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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 42 to 66 of 84. Go back in thread:
Posted by hrguru on May 9, 2010, at 1:39:32
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/FB- oops » hrguru, posted by floatingbridge on May 8, 2010, at 22:37:01
Thanks floatingbridge,
Your input was interesting as well- and helpful.
Sometimes these threads are a bit confusing to a novice (like myself) ;)
HRGuru
Posted by hrguru on May 9, 2010, at 3:18:46
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/FB » hrguru, posted by chujoe on May 8, 2010, at 8:32:29
Hi Chujoe :)
I agree with your philosophies! People want to be treated as human beings, not as "patients." All we want is to feel better, not to be diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses simply because of shared/overlapping symptoms. The new DSM will be out in 2013, and I think they're working on making criteria for certain disorders more comprehensive & based on more subjective information from patients. You can check out their website. Their research is open to the public:
http://www.dsm5.org/Pages/Default.aspx
I think it's about time we started telling our docs what we do/don't feel comfortable with regarding our treatment, and what's effective. It surprises me that Pdocs wouldn't ask for more feedback on how meds are working. Since when did the best pharmacotherapy approach become just arbitrarily throwing dozens of meds at us as if we were medical guinea pigs? This frustrates me greatly.
I told my doc I did not feel comfortable taking a med he suggested. I asked if he would prescribe Topamax. He wasn't happy about this (they all hate this of course). He told me it would never work for BP disorder, and he laughed when I told him how well it was working to control rapid cycling. It was not quite doing the trick for my DP. Something was "missing." He recommended a pretty powerful anti-psychotic (usually used for schizophrenia). This med wasn't for me. I asked for Wellbutrin. Again, he wasn't happy, but still agreed. Amazingly, this combo worked! I told him how much better I was feeling and thanked him sincerely. He couldn't even act like he was glad I was feeling better! It was disheartening, but the fact is I am feeling so much better- so it doesn't matter how he reacted. I still find it strange, however, that there are many docs out there that seemingly want to keep us from feeling better. It's very counterproductive to treatment, to say the least.
When someone is dx'd with a mental illness, it's so often referred to as a "disease"- which to me says two things. One, it's a serious illness (often it is), and two it's possibly going to be life-long. The second bothers me. My doc tells me all the time that BP disorder is "life-long," it's "pervasive," & can "never be cured"- even though I have shown so much improvement. I haven't had a mood swing now in about a month (which is a far cry from the rapid cycling I was experiencing before). I'm now on the right meds, and I'm feeling hopeful for the future- but it shatters a person's hope when a doctor says something like that.
I also agree with your cluster approach- fully. I think that these disorders should be dx'd and treated together- when realistically possible. This may help doctors realize that some of these "diseases" may not be life-long. Case in point: My doc also refers to my past substance addiction as a "disease" as well, and he tells me I'll struggle with it my entire life, although I am now in what he calls "remission." I know people share the belief that it's a disease. I don't believe this. I think it stems from either my ADHD or BP disorder (not sure which), but I think the substance addiction was born from the fact that for so long neither of these disorders were treated. Now that I am properly medicated for both ADHD and BP, I never think about opiates or alcohol. Ever. And I find this interesting. Plus, substance abuse is supposed to be genetic, but no one in my family has ever had substance abuse problems. No one in my family has been dx'd bipolar (but that doesn't mean BP is not in my family). ADHD, however...runs rampant in my family :) This is why I agree that it's based on a person's psychology and experiences- as well as brain chemistry. But...these disorders may not be life-long. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I believe :)
I need to check out that book, because I like these points of view. Thanks for mentioning it!
Posted by chujoe on May 9, 2010, at 8:54:22
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/FB » chujoe, posted by hrguru on May 9, 2010, at 3:18:46
Hi, hrguru! I'm glad you liked my ideas. It is just very important, I think, for people dx'd with "mental illness" to take control of their own lives and treatments, in collaboration of course with trustworthy health care providers. I'm fortunate that, even though I live in a rural area I have a very good NP who knows all about psych drugs; what I don't have since my old therapist retired is a decent psychological counselor. But now I have psycho babble, which is a remarkable resource. I'm amazed at how knowledgeable and wise people are around here.
