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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 14, 2011, at 23:30:39
oh, god I miss my family and I have been at home lately feeling this despair all alone and away from people. I feel so sad for not being a success that I had planned when I was 18. I'm 24 and believe me it will go soon, I have to find something to do with my life before its too late. I've got to let all the desires for things that are not important, and find something to do with my life. I'm waiting for DARS, I actually have to take a drug test tommorow. It's gonna take a long time to get through to them. Their a state agency...they take very long periods of time to process things.
Look I'm at point where I have to function without the medication that I need. I've got to learn how to live life without kick from antidepressants and stimulants to make me feel happy. It will happen, I just have to get on my own and have own doctor with nothing to do with my mother and her insurance. I have to get off and get on my own. All of this looks like it can't be done and I am very much in despair. I miss my brother and my family. I isolate too much because that's the only safe reality I have is to get away from people and not associate myself with things that require everyday actity with others. GOD!! i miss so many people and I just don't even know how to make a call. I'm always in this reched depression of sorrow over my life I can't even talk to anyone. I never talk about my feelings. And one reason for that is because I used to tell all my feelings to family members and they got discusted with it. I no longer do this. But I have so much I am sad about, I just wished someone could understand where I am. I don't usally shed tears, its actually very hard for me to shed tears because im so numb all the time about things. Maybe its because of the Zyprexa because I know it can really numb out reality. But I need to really shed tears about where I am, I need to get it out and get it over with. So I won't always carry this horrible sorrow over my shoulders.
And all people can say is "im sorry". I developed this sadness being away from by brother. I miss my brother so much. And time is going by and I need to do something I just don't know what to do with feeling sad all the time, i don't have pity parties either, I usally save my sadness to where im alone. I usally fake being happy around people, its like you fake it till you make it. But when I get alone I feel this terrible depression always come over me.
Listen I know I could talk about this all night and day, and still not make any progress. I usally only get like this at night. It's a pattern or cycle. That's the time im wide awake and alert. I still usally get depressed in the afternoon, and the sorrow gets worse at night.
I have to say. I will read your posts. I just don't want to waste anyone's time if they really put effort into helping me because sometimes its a choice to either be happy or sad. Their just always this weight of depression that does come...
I will appricate anything you write. Just tell what happiness is. I want to find God. I want to pray again and faith again and not feel like I've lost all hope and faith in ever seeing a better tommorow again.
Posted by Chairman_MAO on November 15, 2011, at 6:56:12
In reply to what is this overwhelming feeling of despair?, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 14, 2011, at 23:30:39
It is never too late. I am 31, and there are people who get their lives back much later.
I can wholly empathize with what you are going through, right down to all the fractured relationships, social/economic disenfranchisement, etc.
"I've got to let all the desires for things that are not important, and find something to do with my life."
You got it.
I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but you need to find a way not to talk yourself into a state where all roads lead seem lead to despair and failure. Medication can really help, but perhaps you can do it without it.
Send me a message anytime you want. I am getting ready for the day now and can't write more but it really seems like we have a lot in common. I could use the help also.
All the best.
Posted by Phillipa on November 15, 2011, at 9:54:37
In reply to Re: what is this overwhelming feeling of despair? » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Chairman_MAO on November 15, 2011, at 6:56:12
Chairman you are so young as I said once a while back with a big powerful name for posting I picture the big executive with cigar sitting back in his fancy office in expensive suits. Interesting how posting names can create pictures. Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 15, 2011, at 17:44:12
In reply to Re: what is this overwhelming feeling of despair? » Chairman_MAO, posted by Phillipa on November 15, 2011, at 9:54:37
Phillipa!! i thought the same thing!! i thought the word "chairman" had link like has a excutive for a company. I was thinking the same thing that is funny!! yes I am only 5'6 and weight quite a bit and look a bit stocky. In 2004 I was a STICK no fat at all, because of adderall's appetite suppression. I was super super skinny.
Anyways yes thank you very chairman MAO.
