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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 4 to 28 of 34. Go back in thread:
Posted by 90%there on August 19, 2014, at 6:28:29
In reply to Intubation and delisions, posted by 90%there on August 18, 2014, at 18:40:37
BTW my kidney function went down as far as 10%. Told I was lucky to get thru it. N0 sh*t Sherlock!
Posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2014, at 18:00:41
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions, posted by 90%there on August 19, 2014, at 6:28:29
What will the docs do for this? Have they named a condition. And if you don't mind may I ask your age bracket? Also on any meds for anything at all at the moment. Phillipa
Posted by alexandra_k on August 19, 2014, at 23:34:50
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions, posted by 90%there on August 19, 2014, at 6:28:29
hey. reading what you write i'm getting some memories of my own... adventures... for lack of a better word. overdoses... not sure that i wanted to die, exactly... wanted something to change. be different. needed something to change. your experience sounds... surreal. is that kind of how it felt? a sort of druggy haze...
i'm not sure what to say. but just wanted to say i'm reading.
Posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 3:51:30
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions, posted by alexandra_k on August 19, 2014, at 23:34:50
No it wasn't hazy. Not really. Like I said there was no questioning my reality. What happened was real (to me at the time). Even the memories seem quite real. Some awful things went down. I love horror films but couldn't watch one quite yet. A few 'transitions' thru time n space occurred which almost gave the 'game' away. If I was fully prepared for it maybe I would have held onto the knowledge that this is what to expect in intubation. But no such luck.
Also like I said, The drugs/drink may have 'triggered' this. But it was the forgetting my insulin that put me there. I wasn't heavy drinking/using at the time. And the sudden withdrawal of 3 antidepressants. Double whammy!
A lot of my wanting to die came from the belief that I was gonna be killed anyway. One night all the staff had seemed to be replaced by lookalikes. They had no name tags (as all hospital staff must wear). And each had a hidden gun pointing at me- I could see the lenses lol. One night a gang even ransacked the ward (in Mexico this was, even tho I was actually in England). 'I' was the one they asked as to where the 'stash' was. They took all the meds, dug the floor up with a JCB for hidden cash then returned 12hrs later for the rest and to hide their tracks. For some reason I had something they wanted. A purple coloured stone. I wont go into how I got it. Another story within a story. I even remember the head-Doc's PA trying to erase the footage from the CCTV.Thanks 4 reading
90%
Posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 3:59:19
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions » 90%there, posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2014, at 18:00:41
> What will the docs do for this? Have they named a condition. And if you don't mind may I ask your age bracket? Also on any meds for anything at all at the moment. Phillipa
Doesn't need a new name. They were 'delusions' under 'intubation' (a machine helping you breath and feeding you when ur too ill to fend for yourself). I'm back on my meds so yea, I take them. I take 3 ADs, a benzo and an AP (low dose). Beta blockers too for the time being. I'm mid 30s.
90%
Posted by alexandra_k on August 20, 2014, at 4:17:43
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions » Phillipa, posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 3:59:19
hmm...
i've never been intubated. i think... partly i'm remembering the time i was in hospital in heaps of pain... i started having thoughts about cockroaches. how huge they were. only i think they were black spots in my periphery. or something. anyway... they got too huge. and i realised i must be hallucinating or delusional thinking about the spots or something... and then they said something to me about how i was on quite a lot of morphene and i realised i must be delusional.
i've never head of delusions or whatever when you are intubated. sorry for my ignorance... is that when they stick a tube down your throat? nose? nasal passage? thinking... do they drug you or something... insulun... i don't know much about that either. hypoglacemic shock or something... coma? hard to know about docs... sometimes people are quick to say we are making up stories or delusional or whatever when we say things they don't like to hear...
Posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 4:33:50
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions, posted by alexandra_k on August 20, 2014, at 4:17:43
...hard to know about docs... sometimes people are quick to say we are making up stories or delusional or whatever when we say things they don't like to hear...
