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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by ihatedrugs1 on August 6, 2014, at 11:08:57
In reply to day 2 deep tms, posted by johnLA on August 6, 2014, at 1:10:54
> thought i would journal my process/experience with deep tms. i hope it is not too boring...
>
> had my 2nd treatment earlier today. the doc increased the threshold or pulse intensity to 100. i really did not feel a difference in how it felt. tomorrow the plan is to go to 105 with eventually reaching 120. that is the therapeutic level.
>
> this time i brought a mouth guard so i really did look like bronco nagurski. :) it helped with my teeth clattering. again no post headache or even pain during the procedure. just the anticipatory angst again with waiting for the 4 second pulse. after a few minutes i was fine and thinking about what i was going to have for dinner.
>
> feeling calm and a bit tired again, in a good way. same as last night. basically zero ruminations.
>
> went out to a nice dinner with a good friend and then had a good long visit back home.
>
> i feel good. i will take that for sure right now. doc said some people get some response with the first one after i said probably just a placebo.
>
> didn't get to the beach. that kind of bummed me out. would have shown some tangible movement.
>
> i did get out of the house during the day to run some errands. = good.
>
> still listening to music and feeling it. even sang to some old school madonna while driving in the car i am a little ashamed to say. i rolled-up the windows just in case. lol
>
> i'm hoping/praying/wishing this keeps going...
>
> johnWhen I did rTMS, I remember the first changes I felt were enjoying music again and waking up without a sense of doom. That was around the three week mark. I also thought it was placebo effect but things kept on improving as days progressed, like wanting to run errands and go to social events.
Keep us posted!
ihatedrugs
Posted by Hugh on August 6, 2014, at 15:48:22
In reply to day 2 deep tms, posted by johnLA on August 6, 2014, at 1:10:54
> thought i would journal my process/experience with deep tms. i hope it is not too boring...
Not at all. I'm sure many Babblers are interested in trying Deep TMS.
There was already the Red Grange plate o' shrimp. Now there's one for Chet Baker. I was just driving with the radio on, and heard Van Morrison's When The Leaves Come Falling Down, which has the lyric:
As we're listening to Chet Baker on the beach, in the sand
When the leaves come falling down
Posted by Chris O on August 7, 2014, at 9:00:13
In reply to day 2 deep tms, posted by johnLA on August 6, 2014, at 1:10:54
Certainly not "boring," by a long shot, for me. Thanks for posting your experiences with deep TMS. I am considering trying rTMS and whatever experiences you share are helpful to me.
Chris
Posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 15:39:16
In reply to Re: day 2 deep tms » johnLA, posted by ihatedrugs1 on August 6, 2014, at 11:08:57
> When I did rTMS, I remember the first changes I felt were enjoying music again and waking up without a sense of doom. That was around the three week mark. I also thought it was placebo effect but things kept on improving as days progressed, like wanting to run errands and go to social events.
>
> Keep us posted!
> ihatedrugsthanks for the encouragement dear colleague. :)
i hope you get your insurance sorted out and you can get back to the treatment soon.
john
Posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 15:50:33
In reply to Re: day 2 deep tms » johnLA, posted by Hugh on August 6, 2014, at 15:48:22
> Not at all. I'm sure many Babblers are interested in trying Deep TMS.
>
> There was already the Red Grange plate o' shrimp. Now there's one for Chet Baker. I was just driving with the radio on, and heard Van Morrison's When The Leaves Come Falling Down, which has the lyric:
>
> As we're listening to Chet Baker on the beach, in the sand
> When the leaves come falling down
>lol hugh; i guess 'we' have a song! man hug; (((hugh))) he-he
more shrimp to add that plate of ours. the chet baker print by claxton was taken in my beach town in 1958. and, van morrison just kicks *ss. one of my pandora stations is named 'van morrison'.
also, i really love miles and coltrane, but i was a big fan of west coast jazz. there is a famous jazz club from the 40's/50's one town over called the 'lighthouse.' chet played there many many times. it's right on the beach. and! he even went to the same jr college i did.
how many shrimp more can we add? ;)
by the way i never heard of that expression. sounds southern. i like it.
Posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 15:52:39
In reply to Re: day 2 deep tms » johnLA, posted by Chris O on August 7, 2014, at 9:00:13
> Certainly not "boring," by a long shot, for me. Thanks for posting your experiences with deep TMS. I am considering trying rTMS and whatever experiences you share are helpful to me.
>
> Christhanks too chris for the encouragement. i appreciate it. let me know if you have any specific questions. I can ask the the doc. she does regular tms as well.
Posted by Hugh on August 7, 2014, at 16:00:14
In reply to Re: day 2 deep tms » Hugh, posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 15:50:33
> by the way i never heard of that expression. sounds southern. i like it.
"Plate o' shrimp" is from Repo Man.
Posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 17:06:14
In reply to going for deep tms..., posted by johnLA on August 3, 2014, at 10:56:55
the day the music died...
had a bit of a bump yesterday/this morning. that's why i didn't post.
i think there were several factors for it, but it bummed me out to say the least.
some of the factors were dealing with the treatment itself and some were outside of the treatment...
first, i hardly slept tuesday night. i have been getting my treatments in the evening. i didn't realize it, but but maybe the activating of my brain may have been causing this. also, i quit remeron a few weeks ago. and, i have been using less klonopin. and, i had a 2 huge ice coffees from starbucks; 1 at breakfast and one at 7pm which i never do.
the day started out fine, but i got extremely tired/fatigued as the afternoon wore on. then, the depression really came back. intrusive thoughts, tried listening to some music. no go. got out for lunch, and then roughed it out until treatment time...
laying in bed for almost 4 years now i forgot about rush hour traffic. duh. add that to the list of stuff going on. also, driving down famous pch to the doc's office is right by the school that i used to teach at for so many years. i have been avoiding that area for a long time. i have a 2011 vw gti that i love. it has 9000 miles on it at almost 4 years of ownership. shows you how little i have been moving from my house.
next, my doc's assistant would be doing the treatment this time. there was just a different vibe. she is a sweetheart, but i could tell she was struggling to set-up the helmet correctly.
finally, the big one; the goal is to get to a threshold of pulses at a number of 120. my first two sessions were at 100. my doc had told me they would slowly calibrate up. besides that first day deal with the teeth and a little freaky feeling of a vibrating brain the first day, i was good to go and confident with going to 110...
well, we start and i really can feel a difference. again, it's not painful. just a strange sensation. also, my hands would tremor pretty strongly with each pulse. this made me anxious. the assistant noticed this right away and readjusted the helmet, but still i had the hand tremors and a brain that felt like it was doing the 'lindy hop' in my head. (that one was for you hugh.) i was like good god, this can't be right. then, i started getting some tremor at the base/back of my skull. basically right before each pulse. i was trying to breathe calmly and just get thru it.
then, something good happened. it was over seemingly much quicker than the first 2 treatments. i even asked the assistant did we do 18 minutes? she said 'yup.'
i asked her about the hand tremors and she said it was all fine. and, that within a few days i would acclimate and the tremors most likely would setllle down. i was not too confident to be honest with her words.
i left not feeling so great to be honest. a little beat-up; emotionally and physically.
i called my massage spa and said i need a massage tonight. i booked 2 hours. (i go about once every two months.) usually i like deep tissue massage. when i got their the girl who usually does my massages, and knows about what's going on with me could tell i was not doing so well. i asked her for the most gentle swedish massage she could give me. lol
i got home and i was just absolutely beat. took a little klonopin and fell asleep pretty quickly. 3 hours later i was up. i had slept very deeply, but not very long.
i was concerned to say the least. i was not feeling as good as i had the first 2 days...
oh yeah, the gal asked if i wanted to change the time of the treatments. i said yes, i think that would be a good idea. so, we set a time for 11am for today.
