![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 190 to 214 of 225. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 12, 2013, at 0:56:56
In reply to Re: blocked for 11 weeks Dr.Bob, posted by Twinleaf on October 11, 2013, at 17:55:48
> I am very disappointed and discouraged to see the same old block formula. I think one of the reasons we can't offer more support for the former deputies is that they were basically forced to implement this extremely unpopular and unconstructive policy.
I was disappointed to see the same old lack of support for deputies. If people receive more support, maybe incivility won't hurt as much. And blocking won't be as necessary. I didn't want to leave them sitting, um, ducks.
Bob
Posted by Dinah on October 12, 2013, at 8:23:39
In reply to Re: present and former deputies, posted by jane d on October 10, 2013, at 22:45:55
Thank you, Jane.
Your support has always meant so much to me.
Posted by Dinah on October 12, 2013, at 8:24:10
In reply to Re: present and former deputies » jane d, posted by SLS on October 11, 2013, at 6:14:42
Thank you, Scott.
Posted by Dinah on October 12, 2013, at 8:45:07
In reply to Re: support, posted by Dr. Bob on October 12, 2013, at 0:56:56
I appreciate your desire to help us feel supported, Dr. Bob. But I fear your efforts might lead to more pain for us as people explain why they can't give it.
How long has it been since we have had active deputies? My wish would only be for people to give up already on mentioning us in any complaints against current management. How long must we be punished? If we are willing, as I certainly am, to try to move past past hurts from posters, why can't others at least leave us alone?
The unkindnesses to us are far less than they once were. But it's like water on stone. The constant drip drip drip of negative comments. Why bother? There are no present deputies, and none are expected.
If people think we were misguided, or unkind, or cruel... If people don't realize how often we tried to avert blocks entirely... If people don't realize how we agonized over fairness and supportiveness... Well, can't they at least be glad we're no longer here as deputies? And in most cases not even here anymore as posters or administrative supporters. Is that not punishment enough?
Must people bring it up again and again and again? It isn't necessary to say whatever is in one's mind. If it is no longer relevant, why continue to mention it? The only result is to cause pain among present and former deputies. If that's not the goal, then why bother? If that is the goal, then it is being achieved and I wish those people who can be happy in it happy in it.
Posted by Dinah on October 12, 2013, at 8:47:05
In reply to Re: support » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on October 12, 2013, at 8:45:07
I'm sorry. Of course there is a deputy. But I've seen no signs of current activity in quite a while.
Posted by Twinleaf on October 12, 2013, at 11:35:40
In reply to Re: support, posted by Dr. Bob on October 12, 2013, at 0:56:56
Just to make sure I am clear: I feel great admiration and support for all of the former deputies as people and as valuable members of our community. I have had wonderful and meaningful Interactions actions with them. I had a lot of empathy for them, watching them struggle to administer the policies as fairly as they could. I know it was very, very hard at times. I just can't support either Dr.Bob or the deputies carrying out policies which I felt were destructive to the well- being of the community. I think you all know this about me by now, and it doesn't need to keep coming up. It's really getting old!
Posted by Phillipa on October 12, 2013, at 18:29:53
In reply to Re: support, posted by Dinah on October 12, 2013, at 8:47:05
A few years at least is there really one or just a name? Phillipa
Posted by 10derheart on October 12, 2013, at 20:08:47
In reply to Re: present and former deputies » jane d, posted by SLS on October 11, 2013, at 6:14:42
Don't sweat it, Scott. I am not keeping track.
We already know how you feel :-)
Posted by 10derheart on October 12, 2013, at 20:10:04
In reply to Re: blocked for 11 weeks Dr.Bob » 10derheart, posted by Twinleaf on October 11, 2013, at 22:57:13
>>It would never occur to me to think of any of the deputies as nasty or despicable
I'm glad of that and thanks for taking the time to say so.
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2013, at 8:37:26
In reply to Re: support » Dr. Bob, posted by Twinleaf on October 12, 2013, at 11:35:40
> Just to make sure I am clear: I feel great admiration and support for all of the former deputies as people and as valuable members of our community. I have had wonderful and meaningful Interactions actions with them. I had a lot of empathy for them, watching them struggle to administer the policies as fairly as they could. I know it was very, very hard at times.
I appreciate this, Twinleaf. And I also appreciate and thank you for saying it.
> I think you all know this about me by now, and it doesn't need to keep coming up. It's really getting old!
I appreciate and thank you for saying this as well.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 13, 2013, at 22:40:52
In reply to Re: support » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on October 12, 2013, at 8:45:07
> I just can't support either Dr.Bob or the deputies carrying out policies which I felt were destructive to the well- being of the community.
>
> Twinleaf> I appreciate your desire to help us feel supported, Dr. Bob. But I fear your efforts might lead to more pain for us as people explain why they can't give it.
You may be right.
> My wish would only be for people to give up already on mentioning us in any complaints against current management.
>
> The unkindnesses to us are far less than they once were. But it's like water on stone. The constant drip drip drip of negative comments.
>
> Must people bring it up again and again and again? It isn't necessary to say whatever is in one's mind. If it is no longer relevant, why continue to mention it? The only result is to cause pain among present and former deputies. If that's not the goal, then why bother?
