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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mikhail99 on January 6, 2003, at 17:08:35
Hi all,
I know a few of you were interested in my ongoing saga about being infatuated with my therapist. I wrote him a letter and sent it last week, knowing I'd see him today. I very reluctantly showed up this morning and he was wonderful about it. He said he checked his voice mail and was very happy that I didn't cancel.
He assured me that it was normal to feel this way and said that we would work through this as long as I didn't have any "expectations" about things (and I certainly don't!) and as long as it didn't get painful for me or weird that we could get through it. I asked him if this has ever happened before and he said sort of but the client wouldn't discuss it. I have to thank my sister for recommending writing the letter, it allowed me to put down my thoughts, think about it for a couple of weeks and then send it. I think it also gave him a chance to think about how to handle it as well.
We had a good talk today about how this could be affecting my marriage (my relationship with my husband suffers in comparison because we don't communicate) and of course my lousy father history.
But anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I did it and it wasn't as bad as I expected. I still feel like an adolescent ass but at least now I know he isn't going to abandon me. :-)
Take care!
Mik
Posted by pinkeye on January 6, 2003, at 17:40:59
In reply to Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!), posted by mikhail99 on January 6, 2003, at 17:08:35
Wow... that is really great. and so much different from how my therapist has reacted to me.. see my post above :-(
I am glad it worked out well for you Mikhail.
Posted by Noa on January 6, 2003, at 17:45:27
In reply to Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!), posted by mikhail99 on January 6, 2003, at 17:08:35
Good for you. What a relief, eh?
Posted by pinkeye on January 6, 2003, at 18:16:15
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!), posted by pinkeye on January 6, 2003, at 17:40:59
Mikhail,
How do you feel now? Are you feeling sad or rejected because your therapist said you cannot have expectations? Or is he helping you in overcoming your feelings?
Did you ask him if he ever felt that way towards you?
PinkEye
Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2003, at 18:26:49
In reply to Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!), posted by mikhail99 on January 6, 2003, at 17:08:35
That's great!! The pink elephant can be moved out of the living room and you can continue your therapy. And as an added bonus, you found out that your therapist was a competent caring professional.
Congratulations.
Ooh, it's great to experience good therapy experiences vicariously.
Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2003, at 18:28:12
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!), posted by pinkeye on January 6, 2003, at 17:40:59
Pinkeye, you did tell your therapist? And he didn't react well?
At least you found out he wasn't who you thought he was. :(
Posted by pinkeye on January 6, 2003, at 18:33:15
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!) » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on January 6, 2003, at 18:28:12
hmm.. I didn't tell him explicitly.. sort of in a roundabout way and in a much lesser degree of seriousness. I communicate via emails with him, but he hasn't responded to my emails :-(
Posted by mikhail99 on January 6, 2003, at 21:17:40
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!), posted by pinkeye on January 6, 2003, at 18:16:15
> Mikhail,
> How do you feel now? Are you feeling sad or rejected because your therapist said you cannot have expectations? Or is he helping you in overcoming your feelings?
> Did you ask him if he ever felt that way towards you?
> PinkEyeIt's funny but despite my feelings for him, I always knew that this was something special and private and I couldn't expect anything. I know he's happily married with a daughter and despite all the bullshit I go through, I love my husband very much. And I didn't ask him if he felt that way about me because I knew he didn't. He's been nothing but professional, sensitive and kind to me and I know he respects the boundaries of therapy. I was actually trying to imagine what I would do in the unlikely case that he reciprocated and I think I'd run screaming out of the office. :-) It's very hard to define my feelings for him but I know it's something just for me and very idealized. Does that make sense?
sigh.
Mik
Posted by mikhail99 on January 6, 2003, at 21:20:56
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!) » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on January 6, 2003, at 18:26:49
> That's great!! The pink elephant can be moved out of the living room and you can continue your therapy. And as an added bonus, you found out that your therapist was a competent caring professional.
>
> Congratulations.
>
> Ooh, it's great to experience good therapy experiences vicariously.
Hey Dinah, thanks for all your wonderful support! And recommending that book "In Session", it's really helpful. I think I'm very lucky to find such a great therapist, he was so wonderful today. He's got a very good balance of being sensitive and thoughtful but keeping those boundaries in place and making sure MY needs are met and not his.I'm glad that my experience is good for you vicariously but I really wish you had a more satisfying therapy relationship for yourself.
Thanks for all the good thoughts! :-)
Take care,
Mik
Posted by Tabitha on January 7, 2003, at 0:19:34
In reply to Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!), posted by mikhail99 on January 6, 2003, at 17:08:35
Congratulations. It was so brave of you to bring it out in the open, and it must feel really great that you got a caring response.
I kept wondering if I'd get infatuated with my therapist, but it hasn't happened yet.
Posted by Dinah on January 7, 2003, at 7:49:14
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!) » Dinah, posted by mikhail99 on January 6, 2003, at 21:20:56
Hi Mik,
I think you're probably right about the running from the room if he said anything reciprocal. Back when I was working through the unequal nature of the relationship, I asked myself if I wanted to see him any more than once or twice a week at his office and the answer was a very loud NO! The therapeutic relationship is so special in itself that I wouldn't want to trade it for friendship, which I can get elsewhere. And he's probably not who I'd choose for a friend anyway.
And I don't want to give you the wrong idea. I do have a great therapeutic relationship. It's just that as in all relationships the little things chafe sometimes more than others.
Dinah
Posted by mikhail99 on January 7, 2003, at 9:37:35
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!) » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on January 7, 2003, at 7:49:14
> Hi Mik,
>
> I think you're probably right about the running from the room if he said anything reciprocal. Back when I was working through the unequal nature of the relationship, I asked myself if I wanted to see him any more than once or twice a week at his office and the answer was a very loud NO! The therapeutic relationship is so special in itself that I wouldn't want to trade it for friendship, which I can get elsewhere. And he's probably not who I'd choose for a friend anyway.
>That's so true, we don't know really, how these people are outside the therapy room. They could be annoying or jerks or whatever. I feel the same way you do, I appreciate the therapy relationship for what it is and I don't expect or want any more from it. I can recognize the infatuation for what it is, and that it's something that must be part of the process. I know it says SO much about how I feel about my marriage and some other relationships. I'm dreading discussing some of that stuff (particularly if we have to get into my (gasp!) sex life!) but I'll see how it goes.
> And I don't want to give you the wrong idea. I do have a great therapeutic relationship. It's just that as in all relationships the little things chafe sometimes more than others.I know exactly what you mean about the chafing. sigh.
>
> DinahThanks again Dinah for your words of support, they mean so much to me.
Mik
Posted by judy1 on January 9, 2003, at 12:15:40
In reply to Therapist Infatuation - Revisited (I told him!), posted by mikhail99 on January 6, 2003, at 17:08:35
Good for you! I'm sure it took a great deal of courage and you must feel relieved by his (very) professional response. I just bet you'll be able to start making some real progress now. take care- judy
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