![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 40. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 3, 2013, at 6:14:43
So it seems Parnate is really bad for me. It makes me super jumpy and on edge.
Can you see how much it pisses me off, that there is nothing consistent in my life? Take that medicine, feel like that.. have that diagnosis. Then it changes to something completely different?
Then this diagnosis, those meds..
I need all this to come to an end. Seriously.
I dont know how much more i can take. I feel like some serious sh*t, im in jail without being in jail.Some therapists are crazy house, too. One told me basically to leave society. I dont trust him anymore. I dont really trust in alot of things anymore at all. Except my father, that i had attacked while whatever Mental Illness it was that this suuper duper idea to take Nardil gave me. Im not diagnosing myself anymore here. Its bad enough that other people diagnose me with temporary illnesses. Theres nothing consistent. Thats why i just want to run away.
How about i just got a humongous crack from my parents divorce and i proceeded into a really bad vicious circle after that, that includes but is not limited to mental illnesses? That would be something to hold onto, because it is permanently true.
CAN SOMEBODY PRESS THE NORMAL BUTTON? Id be really thankful. Nardil did alot of things, but it sure as hell wasnt anything that fixed me.
How do you want to fix a crack in the head like i have that clearly stems from divorce?
I just suffer from that. All the time and whatever Psychiatry currently thinks my Diagnosis is. Only consitent thing.
I would do anything in the world to get out of this vicious circle, i just dont know how and im not sure who is going to give me the ultimate answer.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 3, 2013, at 6:18:09
In reply to Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 3, 2013, at 6:14:43
Im just really f*ck*d up. Thats what im getting out of the diagnositc jungle. I can assure you that this is true. Of the other crap, i dont know anything about it and i will NEVER diagnose myself again. I will just describe how f*ck*d up i am with words i know the meaning of. Thats it.
Posted by SLS on August 3, 2013, at 6:39:44
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 3, 2013, at 6:18:09
> Im just really f*ck*d up.
You are not f*ck*d up.
You are ill. That's all. Simple.
Things will begin to come together automatically once your illness becomes less severe. How will that be accomplished? I don't know. However, because you are partially responsive to Seroquel, I am optimistic that you are treatable.
Don't be too resistant to your doctors should they want to have you take two antipsychotics. I have seen a combination of Seroquel and Saphris work well to prevent mania/psychosis and improve depression in someone who is diagnosed as having schizoaffective disorder. Each drug has as a unique set of properties despite having the same indication. Likewise, each person has a unique psychobiology for which different treatments will be effective.
- Scott
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 3, 2013, at 6:46:11
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me » Lamdage22, posted by SLS on August 3, 2013, at 6:39:44
I am not f*ck*d up? Thats nice. Do you actually believe that?
Man.. i never had ANYTHING to do with this before i took a drug that was supposed to help me and that a person of trust prescribed to me.
Now im in the game of playing god with my neurotransmitters. I honestly never wanted to get into it.
I have no choice but to do something i find wrong.It is sick. And there are alot of non-psychotic non-labeled people, that will tell you this. But the Dr just sees the world in People that already have been in his hospital and those that will be in the future.
Thats not insane at all?
I think i should stay the hell away from this forum for one.
Posted by SLS on August 3, 2013, at 7:18:36
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 3, 2013, at 6:46:11
> I am not f*ck*d up? Thats nice. Do you actually believe that?
Perhaps we have a misunderstanding.
How do you define the term f*ck*d up?
> Thats not insane at all?
We both know that "insanity" is a term that exists for the benefit of lawyers. Personally, I avoid the word and wouldn't know how to define it.
> I think i should stay the hell away from this forum for one.
Staying away from this forum might be in your best interests for now. I wouldn't know.
Perhaps it is best that you not make any major decisions right now. Your mental state is probably too labile and your outlook too changeable.
