Posted by brynb on January 22, 2013, at 12:14:49
Hi All-
I'm checking in and looking for suggestions. After (too) much hemming and hawing, I voluntarily checked into the psych ER in NYC at a well-known hospital where my psychiatrist is on staff.
BIG mistake. Too big, too crowded, and my depression and anxiety worsened by the second as I sat waiting to get "booked." I basically spent two days there, and due to the lack of normality and compassion of the staff (especially the pdocs), I begged and pleaded with my psychiatrist to give them the ok to release me. He did, under the condition that he would no longer treat me. That was SO very fine by me as he's not worth the $300 for 30 minutes I pay to see him, especially when he's in between diagnosing me (MDD w/GAD or Bipolar 2--he can't just pick one!), and has basically told me that my case is too hard to treat and he doesn't know what to do with me (which is one of the reasons I agreed to go to the hospital in the first place).
Had my experience been different, I would have been obliged to stay so that a team of experts could evaluate me and ideally make me stable. But! I was first seen by a medical student (not even a resident), and I was so irritable I basically bitched him out. (It's a teaching hospital, but I don't need to spell the word "WORLD" backwards--after a twelve hour wait--to some kid who was still getting his *ss wiped by someone else by the time depression took up a big part of me.)
When I finally met with the pdoc, who was one of the strangest people I've met (and I've been around the circus!), he pretty much accused me of "foul play." Foul play? Yes, because according to him, it didn't make sense that an ordinarily healthy 38-year old woman could have gotten so sick over the past two months (first, edema and cellulitis which came around twice, then stomach problems and urinary retention for which I was hospitalized, then hospitalization for a virus/dehydration) so therefore, Munchausen syndrome was a possibility. Naturally, this infuriated me, and he kept talking over me, asking if I'm always "this irritable" and that I'm "too med savvy." I couldn't make this character or this crap up.
I asked him to consider this: I was in a depressive episode for over a month, had edema and cellulitis two months ago which lasted a month, was hospitalized twice last week, and (sorry guys) just got a long-delayed menstrual period. Oh yeah, and I was yanked off all my psych meds abruptly because I was vomiting from the virus. Finally, after roughly 14 hours, I see him, the main attending pdoc, only to be told I'm too irritable and defensive because he mentioned Munchausen's. I asked him how he would feel. He patronized me.
I was as nice as I could be from then on, got the hell outta dodge and came back home yesterday. I put myself back on 10 mg of Lexapro (1/2 my usual dose) along with 150 mg of Trileptal and some benzos for good measure. I also got Trazadone from my internist to sleep. I also made an appointment next week with a pdoc here in NYC who offers TMS, Ketamine injections and med management, and has stellar reviews from patients.
My hospital visit added insult to injury, and I've been seriously, seriously questioning my sanity. I can't move from my bed. I can't watch t.v., I certainly can't read and I can't sleep. My legs are in excruciating pain (seems to happen when I have breakdowns). I'm so f*ck*ng depressed and sad and I honestly can't see an end in sight right now.
I know this post is insanely long, but thanks if you've read it. I don't know what to do. I'm putting all of my hope in this new pdoc next week. Any feedback is welcome. I could use some support.
Thanks,
b
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didnt understand the assignment, and I told them they didnt understand life.-John Lennon
poster:brynb
thread:1036089
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130112/msgs/1036089.html