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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by swim on April 1, 2016, at 14:58:16
Hi!
I just wanted somebody to let know of how disastrous i felt today, i even can't believe a person could feel like this, just acting normal but how i feel inside this is unimaginable, this even can't be but in words. This was the hardest day among the hard days. This can't be even real, if the Nardil isn't working, i feel like i being tortured inide my own mind and i can't escape. I really don't know what to do anymore, i even don't bother to tell about how really really terrible i feel, because i know they can do nothing to help me. This can't even be described in words, I mean how something like this could even be possible?
I started Nardil 3 months ago and again the first 2 months were amazing- i was feeling alive, not suffering, not in pain anymore, but it always comes back, the pain, it comes back, i mean it goes away for a short while but it still comes back, it doesn't mater how much i want it to stay away. I have untreatable persistent depression, which without nardil has no escape, i feel so depressed even writing it, but i just needed to say it out! It's only been couple of months brake from the depression (i even don't want to see this word anymore, more less type it)after getting back on Nardil and and feeling so undescribably horrible that i haven't even find cognitive power to express my self about how i feel and to post anywhere. At the moment i'm upstarts writing this and i hear my brother and his girlfriend laughing downstairs enjoying a movie and i just can't understand why i can't enjoy something like this, why am i so different?
This went off subject but do you tell other people about how you feel, can they help you? I mean i usually act just normal, i don't know why i do this, i should be crying and asking for an ambulance, but i dont.
Posted by J Kelly on April 1, 2016, at 15:53:06
In reply to will you keep your feelings to yourself?, posted by swim on April 1, 2016, at 14:58:16
> Hi!
Hi swim! I'm listening!
>
> I just wanted somebody to let know of how disastrous i felt today, i even can't believe a person could feel like this, just acting normal but how i feel inside this is unimaginable, this even can't be but in words. This was the hardest day among the hard days. This can't be even real, if the Nardil isn't working, i feel like i being tortured inide my own mind and i can't escape.Please know you are not alone! I often have days like this. You just say this can't be , but it is. I know. But keep the hope. I've experienced long remissions due to meds etc. This can happen for you!
> I really don't know what to do anymore, i even don't bother to tell about how really really terrible i feel, because i know they can do nothing to help me. This can't even be described in words, I mean how something like this could even be possible?
I KNOW. It sucks but hang on cause the next med/treatment/etc. may work!
>
> I started Nardil 3 months ago and again the first 2 months were amazing- i was feeling alive, not suffering, not in pain anymore, but it always comes back, the pain, it comes back, i mean it goes away for a short while but it still comes back, it doesn't mater how much i want it to stay away. I have untreatable persistent depression, which without nardil has no escape, i feel so depressed even writing it, but i just needed to say it out!Why did you stop taking Nardil?
> It's only been couple of months brake from the depression (i even don't want to see this word anymore, more less type it)after getting back on Nardil and and feeling so undescribably horrible that i haven't even find cognitive power to express my self about how i feel and to post anywhere. At the moment i'm upstarts writing this and i hear my brother and his girlfriend laughing downstairs enjoying a movie and i just can't understand why i can't enjoy something like this, why am i so different?
Believe me you are NOT alone! Every depressed person just wants to be that "normal" person laughing at a joke/ a movie/ a pet whatever.
>
> This went off subject but do you tell other people about how you feel, can they help you? I mean i usually act just normal, i don't know why i do this, i should be crying and asking for an ambulance, but i dont.Oh do I know this well. I am the master at acting "normal". Its exhausting. Its your depression talking and you WILL find a solution.
So Nardil didn't work long term? What about Parnate? Emsam? There are MANY other meds and med combos to try. Don't panic.
Feel free to babble mail me if you are in crisis.
Jade
Posted by J Kelly on April 1, 2016, at 16:01:45
In reply to will you keep your feelings to yourself?, posted by swim on April 1, 2016, at 14:58:16
Actually feel free to babble mail me even if you aren't in crisis. I've got time :)
Be well,
Jade
Posted by rjlockhart37 on April 1, 2016, at 20:09:27
In reply to Re: will you keep your feelings to yourself? » swim, posted by J Kelly on April 1, 2016, at 16:01:45
pain is certain, suffering is an option
i heard this quote a while back on facebook......when i get depressed i know there's no one that i can talk too.....i just go my own way and do pintrest, write about topics, alot of people said talk to me when you need someone, but years ago i called too much. So...it doesnt even help really by telling someone how bad i feel because they can't do anything about it.... like what the use of it?
having a good faith based - higher forces to pray too is better when your out of options when things become a dead end
Posted by Jeroen on April 2, 2016, at 11:25:40
In reply to will you keep your feelings to yourself?, posted by swim on April 1, 2016, at 14:58:16
this has happened to me aswell with seroquel low dose, i was 2 months ok, rid of what you say that evil word
after that hell and nightmares with meds started and relapsed for some reason
Posted by B2chica on April 2, 2016, at 12:20:59
In reply to will you keep your feelings to yourself?, posted by swim on April 1, 2016, at 14:58:16
> Hi!
>
> I just wanted somebody to let know of how disastrous i felt today,I'm glad you did. Even if i cant help, i listen, and sometimes just to put it out there in some distant way helps things.
>>i even can't believe a person could feel like this, just acting normal but how i feel inside this is unimaginable, this even can't be but in words. This was the hardest day among the hard days. This can't be even real, if the Nardil isn't working, i feel like i being tortured inide my own mind and i can't escape.
and thats the key problem my friend. this is probably why i do keep a lot to myself (or here on babble). Because it IS a war within your own mind and other people -unless they are like us- cannot begin to comprehend the depths of despair we can feel. When everything is a battle, even breathing seems so effortful. most people just cannot fathom such horrid feelings, let alone for the duration in which we endure them.
