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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 7 to 31 of 31. Go back in thread:
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 5, 2006, at 8:53:52
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » llrrrpp, posted by Deneb on June 4, 2006, at 23:22:42
> I'm less afraid now that I've had ultrasounds that show the lump is a fibroadenoma, but I was scared out of my mind before I got the results back.
I can't believe they're still doing things the old way, in Ottawa. Same system, but very different in Peterborough. The breast clinic has no waiting times. A woman comes in in the morning, for a mammogram or whatever led to her being there. If a lump or curious finding is observed, she then goes on to have aspirations, or open biopsy, or whatever, right away. The radiologist is right there, and nobody goes home until they have a clear answer. By 5 p.m., that same day, usually. And if it takes longer, the staff stay on.
I'm sorry you have to wait.
Lar
Posted by 10derHeart on June 5, 2006, at 13:19:46
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on June 5, 2006, at 8:53:52
Wow, Lar, that process is awesome!
It should be *required* - everywhere!
But alas, there I go stepping back into Idealistic Fantasyland again....such a warm place to visit....
One must always keep hoping for positive change, though, so maybe my 'visits' there are okay.
Posted by dreamboat_annie on June 5, 2006, at 17:07:38
In reply to I'm going to get poked, posted by Deneb on June 3, 2006, at 0:10:49
I know it's scary, but it's not bad at all. I had one done (followed by a biopsy), and it didn't hurt a bit. I saw the needle and everything and didn't freak out. Let the doctor know that you are nervous, and discuss your concerns with him/her. A good doctor will reassure you and try to make you as comfortable as possible. I know it's hard to do, but try not to worry, ok? It will be over before you know it. And, the good thing is that, once it is over, you can stop worrying. You will be fine. I think you are a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for.
Posted by Deneb on June 5, 2006, at 17:48:10
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » Deneb, posted by dreamboat_annie on June 5, 2006, at 17:07:38
It must have hurt a bit. I'm glad it didn't bother you. Is it like the pinch of getting blood taken? I'm glad I have small boobs. The needle doesn't have to go far before hitting the small lump.
I'm going to take a propranolol before getting it done. I don't feel like having a panic attack during the procedure.
Deneb*
Posted by dreamboat_annie on June 5, 2006, at 21:42:58
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » dreamboat_annie, posted by Deneb on June 5, 2006, at 17:48:10
Yeah, I would say, for me, it was like the pinch of getting blood taken. It's probably a good idea, since you are feeling anxious about it, to take a propranolol beforehand to help you relax. Good luck, Deneb. These types of tests are always nervewracking.
> It must have hurt a bit. I'm glad it didn't bother you. Is it like the pinch of getting blood taken? I'm glad I have small boobs. The needle doesn't have to go far before hitting the small lump.
>
> I'm going to take a propranolol before getting it done. I don't feel like having a panic attack during the procedure.
>
> Deneb*
>
>
Posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 12:06:35
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » Deneb, posted by dreamboat_annie on June 5, 2006, at 21:42:58
I got poked and it was no fun at all. The initial part where the needle broke the skin wasn't painful, but then the doctor had to move the needle around and stab several times. That hurt! :-(
I bleed and I still hurt. <pout>
It doesn't hurt *that* bad, but I get faint thinking about the pain, the needle and the blood.
I really really hope the doctor got enough cells to work with, otherwise we will have to do this again. :-(
I wonder if getting poked like this is like getting a piercing in a strange place? Do piercings hurt?
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 6, 2006, at 12:32:15
In reply to I got poked and it hurt :-(, posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 12:06:35
oh, deneb,
I'm so sorry. That sounds most unpleasantcan you put an ice cube on it?
I think you deserve some sorbet.
and a hug
((((Deneb*))))
but, it's over now, that's something
your friend,
-ll
Posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 12:53:19
In reply to Re: I got poked and it hurt :-( » Deneb, posted by llrrrpp on June 6, 2006, at 12:32:15
Thanks for the hug llrrrpp!
((((((((((((((((((llrrrpp))))))))))))))))))))
It doesn't hurt very much right now. I took some ibuprofen.