Anyway, If I had to boil down my thinking about "mental illness," I'd say that it's a social construction. It isn't that the variations in brain chemistry don't exist and cause problems for some people -- they certainly do exist, but the way we express them varies from person to person and, interestingly, from culture to culture. For instance, I was just reading that in China, depression is much more expressed as bodily problems, i.e., it is somatized; whereas in the West, depression is often expressed affectively, as an emotional state. So, since both "patients" and doctors experience "mental illness" differently in different times and places, it suggests that it is not a single thing, but a cluster of tendencies. Even something as supposedly simple as depression turns out to be a complex cluster of symptoms arising from a person's brain state, environment, and experience -- it should not be treated like a diagnostic box in which to put the patient.
Well, now that I'm taking Ritalin, I seem to go on and on, so I'll turn the motor off for now!
Posted by floatingbridge on May 9, 2010, at 11:44:23
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/FB » chujoe, posted by hrguru on May 9, 2010, at 3:18:46
Hi hrguru,
I'm so glad that you've found the right meds for yourself--I wish your doc could be more empathetic--sounds like you've work quite a bit on your remission.
BP is considered life-long because it usually reoccurs when meds are withdrawn. However, imho, many, many docs do not understand the effect their words and manner have upon their patients. (Especially when 'pronouncing' a dx!) Many are taught in med school to override emotional response in order to be good doctors. I think to survive in today's medical system, doctor's are overbooked, and to establish connection with a patient would slow them down and also might cause them to question this system.
Anyways, (enough of that!), my belief is that substance abuse stems from mental health issues that deserve the same respect and treatment accorded other disorders. And that also means that one size does not fit all substance abusers regarding treatments and therapies. I am not convinced that all substance abuse /addiction is in the same category as BP. Some people can recover. However, when a person experiences something so deeply as to effect them down to the cellular level, the 'memory' (maybe a tendency ) remains.
All the above is opinion. :)
Gabor Mate has a book called "The Hungry Ghosts..." or something like that on addiction. I'm waiting for the paperback edition--haven't read it.
Hope this is coherent.
fb
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 9, 2010, at 20:31:27
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/FB » hrguru, posted by chujoe on May 8, 2010, at 8:32:29
> [Note: My thinking about these issues has been strongly influenced by Richard P. Bentall's book, Madness Explained: Psychosis and Human Nature, which cites dozens of studies and draws on the history of psychiatry in making its arguments. The book is sometimes technical, but never incomprehensible to the non-expert reader.]
I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The first time anyone refers to a book, a movie, or music without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though.
Thanks!
Bob
Posted by hrguru on May 9, 2010, at 23:42:27
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/FB, posted by chujoe on May 9, 2010, at 8:54:22
That is very interesting about depression being expressed differently from culture to culture. I can see how this could easily happen. Some cultures don't encourage people to freely express their emotions, and so the stress is expressed in a somatic way. This would be so awful- to be affectively constricted to the point that one begins to feel actual physical pain (on top of emotional pain).
Ha- no worries! Your posts have a lot of insightful thoughts/observations. Whereas, my posts tend to "go on and on." I have a hard time summing things up, and just- "getting to the point," but that's something I'm trying to improve. You sum things up very well; and you, on the other hand, just have a lot of good info/things to say. There is a difference! ;)
Posted by hrguru on May 10, 2010, at 0:41:11
In reply to addiction + untreated MI » hrguru, posted by floatingbridge on May 9, 2010, at 11:44:23
Hi Floatingbridge :)
Thanks for the encouraging words and insight. My doctor is the best in the state for treating those with substance abuse problems, and because of this, he has many patients. He has saved many lives, including mine (I am forever indebted to him for that). That being said, I understand it's nearly impossible to express empathy w/ so many patients. *Side note: I understand him, b/c being in HR, I work in a field where it's important to feel empathy, but not to openly express it.* When I said he didn't say he was glad I was doing better with my med combo, I probably should have explained a little better. I meant he actually seemed to be almost "bitter" (lack of a better word) about me feeling better. He made it known that he was not happy that I didn't go with his drug of choice, even though my suggested drug ended up working so well. My thought: Who cares if it was his med or mine, as long as his patient is feeling better? Isn't this the "goal" of treatment? Weird.
