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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 2:56:00
I am now mentaly delayed and mainly socialy behind I feel like i'm learning all over again. But I'm an adult now. I feel like I have the mentality of a 15 year old. Exactly how long its been since my last ECT. Also I know nothing about dating anymore. Once again I feel like I'm leaning again, even though I should know this by now. I keep screwing up with women. I feel like I'm turning them all down, because I don't know what to do anymore. This is all driving me crazy. Would I be better off with out the meds or worse? Some times I feel like I connect better with out meds, but I get super mental. I drink every night at home and do nothing, because I'm too tired lazy paranoid and when I do go out I don't know how to engage with people. I panic, freeze up don't know what to do and anxious. Its like I don't know how to loosen up. Honestly I don't like to leave the house and get very anxouse just thinking about it. I have a realy hard time opening up to people now. When I was in my 20s I was realy easy going and liked to meet people but I was so dumb from ECTs that It was like I was frozen. The other thing was I used to smoke pot all day and that helped a lot. But now I can't, and if I do I just get realy paranoid. Thats part of the reason I need so much medication now that is sedating. I distance myself socialy now because I went into college and got straight A's and I quit pot and alcohol. Which used to be the only way for me to scialize. But it does not work anymore. I feel like college messed up my life. And zyprexa made me fat so girls were not interested in me for years. Now I feel old and don't know how to get back into all that. I'm 35 now. Is that old? I mean since quiting pot and smoking I'm gotten myself back in shape. But I feel I have low self estime now that is horible. And makes me ball up and hide away. What should I do? I know I usualy don't post anything personal on here, but I need help and I'm not getting it on my own. psychiatrists don't help or have enough time, or me the money for all day sessions. Is my brain f*ck*d or what??
Lonly guy
Posted by TiredofChemicals on March 25, 2012, at 3:44:36
In reply to ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 2:56:00
> I am now mentaly delayed and mainly socialy behind I feel like i'm learning all over again. But I'm an adult now. I feel like I have the mentality of a 15 year old. Exactly how long its been since my last ECT. Also I know nothing about dating anymore. Once again I feel like I'm leaning again, even though I should know this by now. I keep screwing up with women. I feel like I'm turning them all down, because I don't know what to do anymore. This is all driving me crazy. Would I be better off with out the meds or worse? Some times I feel like I connect better with out meds, but I get super mental. I drink every night at home and do nothing, because I'm too tired lazy paranoid and when I do go out I don't know how to engage with people. I panic, freeze up don't know what to do and anxious. Its like I don't know how to loosen up. Honestly I don't like to leave the house and get very anxouse just thinking about it. I have a realy hard time opening up to people now. When I was in my 20s I was realy easy going and liked to meet people but I was so dumb from ECTs that It was like I was frozen. The other thing was I used to smoke pot all day and that helped a lot. But now I can't, and if I do I just get realy paranoid. Thats part of the reason I need so much medication now that is sedating. I distance myself socialy now because I went into college and got straight A's and I quit pot and alcohol. Which used to be the only way for me to scialize. But it does not work anymore. I feel like college messed up my life. And zyprexa made me fat so girls were not interested in me for years. Now I feel old and don't know how to get back into all that. I'm 35 now. Is that old? I mean since quiting pot and smoking I'm gotten myself back in shape. But I feel I have low self estime now that is horible. And makes me ball up and hide away. What should I do? I know I usualy don't post anything personal on here, but I need help and I'm not getting it on my own. psychiatrists don't help or have enough time, or me the money for all day sessions. Is my brain f*ck*d or what??
>
> Lonly guyI could cut and paste about 95% of what you wrote there and it wouldn't differ from what has been my life.
Not much to add there just, you ain't the only one brother.Man! kind thoughts your way.
Posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 7:58:26
In reply to Re: ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by TiredofChemicals on March 25, 2012, at 3:44:36
guess its all common sinario. Thought it was just me. I wish I knew what the purpouse of all those ECTs was. Was it just cause I didn't take my meds, or did they help me in some way? I kind of doubt it though. They said I was messed up after I got out of the hospital the second time. And I remember that, and yes I was messed up.