If you leave here now, you can always come back.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on August 3, 2013, at 10:02:28
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 3, 2013, at 6:46:11
Lamdage Silly me as been spelling your name lamadge so sorry for this error on my part. I am so sorry your parents got divorced. It sounds like it really hurt you. Phillipa
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 4, 2013, at 6:37:10
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me » Lamdage22, posted by Phillipa on August 3, 2013, at 10:02:28
I really dont want to be improved for the worse anymore by Psychiatry. I will restrain from pushing for changes. Especially changes toward taking more or new meds. That has led me into this anno 2010 rollercoaster of states of mind in the first place. I will, for the most part let the doctor do his job. I really dont want to stay in the hospital forever.
It remains to be seen if the 30mg of Parnate do or do not help me. I have serious doubts. It puts me in a fight or flight state of mind, way too alert and it seems to tend to put me into this extreme "im enlightened and have to save the world yesterday" state of mind. Which is really painful really.
Seroquel at 300 mgs keeps me out of undesirable states of mind and doesnt destabilize me, at least it either without antidepressants or with Effexor. So far. Dont like the Effexor too much. Id like to c*m when i have sex, more than one time a day if i want to.
It currently does not seem to be enough together with Parnate, but without it, it is.Of course no one, including myself, wants to hand me over to depression without any protection at all.
I think it may be a good idea for me to look, aside from the Seroquel that does help me, for mild alternative things to improve my state of mind and outlook. I know that Tryptophan is available here in the pharmacys. I know that in this hospital, they also sometimes use St Johns Wort although i would prefer either 5-htp or tryptophan.
I do not like the fact that Ssri type drugs kill my enjoyment in sex. I prefer substances that raise Serotonin throughout the body and the brain rather than changing neurotransmission like Ssri do.
I do not want to take an antidepressant that forces me to take anti-manics and/or higher doses of antipsychotics. To me, thats changing things for the worse.
I see that Tryptophan helps mild to medium depression and i know that there are no side effects to speak of really. I know that non-dopaminergic/adrenergic substances havent destabilized or psychoticized me in the past.
I would like to take the Seroquel/Seroquel prolong along with Tryptophan. I will ask my doctor what he thinks.
Fortunately or unfortunately, however you may see it, i get 10mg of Zyprexa tonight. But if Parnate (and it looks like it does) forces me to take more antipsychotics, then im not interested.
Thoughts?
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 4, 2013, at 7:25:06
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me » Lamdage22, posted by SLS on August 3, 2013, at 7:18:36
> How do you define the term f*ck*d up?
Emotionally and mentally damaged, without necessarily fullfilling criteria of legitimate psychiatric illness. If you think that these illnesses i have catapulted me into with harassing my dr. to give me Nardil are my only problem, you are wrong.
I had depression and anxiousness. Those where the Problems i carried to the doctor. Everything else i was diagnosed with.. they sent me home with that as an additional "gift".
I know doctors hate me for exposing how harmful their practice often is.
By f*ck*d up i mean emotionally damaged. Broken hearted, tormented. Having a wound that influences your whole life. Including the genesis of mental illness. F*ck*d up as the core of it.
> Perhaps it is best that you not make any major decisions right now. Your mental state is probably too labile and your outlook too changeable.
Scott, if i would always follow advice like this, i would be a permanent resident in the mental hospital and the doctor may call the shots for the rest of my life. You know that right?
Why do you give advice like this?
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 4, 2013, at 7:28:03
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 4, 2013, at 7:25:06
Its not my fault that Parnate causes me to be a nutcase.
I want to get off off that. Or at least to 25mg maybe instead of 30.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 4, 2013, at 7:35:32
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 4, 2013, at 7:25:06
Being labile doesnt mean you cant make ok decisions.
I made a killing on real estate pretty much in the midst of psychosis.Just saying.
Posted by Tomatheus on August 4, 2013, at 12:50:02
In reply to Psychosis or not: heres what i think now:, posted by Lamdage22 on August 4, 2013, at 6:37:10
Hi Lamdage,
I of course don't know the ins and outs of how Parnate has been affecting you, but I tend to think based on reading what you've written here as of late that your statements about feeling too alert, feeling like you're in a fight-or-flight state, and feeling as though you're enlightened and in need of saving the world while taking the medication are accurate. I think that the decision as to whether or not you should discontinue Parnate in favor of something else is one that should be between you and your doctor, and I think that it should ideally be done after both you and your doctor have carefully evaluated both the benefits you and others have noticed from the Parnate and the drawbacks that you and others have noticed from taking the medication. You've already noted some of the drawbacks that you've noticed since starting Parnate. In what ways do you think that you might be benefiting from the medication?