It freaked me out when I first rc'd the dx of BP. It was a shock to the system, understandably. I know that it is considered to be life-long now, but they still don't know what the exact cause of BP is, so I'm holding onto the hope that with advances in medical research, maybe someday I won't have to live with this. Until then, I'll gladly take my meds and do the therapy so that I can feel well :) I think that's the best approach for now.
"Anyways, (enough of that!), my belief is that substance abuse stems from mental health issues that deserve the same respect and treatment accorded other disorders. And that also means that one size does not fit all substance abusers regarding treatments and therapies. I am not convinced that all substance abuse /addiction is in the same category as BP. Some people can recover. However, when a person experiences something so deeply as to effect them down to the cellular level, the 'memory' (maybe a tendency ) remains.
All the above is opinion. :)"
----I completely agree with every single thing you stated above :) - couldn't have said it better. To add to that: I guess it's just that I don't care for the "disease" term as it applies to substance addiction. Here's why: when docs use that word, and tell people in recovery that they "will relapse, because it's part of the disease,"- it makes it that much harder for them to quit abusing. It really does. When I did my outpatient program, they started treating my ADHD, anxiety, and depression- which took away my "cravings." Once I detoxed, I didn't relapse, so they would d-test me and literally interrogate me about it to no end. Which was okay, because I wasn't using. One day a girl in the program had a positive test- and was promptly kicked out. So I wondered, if it's a disease, and they were expecting her to relapse- why would they kick her out after making one mistake? It makes no sense to me. That's why I feel strongly about this. My opinion is- if it's a "disease" treat it as such. Docs need to make up their minds about this.
I will check out that book- thanks so much for recommending it!
Hope you had a nice weekend! :)
HRGuru
Posted by chujoe on May 10, 2010, at 6:01:49
In reply to Re: double double quotes » chujoe, posted by Dr. Bob on May 9, 2010, at 20:31:27
Thanks, Dr. Bob! That's a cool feature.
Posted by stargazer2 on May 10, 2010, at 11:53:33
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/FB » stargazer2, posted by hrguru on May 8, 2010, at 3:40:19
Hi...I never know whom I'm responding to either...something about this board is not making sense to me anymore and y'all (Not a southerner) have been communicating so well with eachother, it's just nice to have brought you all together (not sure I did this),...just seems you have found a common niche so that is always a plus.
Not sure what is being discussed at this juncture as many of the posts I can only skim due to my inability to read and focus on what is being said...huge issue. I do not understand much of what is written as one of my big problems is reading anything that requires concentration. I have none.
Unfortunately, day 3 of "V" has not improved this or other things I was hoping to get a handle on.
May have to increase the dose but thought there would be signs of impropvement early on.
BTW: HRguru...I'm not on Adderall now but took it several years ago (along with Celexa and Wellbutrin) and think it helped improve everything to a certain level. Perhaps I will try it again as I'm not sure that "V" will be th eone, although it is too early to tell. Impatience is one of my virtues.
Do you know the cose of Adderall, as right now I'm paying for meds out of pocket (lost my job and Cobra has not kicked in yet).
I too have the issue with going on and on and envy those that can make their point so clearly and succinctly.
Best to all of you.
Star
Posted by hrguru on May 10, 2010, at 13:02:48
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/HR..FB..Chu, posted by stargazer2 on May 10, 2010, at 11:53:33
Hi there,
I'm sorry that the Vyvanse isn't helping to improve your concentration :( What dosage are you taking?
Um, I *think* generic Adderall costs $65.69 per month (that's what it says on my script bottle). I get the Teva brand.
I could barely read single pages in books until I started taking Adderall. It's drastically improved my concentration & reading.
With COBRA, just save your receipts for any scripts you get while you're waiting for COBRA to take effect. When it becomes active, ask your insurance company for some "prescription claim forms" & these will need to be submitted to your insurance company (w/ receipts)- then they'll reimburse you for the difference.
-If you have questions about this, feel free to send me a babblemail message, & I'll be glad to help (it can be confusing). I do COBRA stuff as part of my job all the time.You seem to speak or *type* your points very clearly & succinctly. This is my opinion anyway :)
Hope this helps some.
