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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bozeman on February 4, 2003, at 0:03:09
Hi, folks -- haven't posted on Faith before, though I read yours "faithfully"
I'm really bummed -- I had a "mini-crash" from exhaustion and missed church this weekend -- a real bummer for me since that's where I get a lot of my "gas" to keep going. Part of me is wondering if God will forgive me -- part of me knows He will and He just wants me to be well -- but I'm still sad I missed it. Of all the things I could let myself down on during a week, that's the last one I would have wanted to lose. I read the Bible and love it, but get so much more out of it when I discuss it with people or listen to others explain their take on it, rather than just read it alone. So I'm bummed. I'll get over it, but it will be a looong week.
Thanks for letting me vent. Good night.
bozeman
Posted by Lou Pilder on February 5, 2003, at 18:13:37
In reply to Sad, posted by bozeman on February 4, 2003, at 0:03:09
Bozeman,
You wrote,[...church...where I get my "gas"...]
There is a verse from your bible that corrosponds to what I experianced and I am wondering if that verse applies to what you wrote. The verse is :
[...to be spitiually minded is life and peace...]
A match?
Lou
Posted by bozeman on February 6, 2003, at 1:13:27
In reply to Re: Sad » bozeman, posted by Lou Pilder on February 5, 2003, at 18:13:37
> Bozeman,
> You wrote,[...church...where I get my "gas"...]
> There is a verse from your bible that corrosponds to what I experianced and I am wondering if that verse applies to what you wrote. The verse is :
> [...to be spitiually minded is life and peace...]
> A match?
> Lou
>Lou -- a match, yes, I believe probably so. And, to clarify, I misspoke when I said church is where I get my "gas". More accurately, it reminds me where the gas comes from. Fellowship makes the human part of me feel better and more loved, and more able to experience the "gas" as a renewing experience. It's so easy to let the small human part of me be dragged down into self pity or negativity, and being in worship all I feel is humbled and awed at the awesome Presence of (what I perceive to be) Holy Spirit in the room . . . that's where I get the "gas". If I were strong enough and focused enough, I could "fill 'er up" where ever I happen to be. But my stress level -- the "jangling" in my life that demands attention, the realities of living in a capitalist society :-) make it difficult at times for me to maintain that focus, without support and fellowship. (and the depression doesn't help in that regard, either.)
Thanks for your insight. I have discovered of late that my resolve to live the spiritual life, rather than the secular and often physical one, is stronger than I would have thought, in many ways. But those are singular, small victories in what will be a lifelong endeavor.
Peace --
bozeman
Posted by rayww on February 6, 2003, at 14:40:40
In reply to Sad, posted by bozeman on February 4, 2003, at 0:03:09
You describe this well, the guilt, the low esteem, and the feeling of accountability that comes in the territory of the disorders.
I'm sure God wants you to be well.
When you are in your reality and you miss church do you feel as guilty?
I deal with things different when in my psychosis than in my reality. Certain pressures would push me over the edge in my psychosis, but in my reality I would shake them off.
Do people recognize their psychotic self, and realize it is not their reality self? When you ask the question "who am I?" Do you think you are the psychotic version of yourself or the other one? We behave differently in both don't we? We view the world through a different lens, and react to things in their magnification, that we would normally not respond to.
However, having thus stated, I cannot deny how real the magnification of the spiritual side of the disorder feels. Or, the anger side, or the love side.
At the present time (not boastfully) I feel healed enough to recognize the psychotic imposer for "what it" is, and I think she is not me.
This is the end of the thread.
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