Posted by kagome on March 25, 2012, at 23:11:45
In reply to ECTs f*ck*d my life up, posted by Zyprexa on March 25, 2012, at 2:56:00
With a few changes ("lonely girl," for starters), I could have written your post as well. I guess the only thing that's important to remember is that you're depressed. I know that sounds stupid and obvious but it really helps me to remind myself that when I think something has "messed me up forever," no matter what, that's depression talking. Yeah, maybe some meds or choices have not been great for me but it's just overly simplistic to think that if I didn't do this ONE thing everything would be fine right now. It's just not how it works and I think it's symptomatic of the one-track-mind of depressive thinking.
I was better in my twenties and in college also, but it's because I got a lot of practice hanging out and was constantly challenging my brain. Sitting around unable to leave the house is obviously pretty bad practice both intellectually and socially. The worst thing about depression is that the things I want to do - like drink and sit around watching tv or doing nothing - are the worst possible things I can do for depression. And the things that would help, like exercise and getting "out there," sound impossible.
I think Bleuberry has it right in that we have to retrain our brains to like the things that sound so bad but are obviously good for us. Since I'm not religious, I have to use another motivational tactic - the "what would George Costanza do?" You know on Seinfeld when George realizes all his instincts are wrong? He starts doing the opposite of everything he would do normally and everything goes better. For me it means getting outside first thing in the morning and saying yes to every possible social invitation, the absolute opposite of what I want. I'm in a bad state myself right now so getting out on short walks is as much as I can do - still too much in hiding mode to be social - but it's getting slightly better and baby steps are what it's all about (for me, anyway).
Finally (sorry this is so long!), I totally relate to feeling socially behind. All my friends are about five years younger than me - but there's a few pluses to being immature. I think I have more adventures than people my age (33) that don't struggle with mental health and have everything together. I kind of like the fact that my acquaintances are mostly around 28 and that I play in bands and have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy. I wish I were better at making friends and felt more comfortable and confident with people but the more I get to know acquaintances the more I realize that most people feel pretty insecure and are just focused on themselves, no matter how confident they seem.
I bet that you have better weeks and worse weeks and this is a particularly hard time. Which means it'll most likely get better soon. Good luck, and keep us posted!
-kagome
this signature | Show by default | Change to hide (next time)This is the Hour of Lead-
Remembered, if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the Snow-
First Chill, then Stupor - then the Letting Go.
--Emily Dickenson
poster:kagome
thread:1013897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120316/msgs/1013993.html