhaps just indulge in something in which you are interested and that will help. I dunno, just a suggestion.
Anyhow, take care. I hope you will be happy soon.
Posted by cubbybear on January 30, 2003, at 23:31:49
In reply to Re: In the depths of depression--please help » indirect00, posted by indirect00 on January 30, 2003, at 14:25:40
>.> > Well, are you feeling any better? I would imagine that if the medication is right for you, it won't take longer than three weeks to kick in.
Hello Indirect 00,
First I'd like to tell you that I tried sending you an E-mail last night--just to try it out--and wonder if you received it. If so, please acknowledge.If not, then maybe I'll re-send it, but instead of highlighting on your address as noted in the blue letters in your posts, I will send it straight from my regular e-mail and type the address under "Compose" and see if that works. If not, then, never mind, we can always communicate through this board.Now, back to the important stuff: Sorry to say, I am not at all better, doing horribly in fact, and it is approximately one month (28 days) since I started taking the Aurorix at therapeutic dose. (It's actually been longer than that, if you consider the few weeks spent when I took it previously at sub-therapeutic dose.) So I've seen at least one month go by on this med and I've never felt so sick and depressed in my life. There are absolutely no side effects. It's as if I've taken a dummy pill.
I've read that one should give the Aurorix about 4-6 weeks to kick in (the "average" for most any AD), but since my depression has actually worsened over the past month, I had this "revelation" this morning (amid my agony) that something is terribly wrong. . .if a person doesn't feel the least bit better, and even feels WORSE after taking a med after one month, wouldn't it appear that that med is the wrong one and a switch should be made?
So I plan to tell my pdoc tonight that I believe it's time to quit on the Aurorix. It's evidently failed the trial. Please let me know what you think.
Posted by IsoM on January 31, 2003, at 2:29:31
In reply to Re: In the depths of depression--please help » indirect00, posted by cubbybear on January 30, 2003, at 23:31:49
Cubby, don't give up on it yet. It may be starting to work as strange as that sounds. Often people will think they're feeling worse when starting a med but others around them may notice that there are small improvements. You may feel worse because the AD is bringing you out of the depths of depression where everything is numb. What you're feeling may be enough improvement for you to feel more emotions.
That's one of the reasons a very depressed person is more likely to commit suicide soon after taking a med. It's done just enough to rouse them from their formerly complete apathy.
What you may need instead is an increase in your dose & a bit more patience to see if it will work. I remember one psychiatrist saying that not enough people would stick out an AD long enough to give it a chance to work by slowly increasing the dosage. Ask your doctor about the possibility of this in your case. You might simply not be taking the amount you need yet to work.
Posted by cubbybear on January 31, 2003, at 9:53:42
In reply to Aurorix/Manerix » cubbybear, posted by IsoM on January 31, 2003, at 2:29:31
> Cubby, don't give up on it yet. It may be starting to work as strange as that sounds. Often people will think they're feeling worse when starting a med
Sorry but I didn't "just" start this med. I first started taking it more than one month ago. I saw my pdoc tonight and he agreed that I had given it a fair enough trial. He was disinclined to raise the dose (using the phrase "therapeutic window" , (which I never really understood). He also proposed the option of augmenting the Aurorix with a small amount of Risperdal but I nearly cringed when I heard that this is an anti-psychotic drug. I want no part of this and don't want to start with any of these drug "cocktails" . Besides, adding the Risperdal would have doubled my costs, which I can't afford to do anyway. We agreed that I'd phase out the Aurorix starting now, and I will pick up the MAO Parnate when I visit the U.S. in March. Do you know from any of my previous posts that this drug was my life saver for 18 years?
In another vein. . . . . .
I'm sorry but your perception of my depression is not right at all. All I know is-- after so manty years of experience with depression, plus having tried a total of four different meds, and experiencing the feelings of this past week which were positively unparalleled-I believe that there's definitely something WRONG with an AD if the patient is feeling WORSE after giving it a whole month to work. I was actually feeling pretty decent when I started the Aurorix! Does this make sense? I can make an analogy: if you have an infection and start taking an anti-biotic for the full course, but the infection actually gets worse after giving it a full trial, what do you do? You switch to a different and more powerful anti-biotic.