HRGuru
Posted by chujoe on May 10, 2010, at 14:58:19
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/HR..FB..Chu, posted by stargazer2 on May 10, 2010, at 11:53:33
Hey SG2, I agree with hrguru -- your posts are clear and coherent to me. (And to hrguru, thanks for your kind words about my posts in another thread.)
My stim seems to be working really well, SG2, so I'm especially sorry to hear you aren't responding to yours. Maybe ask your doc about increasing the dose before you try switching.
The short-acting Ritalin I'm taking seems to activate the Cymbalta -- I have a kind of residual sharpness even after the Ritalin has supposedly worn off. I usually metabolize things pretty quickly, so I don't think my body is just slow to burn it up.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 10, 2010, at 18:10:57
In reply to Re: Best meds for ADD/Depression/Chujoe, posted by stargazer2 on May 4, 2010, at 11:33:39
Stargazer,
I'm sorry the vyanase isn't working out. Maybe start a new thread and get input about vyanase.
If adderall worked in the past, that could be the way to go.
There are other stimulants, too. And would your doc let you try straight dexedrine?
fb
Posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2010, at 19:50:00
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/HR..FB..Chu, posted by stargazer2 on May 10, 2010, at 11:53:33
Stargazer I didn't have a lapse in payment when stopped working cobra kicked right in? Phillipa
Posted by Leo33 on May 11, 2010, at 14:09:31
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/HR..FB..Chu, posted by stargazer2 on May 10, 2010, at 11:53:33
> Hi...I never know whom I'm responding to either...something about this board is not making sense to me anymore and y'all (Not a southerner) have been communicating so well with eachother, it's just nice to have brought you all together (not sure I did this),...just seems you have found a common niche so that is always a plus.
>
> Not sure what is being discussed at this juncture as many of the posts I can only skim due to my inability to read and focus on what is being said...huge issue. I do not understand much of what is written as one of my big problems is reading anything that requires concentration. I have none.
>
> Unfortunately, day 3 of "V" has not improved this or other things I was hoping to get a handle on.
>
> May have to increase the dose but thought there would be signs of impropvement early on.
>
> BTW: HRguru...I'm not on Adderall now but took it several years ago (along with Celexa and Wellbutrin) and think it helped improve everything to a certain level. Perhaps I will try it again as I'm not sure that "V" will be th eone, although it is too early to tell. Impatience is one of my virtues.
>
> Do you know the cose of Adderall, as right now I'm paying for meds out of pocket (lost my job and Cobra has not kicked in yet).
>
> I too have the issue with going on and on and envy those that can make their point so clearly and succinctly.
>
> Best to all of you.
>
> StarStar, considering you say you can't focus, you put together many long posts and they make sense. So you must be able to focus some what and you have good insight to your problems. Also, you seem pretty motivated to write, which is something I have had a problem with. Only able to read but also have a problem understanding and concentrating and motivation. Best of luck with your new trial.
Leo
Posted by bearfan on May 12, 2010, at 2:53:23
In reply to Best meds for ADD/Depression, posted by stargazer2 on April 21, 2010, at 11:15:02
Probably Wellbutrin by itself or with stims. You didn't mention anything about anxiety, but SSRI + Stimulants or SNRI with them. Lexapro plays well with stimulants and eases the jitteryness. Right now I'm taking a TCA which does both S and N and use dexedrine as needed for when my ADD acts up.
Posted by stargazer2 on May 12, 2010, at 11:35:24
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/HR..FB..Chu » stargazer2, posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2010, at 19:50:00
Not anymore...those days are long gone...what year was that?
There is too much money riding on Cobra costs today. My monthly costs are $900 with a 3k high deductible.
You can kiss anything that happened more than 2 years ago goodbye...health care will never be what it before, when it was for the benefit of the patient.
Phillipa...you should try to work just to see what is happening now...it would bring you up to date on reality and make your head spin.
I wish I was closer to retirement...I'm never going to make it til then.