>> I really don't know what to do anymore, i even don't bother to tell about how really really terrible i feel, because i know they can do nothing to help me.
-maybe not, but if you have the right friend/family member, they can sit with you and just be with you. for me sometimes thats enough.
>>This can't even be described in words, I mean how something like this could even be possible?-no, there are often times in pdocs office or T office i struggle for about 20 minutes trying to find even the closest words to describe how i'm feeling, many times none seem to fit. sometimes its enough to try.
>
> I started Nardil 3 months ago and again the first 2 months were amazing- i was feeling alive, not suffering, not in pain anymore, but it always comes back, the pain, it comes back, i mean it goes away for a short while but it still comes back, it doesn't mater how much i want it to stay away.-i have learned that it is these thoughts that make things even more horrid. do not look ahead or behind, keep in how you are feeling now...and try with every ounce to keep even a small even slight bit of hope that soon, very soon it will remit, if even for a few days.
>>I have untreatable persistent depression, which without nardil has no escape, i feel so depressed even writing it, but i just needed to say it out! It's only been couple of months brake from the depression (i even don't want to see this word anymore, more less type it)after getting back on Nardil and and feeling so undescribably horrible that i haven't even find cognitive power to express my self about how i feel and to post anywhere. At the moment i'm upstarts writing this and i hear my brother and his girlfriend laughing downstairs enjoying a movie and i just can't understand why i can't enjoy something like this, why am i so different?
-this may seem a little odd, but since we have candor here, i want to tell you where i let my mind go sometimes, often times.
when it is so bad for so long i think of St. Michael. i think of how he was this incredible warrior of unrelenting strength and faith... i try to tell myself, i am a warrior that is being tested of strength, skill and faith. Strength of will, skill of using our resources to out manouver this illness an faith of at least some bit of recovery. My hope is that we all can see ourselves as warriors that are getting stronger with every bout, every episode, every onset. Because although i seem to feel weaker each time it occurs. When i have made it through, i do tell myself 'i made it through this one', and for a little bit i feel stronger. For a little bit I feel worthy of the name Warrior.
>
> This went off subject but do you tell other people about how you feel, can they help you? I mean i usually act just normal, i don't know why i do this, i should be crying and asking for an ambulance, but i dont.No, i normally dont. at least i've tried in the past. i now only talk with my pdoc, T and maybe once and a while a friend that understands. but i feel over the years folks either just dont get it, or their tired of hearing the same thing over and over (as i often am myself).
However, with that said. You do need to know WHEN to reach out. you need to know when to ask for professional help. That is Not the time to keep things in.Remember.
Take each moment by moment, and once that's past, you never have to relive that moment again, you are always one step closer to a reprieve. Do what you can When you can. and do you best to find something to occupy your mind and body if possible, for at least a little bit each day.Take gentle care of yourself Swim.
b2
Posted by Lou Pilder on April 3, 2016, at 8:56:41
In reply to will you keep your feelings to yourself?, posted by swim on April 1, 2016, at 14:58:16
> Hi!
>
> I just wanted somebody to let know of how disastrous i felt today, i even can't believe a person could feel like this, just acting normal but how i feel inside this is unimaginable, this even can't be but in words. This was the hardest day among the hard days. This can't be even real, if the Nardil isn't working, i feel like i being tortured inide my own mind and i can't escape. I really don't know what to do anymore, i even don't bother to tell about how really really terrible i feel, because i know they can do nothing to help me. This can't even be described in words, I mean how something like this could even be possible?
>
> I started Nardil 3 months ago and again the first 2 months were amazing- i was feeling alive, not suffering, not in pain anymore, but it always comes back, the pain, it comes back, i mean it goes away for a short while but it still comes back, it doesn't mater how much i want it to stay away. I have untreatable persistent depression, which without nardil has no escape, i feel so depressed even writing it, but i just needed to say it out! It's only been couple of months brake from the depression (i even don't want to see this word anymore, more less type it)after getting back on Nardil and and feeling so undescribably horrible that i haven't even find cognitive power to express my self about how i feel and to post anywhere. At the moment i'm upstarts writing this and i hear my brother and his girlfriend laughing downstairs enjoying a movie and i just can't understand why i can't enjoy something like this, why am i so different?
>
> This went off subject but do you tell other people about how you feel, can they help you? I mean i usually act just normal, i don't know why i do this, i should be crying and asking for an ambulance, but i dont.someone,
You wrote,[...I feel like I being tortured inside my own mind and I can't escape...I know they can do nothing to help me...feeling so .. horrible...].
This is a sign. It is a sign of being lost. It is a sign of outer darkness. It is a sign of being in the Heart of the Earth. But it is darkest before the dawn. And there you will see the Morning Star.
Lou
Posted by swim on April 6, 2016, at 11:19:05
In reply to will you keep your feelings to yourself?, posted by swim on April 1, 2016, at 14:58:16
Thank you so much for your kind word, hope it gets better soon!
Posted by Roslynn on April 15, 2016, at 15:11:07
In reply to will you keep your feelings to yourself?, posted by swim on April 1, 2016, at 14:58:16
Hi, I haven't written here in a really long time, but I saw your post and I can really relate.
Lately my depression has been almost a physical feeling, like a weight in my chest, and the other day I actually shuddered from the pain of it. Sometimes it transforms into a solid brick in my head.
So, I do know what it's like and I'm very sorry you're going through this.
Roslynn
This is the end of the thread.
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