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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 18, 2006, at 8:27:40
I just went to visit my mom and (as usual) it triggered my body image and weight issues. My mom told me to go on a diet or "eat healthy" probably 10 times (in 4 days). I maybe have gained a little weight due to the million AD's that I take in addition to some anxious eating, but her behavior seemed so excessive. Why doesn't she listen to me when I tell her to stop saying that sort of thing? I'm in my late 20's, I think that I can decide how much I should weigh.
My T has even said that considering my mom's behavior, I'm lucky that I don't have a full-blown ED.
I tried on like 5 outfits this morning b/c I felt ugly in everything. :( How do I make myself feel okay(ish) again?
Best,
EE
Posted by ElaineM on July 18, 2006, at 9:34:41
In reply to need a hug, posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 18, 2006, at 8:27:40
EE: What is it with parents sometimes?! It is so hard committing to therapy or medication, and then dealing with any side-effects, without having to defend yourself.
Is your mom super-health conscious herself. Every time my mother calls my sister a name (to do with her weight) I just have to shake my head in disbelief. It's not like my mother is slim herself, or goreously beautiful, or really atheletic. She still will throw out the weight comments (back-handed, or right in your face) even after I've spent years in the hospital. I guess that's when you can really see that comments like that aren't truly about your weight, or appearance at all. And I don't think it matters to parents how old you are. My sis and I are in our 20's too.
And it's strange, I doubt someone would say that stuff to a neighbour, or stanger, but family seems to be alright?!I wonder if it's similar for you. I bet there's other things going on in your mom's head. Especially if your T has noted her behaviour. It must've been pretty hard dealing with that, and avoiding "full-blown" disorders.
Did you feel okay with yourself before you went to see her? Not perfect, but okay? If you put on one of the outfits you wore before you went (or your fav. one), can you get any comfort from the fact that it fits the same.
I know semi-stranger hugs are not the same thing but, ((((EE)))). It's tough. I think it's more about getting some time between yourself and the comment. If there's not a constant flow, they tend to fade -- even if it's just a bit.
EL
Posted by cloudydaze on July 18, 2006, at 17:59:18
In reply to Re: need a hug, posted by ElaineM on July 18, 2006, at 9:34:41
I know it's hard, but try not to let your mom distort you body image. If you're okay with yourself, that's all that matters.
I don't know your mom, but maybe she's just concerned about your health, or your nutrition? Maybe that's the only way she knows how to express it?
Whatever her motive is, have you told her how it makes you feel? Make sure she knows - even if you think she does, she may not. Tell her it makes you feel depressed, or angry, or it makes you down on yourself. Hopefully she will ease up on her comments.
All in all, what matters is that you accept and love yourself and your body. Don't let your mom take that away. Don't give her that power.
hugs,
cloudy
Posted by Racer on July 19, 2006, at 1:38:47
In reply to Re: need a hug, posted by cloudydaze on July 18, 2006, at 17:59:18
I'm in my 40s, and still get the comments. In fact, when I was fat from ADs, I got comments. And when I was thin from AN, I got comments. Right now, I'm just below healthy weight, and I get comments.
Basically, my family is not familiar with the concepts of Personal Boundaries.
And I don't think it's that unusual. I think a lot of families have a similar problem.
EE, I don't cyber hug, and I don't usually hug in real life. I do feel for you, though, and I'm very sorry your mother is another HSR -- Human Steam Roller. Ugh. Maybe we should introduce her to my aunt? They can insult one another "for their own good." Sheesh.
As for your weight/body image, I ain't got no advice you should take. If I did, I probably wouldn't have an ED. Go figure, huh?
This is the end of the thread.
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