Posted by stargazer2 on May 12, 2010, at 11:59:21
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/HR..FB..Chu, posted by Leo33 on May 11, 2010, at 14:09:31
As you know if you have depression or another diagnosis tht affects your moods, it may seem one way when in actuality, it is very different. I have always been a master of deceipt and I'm sure that is why I have gotten farther than many who give up and say I'm done. As long as I'm not flat out, I will try and find answers that can help me be part of the human experience, although I have a predispositon to shun others, as I blame them for my situation, as I find interacting with people particularly stressful and antagonistic.
Many others may have given up sooner but as long as I'm alive, I feel I have find someway to improve my outlook and deficiencies.
I am my own worst critic too and this is also part of my problem. I have pretended I was OK for years before it was fashionable to see a psychiatrist, which I did only after having depression for at least 10 years (late 20's).
I still pretend alot as I'm sure many of us have to to fit in and move forward in life. I'm just trying to be able to cope with reality which right now is starting to get shakey again. I was working for 2 years and was on automatic pilot and now that I'm off that merry go round, reality is getting close again.
I guess working keeps your mind off of it more than on, so at least if you can work that is a blessing.
Now back to finding answers, although I am acutely aware there may be none for me, as so often there was not.
Thanks for writing your views of your impression of me. For so many here, we might be able to write well (some here are very bright and write incredibly well, but are unable to work due to their illnesses) so the written word does not speak to someones functional abilities...which is the standard by which we all are judged in this life...What is the first thing people ask you when you meet them for the first time?
Star
Posted by Phillipa on May 12, 2010, at 19:42:54
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/Leo, posted by stargazer2 on May 12, 2010, at 11:59:21
Stargaze how are you. And as for working. Our ebay is pretty big and we work all night and day on it but it's ours and we don't have to put up with anyone we dont chose to. So that is a good thing. So many here work for banks, other businesses and their offices are home saves the company money and they love it. Anything like that for you? Love Phillipa
Posted by stargazer2 on May 18, 2010, at 15:24:42
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse today/Leo » stargazer2, posted by Phillipa on May 12, 2010, at 19:42:54
Hope so. working from home allows me to avoid the chaos and noise in an office setting. I do not like all the socialness at work as I have to much work to do when compared with others that have time to cabitz (however that Jewish word is spelled) which I think means to chat and gossip, etc.
Still on Vyvanse but not sure how it is helping yet. Was on 30, upped to 50 but was only able to get the script filled today (ordered last week), feel out of it, not focused at all.
Starting to nosedive from being off Nardil and feeling useless from not working, my usual dilemma. Hope your surgery went well.
You are a brave woman to trust in the medical system like you do, when you are so anxious about new pills or changes in your meds. I'd take pills over surgery any day, at least you are awake and have some control over things unlike surgery. Having no way to control anything once you go under is enough to keep me out of any OR.
SG2
Posted by floatingbridge on May 18, 2010, at 19:53:55
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse last week/Phillipa, posted by stargazer2 on May 18, 2010, at 15:24:42
Hi Stargazer,
So a higher dose of vyanase? Please let me know how you do. I take a slightly higher dose of dexadrine than some. That's what was needed.
Are you taking any other antidepressant? I apologize if I missed that somewhere along the line.
Here's for trying! Best to you.
May I ask what type of work you're able to do from home? (If that's too private, forgive my intrusion.) I don't think. I'd make it in a workplace any longer myself :(
fb
Posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2010, at 20:07:56
In reply to Re: Started Vyvanse last week/Phillipa, posted by stargazer2 on May 18, 2010, at 15:24:42
I didn't know you were doing any work from home. Socialization was the main factor other than helping others that was the love of my job. I never cared to move further up the management ladder I liked the patient contact. Surgery or nothing as it's the only way I can give up control. So for me the only way. Love Phillipa
Posted by stargazer2 on May 19, 2010, at 9:29:14
In reply to restart » stargazer2, posted by floatingbridge on May 18, 2010, at 19:53:55
Hi, I went up to 50 mg of "V" just today as the last few days I hadn't picked up the med yet. One pharmacy didn't have it and then I never got out of the house due to my depression being in full swing. Lots of thoughts in the last few days reliving past history and seeing how my thoughts are mirror images each time I go down...a spiral of negativity takes over. I guess that's why so many depressed sleep so they can try and block those thought out (or medicate them away)as that may be the only thing that can be done.