Posted by Phillipa on March 25, 2012, at 10:20:37
In reply to Re: ECTs f*ck*d my life up *thanks* » TiredofChemicals, posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 7:58:26
Zyprexa I didn't know you never let me in on this. I always thought things were not fine. I'm so sorry. Love Phillipa
Posted by bleauberry on March 25, 2012, at 10:37:18
In reply to ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 2:56:00
I had ECT too. It messed me up too. I used to be straight A material, and I think I still am it's just that it takes 10 times the effort and time to do what used to be easy. For me the worst damage was in the department of name recall. I am so bad with names....people, streets...it's like whatever part of the brain deals with that stuff just got turned way down. Chunks of life memories, completely at random over my entire life, are gone. It's bizarre how I can easily remember in fine detail certain random things, and others it's like they never happened and I don't recall it at all.
Anyway, I haven't found remission and not sure I ever will, but I have put some pretty good distance between where I used to be and where I am now. I couldn't even leave the house or drive around town before, because I was so nervous all the time and fried memory felt lost. Now I work a fulltime job, running things at home pretty good, playing out in 2 really good bands, and basically fighting back against evil. I don't often feel very good, but I am functioning, and as the months and years go by I am making progress, and I do have some random days each week that are actually pretty good and symptom free, which never used to happen at all. Which is a lot more than I can say for the 12+ MDs that guided my journey prior to ECT.
The things I have found helpful are:
Jesus, his strength, wisdom, and guidance
Food choices....pure health nothing non-organic.
Antimicrobial herbs
Antiinflammatory herbs or medicines
Antitoxin strategies
Adrenal balancing herbs
If there is a med that can help somewhat, or on an as needed basis, use it. Someday you might not need it anymore, but for now that med might be helpful sort of like a stepping stone to get from here to there.Whatever is uncomfortable for you to do....church, window shopping, being around people, whatever....you have to do those things. The more you do, the more the body will learn how to adapt and not view them as threats. Whatever you want to be fun to you, you have to do those things. The more you do, the more you teach and show the brain what you want it to do. It will learn and it will respond, but it needs your help and time. That's not easy, but is a must. Forcing oneself to do something that is very uncomfortable is hard. But look at it this way....not doing those things almost guarantees staying sick and getting sicker.....which is much harder than doing the hard stuff!
I think the most important thing for me was to grasp the idea that the earth is under temporary influence of the fallen angel and his legion of demons, and it is my job to reject him and fight back. When I succumb to the suffering he infringes upon me, he wins by keeping me distracted from what really matters. I think the old saying, "I never promised you a rose garden", can be helpful. I mean, ok, let's take 2 people with identical symptoms. Person A does all the stuff listed above. Person B endures the suffering somehow but really doesn't do more than take a prescription or two from a pdoc. Who do you think is going to have a more full life, one with some moments of victory and joy, moments of accomplishment and pride.....it probably isn't Person B. Which of those 2 people do you think stands a chance of improvement and even remission? Probably not Person B.
So ECT messed things up. And the demons were probably throwing a party over it. Time to close that chapter and open a new one.
Posted by Jeroen on March 25, 2012, at 12:58:24
In reply to ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 2:56:00
i taught you were ok man, what happened, the zyprexa no longer working???
Posted by Jeroen on March 25, 2012, at 13:04:07
In reply to Re: ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by TiredofChemicals on March 25, 2012, at 3:44:36
The devil told me in person... well when i was rushed to the hospital by 2 police officers after a devil trial of LAMICTAL 25.
there was a patient in same room who told me you're not gonna have a normal life anymore, i was put on abilify and i coudnt sleep for more then 2-3 hours, i went nuts in other words
psychiatry medication is so medieval, not right, yet it helps somethimes with people
i wish i never took any medication at all
Posted by TiredofChemicals on March 25, 2012, at 16:25:04
In reply to The devil told me in person... well when i was rus, posted by Jeroen on March 25, 2012, at 13:04:07
> The devil told me in person... well when i was rushed to the hospital by 2 police officers after a devil trial of LAMICTAL 25.
>
> there was a patient in same room who told me you're not gonna have a normal life anymore, i was put on abilify and i coudnt sleep for more then 2-3 hours, i went nuts in other words
>
> psychiatry medication is so medieval, not right, yet it helps somethimes with people
>
> i wish i never took any medication at allThat's F***** up Jeroen! The power of suggestion has messed with my mind before and I believe it could be used for evil purposes.