Matt
Posted by Chairman_MAO on November 15, 2011, at 20:32:50
In reply to Re: what is this overwhelming feeling of despair? » Chairman_MAO, posted by Phillipa on November 15, 2011, at 9:54:37
> Chairman you are so young as I said once a while back with a big powerful name for posting I picture the big executive with cigar sitting back in his fancy office in expensive suits. Interesting how posting names can create pictures. Phillipa
Haha, that's so funny. My handle is a pun on Chairman Mao, the former leader of china. MAO = monoamine oxidase.
Posted by Phillipa on November 15, 2011, at 21:04:19
In reply to Re: what is this overwhelming feeling of despair? » Phillipa, posted by Chairman_MAO on November 15, 2011, at 20:32:50
Chairman means to respect you as you are powerful. MAO I had figured out. Cigar, Leather Swivel chair, huge desk, Large window on a huge business which is yours. Phillipa
Posted by SLS on November 15, 2011, at 21:08:15
In reply to Re: what is this overwhelming feeling of despair? » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Chairman_MAO on November 15, 2011, at 6:56:12
> It is never too late. I am 31, and there are people who get their lives back much later.
I remember feeling old at 31 and having people tell me the same thing. That was 20 years ago. Now, I feel young. The mind can be so deceitful.
- Scott
Posted by bleauberry on November 16, 2011, at 5:20:38
In reply to what is this overwhelming feeling of despair?, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 14, 2011, at 23:30:39
Well, in terms of the biological cause of that particular despair feeling, my own experience with that pointed to dopamine and norepinephrine. Actually most NE with me. Serotonin, forget it, that's not involved. If you are taking any pro-serotonin meds, it is probably making the despair even worse.
Zyprexa I am a fan of, but certainly it can make those despair feelings worse as well, but causing that isolated numb feeling. Might have to lower the dose or switch or stop altogether. In any case, we don't want to be blocking dopamine and NE when there are feelings of despair, but that is exactly what antipsychotics do.
Easy to test. Rhodiola. SJW. Savella. Ritalin. Adderall. DLPA. Tyrosine. I think you would do well to be sampling all of these, not necessarily for treatment right away, but to see what happens and gather clues. They are all going to put the focus on dopamine and norepinephrine, though through quite different mechanisms (that's why each needs to be tried separately).
Despair = low dopamine and/or low NE. Serotonin probably not a major player here. Just my opinion.
I also discovered through Lyme studies that the herb Lemon Balm can help lify those "heavy" feelings, those feelings like someone is pushing down on your head. I am not aware of any scientific explanations of how exactly this plant could do that, since it is primarily an antianxiety plant, but it just does, especially when combined with other depression strategies such as rhodiola and/or sjw. it goes very well with sjw.
Posted by Chairman_MAO on November 17, 2011, at 6:56:01
In reply to Re: what is this overwhelming feeling of despair? » Chairman_MAO, posted by SLS on November 15, 2011, at 21:08:15
> > It is never too late. I am 31, and there are people who get their lives back much later.
>
> I remember feeling old at 31 and having people tell me the same thing. That was 20 years ago. Now, I feel young. The mind can be so deceitful.
>
>
> - ScottThese days I don't feel so compelled to rush to get where I think I want to go--I'm much more concerned with whether I actually get there. ;-)
But still, it's hard when I have so many friends who have huge houses and/or travel a lot, great jobs, families, good careers, etc. I just try not to concern myself with it because this is my path.
If I don't make the same mistakes again and get further than the last time, that'll be an improvement. ;-)
Posted by SLS on November 17, 2011, at 8:59:10
In reply to Re: what is this overwhelming feeling of despair? » SLS, posted by Chairman_MAO on November 17, 2011, at 6:56:01
> > > It is never too late. I am 31, and there are people who get their lives back much later.
> >
> > I remember feeling old at 31 and having people tell me the same thing. That was 20 years ago. Now, I feel young. The mind can be so deceitful.
> >
> >
> > - Scott
>
> These days I don't feel so compelled to rush to get where I think I want to go--I'm much more concerned with whether I actually get there. ;-)
>
> But still, it's hard when I have so many friends who have huge houses and/or travel a lot, great jobs, families, good careers, etc. I just try not to concern myself with it because this is my path.
> If I don't make the same mistakes again and get further than the last time, that'll be an improvement. ;-)
You're pretty smart for a 30-something.:-)
- Scott
This is the end of the thread.
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