i was at starbucks having coffee and breakfast by 7am today. i sat by a fountain and read a little article about the dalai lama. the short article was about a trip the dalai lama had taken to aspen many years ago. this reporter had spent a whole week with the dalai lama taking him to meetings, lectures, dinners with celebrities, politicians, etc. but, it wasn't until the last day that the dalai lama got all excited like a child would to see something he had never seen; snow skiing. so, off went the whole entourage to a ski resort. the dalai lama gets on a lift with his robes and sandals and is fascinated at what he sees. he is even told there are people who ski with one leg. he is amazed.
they come down and go into the lodge for hot chocolate. the reporter then writes that a young waitress comes over to the dalai lama and plops right down and asks; 'what is the meaning of life?' the reporter realizes that not once during the whole week had anybody asked the dalai lama the most important question of all. there is a stunned silence from the vip entourage. the dalai lama says that is easy to answer; 'happiness.' he pauses. and then he says the hard question is not what is the meaning of life. this is easy to answer. no, the hard question is what makes happiness? money? big house? accomplishments? friends? or...he paused. 'compassion and good heart? this is a question all human beings must try and answer; what makes true happiness?' again he pauses and does not say another word. the girl stands up and says 'thank-you' and leaves to go back to work.
i started crying at friggin' starbucks. by a water fountain no less. my depression was back. and, bad.
i get home and do some things to keep my mind occupied and then head off for my 4th treatment today feleing pretty darn bad and anxious about this deep tms thing...
Posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 17:08:06
In reply to Re: day 2 deep tms » johnLA, posted by Hugh on August 7, 2014, at 16:00:14
> > by the way i never heard of that expression. sounds southern. i like it.
>
> "Plate o' shrimp" is from Repo Man.
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ToUAkEF_d4shame on me. i taught film history for god sake! :)
Posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 17:30:32
In reply to going for deep tms..., posted by johnLA on August 3, 2014, at 10:56:55
did i mention i was greek? lol
and, that the greeks supposedly invented drama. there is even a ancient/modern city in greece still named drama.
what a difference a day makes as dinah washington would sing so beautifully...
so, i get there today. 11am. less traffic, more energy from me, but still worried it's already a failure and i don't think i'll be able to stand 10 to 15 days of increasing hand tremors and brain vibrations...
the kind assistant is there again and says we will do 110 threshold again. she had spoken to the doc and said no need to rush. some people need a bit more time/sessions to work up to 120.
i am not too confident at hearing this, but i strap-up, put the ear-plugs and mouth guard in and start praying...
she counts down to the first pulse; '1...2...3' and an amazing thing happens. just as she told me and and just as the doc had told me on the first day my hands have just a slight mild 'buzz.' more importantly my brain vibrating feels good. wtf? i'm thinking she must have dialed down the threshold, but i can't talk with the mouth guard in. she says 'a lot better today. as usual with everyone else as well.' still not too confident, but after about 5 pulses i close my eyes and just enjoy the ride. it feels good. really. i laugh at myself for the drama queen that i am while treatment continues.
and, then again, just like that it's over. the calmness and good feeling i had on the first 2 treatments is back. i walk outside and the sun is up. it's a sunny day physically and emotionally all of the sudden. no euphoria, but i'm in a good mood.
i decide to go over to a bike shop and take a look around. been wanting to that for a while now. thinking i'll get back into cycling like before i got depressed. had a long cool talk with the bike mechanic 'manny.' things are normal. no intrusive thoughts.
put the radio on and 'love the one your with' is on. i can feel it again. life is gonna be ok today. i'll take it.
i go do some errands that i have been putting of.
do the dishes when i get home.
call a buddy to go hit the beach (hopefully) late this afternoon and catch some waves.
write way too long posts here on babble. lol
wild.
may need to take some remeron tonight. so what.
maybe something is happening like i thought after the first two treatments...
Posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 17:41:35
In reply to Re: day 2 deep tms » johnLA, posted by Hugh on August 7, 2014, at 16:00:14
> > by the way i never heard of that expression. sounds southern. i like it.