>
> DinahThe goal could be to improve Babble. Making it better for everyone might outweigh causing some people some pain. I feel that way myself at times. A civil community is better for everyone, so it's OK to cause some people some pain by blocking them, for example.
Bob
Posted by Dinah on October 14, 2013, at 8:15:37
In reply to Re: support, posted by Dr. Bob on October 13, 2013, at 22:40:52
How would mentioning deputies, when there are no active deputies and are not likely to be, improve Babble? What gains can there be above the pain caused to former deputies?
But that you can see gain that outweighs the pain, despite the lack of current deputies, reinforces my belief that **this** Babble is not really the sort of environment I wish to put myself in. I can change my life by changing my environment. I choose not be in an uncivil environment.
I guess I can thank you for that.
Posted by Twinleaf on October 14, 2013, at 16:04:06
In reply to Re: support » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on October 14, 2013, at 8:15:37
Dinah has a very good point. It has been several years since there were any active deputies (I know Racer still contributes, but rarely). The deputies' ability to help you carry out the civility and blocking policies of several years ago apparently weakened and then ceased at the same time that you stopped actively administering these policies, in what seemed like a tacit recognition that they were causing a lot of stress and distress. I think we assumed that you knew that a site dedicated to mutual support and education had gone off-course, and you wanted to find a way to correct that.
Do you really expect that we will support the deputies for trying to carry out policies which simply weren't working well? Isn't it a given that they have all been outstanding members of the community who are all valued and supported as people? What is missing , in your mind? What support would you like from us that you feel we are not giving? It actually appears that you are asking for support for your own previous policies. I had hoped, and thought, that we had all grown from acknowledging the mistakes of that era, and are now working together to put them behind us. But, sadly, as Sigi has noted, perhaps not.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 20, 2013, at 23:47:21
In reply to Re: support. Dr.Bob, posted by Twinleaf on October 14, 2013, at 16:04:06
> How would mentioning deputies, when there are no active deputies and are not likely to be, improve Babble? What gains can there be above the pain caused to former deputies?
Support could be above, or at least at the same level as, pain.
> But that you can see gain that outweighs the pain, despite the lack of current deputies, reinforces my belief that **this** Babble is not really the sort of environment I wish to put myself in. I can change my life by changing my environment. I choose not be in an uncivil environment.
>
> DinahI still consider this environment civil, even if it's not exactly a refuge. (Reasonable people can disagree.)
> Do you really expect that we will support the deputies for trying to carry out policies which simply weren't working well? ... What is missing , in your mind? What support would you like from us that you feel we are not giving?
>
> TwinleafI do expect posters to support the deputies for contributing to and making sacrifices for Babble. They put themselves in harm's way. Maybe Deputies Day could be the Babble version of Veterans Day.
Bob
Posted by Twinleaf on October 21, 2013, at 6:31:04
In reply to Re: support, posted by Dr. Bob on October 20, 2013, at 23:47:21
This is where we have a difference of opinin which I'm afraid cannot be bridged. You know that I feel great respect and support for each deputy, and I do admire their willingness to help administer your policies - including bearing the stresses which came with doing that. You mention that they put themselves in harm's way, and that is true. But - and this is all-important to me - I never harmed them , but they did harm me by helping to administer blocking policies towards me which to this day I consider very harsh and extreme. I have forgiven it but I would be stupid to forget it. I think it is very disrespectful of you to expect me to support actions which were harmful to me. I do feel the deputies were trying to be helpful, and did not mean to hurt anyone, but the blocking policy towards me in particular at that time was so harsh that hostility, punishment and emotional hurt were, unfortunately, an inevitable part of it.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 21, 2013, at 23:37:36
In reply to Re: support » Dr. Bob, posted by Twinleaf on October 21, 2013, at 6:31:04
> I feel great respect and support for each deputy, and I do admire their willingness to help administer your policies - including bearing the stresses which came with doing that. You mention that they put themselves in harm's way, and that is true.
Thanks, I appreciate that.
> But - and this is all-important to me - I never harmed them , but they did harm me by helping to administer blocking policies towards me which to this day I consider very harsh and extreme. I have forgiven it but I would be stupid to forget it. I think it is very disrespectful of you to expect me to support actions which were harmful to me. I do feel the deputies were trying to be helpful, and did not mean to hurt anyone, but the blocking policy towards me in particular at that time was so harsh that hostility, punishment and emotional hurt were, unfortunately, an inevitable part of it.
I accept, and regret, that my policies harmed you.
Maybe it's asking too much to expect posters who've been harmed by my policies to support the deputies. Maybe it's like expecting victims of friendly fire to support the military. Maybe forgiveness is all that can be expected.
(You may not have intended to harm the deputies, but may have. Just like they may not have intended to harm you, but may have.)
I wonder if a rapprochement might be possible. Should we start with me? Do you also feel I, through my policies, was trying to be helpful and didn't mean to hurt anyone?