Maybe I should reward myself with ice cream....hmmmmmm....
I think one of Larry's majick butter tarts would make things all better. :-)
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 23:12:23
In reply to I got poked and it hurt :-(, posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 12:06:35
> I bleed and I still hurt. <pout>
Oops, that should have read, "I bled a little tiny bit right after". I didn't bleed afterwards.
It doesn't hurt anymore. All is well.
Now for the waiting.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 7, 2006, at 19:32:42
In reply to Re: I got poked and it hurt :-(, posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 23:12:23
I'm afraid. :-(
I think that if I have cancer I would rather kill myself than suffer through treatments.
If I kill myself, at least I won't have to worry about dying. I'm not making sense, I know.
I don't know why, but killing myself seems less scary than dying from cancer.
I worry when I get a disease or something in the future, I will kill myself.
I don't handle pain and suffering very well. I think I would rather kill myself.
I don't handle the fear of dying very well. I think I would rather kill myself.
If I get too anxious, I think I would want to kill myself.
:-(
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 9, 2006, at 7:26:15
In reply to What if I have cancer? *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 7, 2006, at 19:32:42
I know you're afraid... (((DENEB)))))
:(
The reason you're afraid is because you want to live. And you view cancer as a threat to living a happy life. BUT, suicide is a much bigger threat to living a happy life. It can be plenty scary, too. And as you know, you may wind up in the hospital getting poked even more than ever.
The reason why you're afraid of dying is because part of you wants to live. And that's the part of you that will help you make the decision to keep on trucking, even though the going gets rough.
Anxiety is normal for someone is your circumstance. Keep posting with us. Talking it out can help make it better. In the meanwhile
hugs for (((((Deneb*)))))
and enjoy the return of Dr. Bob. :)
-ll
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 9, 2006, at 9:11:44
In reply to What if I have cancer? *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 7, 2006, at 19:32:42
> I'm afraid. :-(
But I thought you were cured, only last week.
Deneb, your mood is highly driven by what you experience. Your mood follows your experience, to the minute. You are a "totally in the moment" person. But that's a habit you've taught yourself.
When you face something scary, Oh My God ! ! !, you are scared.
The part you don't do well, yet, is in linking your day-to-day mood cycles into patterns. There *are* trends, in there, but it's all so confusing to you that you don't even try to link them up. It's just too much information for your brain to find the common thread that we observers, out here, can easily see. We can simplify. Your challenge is that you can't do that very well, yet, on your own.
But you can learn how to do it. You're quite intelligent enough to manage this thing I'm going to suggest you do. You just have to promise yourself to do it, and to do it honestly.
Start collecting data about how you feel, and when you feel it, and later put it on a graph. Or, better yet, graphs plural. Or, simpler still, mark it right on the graph(s). You could carry a graph(s) around with you. Easily.
There would ideally be a variety of simple scales, the various continuums of living. Happy to sad, energetic to "I'm a slug today". Scales from 1 to 10. Different times in a single day, too. Not happy all day, perhaps. Happy mornings, sad nights? However you want to set it up, also graph your sleep time. When you went to bed, and how long you were there.
And I guarantee you, you'll be happy to discover that there is trend data in there. You can make this life a better experience. Just by learning about your trends.
You'd clearly see the effects of the medication, for example. It's very clear, from over here.
What you feel right now is not forever. You just haven't convinced yourself otherwise, yet.
Lar
Posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 17:15:02
In reply to Re: What if I have cancer? *trigger*, posted by llrrrpp on June 9, 2006, at 7:26:15
Thanks for your replay llrrrpp. You're right. The main reason I'm afraid of cancer is because I want to live a happy life.
I'm afraid of dying but I'm not as afraid of dying by suicide because I've gotten used to the idea of suicide over the years I've been considering it (off and on). Suicide is less scary for me because I'm in control of suicide. Dying by disease is out of my control. I don't want to die because I want to live a happy life. You're right, suicide would be a much bigger threat to a happy life than breast cancer.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 17:25:04
In reply to Re: What if I have cancer? » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on June 9, 2006, at 9:11:44
> Start collecting data about how you feel, and when you feel it, and later put it on a graph. Or, better yet, graphs plural. Or, simpler still, mark it right on the graph(s). You could carry a graph(s) around with you. Easily.