I heard sounds that weren't there by suggestion. Illicit drug use didn't help at the time.
I wish for you to find peace man!
Regards
Posted by linkadge on March 25, 2012, at 19:41:13
In reply to Re: The devil told me in person... well when i was rus, posted by TiredofChemicals on March 25, 2012, at 16:25:04
I was just given a trial of luvox. Not sure why I took it. Same ol ssri crap. Sure you feel all loved up and wonked out, but its no way to live.
I just hate not being able to think critically. Its like the drug blocks healthy negative emotions. I don't feel human. I can't connect with myself.
So I stop taking it. I've been hiding in my room for about 3 days. Coming off SSRIs I hate everything and everybody.
Well, I'm now back to my happy ol' miserable self.
I really don't think anything is going to get better. I'm so friggen pessimistic. I just want to be dead all the time (don't worry, this is *not* a suicide threat, just how I feel).
Linkadge
Posted by TiredofChemicals on March 25, 2012, at 20:25:51
In reply to Re: The devil told me in person... well when i was rus, posted by linkadge on March 25, 2012, at 19:41:13
Well, I'm now back to my happy ol' miserable self.
> Linkadge^^^
I'm starting to like my happy ol' miserable self. I'm finding that I am more assertive and am confronting issues or situations that affect me negatively.
For many this comes easy.
This is new to me.Regards
Posted by kagome on March 25, 2012, at 23:11:45
In reply to ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 2:56:00
With a few changes ("lonely girl," for starters), I could have written your post as well. I guess the only thing that's important to remember is that you're depressed. I know that sounds stupid and obvious but it really helps me to remind myself that when I think something has "messed me up forever," no matter what, that's depression talking. Yeah, maybe some meds or choices have not been great for me but it's just overly simplistic to think that if I didn't do this ONE thing everything would be fine right now. It's just not how it works and I think it's symptomatic of the one-track-mind of depressive thinking.
I was better in my twenties and in college also, but it's because I got a lot of practice hanging out and was constantly challenging my brain. Sitting around unable to leave the house is obviously pretty bad practice both intellectually and socially. The worst thing about depression is that the things I want to do - like drink and sit around watching tv or doing nothing - are the worst possible things I can do for depression. And the things that would help, like exercise and getting "out there," sound impossible.
I think Bleuberry has it right in that we have to retrain our brains to like the things that sound so bad but are obviously good for us. Since I'm not religious, I have to use another motivational tactic - the "what would George Costanza do?" You know on Seinfeld when George realizes all his instincts are wrong? He starts doing the opposite of everything he would do normally and everything goes better. For me it means getting outside first thing in the morning and saying yes to every possible social invitation, the absolute opposite of what I want. I'm in a bad state myself right now so getting out on short walks is as much as I can do - still too much in hiding mode to be social - but it's getting slightly better and baby steps are what it's all about (for me, anyway).
Finally (sorry this is so long!), I totally relate to feeling socially behind. All my friends are about five years younger than me - but there's a few pluses to being immature. I think I have more adventures than people my age (33) that don't struggle with mental health and have everything together. I kind of like the fact that my acquaintances are mostly around 28 and that I play in bands and have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy. I wish I were better at making friends and felt more comfortable and confident with people but the more I get to know acquaintances the more I realize that most people feel pretty insecure and are just focused on themselves, no matter how confident they seem.
I bet that you have better weeks and worse weeks and this is a particularly hard time. Which means it'll most likely get better soon. Good luck, and keep us posted!
-kagome
Posted by Zyprexa on March 26, 2012, at 10:17:34
In reply to To Zyprexa, posted by Jeroen on March 25, 2012, at 12:58:24
zyprexa is working. I'm just angry about ECTs that were given to me in the past.
Posted by Jeroen on March 26, 2012, at 10:24:34
In reply to Re: To Zyprexa » Jeroen, posted by Zyprexa on March 26, 2012, at 10:17:34
that's the same why i am angry for been given high dose of seroquel and always had a fake heart attack for about an hour... severe tachyardia
btw my abilify is pooping out aswell on me after 5 years of usage
Posted by Lonelytanker on March 26, 2012, at 10:37:39
In reply to ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 2:56:00
I've been extremely depressed for the last 6 years of my life and have been considering ECT.
