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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 12:14:49
Hi All-
I'm checking in and looking for suggestions. After (too) much hemming and hawing, I voluntarily checked into the psych ER in NYC at a well-known hospital where my psychiatrist is on staff.
BIG mistake. Too big, too crowded, and my depression and anxiety worsened by the second as I sat waiting to get "booked." I basically spent two days there, and due to the lack of normality and compassion of the staff (especially the pdocs), I begged and pleaded with my psychiatrist to give them the ok to release me. He did, under the condition that he would no longer treat me. That was SO very fine by me as he's not worth the $300 for 30 minutes I pay to see him, especially when he's in between diagnosing me (MDD w/GAD or Bipolar 2--he can't just pick one!), and has basically told me that my case is too hard to treat and he doesn't know what to do with me (which is one of the reasons I agreed to go to the hospital in the first place).
Had my experience been different, I would have been obliged to stay so that a team of experts could evaluate me and ideally make me stable. But! I was first seen by a medical student (not even a resident), and I was so irritable I basically bitched him out. (It's a teaching hospital, but I don't need to spell the word "WORLD" backwards--after a twelve hour wait--to some kid who was still getting his *ss wiped by someone else by the time depression took up a big part of me.)
When I finally met with the pdoc, who was one of the strangest people I've met (and I've been around the circus!), he pretty much accused me of "foul play." Foul play? Yes, because according to him, it didn't make sense that an ordinarily healthy 38-year old woman could have gotten so sick over the past two months (first, edema and cellulitis which came around twice, then stomach problems and urinary retention for which I was hospitalized, then hospitalization for a virus/dehydration) so therefore, Munchausen syndrome was a possibility. Naturally, this infuriated me, and he kept talking over me, asking if I'm always "this irritable" and that I'm "too med savvy." I couldn't make this character or this crap up.
I asked him to consider this: I was in a depressive episode for over a month, had edema and cellulitis two months ago which lasted a month, was hospitalized twice last week, and (sorry guys) just got a long-delayed menstrual period. Oh yeah, and I was yanked off all my psych meds abruptly because I was vomiting from the virus. Finally, after roughly 14 hours, I see him, the main attending pdoc, only to be told I'm too irritable and defensive because he mentioned Munchausen's. I asked him how he would feel. He patronized me.
I was as nice as I could be from then on, got the hell outta dodge and came back home yesterday. I put myself back on 10 mg of Lexapro (1/2 my usual dose) along with 150 mg of Trileptal and some benzos for good measure. I also got Trazadone from my internist to sleep. I also made an appointment next week with a pdoc here in NYC who offers TMS, Ketamine injections and med management, and has stellar reviews from patients.
My hospital visit added insult to injury, and I've been seriously, seriously questioning my sanity. I can't move from my bed. I can't watch t.v., I certainly can't read and I can't sleep. My legs are in excruciating pain (seems to happen when I have breakdowns). I'm so f*ck*ng depressed and sad and I honestly can't see an end in sight right now.
I know this post is insanely long, but thanks if you've read it. I don't know what to do. I'm putting all of my hope in this new pdoc next week. Any feedback is welcome. I could use some support.
Thanks,
b
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didnt understand the assignment, and I told them they didnt understand life.-John Lennon
Posted by Meatwood_Flack on January 22, 2013, at 13:13:27
In reply to Back, but still one foot in hell, posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 12:14:49
Sorry you're going through a rough time and that your reaching out to help, through your recent hospitalization, only seemed to add insult to injury. "Blaming the patient" is a common reaction of doctors to cases they are unsuccessful in treating. But it's not just doctors. Family members sometimes do it, too. Part of the reason, in either case, is frustration that progress is not being made. This doesn't excuse the behavior, but may make it a little easier to understand and to not be so hard on ourselves. Most patients know if they are compliant with treatment, which is the most you can do. So it sounds like your experience had to do more with your doctor's frustration at not being able to help you than it does your sanity, so go easy on yourself. As for the new pdoc you're seeing next week, at the very least, you'll be getting a fresh perspective on your condition, as well as treatment options. Hopefully, this will represent a turning of the corner for you so that you can, indeed, see a light at the end of the tunnel, and begin recovering.
Posted by ChicagoKat on January 22, 2013, at 13:25:15
In reply to Back, but still one foot in hell, posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 12:14:49
WB Erin...you were missed. I am so sorry, sounds like your inpt stay made things worse, not better, for you. And holy crap! No wonder! As far as I can tell, the one good thing that came out of it all is that you'll be seeing a new pdoc. From what you wrote, I've not been too impressed by your old one. This new one sounds interesting! He/she actually offers Ketamine injections???? I didn't even know that there were practitioners out there who did that yet. When is your appt?
Out of my 3 inpt stays, the last one was definitely the best...reason why? It was a *tiny* place...at most 10 pts. The place I'd been to before 2x was like a zoo. The pdoc I got at the tiny place was very knowledgeable and not the least bit patronizing. You might find this interesting: He told me that he,, and much of the psychiatric community, are coming to believe that depression that goes back and forth with anxiety does belong on the bipolar spectrum. So maybe we both actually are bipolar. Yay!!! Has the Trileptal helped you at all? Or is it too early to tell? The pdoc I mentioned started me on Tegretol. I was already on Ritalin, for my depression, but the Tegretol is to control any anxiety I get from Ritalin (and it works great, btw), and also to act as a mood stabilizer.