Since my pdoc agreed that the Aurorix has evidently failed, and he is supportive of my decision to proceed with a withdrawal, that's good enough for me. I just can't tolerate what this drug has evidently done to me. I want my Parnate back and I'm going to get my trip plans in motion soon.
Posted by IsoM on January 31, 2003, at 13:50:25
In reply to Re: Aurorix/Manerix » IsoM, posted by cubbybear on January 31, 2003, at 9:53:42
There's too many posts for me to keep up with all of them as I don't spend a lot of time on Pb. I didn't realise that you were feeling better before starting Manerix. Feeling worse is then, definitely, a bad sign (or a good one depending on how you look at it) that it's not the med for you.
I didn't want to add a bias to your idea of how effective it might be. But I did take Manerix (which I mentioned in a post to you on PB when you originally asked about it), for a short while years ago when switching meds. Manerix turned my depression - shows as irritability, black, gloomy, bleak thinking - into extreme anger. The rage I felt was unreal. I quit it quickly.
If Parnate worked before, then go for it again. Celexa had worked for me once but pooped out. When I went back on it, we increased the dose & it's held steady for almost 3 years now.
Posted by cubbybear on February 1, 2003, at 5:20:28
In reply to Re: Aurorix/Manerix » cubbybear, posted by IsoM on January 31, 2003, at 13:50:25
Glad that you have a better understanding of the situation. I WAS feeling pretty decent when I started taking it about 5 wks ago., and today I could barely function. This stuff has evidently turned out to be like poison to me. But I can't quit it cold turkey, you know, I have to do the usual tapering. I'm praying that I wiill survive this bout of depression. No words could describe the pain. Please keep posting if you can. I need as many people on this board as possible to help me get through this.
Posted by IsoM on February 2, 2003, at 4:12:40
In reply to Re: Aurorix/Manerix » IsoM, posted by cubbybear on February 1, 2003, at 5:20:28
Okay if you need to taper down from Manerix, but I didn't. I've had to taper *VERY* sloooowly from both Luvox & Paxil, but I just quit the Manerix - no taper at all. I'd only been taking it about a month or two also. Did the doctor say it HAD to be tapered down?
Posted by cubbybear on February 2, 2003, at 8:25:51
In reply to stopping Aurorix/Manerix » cubbybear, posted by IsoM on February 2, 2003, at 4:12:40
> Okay if you need to taper down from Manerix, but I didn't. I've had to taper *VERY* sloooowly from both Luvox & Paxil, but I just quit the Manerix - no taper at all. I'd only been taking it about a month or two also. Did the doctor say it HAD to be tapered down?
Yes he did. I figured he would. It would be at the rate of 150 mg. per week, which means it would take me 3 weeks until I'm off it. How I wish to God I could just quit it cold turkey, but I'm trusting his judgement here. Every minute is the worst hell I've ever been through.I can't wait to get this drug out of my system. If I haven't said it already--assuming that the Aurorix (Manerix) did in fact worsen my depression--I will look back upon this as having taken poison--that's how deathly sick I feel from it.
Posted by indirect00 on February 2, 2003, at 21:39:03
In reply to Re: stopping Aurorix/Manerix » IsoM, posted by cubbybear on February 2, 2003, at 8:25:51
Well, I'm sorry you had to experience this. I didn't receive an email from you, but we seem to be able to communicate pretty well through this board. Have you ever taken SSRIs? I take lexapro (the new Celexa) and it works great. If SSRIs are available over there I would strongly suggest them. They kick in pretty quickly. You can email me or message me on aim or msn messanger if you like.
Posted by IsoM on February 2, 2003, at 23:53:19
In reply to Re: stopping Aurorix/Manerix » IsoM, posted by indirect00 on February 2, 2003, at 21:39:03
Posted by cubbybear on February 3, 2003, at 0:35:35
In reply to Re: stopping Aurorix/Manerix » IsoM, posted by indirect00 on February 2, 2003, at 21:39:03
Too bad about the E-mail. Anyway, I've already tried Zoloft and wound up disliking it for a number of reasons. One of them was that it took entirely too long to kick in, and was not consistent. I definitely don't think the SSRIs are meant for me.
This is the end of the thread.
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