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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Beckett on April 25, 2014, at 17:46:28
I am terrified of another depression. I have more slow days. My brain doesn't work. Think of Monty Python's Gumbys--my brain hurts. What hurts is that there are things I would love to do--raise my child, my art. But I can't, which seems absurd, but there it is. There are two speeds, a painful, pressured go, and slug slow. My brain doesn't work, and the body is lethargic. I can't think, and to look at colors,one of the greatest pleasures, hurts. It all hurts right now, thinking of what I would like to do, and all the things I have missed out on, all the things that I won't have done because I am getting older and can't kid myself that I will be magically 'better'. My house is a wreck, a real wreck, and my husband, more than ever increasingly takes more on. Last time, I managed to do the basics but not this time. I don't care enough to get things done, and I feel very ashamed. Because of my experience, I believe medication holds little hope. I hate the way antidepressants make me feel and cycle. Yet it's been a number of years since I have tried them, and I guess they might be in my future if things don't eventually improve. I have tried nearly every anticonvulsant used, including now the gold standard lamictal. I know this sounds like self-pity, and it is. I don't know how I will stand it if I continue to go down further.
Posted by phidippus on April 25, 2014, at 19:18:05
In reply to To stand it, posted by Beckett on April 25, 2014, at 17:46:28
What have you been on? What are you on?
Eric
Posted by Phillipa on April 25, 2014, at 22:08:41
In reply to To stand it, posted by Beckett on April 25, 2014, at 17:46:28
Beckett have you been on trileptal? As for ad's which ones have you been on and did you go off them because of Bipolar II or a remission? Phillipa
Posted by klein on April 27, 2014, at 9:29:26
In reply to To stand it, posted by Beckett on April 25, 2014, at 17:46:28
> I am terrified of another depression. I have more slow days. My brain doesn't work. Think of Monty Python's Gumbys--my brain hurts. What hurts is that there are things I would love to do--raise my child, my art. But I can't, which seems absurd, but there it is. There are two speeds, a painful, pressured go, and slug slow. My brain doesn't work, and the body is lethargic. I can't think, and to look at colors,one of the greatest pleasures, hurts. It all hurts right now, thinking of what I would like to do, and all the things I have missed out on, all the things that I won't have done because I am getting older and can't kid myself that I will be magically 'better'. My house is a wreck, a real wreck, and my husband, more than ever increasingly takes more on. Last time, I managed to do the basics but not this time. I don't care enough to get things done, and I feel very ashamed. Because of my experience, I believe medication holds little hope. I hate the way antidepressants make me feel and cycle. Yet it's been a number of years since I have tried them, and I guess they might be in my future if things don't eventually improve. I have tried nearly every anticonvulsant used, including now the gold standard lamictal. I know this sounds like self-pity, and it is. I don't know how I will stand it if I continue to go down further.
Hi Beckett,
This might be a faux pas because I don't know you. Have you ever done therapy? Or have you considered it?
Sounds like some of your symptoms can be treated chemically. The fact that, say, Lamictal didn't work the last time doesn't mean it couldn't work now cos our brain chemistry changes over time.
But I get the feeling that, based on some of the stuff you're saying, some form of therapy could really help you. If you need help in this area, please let me know.
Be well.
Posted by Beckett on April 27, 2014, at 16:34:36
In reply to Re: To stand it » Beckett, posted by klein on April 27, 2014, at 9:29:26
Hi Klein,
No faux pas. We don't know each other. I am in weekly therapy, but I need more frequent sessions. Further, while my therapist is a wonderful person, I am not sure if our therapy is that effective.
I am currently on lamictal, and between that and lithium, there is some sort of floor. At least I do not have thoughts of death. I am desperate enough to try an antidepressant but find it difficult to rally.
Thank you for your support-- it is much appreciated.
Posted by klein on April 27, 2014, at 17:35:12
In reply to Re: To stand it, posted by Beckett on April 27, 2014, at 16:34:36
> Hi Klein,
>
> No faux pas. We don't know each other. I am in weekly therapy, but I need more frequent sessions. Further, while my therapist is a wonderful person, I am not sure if our therapy is that effective.
>
> I am currently on lamictal, and between that and lithium, there is some sort of floor. At least I do not have thoughts of death. I am desperate enough to try an antidepressant but find it difficult to rally.
