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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rayww on September 6, 2003, at 23:48:31
OK, how to relate this to faith:
Sometimes it takes faith to accept the diagnosis of being bipolar. OK, so I am bipolar. I have moods and I have modes. I have faith enough to accept me for the person I am.I will clean the office when I get in the mood, and not a minute sooner. Accept it, believe it, have faith in me enough to know that I will do it but not until I am in the mood. Nothing you can say will make it possible to do until I am actually in the mood. I cannot even see through the project until I catch the vision. I am reacting to the clutter, the confusion, the anger, and I will not touch it until I am ready. Got it? Good. Now, finally, I am LIBERATED! Don't mention it again. When I'm ready I will do the job. Until then, I will pray, exercise my faith, and start somewhere else in the house, knowing eventually, that the mood will hit. I will see the vision, know where to sort things, and in a day have it done.
Why is it so hard for non bipolars to get it?
Posted by habbyshabit on September 7, 2003, at 5:40:31
In reply to Why is it so hard for non-bipolars to get this?, posted by rayww on September 6, 2003, at 23:48:31
Hey Rey,
I don't mean this in any mean spirited way - I'm manic depressive myself - but what you describe sounds like an idiosyncrasy of your personality and is not a common symtom of Bipolar Disorder.
Now the part about it being hard to accept having the diagnosis - and having trouble sometimes, maybe, finding faith in oneself once labled and experienced as such - that sounds like a very common experience of bipolars.
I just guess I don't quite get how procrastinating cleaning an office because your not in the mood and/or the clutter is just a little overwhelming for the energy you have at the moment is a bipolar phenomenon. I think everyone goes through those feelings from time to time - and then gets the job done at last.
Just my opinion, I could be wrong,
Love, Hab
Posted by rayww on September 7, 2003, at 8:58:28
In reply to Re: Why is it so hard for non-bipolars to get this? » rayww, posted by habbyshabit on September 7, 2003, at 5:40:31
Let's examine this then. Is it difficult for those with bipolar disorder to be consistant? To develop routines? How about to touch something that has a negative emotional stigma attached to it? Do those with bipolar disorder react to triggers and then fly off somewhere? Do they reside mostly in the extremes? Do they feel more deeply and see what isn't obvious? When they get in the (extreme) mood to clean do they keep cleaning and cleaning, not knowing when to stop? Do they say "yes" to a project and break themselves doing it, then leave the traces behind for months, not able to break through the emotional barrior to start another, (or complete the last)? When they crash do they spiral down into unknown frightful territory? Do they "wait" for the mania and then channel it toward whatever project is needed, then if the mania subsides, live with the unfinished mess till the next episode? Are they perfectionists who cannot accept anything less than, yet never achieve it? Do they put certain important things, like "family" on hold till they work it out? Do they become obsessed with one thing at a time, with blinders to all else? When faith in self is destroyed, do they seek the end?
I love life. I love the outer limit arena of my mind. I love my family, my home, my situation in life. I love my religion and all opportunities enjoyed through it. I love God. I have no complaints. But the life I live in my disorder is not my reality. Some people keep their disorder very well hidden. Others wear it on the outside. Sometimes things get so out of control.
Freak, does anyone identify with this sheesh or is it all normal? What is normal anyway? Is there any such thing?
I prefer to think of "it" as a gift, that those with a disorder are a touch higher than normal, not better than, as all are equal, higher than, which can be a good thing.
Equal - - - meaning simply no one person should consider themselves better than someone else. There is no such hope as equal privilege for all. Even in our family we taught that each one is different, and would be treated uniquely different, that just because one child got something did not mean the rest were entitled to the same thing, but their turn would come around. Same principle goes to equality.
I'm rambling on threads here, off topic again, sorry, gotta go - - - church, family dinner, get ready.
Posted by Dena on September 7, 2003, at 17:25:06
In reply to Re: Why is it so hard for non-bipolars to get this?, posted by rayww on September 7, 2003, at 8:58:28
Dear Ray -
I can relate TOTALLY! I am the procrastination queen! (you can be the procrastination queen of Canada if you want)
Have you ever heard of Flylady? She's got a website dedicated to help those of us who are SHE's (side-tracked home executives). I've been applying her tips to my own life for the past year & I've been slooooowly seeing progress! Yay! Here's her site: "Click here: FlyLady.net: Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home" (I'm always leary of these double-double quotes. If they don't work, search Flylady.net)
Fly stands for finally loving yourself.
I know all about that "I'll do it when I'm good & ready" thing. I think it comes with a creative personality. We wait for the "spirit to move" us, & then we're off & running! I'm not sure whether it's part of bipolar or not, but it's definitely part of every artist I'm acquainted with!
I suppose it's the flip-side of creative energy. It's also part of a depressive state for me. The only thing I know to do is to just START doing whatever it is, & sooner or later the lethrgy is replaced with the rythm of the project. I can get into a(n altered?) state of consciousness where I just go with the flow of the task.