I was curious what type of ECT was done to those who are suffering from cognitive impairments. The pdocs are telling me that with unilateral, ultra-brief pulse ECT there should be very little long-term cognitive effects.
If anyone here has had unilateral, ultra-brief pulse ECT, I would appreciate hearing your experiences.
My heart goes out to all those suffering.
Posted by Phillipa on March 26, 2012, at 18:38:55
In reply to Re: ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by Lonelytanker on March 26, 2012, at 10:37:39
Try starting a new thread and asking the same question. Just a thought. Phillipa
Posted by lonelytanker on March 26, 2012, at 19:19:00
In reply to Re: ECTs f*ck*d my life up » Lonelytanker, posted by Phillipa on March 26, 2012, at 18:38:55
Posted by Zyprexa on March 27, 2012, at 22:44:14
In reply to To Zyprexa, posted by Jeroen on March 26, 2012, at 10:24:34
Thats strange, I never would have guessed that abilify would poop out? Its had such a long lasting effect on me.
Hay did you ever give zyprexa a try?
Posted by novelagent on March 30, 2012, at 20:16:31
In reply to ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 2:56:00
you're blaming ECT for paranoia. Has it occured to you it's not ECT, and cognition is affected by bipolar and schizophrenia?
This suggests nearly all of the anti-ECT anecdotes out there are just a report of symptoms cause by comorbid conditions separate from mere major depression disorder.
I'm sorry, but there is ample evidence of social anxiety, marked reductions in IQ, paranoia, and yes, even pot smoking aggravating existing paranoia-- yet ECT is simply not going to account for any of these things. It'll give memory impairment for the prior 2 weeks...
it's done at the best psych hospital in the world all the time, and the people I've met who had it recovered beautifully. It's also known to be not terribly effective at treating schizophrenia-- it can in some cases, but what we do know is that it doesn't make schizophrenia worse.
Also, I got weight gain from Zyprexa after going on it at a crappy rehab hospital (the psych hospital was booked). If a doctor is giving you Zyprexa, that's a sign your doc doesn't know what he/she is doing. It increases the risk of type II diabeties (even without weight gain) and causes weight gain far more than Risperdal does. I went to an elite hospital after I got out of my first hospital, and was switched to Risperdal.
Weight gain, sugar cravings went away. Also, you might want to consider trying clozapine if you still have positive symptoms of schizophrenia (paranoia). Clozapine is known to work wonders for treatment-resistant psychosis, although you have to be diligent about going to take your injections and do blood work regularly. But if you can get by on a moderate or higher dose of Invega Sustenna or Risperdal Consta injection, you may want to try that first.
You should also know pot worsens symptoms of schizophrenia, and that's not ECT-- that is well-established and has nothing to do with ECT. Not a single one of your symptoms is not explainable by schizophrenia or schizoform. Or you might have bipolar, I don't know.
You can take Aricept or galantamine for the thinking. It will speed up your thoughts, and is prescribed for psychotic patients all the time. It's common for you to have reduced cognition. Keep in mind the pot reduced your cognition more by exposing you to more paranoia, and paranoia, not ECT, is what really affects cognition.
Take klonopin for the social anxiety. It works.
I truly from the bottom of my heart hope you get better. I'm disappointed, however, you are failing to accept you're in control here-- you can switch off the Zyprexa, get your weight back down, get your paranoia under control, stop taking the pot, and do computer mental exercises well-researched for schizophrenia-- like Lumosity.com.
The brain mostly takes about 3 months to heal and regrow fully in a growth cycle. So if you have smoked pot in the last 3 months, it may take 3 months or longer for you to feel better again. It may take as long as a year, but look, I'm not just quoting research here-- I know what it feels like to realize you feel mentally retarded from a paranoid episode. It sucks. But it gets better, and as the award winning author of Unquiet Mind has said, "you do get your thinking back-- you're not dull forever, and it's only temporary.' And she's lived it, too.
You're not a victim as long as you keep up with the punches. If you stay in this ring long enough, the illness (not the ECT-- I won't enable victimization like I'm sure ocuntless others on this board will for you)-- the illness will fall first if you're willing to let it.