Yes. I wonder that myself. If ur in an intensive care ward, cannot move/possibly drugged on stuff they dont tell u about who knows what they think they can get away with...Even my 1st time I still have memories of a couple of docs 'toying' with me. Maybe seeing what happens if they give me this or that. Thats the problem with delusional hallucinations. You're never quite sure.
I will say this tho. Before I was discharged 1st time round (spring last year) I complained about how they 'took me in'. I said I was going to sue but the Psych doc who discharged me said there was no CCTV, or that it gets scrambled before long. Few months later, still getting a few recurring nightmares about the ordeal I called a no-win-no-fee Lawyer's and was told they ALWAYS have the CCTV footage90%
Posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 7:15:46
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions » alexandra_k, posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 4:33:50
Hmm... They MUST dose you up on something during intubation, otherwise patients would be falling outa bed and pulling tubes out n stuff. I remember a woman from a self help group mentioning the name of a drug they put you on. Put her on anyway, every time she's been in that situation. I remember her saying how it 'shuts you up' so the docs n nurses get peace n quiet but leaves you fully awake, which is essential to rate progress. You can sleep of course, but I think my wakefulness and dreams were kinda merged. What did help alot was when they started letting me use caffeine (coffee n tea). Amazing stuff in the right situation.
90%
(my name means ONLY 90% all there, NOT 90% better lol)
Posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 14:15:58
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions, posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 7:15:46
Totally back to baseline now. My temperament is anyway. ADs halfway there but promising indication that their effects should return to norm. MAOIs been knocking me out but I did go strait back to my usual high dose after none for 3 weeks. Thats how long I was in hospital for. Found out today. Feels more like 5-6 months. Yes, I imagined passing of a New year as well as Halloween (which is obviously in 2 months time). Even the calendar said all this. Which was strait opposite my bed so I saw it all the time. Things keep popping up some still seeming like nothing else but real. Really nasty stuff. I'll forget all this in a few weeks. Been good to share it on here tho. Just surprised hardly anyone else has been in similar states. Intubation is pretty common in Intensive care wards and is necessary for many types of emergency procedures . Maybe memories are to scary for some.
Please keep adding experiences or anything else people wanna share. Still an open discussion.
90%
Posted by alexandra_k on August 20, 2014, at 14:53:40
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions, posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 14:15:58
i think memories recede a bit with time. my past experiences seem... dreamlike now. i wouldn't have a hope in separating out dreaming from waking from delusion from reality...
there was something... they thought it was an anasthetic. i forget what it is called... they used it as an anasthetic anyway. and some of the patients, upon waking, said that they could hear what was going on in the operating theatre... i think they may have even said that they were suffering horrible horrible pain... but they were paralyzed.
and of course the docs told them not to be silly or somesuch.
until (fairly sure i'm remembering this correctly) a doctor needed surgery and when he said that it paralyzed him rather than anesthetising him... they believed him.
power, eh.
Posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 16:22:59
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions, posted by alexandra_k on August 20, 2014, at 14:53:40
> i think memories recede a bit with time. my past experiences seem... dreamlike now.
Yes most of last years episode seem like distant memories now. But memories nonetheless.
> there was something... they thought it was an anasthetic. i forget what it is called... they used it as an anasthetic anyway. and some of the patients, upon waking, said that they could hear what was going on in the operating theatre...
I couldn't only hear but often saw what seemed to be going on in the operation room (sealed by nothing but glass. Absolutely disgusting stuff, yet stuff which you would not put past what you can imagine must go on sometimes with freshly dead corpses, esp if they have a donar card or a relative signs an agreement to turn off the life support and use the dead patients 'parts'. You think they trolley them off somewhere else to do it?? When they think all the bed patients are not with it? LOL They just do stuff slightly out of sight but the noises are still there. Last year I called a nurse asking her to tell the docs to draw the dam curtains. They did but 2 late. Brain scoop I think. And within minutes of the guy's friend signing a form and leaving in tears. And this guy was chatting 3 days prior. Toxic brain damage I think caused by aluminium on the brain. I remember over hearing a discussion about chelation therapy failing.