>
> Thank you for your support-- it is much appreciated.Thanks, Beckett :)
So what kind of therapy are you doing? CBT? Talk therapy?
Finding the specific type of therapy you need can be difficult but, like meds, hunting around til you find it is usually worth it.
k
Posted by Beckett on April 27, 2014, at 22:18:41
In reply to Re: To stand it » Beckett, posted by klein on April 27, 2014, at 17:35:12
Hi Klein,
talk therapy. A cbt/dbt hybrid would be be great in conjunction. Had that once (not around here). Spoiled me. You're right. It behooves me to seek something more. What treatments have you found helpful yourself?
Posted by klein on April 28, 2014, at 9:43:44
In reply to Re: To stand it, posted by Beckett on April 27, 2014, at 22:18:41
> Hi Klein,
>
> talk therapy. A cbt/dbt hybrid would be be great in conjunction. Had that once (not around here). Spoiled me. You're right. It behooves me to seek something more. What treatments have you found helpful yourself?Hi Beckett :)
During the past several years I've done quite a few different types of therapy. Talk therapy (psychonalysis, analytical and counseling), DBT and CBT. They were all very helpful in their own way and well worth it. Fortunately where I live therapy is quite inexpensive and accessible, and I even get a bit of copay from my insurance.
My official DX is MDD with some PTSD / GAD and schizoid traits (the schizoid part is very debatable, I suspect that these schizoid traits are a result of the MDD itself as I didn't have them back when I felt mentally sound). I eventually had to apply for disability, which, though helpful, makes me feel even more helpless and unhappy - but then, my overall condition was severe enough to warrant it.
Thanks to therapy and meds, my core symptoms are pretty much under control now, so I'm supposed to start CBT sometime next month to address lack of motivation and feeling "stuck". I want to re-engage with my career -and life in general- but after so many years I can't bring myself to actually do it =/ CBT should help. I did pure CBT 10 years ago for anxiety and it helped immensely; I've applied the techniques I learned back then ever since. However, I'm falling a bit short now, so I'm going back.
Anyway, combined talk therapy + cbt/dbt sounds great. Were you seeing one person who specialized in all three, or were you seeing different therapists simultaneously?
There are several studies which show that CBT "bibliotherapy" (self help books) can be as effective as actually attending formal CBT therapy. I haven't seen any studies re: DBT, but I'm guessing there's a chance the same holds true. You need the right books of course, a lot of them are fluff, but some of them are very very good. I can provide you a short list if you're interested.
Have you ever tried proper counseling? If I may give you a bit of feedback, based on your posts, I think that it could be very helpful for you, especially if you combine it with C/DBT sessions or bibliotherapy.HTH, kind regards
Posted by kirkglen on April 28, 2014, at 11:21:47
In reply to To stand it, posted by Beckett on April 25, 2014, at 17:46:28
Beckett
I'm not a big backer of official CBT. My wife was awesome at listening and advising me. It was like if I had someone I felt that cared I was much better. Once she had to leave for other things I wanted more and more. If I could have had CBT 24 hrs. a day maybe it would help. Besides counseling depleted the bank acct. rapidly. I think most of us are like a leech. We don't want to let go.
Anyway I've been to hell and tried to get out with every AD on the market.
I finally found Nardil and within 6 weeks I was better than I was prior to falling into the black hole. If you haven't tried Nardil at least consider it. Do your homework as the side effects listed will scare the hell out of you. It's been a lifesaver for 100's of thousands during it's existence.
Posted by Chris O on May 1, 2014, at 21:35:14
In reply to To stand it, posted by Beckett on April 25, 2014, at 17:46:28
Beckett:
To me, what you just wrote does not sound like self-pity at all. You sound like a survivor, a very strong person, someone who has endured too much for too long. I could have written the exact same paragraph you did, especially the part about feeling ashamed. I am a 48-year-old man, and my wife does most of the important money making duties for us. It wouldn't hurt so much for me if it was a choice, but it's not. I am simply too dysfunctional to function in the work world for more than small moments at a time. Worst of all for me is the fact that I want to do so much more, but that this depression and anxiety cripple even my ability to perceive reality correctly. I stand with you in empathy and hope that someday we can find a treatment that makes this nightmare go away. God knows we deserve it.