>
> "Plate o' shrimp" is from Repo Man.
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ToUAkEF_d4more shrimp hugh...
a lot of 'repo man' was filmed in my town...
Posted by Tomatheus on August 7, 2014, at 17:45:20
In reply to day 3 of deep tms » johnLA, posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 17:06:14
John,
It's really too bad that you seem to have hit a bump, as you said, after having received three days' worth of deep TMS treatments. I know that you wrote that the feelings of well being that you seemed to be experiencing earlier might have been part of a placebo response, but whether what you were experiencing was placebo or not, it can be frustrating when feelings of well being that emerge at the onset of treatment begin to fade away. Do you think that it could still be a matter of time before you'll start to see the true therapeutic benefits of deep TMS treatment?
I hope that your fourth day into deep TMS treatment will somehow go better than your third day went.
Tomatheus
Posted by Tomatheus on August 7, 2014, at 17:51:12
In reply to day 4 deep tms... » johnLA, posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 17:30:32
John,
Well, it looks like your fourth day into being treated with deep TMS is indeed going better than the way your third day was going. I was glad to read about your turnaround, and I hope that the good feelings that you've been experiencing will continue.
Tomatheus
Posted by Chris O on August 7, 2014, at 19:32:01
In reply to day 4 deep tms... » johnLA, posted by johnLA on August 7, 2014, at 17:30:32
Wow, John, sounds like it's a bit of a wild ride. Glad the fourth day is better than the third. It's great that you're providing detailed descriptions of your experience. I find it really helpful. I enjoyed the "shrimp speech" from "Repo Man" too. Hang in there.
Chris
Posted by Phillipa on August 7, 2014, at 20:50:27
In reply to Re: day 4 deep tms... » johnLA, posted by Chris O on August 7, 2014, at 19:32:01
Me too sounds like today was a very productive day for you. More so than in the last few years. Phillipa
Posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:16:38
In reply to Re: day 4 deep tms... » johnLA, posted by Tomatheus on August 7, 2014, at 17:51:12
> John,
>
> Well, it looks like your fourth day into being treated with deep TMS is indeed going better than the way your third day was going. I was glad to read about your turnaround, and I hope that the good feelings that you've been experiencing will continue.
>
> Tomatheusthnx for your message tomatheus. i appreciate your good words.
john
Posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:18:09
In reply to Re: day 4 deep tms... » johnLA, posted by Chris O on August 7, 2014, at 19:32:01
> Wow, John, sounds like it's a bit of a wild ride. Glad the fourth day is better than the third. It's great that you're providing detailed descriptions of your experience. I find it really helpful. I enjoyed the "shrimp speech" from "Repo Man" too. Hang in there.
>
> Chrisup and down it has been chris. thnx for your messages. i'll try to add as much shrimp as hugh allows! :)
Posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:20:38
In reply to Re: day 4 deep tms..., posted by Phillipa on August 7, 2014, at 20:50:27
> Me too sounds like today was a very productive day for you. More so than in the last few years. Phillipa
thanks phillipa. if i could only get some consistency. argh.
i realized that by friday's treatment, that that was the first time in 4 years that i had done anything 5 days in a row since i stopped teaching. wild.
Posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:29:46
In reply to going for deep tms..., posted by johnLA on August 3, 2014, at 10:56:55
day 5 was this past friday.
i had the treatment done at 6pm. it was difficult for me to get down there to get it done. i was exhausted by the afternoon. really had to push myself to get there.
as i mentioned in the previous post to phillipa i realized this is the first time in over 4 years that i have done anything 5 days straight. lol
i was a teacher for 28 years. rarely missed class. drove down and back the same road (pch) all those years. freaky how when you are out of the loop for as long as i have how different the world looks. i looked at all the commuters and said where the hell is everyone going/coming from?
anyway, deep tms #5 we got to a threshold of 115. just like the doc said i would have no problem. she was right. not head problems or hand tremors. just a good vibration of the brain.
felt a little disappointed to be honest. i didn't have a 'feel good' mood like the other times.
i for sure feel more of a response in the am when we do the treatments in the morning, so we switched to am appointments for all of next week.
she warned me that i may have a 'dip' in mood over the weekend...
Posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:34:40
In reply to going for deep tms..., posted by johnLA on August 3, 2014, at 10:56:55
just dreadful...
barely left my bed. literally.
amazing how low i can get. sunday was a bit better. had some old high school friends come visit. this got me moving at least.
could doing something 5 days in a row kick my *rs* that much? i have no idea, but i wasn't showering, shaving or eating much.
finally got it together sunday night and showered, shaved and got a bite to eat.
also, i thought we were going for just 10 treatments and then maintenance. everything i read said most initial courses were 15 to 20. then a taper. i was confused and thinking this is just gonna be another failure...
Posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:37:01
In reply to weekend :(, posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:34:40
forgot to mention;
the doc on friday said it's up and down the first few weeks and to expect that.
she is confident she'll get me better. wish i could truly believe her...
i can only hope.
Posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:54:24
In reply to oh yeah; patience!, posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:37:01
listening to 'green onions' live by tom petty right now...
went in for my 6th treatment today. we hit the therapeutic threshold of '120.' um, can you turn it up to 11? (hugh?)
feel pretty good. listening to some music. went out for coffee with my niece from greece. yeah, that rhymes.
did a few errands.
off to dinner later with a buddy.
i also found-out today that we will be doing a full course of 20 treatments. i was so very glad to hear this. something is definitely happening. the tech today said that generally the 'good feeling' will last longer and longer as we get deeper into treatment. again, i can only hope.
'120' wasn't bad at all. it is actually a little pleasurable. not exactly tickling the brain, but the brain, which feels like it's vibrating feels like it is being massaged or activated. hard to explain.
i am glad we are at full therapeutic level now. i wonder if they go higher? i'll have to ask on that.
not sure i will report here every day, but if you have any questions just let me know.
as usual, godspeed good health to all of us.
john
ps dire straits on right now playing 'walk of life'...'here come johnny singing oldies goldies...' synchronicity perhaps? ;)
Posted by Twinleaf on August 11, 2014, at 18:59:01
In reply to oh yeah; patience!, posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:37:01
I know what you are doing is so new that you can't really compare it to anything else, but I wanted to give you hope. I had 20 rTMS treatments before I began to emerge out of severe depression, and I have had a total of 150-200 treatments over the last seven years - all the later ones for maintenance. I am really in remission now, finally, but it took a long tme. I do hope it goes a lot faster for you!
I,too, really appreciate your daily reports. They are tremendously helpful and informative.
Posted by Chris O on August 11, 2014, at 21:50:57
In reply to weekend :(, posted by johnLA on August 11, 2014, at 18:34:40
Hang in there, John! What a bloody hell depression and anxiety are. I'm sure we don't have exactly the same symptoms, but I understand what you're saying about not being able to get out of bed. I feel that way on many days; just no energy and a knowledge that I cannot engage meaningfully in the world of human relationships, a feeling of no "agency." I really hope deep TMS works some more wonders for you, like it did the first few times.
Chris
Posted by johnLA on August 12, 2014, at 15:11:59
In reply to Re: oh yeah; patience! » johnLA, posted by Twinleaf on August 11, 2014, at 18:59:01
> I know what you are doing is so new that you can't really compare it to anything else, but I wanted to give you hope. I had 20 rTMS treatments before I began to emerge out of severe depression, and I have had a total of 150-200 treatments over the last seven years - all the later ones for maintenance. I am really in remission now, finally, but it took a long tme. I do hope it goes a lot faster for you!
>
> I,too, really appreciate your daily reports. They are tremendously helpful and informative.
>
>
thanks you so very much twinleaf. i can't tell you how happy i am to hear that tms works for you.hope is an amazing part of being human. and, a good sword against depression.
thnx again for the gift.
john
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