>think they may have even said that they were suffering horrible horrible pain... but they were paralyzed.
Sounds exactly the same, but instead of pain it was delusions for me. Man, ketamine would have been alot better. And the fact that they dont tell you what they've given you (if anything) makes u feel more insane, like being spiked with LSD or DMT. No knowledge of drugs/meds so all is real. Safe according to the monitors. Could really mess someones mind up tho. What about actual schizophrenic, severly depressed or bipolar patients? Wonder if they get same treatment, just perhapse with mega-doses of APs and amnesics or alternatives reserved for these sufferers. Hope so.
> and of course the docs told them not to be silly or somesuch.
Yup!
> until (fairly sure i'm remembering this correctly) a doctor needed surgery and when he said that it paralyzed him rather than anesthetising him... they believed him.> power, eh.
lol right! Who's gonna question a doc with a PhD getting thousands a week?
Thanks for that contribution. Very interesting!90%
Posted by Phillipa on August 20, 2014, at 18:40:01
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions » alexandra_k, posted by 90%there on August 20, 2014, at 16:22:59
I've been intubated for elective surgery. Given versed first to create twilight sleep, Once the tube inserted a general anesthetic administered. Once done. Extubated brought to recovery room and soon discharged to home. I was fine. No delusions for me. Not even groggy. Pulse oximetry made sure oxygen levels normal first then driven home by husband. Phillipa
Posted by jane d on August 20, 2014, at 23:32:36
In reply to Intubation and delisions, posted by 90%there on August 18, 2014, at 18:40:37
I've heard of this in connection with stays in an intensive care unit which often includes intubation. I know one person who described something like you do after spending weeks in one (not intubated as I recall). IT sounded like a horrible experience.
Posted by 90%there on August 21, 2014, at 3:01:01
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions » 90%there, posted by Phillipa on August 20, 2014, at 18:40:01
> I've been intubated for elective surgery. Given versed first to create twilight sleep, Once the tube inserted a general anesthetic administered. Once done. Extubated brought to recovery room and soon discharged to home. I was fine. No delusions for me. Not even groggy. Pulse oximetry made sure oxygen levels normal first then driven home by husband. Phillipa
I wasn't in for surgery and was 'out of it' for 2 1/2 weeks at least. Not making it up either. I'm glad it went smooth for you. Sounds like they also told you what was going to happen before it happened? Or at least soon after, including what they were going to give you as the anaesthetic?
Posted by 90%there on August 21, 2014, at 8:11:53
In reply to Re: Intubation and delusions » 90%there, posted by jane d on August 20, 2014, at 23:32:36
> I've heard of this in connection with stays in an intensive care unit which often includes intubation. I know one person who described something like you do after spending weeks in one (not intubated as I recall). IT sounded like a horrible experience.
True. I wasn't literally intubated for the 'whole' time but did spend the whole time in close-observation intensive care. I remember them putting some sort of disc with a popper on my neck from time to time so I could talk. I guess this blocked the tube hole. Problem is when I could talk I could voice my worries and I must have sounded totally loopy.
Posted by 90%there on August 21, 2014, at 9:27:40
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions » Phillipa, posted by 90%there on August 21, 2014, at 3:01:01
Lets not forget that they took me off 2 antidepressants at once! A full MAOI & 450mg bupropion. Took me off amitryptyline 100mg/night too but gave me back 50mg/night when I couldn't handle zopiclone which gave me throbbing headaches too. Possible interaction with the MAOI? Enough possibly to give me delusions wherever I was? And they only kept the quetiapine 150mg. Hardly an anti-paranoia dose.
90%
Posted by 90%there on August 21, 2014, at 9:35:50
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions » 90%there, posted by 90%there on August 21, 2014, at 9:27:40
And also stopped all my supplements (I take a lot) including Siberian Ginseng, Ginkgo, ALCAR, ALA, EPA/DHA, citicoline, inositol, essential amino acids and 200mg caffeine all daily. More 1st coffee snapped me out of it a good 50%, quickly and lasted a few hrs.