That's a good idea Lar, but if like you said, my moods are highly dependent on circumstance, I'm not sure how knowing my moods in detail will help me...if the variables controlling my mood are largely out of my control...
But...nevertheless, I think it's a good idea. It's always a good idea to know more about myself.
I'll try it for a while (just for you Lar ;-) ) Do you want to try it with me? Someone, anyone, join me.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 23:28:08
In reply to Mood graphs » Larry Hoover, posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 17:25:04
I can't stop thinking that I'm going to die of breast cancer. I'm scared!
If I really do have cancer, I won't be able to handle it. I think I might hang myself if I have cancer. I can't handle pain and suffering and the fear of death. I can't handle it!
I would rather die than worry about dying. I'm not a strong person. I can't handle disease. I can't handle it!
I'm freaking out! I can't stop thinking about dying of breast cancer. I'm freaking out!
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 9, 2006, at 23:36:28
In reply to I'm scared! *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 23:28:08
sweetie,
find miow miow and give him a big hug
he has Bob essence.
you need strengthget some rest.
it will all work out :)
Posted by MidnightBlue on June 9, 2006, at 23:40:40
In reply to I'm scared! *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 23:28:08
Deneb,
You will be fine. The odds are WAY in your favor that this is nothing at all! I think something like 95% of lumps are benign. I'm sure that number is even higher for someone your age. Your odds of breast cancer go up when you are over 50.
Try to think about something else. Something FUN to do.
MidnightBlue
Posted by Deneb on June 10, 2006, at 0:46:57
In reply to Re: I'm scared! *trigger* » Deneb, posted by MidnightBlue on June 9, 2006, at 23:40:40
Good idea llrrrpp. I will go hold Meow Meow. Bob is back and that makes me happy. I should think of happy things.
You're right MidnightBlue, about the odds being in my favour. 80% of all lumps are benign. It's rare for someone my age to have breast cancer. The ultrasound shows the lump to be a fibroadenoma (a benign lump). The doctors all say I shouldn't worry.
But...I just can't help but worry. I might not be satisfied until I have the lump removed. There can be false negatives in biopsies. The problem with removing the lump (besides the pain, recovery and external scaring) is that the scaring inside will make future imaging more difficult. I just wish I could know for sure it's benign.
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 10, 2006, at 12:07:57
In reply to Re: I'm scared! *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 10, 2006, at 0:46:57
"I just wish I could know for sure it's benign."
Well Deneb*
the scariest part is that we never "know" anything for sure. We can only gather the best evidence that we have. Doctor's opinions, statistics, imaging, biopsies. In the end, it comes down to your own beliefs. The world is speaking to you, saying "It's benign" [with a certain margin of error]. The skeptic in you listens to that tiny margin of error, the pessimist, the worry-wort gives that tiny margin of error WAY more credibility than the overwhelming evidence that you're not sick. Listen to the WORLD, Deneb, not your inner worry-wort.Well, the best you can do, in the absence of omnipotent expert certainty, is to have faith in the system. Listen to your body. If your body has cancer, you will probably know before the doctors do. I think right now it is more likely that your MIND has cancer. You need to fight the cancer in your MIND right now, and let the doctors take care of the cancer in your body.
Are you seeing T right now? Is there anyone you can speak with about this stuff?
llrrrpp
(who has a cyst in her breast for the last 11 years. still there, still hasn't changed...)In the meanwhile, I send you a BiG hug, because I know you are scared, and you feel powerless and alone. You are hurting. I will find some more Bob-essence somewhere and tele-transport it to you.
Have strength, D; Be well.