And yeah, are their people on this board who do nothing all day but write on this board? And live a ghostly existence? Yes, and they'll tell you they're coming to your pity party today. But I don't think that's terribly compassionate, not when it means giving up on exploring solutions for you. Like the klonopin, Aricept or galantamine, CDP Choline, high doses of fish oil, and Invega Sustenna or clozapine.
Hate me all you want for wanting you to help you out of this, but it wasn't the ECT that did this. If you buy that bull, you're letting the illness win, because there are things that you can do...
Posted by novelagent on March 30, 2012, at 20:49:24
In reply to ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 2:56:00
you're blaming ECT for paranoia. Has it occured to you it's not ECT, and cognition is affected by bipolar and schizophrenia?
This suggests nearly all of the anti-ECT anecdotes out there are just a report of symptoms cause by comorbid conditions separate from mere major depression disorder.
I'm sorry, but there is ample evidence of social anxiety, marked reductions in IQ, paranoia, and yes, even pot smoking aggravating existing paranoia-- yet ECT is simply not going to account for any of these things. It'll give memory impairment for the prior 2 weeks...
it's done at the best psych hospital in the world all the time, and the people I've met who had it recovered beautifully. It's also known to be not terribly effective at treating schizophrenia-- it can in some cases, but what we do know is that it doesn't make schizophrenia worse.
Also, I got weight gain from Zyprexa after going on it at a crappy rehab hospital (the psych hospital was booked). If a doctor is giving you Zyprexa, that's a sign your doc doesn't know what he/she is doing. It increases the risk of type II diabeties (even without weight gain) and causes weight gain far more than Risperdal does. I went to an elite hospital after I got out of my first hospital, and was switched to Risperdal.
Weight gain, sugar cravings went away. Also, you might want to consider trying clozapine if you still have positive symptoms of schizophrenia (paranoia). Clozapine is known to work wonders for treatment-resistant psychosis, although you have to be diligent about going to take your injections and do blood work regularly. But if you can get by on a moderate or higher dose of Invega Sustenna or Risperdal Consta injection, you may want to try that first.
You should also know pot worsens symptoms of schizophrenia, and that's not ECT-- that is well-established and has nothing to do with ECT. Not a single one of your symptoms is not explainable by schizophrenia or schizoform. Or you might have bipolar, I don't know.
You can take Aricept or galantamine for the thinking. It will speed up your thoughts, and is prescribed for psychotic patients all the time. It's common for you to have reduced cognition. Keep in mind the pot reduced your cognition more by exposing you to more paranoia, and paranoia, not ECT, is what really affects cognition.
Take klonopin for the social anxiety. It works.
I truly from the bottom of my heart hope you get better. I'm disappointed, however, you are failing to accept you're in control here-- you can switch off the Zyprexa, get your weight back down, get your paranoia under control, stop taking the pot, and do computer mental exercises well-researched for schizophrenia-- like Lumosity.com.
The brain mostly takes about 3 months to heal and regrow fully in a growth cycle. So if you have smoked pot in the last 3 months, it may take 3 months or longer for you to feel better again. It may take as long as a year, but look, I'm not just quoting research here-- I know what it feels like to realize you feel mentally retarded from a paranoid episode. It sucks. But it gets better, and as the award winning author of Unquiet Mind has said, "you do get your thinking back-- you're not dull forever, and it's only temporary.' And she's lived it, too.
You're not a victim as long as you keep up with the punches. If you stay in this ring long enough, the illness (not the ECT-- I won't enable victimization like I'm sure countless others on this board will for you)-- the illness will fall first if you're willing to let it.
And yeah, are their people on this board who do nothing all day but write on this board? And live a ghostly existence? Yes, and they'll tell you they're coming to your pity party today. But I don't think that's terribly compassionate, not when it means giving up on exploring solutions for you. Like the klonopin, Aricept or galantamine, CDP Choline, high doses of fish oil, and Invega Sustenna or clozapine.
Hate me all you want for wanting you to help you out of this, but it wasn't the ECT that did this. If you buy that bull, you're letting the illness win, because there are things that you can do...
This is the end of the thread.
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