If a decision is ultimately made to discontinue Parnate, I think that tryptophan and 5-HTP might be among the antidepressant treatments that you'd want to consider, but I would also seek your doctor's input on how to proceed as far as the treatment of your depression is concerned. I would also probably take a look at what treatments you've responded well to in the past. You mentioned that Effexor brought on sexual side effects for you, but how was it as far as effectiveness was concerned? Might dosing be an issue? If I were in your position, I'd also want to evaluate what your depression looks like when it's untreated and the extent to which taking an antidepressant might help to reverse the symptoms you notice when you're not receiving any treatment. Might psychotherapy help? How have you responded to psychotherapy in the past?
I'm not sure that I have much specific advice to offer other than to get your doctor's input on how to proceed treatment wise and to ask yourself some questions (such as those that I posed) concerning your treatment. I do, however, tend to think that your odds of getting out of the hospital will probably be increased if you do something different than what you've been doing treatment wise. I might or might not be correct in this assessment, but I wonder about the extent to which the antidepressants that you've been taking might be doing more harm than good, and I tend to see doing something different as the most beneficial strategy to try in your situation. But as I said, I could be wrong.
As usual, I wish you the best of luck with your treatment.
T.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 4:23:55
In reply to Re: Psychosis or not: heres what i think now: » Lamdage22, posted by Tomatheus on August 4, 2013, at 12:50:02
Tomatheus, thanks, you always take alot of time to answer.
Well the Parnate really does brighten my mood.Maybe my flight of ideas and need to save the world were due to the stressors of changing hospitals.
What i certainly wont do anymore is diagnosing myself, even in my mind. I just tell the doctor about pleasant and unpleasant effects from what he prescribes. First time i came to the doc i really wanted those diagnoses of depression and social anxiety. Maybe i didnt assess myself correctly. Its bad enough other folks diagnose me as a lunatic, i wont do it myself ever again because thats not what i believe.
Who says that im a liar when im "psychotic"? Who is to say that voices dont exist? Who is to deem what reality really is? Isnt there an offchance that society is wrong in some ways, too?
I want to live in this society so i agree to treatment of what they deem undesirable or what is unpleasant to myself. But i dont agree to disencouragement and to pathologizing myself. Certainly antidepressants have some serious disadvantages for me even to the point of triggering "illnesses" i dont usually have. I really felt pretty ok on 300 Seroquel only. By the time we added antidepressants, i didnt feel it was enough though. Maybe i should lower my expectations a little.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 4:34:01
In reply to Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 3, 2013, at 6:14:43
I was even diagnosed hypochondriac about my mental health once. Maybe there is something to it.
Can you think of a better (or worse) idea for a hypochondriac than mental illness? There is no test for it, no certainty over wether or not it is really there.
So i can go on and have all the symptoms in the world. Nobody can look into my brain and tell.
Im kinda in despair.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 4:35:49
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 4:34:01
Sometimes belief in your illness is helpful. Sometimes, maybe in my case, belief in my sanity is more helpful. And more realistic.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 4:50:17
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 4:35:49
It is not helpful to me to believe in my insanity at all. And maybe, just maybe its a big hoax stemming from hypochondrism and failure of the Dr.
I already diagnosed myself with depression long before i met a dr about it.
Idk really. In a way i think we all are god, but not god himself.
I just want to investigate the idea.
Speaking of hypochondriac, i thought i had heart disease once.. i pushed my blood pressure up to 190 just out of anxiety i ate something wrong, which it turned out i didnt. 10 minutes in the hospital after speaking to the doc, BP was back to normal. If i can do circus like tricks with my BP, maybe i can do it with my mental health as well.
I think im fine really, just very stressed out and uptight.
I dont know but i do think its very possible.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:00:22
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 4:50:17
There is something about me, that just doesnt feel insane at all. I try to hold onto that as hard as i can.
How could a belief to be broken be helpful?Maybe its only partially the psychiatric systhem to blame but my hypochondrism.