Posted by 90%there on August 22, 2014, at 16:54:23
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions » 90%there, posted by 90%there on August 21, 2014, at 9:35:50
Like one bad night the Nurses pulled the curtains round beds as if hiding. I could hear One of the docs talking as if nobody else could hear. He went skits after a shot of adrenalin/epinephrin. Then sounded like they already kept someone 'under' for him who they bought round with more adrenalin to the Doc could beat the hell out of the. And it lasted a while coz the victim was on adrenalin too! He said something like "ok again in an hour. I want a can of Tenants Super (strong beer)". When he left another doc said "Lets get him someone else. We got and hour people!"
Not sure if it was the same victim but it all happened again. This time finished with the sound of a body bag zip. Strangely, The adrenalin started to make his voice lighter then he crashed. Suddenly becoming all sympathetic and giving resuscitation without luck. There was the sound of very quick re-organising, a big clean up. Until he and a few others voices faded away. curtains open and it was now 1st light.
OK an obviously delusion right? Couldn't see so my mind created its own reasoning? Hope so. But get this. And here's the worst part. The guy in the bed to my right was having the same delusions as me! "He can't do that! This aint right! Nurse!" All he got as a reply was SSHHH. I even said at one point "shut up or you'll get us killed!". I was also given heaps of BP meds (beta blockers?), made me really cold.then the Nurse said quietly "I'm gonna give you some ...(forgot drug name) which will reverse the BP meds. During this, esp when I was panicking she also said 3 things to me. Forgot 1 of them but the other 2 were " can you make yourself look fast asleep?". I said yes. The 3rd craziest question was "can/could you kill someone with a slingshot and a pound coin. After a pause I said yes. Were these some kind of affirmations or hypnosis to calm me down? Can you 'catch' or 'pass on/share a delusion? And anyone know if the voice changes when pumped up on adrenalin?
Sorry for yet another crazy txt but I gotta put it somewhere. A notebook aint gonna work.
Posted by 90%there on August 22, 2014, at 17:09:30
In reply to Still 1 or 2 things that seem too real..., posted by 90%there on August 22, 2014, at 16:54:23
And that was my last night in that Ward. I was then taken to my own private bed space. Sectioned of by walls n blacked out windows. Felt fine and pretty normal during my 2 nights in there before discharge. Come to think of it I'm not totally sure of the name of the ward I started in, but the last bed I was taken to was a holding place for people waiting to go to Intensive Care.
Posted by 90%there on August 23, 2014, at 16:52:07
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions, posted by alexandra_k on August 20, 2014, at 14:53:40
> i think memories recede a bit with time. my past experiences seem... dreamlike now. i wouldn't have a hope in separating out dreaming from waking from delusion from reality...
>
> there was something... they thought it was an anasthetic. i forget what it is called... they used it as an anasthetic anyway. and some of the patients, upon waking, said that they could hear what was going on in the operating theatre... i think they may have even said that they were suffering horrible horrible pain... but they were paralyzed.
>
> and of course the docs told them not to be silly or somesuch.
>
> until (fairly sure i'm remembering this correctly) a doctor needed surgery and when he said that it paralyzed him rather than anesthetising him... they believed him.
>
> power, eh.Do you think you could maybe find that source of info again? And as many details as possible? Name of drug, name of doc, date and references would be great! Somethings just not quite right. As I have been told by solicitors when I was thinking of complaining about the treatment I got 1st time I was intubated, they never destroy CCTV. Think about it. If it was found that they had destroyed such footage, questions would start to get asked.
Within the last two days before discharge, I asked what happened to the guy intubated in the bed to my right. I'll call him David for now (not his real name). Nobody knew, but I think alcohol put him there so maybe he went onto IC ward,or was sent to detox or rehab. I wanna find him & visit him for a quick chat...
Posted by alexandra_k on August 25, 2014, at 21:09:51
In reply to Re: Intubation and delisions » alexandra_k, posted by 90%there on August 23, 2014, at 16:52:07
Posted by Zyprexa on August 28, 2014, at 5:18:19
In reply to Intubation and delisions, posted by 90%there on August 18, 2014, at 18:40:37
I had a similar experience in the mental hospital. The delusions and all.