(((((((((((((((Deneb*))))))))))))))))
Posted by Phillipa on June 10, 2006, at 12:08:03
In reply to Re: I'm scared! *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 10, 2006, at 0:46:57
Deneb you're not the only person afraid of breast cancer I had a biopsy last year and was supposed to get a six month repeat mammogram but I skipped it I was so scared. Seems like every time I go the the doctor they find something else wrong. I'm way over 50 so my odds are higher. I didn't even feel a lump but the mammogram showed calcification so they did a biopsy.And then someone tells me they insisted on having the benign calcification explored more and they found Cancer but caught it before any damage had been done. Shes fine now. Just a lumpectomy not even radiation. She had some chemo but you show see how happy she is today. She doesn't worry she knows they got it all. And she was older too. The ultrasound would show by the color if it was suspisious at all. Cancer is greyish and a benign lump is usually black. So please don't worry. Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on June 10, 2006, at 15:39:25
In reply to Re: I'm scared! » Deneb, posted by llrrrpp on June 10, 2006, at 12:07:57
(((((((((((((((((((((llrrrpp))))))))))))))))))))))
Thank-you for the big hug. It was very comforting.
I have to learn to live my life no matter what happens.
I don't have a T. My pdoc is my T. I see her every 2 weeks. I see her on Mon. I will tell her everything.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 10, 2006, at 15:41:10
In reply to Re: I'm scared! *trigger* » Deneb, posted by Phillipa on June 10, 2006, at 12:08:03
Thanks Phillipa. I will try not to worry, but it's very hard not to.
Deneb*
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 13, 2006, at 20:11:26
In reply to Mood graphs » Larry Hoover, posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 17:25:04
> > Start collecting data about how you feel, and when you feel it, and later put it on a graph. Or, better yet, graphs plural. Or, simpler still, mark it right on the graph(s). You could carry a graph(s) around with you. Easily.
>
> That's a good idea Lar, but if like you said, my moods are highly dependent on circumstance, I'm not sure how knowing my moods in detail will help me...if the variables controlling my mood are largely out of my control...That's not what I said. I was describing the habit you've gotten into, of letting go into the moment. I would bet you that there are mood-incongruencies. Patterns are also in what is missing from one.
> But...nevertheless, I think it's a good idea. It's always a good idea to know more about myself.
Precisely. And without the data, you cannot overcome that hurdle of knowing more about yourself.
> I'll try it for a while (just for you Lar ;-) ) Do you want to try it with me? Someone, anyone, join me.
>
> Deneb*Just for me? :-/
I don't have the energy for making all those notes. But maybe that's why it took me so long to figure certain things out. <shrug>
Lar
Posted by llrrrpp on June 13, 2006, at 20:26:51
In reply to Re: Mood graphs » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on June 13, 2006, at 20:11:26
> > I'll try it for a while (just for you Lar ;-) ) Do you want to try it with me? Someone, anyone, join me.
> >
> > Deneb*
>
> Just for me? :-/
>
> I don't have the energy for making all those notes. But maybe that's why it took me so long to figure certain things out. <shrug>
>
> LarI also don't have the energy to do that. Some guy told me that I shouldn't be lifting heavy stones. I've got enough resolutions to keep this week!
I've been doing my morning exercises and eating my vegetables and riding my bike and saving money by making my own lattes and bringing my lunch. I think that's enough for now.
If I made a make belief graph, it wouldn't be a function. I think I go back in time sometimes, a regression, and then there are these little curlicues when the downward spiral starts, and also some inconsistencies, dysfluencies, what are they called? ictus? anyways, things that aren't well described by the types of math and statistics I've learned so far. oh, yeah, and it would be in 3 dimensions. sometimes my mood is broad, othertimes narrow. And colored too. Right now I'm kind of a chartreuse lemon yellow with tinge of green. bright. cheerful. I'm making buttertarts.
sorry to go on and on about me!
-l
Posted by shasling on June 14, 2006, at 7:20:34
In reply to Re: I'm scared! *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 10, 2006, at 0:46:57
Deneb, I had a smilar situation where they wanted me to "see what it does in the next 6 months". I decided life was hard enough without worrying about cancer every day and just insisted they remove the lump. It was benign, but I'm still glad I did it. For me, the fear ot cancer was just as big a life problem as the 'small possibility' of cancer. You might think about making them remove it so you can get on with your life. Just a thought...
Good luck,
Suzie
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