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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by laurarn on January 23, 2003, at 8:13:09
I have been in therapy for one year now. I have to voice these frustrations I have and then I will discuss them with the therapist. This is a word of advice from a patient perspective.
While in therapy yesterday, my therapist took a phone call. It was short and he took a number down and said he would call back. It was obvious something said in the call distracted him. In fact, he later he apologized and said he had lost track of what we were talking about. Being the perfect patient I reassured him that it was OK.
But, later on I became saddened. First of all, I pay good prices for each hour. If an appointment obviously didn't go as planned due to interuptions and distraction, offer to reduce that day's fee. Or offer a free appointment. I prioritize setting aside money to pay for each appointment and it isn't an easy thing for me to do.
Another insight. I was scheduled an appointment in error, on a day when the pdoc was on vacation. I drove 45 minutes to get there. This is a private practice therapist. If it is obvious this is secretary error, offer a free appointment to make up for all of the lost time. If I miss an appointment with no notice I must pay for the time anyway. How about the same consideration for the patient?
Enough said. I tossed and turned over this all night. I just needed to vent my feelings. Off to work now.
Posted by mikhail99 on January 23, 2003, at 8:48:42
In reply to Therapy frustrations, posted by laurarn on January 23, 2003, at 8:13:09
> I have been in therapy for one year now. I have to voice these frustrations I have and then I will discuss them with the therapist. This is a word of advice from a patient perspective.
>
> While in therapy yesterday, my therapist took a phone call. It was short and he took a number down and said he would call back. It was obvious something said in the call distracted him. In fact, he later he apologized and said he had lost track of what we were talking about. Being the perfect patient I reassured him that it was OK.
>
> But, later on I became saddened. First of all, I pay good prices for each hour. If an appointment obviously didn't go as planned due to interuptions and distraction, offer to reduce that day's fee. Or offer a free appointment. I prioritize setting aside money to pay for each appointment and it isn't an easy thing for me to do.
>
> Another insight. I was scheduled an appointment in error, on a day when the pdoc was on vacation. I drove 45 minutes to get there. This is a private practice therapist. If it is obvious this is secretary error, offer a free appointment to make up for all of the lost time. If I miss an appointment with no notice I must pay for the time anyway. How about the same consideration for the patient?
>
> Enough said. I tossed and turned over this all night. I just needed to vent my feelings. Off to work now.Laurarn~I think you're perfectly justified in feeling the way you do. Your therapist needs to get a pager OR a good voice mail system so his time with you (and other clients) is uninterrupted. Of course, no one is perfect and if a therapist is distracted by stuff that's going on in his mind, that can't be helped. But he should be doing his best to remove outside interruptions. It's very unfair to you. As for the appointment scheduled for when he wasn't even there, that's completely outrageous. I had something similar happen to me, I showed up for an appointment the day after mine got back from vacation and I was early. One of his associates came out and told me he wasn't back yet and he sounded so positive, I left. I don't drive as far as you do but it's about a half hour drive. I think you have some legitimate concerns to bring up with your therapist and I'm not sure the free appointment suggestion will go over well but perhaps he can offer some kind of reparation that will satisfy you both.
Stick to your guns!
Mik
Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2003, at 9:25:05
In reply to Therapy frustrations, posted by laurarn on January 23, 2003, at 8:13:09
I agree that you are perfectly justified in your anger. You've hit on one of my pet peeves with my therapist. He is terribly disorganized. He once double scheduled an appointment for my husband, who had taken off from work. He's never done that to me, although he has called and asked me to move an appointment to a time that is far less convenient to me. Once he forgot to write down some else's appointment and asked me to change mine. Once he forgot to write down my appointment and asked me to change mine. I told him that he had to choose one system and stick with it, because I wasn't always going to be the one who accomodated. I recently had a discussion with him about how uncomfortable I felt refusing his requests to change my time, even though because of my schedule it meant a whole lost hour with absolutely nothing to do. I'm hoping he'll be more sensitive to the fact, although I am trying to practice telling him I'll just see him the next time.
Once or twice he was expecting a phone call, told me in advance and explained why, and kept the call brief. Not bad in nearly eight years.
He is not infrequently distracted by his own concerns. I usually ask him if he's all here, he sometimes gives a short explanation, always apologizes, and works harder to concentrate. I sometimes suggest he walk around a bit (while I talk) to clear his head. I consider that partly my problem, I'm afraid, as it usually happens when my affect is flat. I'm sure I am so dull at those times that it is hard for him to focus his attention. :) So I acknowledge that when it's true and we work on that as well. Perhaps I wish he did some of the work in figuring out what was going wrong.