I spent most of the time during my first 3 month stay, in a dream like state. Could not get out of it as much as I wanted to. Don't know if it was the drugs they were giving me or the ECTs or just my mental state, or maybe all of it?
I spent most of the time in a bed in a room having demented dreams, delusional, catatonic, and unable to wake up. I would dream of the people I knew in the past as if they were there and I could not talk to them. I was very depressed. I still don't know how much of this has anything to do with reality or if I dreamed it all. I know people came to visit me in the hospital, just not sure who, or if it was the people in my dreams. I did ocasionaly wake up, although it seemed to happen once in a million years. I still could not get out of bed. I do remember hearing the nurses going into the room next to mine all the time, and it sounded as if they were torturing the guy next door the screams and they would drag him out into the hall atacking each other with pillows. That is one thing I belive was real. I don't remember much of this 3 month stay, but it was scary, like being in a dungion or torture chamber locked in a room on all types of drugs that must have been putting me to sleep. I only remember being out of the room a few times, which seemed sureal. I once remember eating in the luch room where there were all these people who seems sort of like zombies. Just out of it and hunched over eating. No one talking. Don't remember the food. Another time I remember playing chess with an older guy who I don't remember much about. Another time I was in the smoking room and some guy smoked a joint with me. There was a realy weird memory or being in the the OR where they had the metal cage on my head with gooey stuff. I vagely remember anouther guy who was well built taking me to the gym. And one time my parents and brother came and visited me in bed and gave me a nintendo hand held device. I don't remember what was talked about. I know dad brought me cigs one time, because I could not buy them myself. I was greatfull. Even though I know he didn't belive in them. The rest was a dream. I dreamt that I was in a time warp where I had tunal vision. A cloudy tornado shaped tunal into the sky. I think I also dreamed that they had my head programed with a chip in it and they were always hooking it up to a computer. Idreamed that often. I know I was given ECTs there but have no memorys of this. Anouther time I went out of the room in the middle of the night and went to the front desk where the nurses were eating chines food and gave me a bite. I think I still dream of this hospital stay some times, when I have realy psychotic dreams. Like I had yesterday. I dreamed I was dreaming and holucinating in the dream, it was a very alter reality.
Anyways that was my first stay.
I have no memory of leaving the hospital, or how I eventualy got out. It was like prison in hell.
My second hospital stay, different hospital, was more rememberable. Not sure why I remembered things better in the second hospital. Still was like prison and not much fun. But there were a few fun moments. Like when I played a trick on the cute nurse, when I was in the bathroom there was a string to pull for assistance. And I pulled it she came in and looked at me then left. Also they had a pool table which I played a lot. And a smokers room where I bumed cigs off the new guy who was always visiting some one there . I thought that his cigs had crack in them for some reason. Don't know if it was true or just all the meds they had me on in the hospital. One time I even escaped the locked in ward, by going through a laberenth of doors I got out to the outer hallway and walked past the kitchen and out to an open door to the out doors. I said I was free, but then got scared and went back into the mental ward. I do remember getting the ECTs at this hospital. They would rush in the bed room at like 6 am and put me on a gurny and rush me to the OR where they always put a needle in my wrist which would knock me out and then I would wake up in a recovery room with lots of other people on gurnys, kind of passed out and out of it or just plain asleep. Never knew what drugs they were giving me in either hospital. They would come around with a cart with little paper cups full of meds and tell to to take it. Wish I knew what they were giving me. Just know the drugs had a weird sensation after taking them. Hard to explain but maybe like I was on acid or something and sort of in a different head space, different reality . I don't know but it was weird! Aparently I meet with people who I knew on the outside as patients in each hospital stay, but have no recolection of meeting them. It was two girls I knew. I do remember atleast once calling my I think she was an exgirlfriend at the time from the pay phone in the ward. Can't remember any of the conversation. I do remember that the food was good in this hospital. It was sort of like what they gave you on the airplane in the old days when they actualy gave you meals. Once again I don't know what happened to get let out of this hospital. But I was not the same person when I left. I was very spacy and thought blocking supposidly, but the truth is I just could