And I feel soooooo good after accomplishing something that I've procrastinated over! I love to check it off the list (in fact, I so enjoy crossing things off my list that if I accomplish something that wasn't on my list in the first place, I'll actually PUT it on the list, just so I can check it off - I'm sure there's a name for this illness...).
My born-organized, self-motivated, sequentially-ordered husband just does not get my timing. He has asked, & bribed, & pleaded & hinted & begged. I'm trying to be more sensitive to respecting his need for more consistent order in our home (I mean, the poor guy does live here too! And he pulls his weight, doing all of the laundry, & all the yucky-manly-stuff, disposer of garbage, dog poop & dead things). I really got the hint one day when I found him in the living room, using the leaf blower to get the dust out from under the sofa! I died laughing! I was pulling dust & dog fur down off the ceiling for days!
Anywho, that's what Flylady has done for me - she's teaching me about consistency, balance (ah, that elusive concept!), & doing what I can. Being nice to me & my loved ones by giving us a blessed home atmosphere. I love her home-spun humor, "Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family." & "You can do anything for 15 minutes - even something you swore would kill you!"
So, how does this link up with faith? I find that when I'm surrounded by physical clutter, my mind & soul become cluttered as well. I feel annoyed & distracted when things are out of order. I don't feel free to connect with God when there's the weight of procrastination hanging around my neck.
I know how hard it is to get started doing things I'm not motivated to do. It's like walking through knee-high mud at first!
If you check out Flylady, I'd be interested in knowing what you think.
Shalom, Dena
P.S. May your cup of creative juices runneth over!
Posted by Tabitha on September 8, 2003, at 0:05:38
In reply to Re: Why is it so hard for non-bipolars to get this? » rayww, posted by Dena on September 7, 2003, at 17:25:06
Hi Dena, I've seen flylady-- she's great. It was a while ago that I came across her, so I'll zip over and check it out again.
I agree about the drain to the spirit of clutter and mess. Somehow just having all the stuff in the correct pile helps enormously for me. Then it's not just an amorphous mess, it's a collection of stuff all related to one activity. The whole pile then seems mentally like just one thing.
I still get overwhelmed by sorting, like Rayww described, I have oversized emotional reactions to 'things'. Sometimes just starting certain cleaning task gives me a mini anxiety attack. I just sorted my mom's sewing stuff-- boy did that bring up a lot of emotions, but I managed to keep plodding along. It's just stuff after all.
How to relate this to faith? Well I'll use flylady's name.. Finally Loving Yourself.. for me that includes getting all the 'stuff' tamed and streamlined. My spiritual goal for now is all about self-acceptance, self-love, believing that I'm a totally acceptable product of the Creator's love. As such I deserve an orderly environment, where I can be at peace, and have visitors over without shame about the mess.
Back to the original topic.. I have the same difficulty with having to be in the mood to do certain tasks. When I'm not in the mood, sometimes I can get myself to do a little bit, but sometimes I just can't. It's hard for me to accept my own timetable for things. At least I live alone so there's nobody else pressuring me. I do plenty of that myself.
Posted by Dena on September 8, 2003, at 9:03:17
In reply to Re: Why is it so hard for non-bipolars to get this? » Dena, posted by Tabitha on September 8, 2003, at 0:05:38
Hey Tabitha -
You're a riot! I always enjoy how you write - you share yourself so freely; it allows me to feel as if I know you through your words.
I have a mental picture of your piles, like little landscaped hills throughout your home, w/ signs, "Creative Pursuits", "Things to Put Away", "Things I'm Emotionally Attached To", "Things I Really Must Do Something About",etc. Hey, if that helps you to stay mentally peaceful - it works! I'd give it a try myself, but my little people would sweep through like 7 tornadoes! So much for neat & tidy piles...
I can relate to your attachment to things... Yes, they're just things, but when they come attached with memories - especially good ones - they're loaded with power. I often use such things to take a bittersweet journey down memory lane. Even if the memories cause some pain or sadness, it feels healing to do so.
I'm glad I reminded you of FlyLady - she's been a Godsend to my life!
Shalom, Dena
P.S. I had to laugh at your previous post about wanting "church with cookies". Even when the message at church is heavy & convicting, I too want something sweet & feel-good to balance it out!
Posted by Tabitha on September 8, 2003, at 11:56:12
In reply to Re: Why is it so hard for non-bipolars to get this? » Tabitha, posted by Dena on September 8, 2003, at 9:03:17
Your warm words are my 'cookie' for this morning.
Posted by Birds3Chas on October 23, 2003, at 17:34:15
In reply to Re: Why is it so hard for non-bipolars to get this? » rayww, posted by Dena on September 7, 2003, at 17:25:06
Posted by sherwm on October 25, 2003, at 6:32:28
In reply to Re: Why is it so hard for non-bipolars to get this?, posted by rayww on September 7, 2003, at 8:58:28
Hi...I am a mother of 5....2 of which are bipolar and I totally understand....trying to explain it to my kids is another problem....my 16yo is struggling with meds bc he thinks it is a sin that he is taking a personlity chnging med even if it to chnge him for the good....how is that different than pot he asks??
This is the end of the thread.
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