Bob
Posted by Twinleaf on October 22, 2013, at 8:23:21
In reply to Re: support, posted by Dr. Bob on October 21, 2013, at 23:37:36
Bob, there is really a continuing problem here. YOU are the one who keeps bringing up the deputies! If you keep bringing them up, as Dinah points out, three are of course going to be hurt feelings as people honestly describe their reactions to that painful time several years ago. As far as I know, no posters - certainly not me - are bringing them up and we are certainly not blaming them. I consider, from the bitter feelings they express,that they were also victims of the unduly harsh and punitive administrative policy which prevailed at that time (but no longer does). Why don't you acknowledge that and then put the whole issue to rest?
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 23, 2013, at 2:42:08
In reply to Re: support » Dr. Bob, posted by Twinleaf on October 22, 2013, at 8:23:21
> If you keep bringing them up ... three are of course going to be hurt feelings as people honestly describe their reactions to that painful time several years ago.
Wouldn't it also be honest to express feelings of admiration for their willingness to administrate, and to bear the stresses which came with doing that?
Bob
Posted by Twinleaf on October 23, 2013, at 5:53:26
In reply to Re: support, posted by Dr. Bob on October 23, 2013, at 2:42:08
But I have expressed my admiration for that already - at least three times in just this one thread. And they have acknowledged that and said that they appreciated what I said. Everything is fine, except that you keep raising this topic. I don't think it's an active topic of concern to anyone other than you.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 24, 2013, at 8:24:26
In reply to Re: support, posted by Twinleaf on October 23, 2013, at 5:53:26
> But I have expressed my admiration for that already - at least three times in just this one thread. And they have acknowledged that and said that they appreciated what I said. Everything is fine, except that you keep raising this topic. I don't think it's an active topic of concern to anyone other than you.
OK, maybe it's just me. If the present and former deputies feel supported, then everything's fine with me, too.
Bob
Posted by Twinleaf on October 24, 2013, at 9:18:28
In reply to Re: support, posted by Dr. Bob on October 24, 2013, at 8:24:26
So as to be as clear as possible what the actual problem is, it is not, and never has been, that we don't respect and appreciate the deputies or appreciate the heroic efforts they made to administer the policies in effect a few years ago as fairly as possible.
Judging from some of the comments they have made (only when the subject is brought up), they still have painful feelings about trying so hard to administer a policy so harsh, inconsistent and unpopular with the vast majority. It was a hopeless task for them - and for you. When the deputies express their feelings honestly, they seem mainly angry at you for putting them in such a difficult position. I think if you dealt more directly with the feelings they have towards you, rather than dragging all the rest of us into it, you would be taking steps towards resolution.
Posted by jane d on October 24, 2013, at 22:50:11
In reply to Re: support » Dr. Bob, posted by Twinleaf on October 24, 2013, at 9:18:28
I'm very grateful to you for explaining to me throughout this thread what *we* think the problem really is. Until you did that *I* thought you might be harboring a grudge against the deputies for your own failure to grasp the site rules even long after those rules changed. Perhaps it was the tone of your disclaimers which (to me) sounded a bit like someone saying that yes, their neighbor was an ax murderer but of course he kept his lawn nicely mowed. I'm glad that *we* have now been corrected.
Jane,
pondering the experience of having turned into part of the "vast majority" just by staying silent.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 24, 2013, at 22:51:25
In reply to Re: support » Dr. Bob, posted by Twinleaf on October 24, 2013, at 9:18:28
> it is not, and never has been, that we don't respect and appreciate the deputies or appreciate the heroic efforts they made to administer the policies in effect a few years ago as fairly as possible.
Thanks for reiterating that.
> Judging from some of the comments they have made ... they still have painful feelings about trying so hard to administer a policy so harsh, inconsistent and unpopular with the vast majority. It was a hopeless task for them - and for you. When the deputies express their feelings honestly, they seem mainly angry at you for putting them in such a difficult position. I think if you dealt more directly with the feelings they have towards you, rather than dragging all the rest of us into it, you would be taking steps towards resolution.
1. I'm willing to deal directly with any feelings they have towards me. They know how to reach me.
2. I wonder if support from posters would've helped them when they were in such a difficult position.
Bob
Posted by Twinleaf on October 25, 2013, at 7:39:55
In reply to Re: support » Twinleaf, posted by jane d on October 24, 2013, at 22:50:11
I can see now that I made a mistake using the word "we". I should have just stayed with "I". Sorry!. I don't remember any expressions of criticism of the deputies by other posters, though, but I still should not have been speaking for anyone else.
I find the rest of your post extremely sarcastic and hostile.
Posted by jane d on October 25, 2013, at 23:28:19
In reply to Re: support » jane d, posted by Twinleaf on October 25, 2013, at 7:39:55
> I find the rest of your post extremely sarcastic and hostile..You're right. It was. I've been regretting the tone since I posted it. I now wish I had said something more along the lines that I wished you wouldn't sound like you were speaking for everyone and that I hoped that you hadn't been mislead into believing that you did merely because no one openly disagreed. And I should have said it a long time ago instead of taking years worth of irritation out on you in one post.
Of course I also disagree with you about the value of the deputies *as deputies* and I really hope that it is my view of the great job they did that they go away believing, not yours.
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Administration | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.