That would explain alot. That would explain why i only got sicker from it. The more i researched about depression and saw myself in that, the more depressed i was. Reading on this forum didnt help that either. Maybe it was plain and simple homesickness.
So i got depressed to the point where i took Nardil. And this whole story that is well documented here started.
I never had symtoms of lunacy before that.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:02:49
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:00:22
And maybe, in my case, i can really just "snap out of it".
Im not saying i dont work with my Dr, i just keep that in the back of my head.
If this is true, the Guiness record of hypochondriac belongs to me. Lol
See i didnt loose my humour.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:07:22
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:02:49
I certainly should tell this my Dr?
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:16:21
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:07:22
Jesus christ, that would actually make sense in alot of ways.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:28:16
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:16:21
Idk whats more embarassing. Being as ill as my records suggest i am or just making most of all of this stuff up.
Id say mental health profs are probably hypochondriac magnets, just as mentally ill are psychopath magnets.
I have seen mentally ill people, i dont think im one of them, really. Thats why im so freaking angry at them, meining MH professionals. I want an illness to hide behind, i get it.
Once a nurse in the locked ward said to me, no, yelled at me: Stop hiding behind diseases that dont even exist.
She didnt mean mental illness doesnt exist, she meant that my so called mental illness doesnt exist. And all the nurses there said stuff like that to me. They didnt buy it.That would mean psychiatry is not a cult, it would just mean i have nothing to do there.. and im only harming myself because they support my hypochondrism.
Sounds about right. I am thrilled what my doctor will say. Prolly "dont admit this to anyone you mind freak" or sth. Lol
Somebody help me, i feel like an idiot.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:30:11
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:28:16
Somebody say im intelligent again. Hahaha
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:36:01
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:30:11
Should i tell him? I will certainly talk about this with family membrers first.
Posted by SLS on August 5, 2013, at 6:34:47
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me, posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 5:30:11
> Somebody say im intelligent again. Hahaha
You are intelligent again.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130730/msgs/1048151.html
You need some sort of intervention.
Tell your doctors? I think it would be in your best interests. They are not there to hurt you or take away your intelligence and creativity. You will still be able to help the world.
I really don't care if you want me to post to you or not. I find it difficult to watch you headed in the direction of psychosis without trying to make you aware of it.
It is the nature of your illness that you will be resistant to treatment. Will you tell your doctors what you are thinking and feeling? Probably not.
- Scott
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 7:57:00
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me » Lamdage22, posted by SLS on August 5, 2013, at 6:34:47
Scott, so what are you saying? Are you saying that my posts present intelligence but still are psychotic? Are you saying there is truth to it, but its still psychotic?
Just what is psychosis then? How can i have psychosis when im saying true things? I dont really know what you think of what i have written. And what exactly it is that makes you think im psychotic.
And what makes you think im intelligent or creative. Do you even think i am?
Psychosis is bad, intelligence good. Please elaborate!
I cant even really remember what i said exactly. Something about how Psychiatrists and partially society are doing harm in the world.
I think we do not quite understand eachother here. At least im unsure what to make of some of your posts.
Please elaborate.Im scared the doctor will punish me for what i think and feel during what you call psychosis.
How can i say intelligent things during psychosis. Isnt the nature of psychosis delusional and more related to extreme stupidity? And who decides whats real? Isnt that Gods job?
I want to come off Parnate, too. I dont like whats been going on at all. Especially that i need more APs than i used to. Any effect Parnate might have for mood and motivation are killed by AP anyway.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 5, 2013, at 8:05:12
In reply to Re: Parnate bad for me » Lamdage22, posted by SLS on August 5, 2013, at 6:34:47
Do you think i should tell him bout my hypochondriac theory? Think i should. Also, should i tell him what exactly i thought and said on friday? Hmmm.
I called it "flight of ideas" and "thoughts going on with or without my will". Is that enough, or tell him more.
I could tell my therapist, too. She could tell him. I trust therapists more than pdocs. Idk. I dont really remembber what i said, it was pretty outrageous and it was painful to think that way over people. Was it false? Idk. Have to read again. :S
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.