Anyways, so glad you're back, and I hope you hhave better luck with the new pdoc than you ever had with the old.
Kat
Posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 14:31:15
In reply to Re: Back, but still one foot in hell, posted by Meatwood_Flack on January 22, 2013, at 13:13:27
Thanks, meatwood. That helps put things in perspective. I really appreciate it!
hope you're well,
b
Posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 14:38:45
In reply to Re: Back, but still one foot in hell » brynb, posted by ChicagoKat on January 22, 2013, at 13:25:15
hi my friend :). thanks for your support (as always). The MDD w/ anxiety being seen as part of the bipolar spectrum makes a lot of sense to me, especially as I have other (I think) significant bipolar features as well.
It also makes sense that a small hospital can be a better experience than a large, crowded one.
I'm very excited to see this new doc next week; he does it all, so I'm really hoping he can give me a proper working diagnosis & will evaluate what's going on from a fresh perspective.
how are you feeling? is tegretol still helpful? I was on it some time ago & found it very helpful.
I'll drop you an email in a bit.
Posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 14:43:32
In reply to Back, but still one foot in hell, posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 12:14:49
I forgot to mention that I have an appt w/ a lawyer next week re: disability. I'll be starting w/ the new pdoc as of Weds, but I was wondering if having no pdoc or Tx right now (they both just dumped me) will negatively impact my application?
Thanks.
Posted by Phillipa on January 22, 2013, at 15:22:34
In reply to And, will this negatively impact my disability., posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 14:43:32
Bryn so glad you are home and seeing a new pdoc. It's the paperwork that has me a bit concerned for the Disability. But in a way it might make it easier to obtain the disability as the lawyer will supena the medical records and you being called a difficult patient and him releasing you might help. I'm sure others will also have advise for you Phillipa
Posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 16:22:44
In reply to Re: And, will this negatively impact my disability. » brynb, posted by Phillipa on January 22, 2013, at 15:22:34
> Bryn so glad you are home and seeing a new pdoc. It's the paperwork that has me a bit concerned for the Disability. But in a way it might make it easier to obtain the disability as the lawyer will supena the medical records and you being called a difficult patient and him releasing you might help. I'm sure others will also have advise for you Phillipa
Thanks, Phillipa =). That's a good way to look at it; I hadn't thought of it. I hope that kind of logic will work in my favor.
Hope you're well...
-b xx
Posted by poser938 on January 22, 2013, at 19:05:36
In reply to Re: And, will this negatively impact my disability. » Phillipa, posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 16:22:44
I'm not really that great at thinking ahead at the moment, but the other night I talked to an older guy about disasbility. He sasid 2 things that should guarentee disability is being unstable mentally, going into a mental hospital shows this.
And another way is if your doc pulls your drivers licensr.
I almost seriously considered the last idea. And I do think id lime to get out for a bit for a 3 day at the crisis unit I went to a yer ago.
Posted by baseball55 on January 22, 2013, at 20:02:03
In reply to Re: And, will this negatively impact my disability., posted by poser938 on January 22, 2013, at 19:05:36
I guess a diagnosis is important for disability. Frankly, my own p-doc told me I probably have bipolar 3-a or whatever. Which was cool. My moods were unstable, my depression atypical. I needed help. Call it what you will.
Posted by Phil on January 22, 2013, at 20:25:41
In reply to Re: And, will this negatively impact my disability. » Phillipa, posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 16:22:44
Write down every negative thing you can think of. I had the word 'stress' mentioned about 50 times but it was also true.
When I left the lawyers office the elevator was very close. I couldn't find it, I asked two different people, I still looked for five more minutes and I'm not exaggerating. If I would have taped that it would have been on the spot approval.
Posted by ChicagoKat on January 23, 2013, at 9:13:39
In reply to And, will this negatively impact my disability., posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 14:43:32
bryn, I filled out my own disability application online. I made sure to be very detail-oriented and complete. Amazingly enough, I was approved.
It seems like the whole disability system is set up for the benefit of lawyers. Not that many that apply get approved, so they turn to lawyers, who make sure they get approved, because they get a 1/3 of the cut...your pay is dated from the date you first file. Going to a lawyer first makes your chances of being approved first time around much greater, but then you'll have to pay a hefty fee. It's a sucky system. But one way or the other, I'm sure you'll get approved. Good luck
Kat
Posted by Phil on January 23, 2013, at 10:37:49
In reply to Re: And, will this negatively impact my disability. » brynb, posted by ChicagoKat on January 23, 2013, at 9:13:39
Your pay is the date you actually became disabled, not the day you file. I filed and got back pay from the day I was laid off from a job. Eighteen months prior.
Posted by ChicagoKat on January 23, 2013, at 10:46:33
In reply to Re: And, will this negatively impact my disability. » ChicagoKat, posted by Phil on January 23, 2013, at 10:37:49
> Your pay is the date you actually became disabled, not the day you file. I filed and got back pay from the day I was laid off from a job. Eighteen months prior.
Thanks for the correction, Phil! You are right and I can't believe I forgot that I also got back pay, from the date I first went to a psych hospital OP program the year before I filed.
Kat
Posted by Phillipa on January 23, 2013, at 20:28:38
In reply to Re: And, will this negatively impact my disability. » Phil, posted by ChicagoKat on January 23, 2013, at 10:46:33
Got mine based on whatever the pdoc wrote. I was hospitalized at the time so it must have helped. Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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