not think of anything. My brain was literaly dead. I'm asuming from all the ECTs they gave me. I remember have atleast 1 ECT every 1-3 days for an entire month. I was not functional at all. I scared people who did not know me like the atendant at the gas station who told me to get out of her store. Not sure what I did to deserve that? I was just looking at the cigs. I was with my dad. Not sure if I was on any meds at this time. I was in the midst of a move from Canada to the USA. When I got to the US they tried me on many different meds that did nothing to fix my psychosis. I was delusional every time I went out of the house to the doctors. I though all the drivers of all the other cars on the road were looking at me and thinking things about it. It was like a parade of hell, made me very anxious and paranoid. Didn't even talk to the doctor when I got there. He had to talk to my parents just to get any info. Eventualy he tried me on free samples of zyprexa. Well that was the end of all the hell. I was normal and eating again. Started working and getting out of the house and making friends. Well I've been on that drug ever since and and my life is sort of normal again. Thank god for zyprexa. Been on that since '98.
So that is my story.
Posted by Phillipa on August 28, 2014, at 20:13:35
In reply to Mental hospital and delisions, posted by Zyprexa on August 28, 2014, at 5:18:19
That is so horrible I just can't imagine. Poor zyprexa. So glad you found a med which works for you now. Hearing your story makes me wonder how some of the patients I cared for felt and hope I helped ease some of their fear with listening to them Phillipa
Posted by Zyprexa on August 29, 2014, at 6:11:02
In reply to Re: Mental hospital and delisions » Zyprexa, posted by Phillipa on August 28, 2014, at 20:13:35
Know what the realy sad thing is? The doctor I saw first prescribed zyprexa, before I ended up in the mental hospital. Only problem was I was in the US then and didn't have health insurance, so I went back to canada, where they didn't have zyprexa back then. So I had to go through all that with meds like risperdal that didn't work and I ended up in the hospital. Till I moved back to the US and got health insurance.
Posted by 90%there on August 29, 2014, at 15:53:14
In reply to Mental hospital and delisions, posted by Zyprexa on August 28, 2014, at 5:18:19
> I had a similar experience in the mental hospital. The delusions and all.
>
> I spent most of the time during my first 3 month stay, in a dream like state. Could not get out of it as much as I wanted to. Don't know if it was the drugs they were giving me or the ECTs or just my mental state, or maybe all of it?
>
> I spent most of the time in a bed in a room having demented dreams, delusional, catatonic, and unable to wake up. I would dream of the people I knew in the past as if they were there and I could not talk to them. I was very depressed. I still don't know how much of this has anything to do with reality or if I dreamed it all. I know people came to visit me in the hospital, just not sure who, or if it was the people in my dreams. I did ocasionaly wake up, although it seemed to happen once in a million years. I still could not get out of bed. I do remember hearing the nurses going into the room next to mine all the time, and it sounded as if they were torturing the guy next door the screams and they would drag him out into the hall atacking each other with pillows. That is one thing I belive was real. I don't remember much of this 3 month stay, but it was scary, like being in a dungion or torture chamber locked in a room on all types of drugs that must have been putting me to sleep. I only remember being out of the room a few times, which seemed sureal. I once remember eating in the luch room where there were all these people who seems sort of like zombies. Just out of it and hunched over eating. No one talking. Don't remember the food. Another time I remember playing chess with an older guy who I don't remember much about. Another time I was in the smoking room and some guy smoked a joint with me. There was a realy weird memory or being in the the OR where they had the metal cage on my head with gooey stuff. I vagely remember anouther guy who was well built taking me to the gym. And one time my parents and brother came and visited me in bed and gave me a nintendo hand held device. I don't remember what was talked about. I know dad brought me cigs one time, because I could not buy them myself. I was greatfull. Even though I know he didn't belive in them. The rest was a dream. I dreamt that I was in a time warp where I had tunal vision. A cloudy tornado shaped tunal into the sky. I think I also dreamed that they had my head programed with a chip in it and they were always hooking it up to a computer. Idreamed that often. I know I was given ECTs there but have no memorys of this. Anouther time I went out of the room in the middle of the night and went to the front desk where the nurses were eating chines food and gave me a bite. I think I still dream of this hospital stay some times, when I have realy psychotic dreams. Like I had yesterday. I dreamed I was dreaming and holucinating in the dream, it was a very alter reality.