Chris
Posted by Beckett on May 3, 2014, at 0:52:07
In reply to Re: To stand it, posted by kirkglen on April 28, 2014, at 11:21:47
I know what you mean. My spouse has been and is my lifeline. Official CBT can be pretty dry, IMO. I was spoiled by having a very good psychologist. But that was on the other coast.
That you responded so well to Nardil is great news! I am glad to hear about your success. May I ask, does Nardil cause you any insomnia? My understanding is that is part and parcel with the MAOI's. It was my experience on Emsam. My normal difficulty sleeping really ramped up.
Posted by Beckett on May 3, 2014, at 1:03:42
In reply to Re: To stand it » Beckett, posted by Chris O on May 1, 2014, at 21:35:14
Hi Chris,
Did you experience anxiety as a child, teen, or young adult? I think chronic anxiety is an undermining experience. It my case, I felt like as time when on, I acquired additional anxiety disorders. First identified was social phobia (what they called it then), then a chronic ptsd was diagnosed, and most recently, GAD. I can understand why GAD might ultimately follow a f*cked-up upbringing. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop! Plus it is tougher to get up after a depression when anxiety is present, and I think anxiety can lead to depression. The two feed off each other--it's circular, at least in my case.
Yes, we deserve successful treatment!
Posted by kirkglen on May 3, 2014, at 10:10:15
In reply to Re: To stand it » kirkglen, posted by Beckett on May 3, 2014, at 0:52:07
I take 60mg Nardil when I awaken. It wasn't doing the job as it had 30yrs. ago and it was interrupting my sleep.
I started using 1mg Klonipin at bedtime. This really helps with the sleep.
While the old Nardil use to handle depression/anxiety it won't do it for me anymore. With the Klonipin I get a pretty good response, not perfect but at least I dream of tomorrow instead of dreading it.
The stats I've read are a 50% chance an AD will help, while you have a 75% with Nardil.
It really irritates me that the pharms will not further study the MAOI's. 30yrs. ago I cannot even explain what Nardil did for me. If you haven't tried it you may respond very well. Those of us that took the old formula have a problem getting that "beautiful" feeling with the present
formula.All I can promise you is with the Nardil/Klonipin mix I'm ok.
Posted by Chris O on May 3, 2014, at 17:30:11
In reply to Re: To stand it » Chris O, posted by Beckett on May 3, 2014, at 1:03:42
Hi, Beckett:
Yes, I experienced anxiety as a child, teen, young adult. I'm a "lifer." My mother was/is a real mess. Simultaneously hyper controlling, paranoid, and anxious at the same time. No one ever called her on it. No one ever "rescued" me. She was all I had growing up and it twisted my brain into knots. I spend my time trying to unlearn everything I learned growing up now. It will be an ongoing process until the day I die.
I know that I have some combination of GAD, PTSD, OCD, social phobia, depression, and paranoia. But it is all very physical feeling to me, like a box around my being. (I would call that box my mother's essence, if I had to name it.) When an antidepressant works and those physical symptoms are gone, all of my mental masturbation disappears as well. I'm pretty certain if an antidepressant or combination worked well for me, I would be more highly functioning than some of my "normal" peers. It's quite frustrating, really. The humiliation is unending. But I'm still here, and continue to hold out hope for better days ahead.
Chris
Posted by Beckett on May 7, 2014, at 2:45:58
In reply to Re: To stand it » Beckett, posted by Chris O on May 3, 2014, at 17:30:11
GAD is debilitating. Right now mine is in a sort of remission. I think lamictal combined with lithium helps me. I also take Lyrica, and that helps my GAD immensely. Unfortunately I have some troubling side effects. Have you tried Lyrica? It is approved for GAD in Europe.
If you do have OCD, that should be treated by a specialist because from my understanding it is difficult to treat.
All I can say is worry and endless rumination really s*cks.
Posted by kirkglen on May 9, 2014, at 10:25:02
In reply to Re: To stand it » Chris O, posted by Beckett on May 7, 2014, at 2:45:58
chipur.com/the-future-of-overcoming-depression-glyx-13
If you haven't read on glyx-13 take the time to look into it.
It gives me hope that research is looking at new methods of treatment.
Posted by Beckett on May 13, 2014, at 23:21:24
In reply to Re: To stand it, posted by kirkglen on May 9, 2014, at 10:25:02
Thank you, I will.
This is the end of the thread.
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