He also occasionally slips back into the habit of catching up time on me. He'll be running late when I come in, but more on time when I leave. I tend to bring the emotional scale down a bit at the end for my own purposes so perhaps he thinks he can safely do this. If I don't care, I don't say anything. But sometimes I say "Don't you *dare* catch up time on me today." and we sit around uncomfortably for the remaining time.
But my point to all this is that discussing your frustrations is the best option. I haven't found that professionals of any sort are likely to reimburse you for their lapses, but perhaps you can work out something to the satisfaction of both of you.
Posted by noa on January 23, 2003, at 16:26:21
In reply to Re: Therapy frustrations » laurarn, posted by Dinah on January 23, 2003, at 9:25:05
Laura I think you should talk to him about how it felt. If he is any good, he will be able to discuss it in a way that helps you feel safe and accepted and validated. If there are unusual circumstances that require him taking a call during a session, he should tell you that. And I hope he would own his distraction if you say somehting to him about it.
My therapist doesn't take calls, except that there have been 3 times in 7 years that he did--one he warned me about and said that it would only take a minute and it did take just a minute--apparently an overseas call that he had to take and arrange for a call back after my session. The other 2 calls were both on his personal cell phone that his kids use in emergencies (his wife died 4 years ago). The first time, he took the call but told his child that he would call back (it was not an emergency, but it was fairly soon after his wife had died). The second time was a real emergency, where his teenager had accidentally burnt her hand. He actually had to stop my session so he could go to the emergency room--I think he scheduled me for the next day or something.
Posted by laurarn on January 23, 2003, at 22:02:05
In reply to Therapy frustrations, posted by laurarn on January 23, 2003, at 8:13:09
Thanks Mikhail, Dinah and Noa for your input. I was pretty emotional this morning. Even though I may have frustrations I must admit that I have a lot of trust in my therapist.
After thinking about it today I realize that if the truth be told, what really is bothering me is that I am thinking of quitting therapy. And just when it is really going well. I can't point to any "painful stuff" that is running me off. It is just how I do relationships in general. I don't get close to anyone. Period. But since I've been in therapy I've begun to realize just how lonely my isolated existence is. I find myself wanting support but have no energy to go out and find it. This is the closest thing to a support group I have and I don't even post much. I mostly lurk.
Oh, I'm just rambling tonight. I just think that
the phone call and missed appointment are not really the issue at all.Thanks for listening.
Posted by noa on January 24, 2003, at 5:20:17
In reply to Re: Therapy frustrations, posted by laurarn on January 23, 2003, at 22:02:05
So if you trust your therapist, I imagine it might be scary now--ie feeling close to him. I have similar feelings--very scary for me.
Can you let him know this is what you are experiencing? If he can respond in a way that helps you feel safer, it probably would be good to continue therapy, because of your goals to change the pattern and be less isolated.
Posted by mair on January 24, 2003, at 11:44:23
In reply to Re: Therapy frustrations, posted by laurarn on January 23, 2003, at 22:02:05
I agree with noa - it is important for you to discuss your frustrations with the phone call and your inclination to quit therapy. I've had a very difficult time allowing myself to feel closer to my therapist and trying to work on that has been a daunting enough prospect to make me want to quit therapy as well. When relationships are difficult for you, sometimes the only way you can address those issues is to work on your relationship with your therapist.
Mair
Posted by laurarn on January 24, 2003, at 21:10:24
In reply to Re: Therapy frustrations » laurarn, posted by mair on January 24, 2003, at 11:44:23
Thanks Noa and Mair. I usually don't share these struggles with others, but have found these boards to be a lifeline at times. It is the closest thing to joining a group I've even done.
After reading all your advice, I decided to call my therapist, something I rarely do. I left a voice mail and he promptly called me back. We didn't actually touch base until the next day, but I did share with him some of my concerns about continuing on. We made an agreement to really talk about it in depth at our next weekly meeting. Just doing that, being honest about my fears even though I couldn't define them, made a big difference for me.
I also have to admit that about 2 months ago I decided I didn't need any more medication. My pdoc didn't push me, but gave me options. Well, I have decided that some things are too chaotic to look at without the help of medication. I have no doubt I have clinical depression. I understand the physiology of that for the most part. I am starting back on medication. I can only tackle so many things at once.
Just wanted to say thanks for your advice. It is good to have others to talk to who understand.
This is the end of the thread.
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