>
> Anyways that was my first stay.
>
> I have no memory of leaving the hospital, or how I eventualy got out. It was like prison in hell.
>
> My second hospital stay, different hospital, was more rememberable. Not sure why I remembered things better in the second hospital. Still was like prison and not much fun. But there were a few fun moments. Like when I played a trick on the cute nurse, when I was in the bathroom there was a string to pull for assistance. And I pulled it she came in and looked at me then left. Also they had a pool table which I played a lot. And a smokers room where I bumed cigs off the new guy who was always visiting some one there . I thought that his cigs had crack in them for some reason. Don't know if it was true or just all the meds they had me on in the hospital. One time I even escaped the locked in ward, by going through a laberenth of doors I got out to the outer hallway and walked past the kitchen and out to an open door to the out doors. I said I was free, but then got scared and went back into the mental ward. I do remember getting the ECTs at this hospital. They would rush in the bed room at like 6 am and put me on a gurny and rush me to the OR where they always put a needle in my wrist which would knock me out and then I would wake up in a recovery room with lots of other people on gurnys, kind of passed out and out of it or just plain asleep. Never knew what drugs they were giving me in either hospital. They would come around with a cart with little paper cups full of meds and tell to to take it. Wish I knew what they were giving me. Just know the drugs had a weird sensation after taking them. Hard to explain but maybe like I was on acid or something and sort of in a different head space, different reality . I don't know but it was weird! Aparently I meet with people who I knew on the outside as patients in each hospital stay, but have no recolection of meeting them. It was two girls I knew. I do remember atleast once calling my I think she was an exgirlfriend at the time from the pay phone in the ward. Can't remember any of the conversation. I do remember that the food was good in this hospital. It was sort of like what they gave you on the airplane in the old days when they actualy gave you meals. Once again I don't know what happened to get let out of this hospital. But I was not the same person when I left. I was very spacy and thought blocking supposidly, but the truth is I just could not think of anything. My brain was literaly dead. I'm asuming from all the ECTs they gave me. I remember have atleast 1 ECT every 1-3 days for an entire month. I was not functional at all. I scared people who did not know me like the atendant at the gas station who told me to get out of her store. Not sure what I did to deserve that? I was just looking at the cigs. I was with my dad. Not sure if I was on any meds at this time. I was in the midst of a move from Canada to the USA. When I got to the US they tried me on many different meds that did nothing to fix my psychosis. I was delusional every time I went out of the house to the doctors. I though all the drivers of all the other cars on the road were looking at me and thinking things about it. It was like a parade of hell, made me very anxious and paranoid. Didn't even talk to the doctor when I got there. He had to talk to my parents just to get any info. Eventualy he tried me on free samples of zyprexa. Well that was the end of all the hell. I was normal and eating again. Started working and getting out of the house and making friends. Well I've been on that drug ever since and and my life is sort of normal again. Thank god for zyprexa. Been on that since '98.
>
> So that is my story.Wow thats a really disturbing story. But it may actually help reveal one or two things. 1 being that I may well too have some underlying psychotic disorder. Must find out what they had me on, if anything. And second I want to know what really happened, and possibly take them to court. No win no fee solicitors would be only too happy to help win a medical negligence claim. Or more, depending on the seriousness of it. Possibly even if the cctv footage has been wiped, which may even be illegal. I don't know so need to find out. Either way all I care about is the truth and any justice carried out if need be. I really would like to be shown that nothing out of the ordinary actually happened.
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