My fear is that coming off Nardil may have been too much for me to risk to try stimulants, but since I'm not working the risk seemed worth it for me. I've had depression so long that you would think I would be used to it but I always say my memory is going too, so that might be a protective thing. Except it affects ones ability to work unless your job is stress free or you own your business or something where you don't have to "perform" and compete with others every day.
So much living lost to this and so much wasted energy preventing all of us from being useful to society. Maybe I expect too much from myself as I'm sure many people in life don't give a sh*t about others and are fine with that attitude and they are not depressed. I know I overanalyze stuff and lately my reactions to any negativity is off the charts. I think anyone at home watching TV is exposed to more negativity because of the news today. Every news story reminds me of how F'ed up the world is. No wonder I am depressed, who wouldn't be, right?
Lately all of my posts are not focused onthe question and I get into so many things that should not be in this post...I'm not sure of the Vyvanse being the right med, 50mg may be too much, makes me wired not focused so can't get a good sense if it will work... I'll post agian once I have a better sense of it...I think my doc said I should know quickly if it is helping...
Posted by vaisforlovers on May 20, 2010, at 20:51:04
In reply to Best meds for ADD/Depression, posted by stargazer2 on April 21, 2010, at 11:15:02
Sorry I am posting so late in this thread but I just found it.
I have been on Nardil since 2002 after trying 21 SSRI's. My doc put me on it even though I am taking meds that are supposed to be contraindicated with Nardil. I am on narcotics and have been for years because of chronic pain. I am also on Vyvanse and have been for about a year. The point here is that, depending on the patient, you can take any med in combination with Nardil providing you know what side effects to look for. And of course if your dr. will agree to it. Nardil has so many contraindications to it which is a shame because it is such a wonderful antidepressant. They have changed some of these since it has been found that they do not cause the dreaded hypertensive crisis that is associated with Nardil. For instance, it is no longer required to stop it before having general surgery. I have never had any side effects from the combination of nardil, vyvanse and narcotics nor do I watch my diet. Each patient is different but I think that it is the doctors who won't try any of these because of what they read about Nardil.
I am sorry you are having to off the Nardil in order to take the Vyvanse. I hope you find an antidepressant that works. As for the Vyvanse it is a wonder drug. I am more focused, have tons of energy and some of my interests are back. I take 70mg in the am. I am hoping you find similar results and you start feeling better.
Joanne
Posted by stargazer2 on May 21, 2010, at 0:45:17
In reply to Re: Best meds for ADD/Depression, posted by vaisforlovers on May 20, 2010, at 20:51:04
Thanks for your message..You have a good doc to allow those combos.
Are you in the States or elsewhere? Curious since your doc seems to be unconventional in some ways with allowing those meds with Nardil. I did have a hypertensive reaction once with Nardil and another stim, so my doc is wary of that occurring again.
Did you remember any change in your response to Nardil after it was reformulated? Many who were stable found the change caused them to relapse and have to increase their dosage to double or triple strength.
What dose of Nardil are you on?
When you started Vyvanse did you have side effects or does the way you feel when you start it stay the same?
I started at 30 and now I'm on 50 mg...not sure of anything yet as it makes me feel spacey and unfocused instead of the other way around. Some of what I'm feeling is probably from coming off Nardil.
Did you try other stims with any success? How long before you knew Vyvanse was doing something good?
Thanks again for reading my post and your comments.
Star
Posted by stargazer2 on May 23, 2010, at 13:26:00
In reply to Re: Best meds for ADD/Depression, posted by vaisforlovers on May 20, 2010, at 20:51:04
I'm in a bad way, do you think I should take nardil again...I stopped to try Vyvanse but now my depression has recurred and issues like ADD seem frivolous.
I'm just not sure of anything right now. I'm not even sure Nardil was doing all that much but right now I'm paralyzed with life and it's uncertanties. I'm afraid of living as it seems too difficut and uncertain, which is what life is.
Has anyone gotten to this point where the desire to live is gone? I know I have but have come back from it, but the recurrency of the situation has worn me down after 30 years. I see no way out and no real improvement despite the efforts I have made up until this point.
I still have no idea what happiness is, that is sad. Even with Nardil and other treatments, I did not get to a place where I was at peace with things. That is hard to realize.
SG2
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