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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by MrTook on May 7, 2010, at 10:54:52
Hi all! I am new here, but unfortunately not new to the torment we all feel. I have been a sufferer of a hodgepdoge of OCD/GAD for almost 15 years now with the occasional depressive episode that I am sure these trigger.
Almost 5 years ago I started taking Lexapro (10 mg) and started CBT for the first time. I did wonderful for 4 years and all that time I praised the value of medication and CBT. Over the last year I have been fighting lapses for the first time since I first went on Lexapro. A year ago I had a strong recurrence of OCD that triggered me to up the Lexapro to 20 mg (my doctor's advice) and restart CBT with my same therapist. I continued to have lapses (about every 12 weeks or so) so my pdoc recommended 7.5 mg of deplin. I started that in januray and have had a great 4 month ride but now I am stuck in another anxiety lapse. :(
This time my main concern is what if taking medication was a mistake. What if I will work my way through all the pills and none help me to be a good father, a good husband, and a capable provider. During the first 4 years of lexapro treatment we had 3 kids and my wife stopped working. What if that was a mistake! What if the happiness was a farce and we made poor decisions because of it.
I guess I just want to know how you guys deal with lapses. From reading the boards I think what I have to deal with is child's play compared to some suffering out there, but I would still greatly value any advice.
I am starting CBT in earnest again with this latest lapse but I would like to hold the line on medication. (I see nothing wrong with adding more meds, but the thought of having nothing else to turn to terrifies me.) My pdoc suggested xanax (5 pills a month or so) but I am terrified of addiction. I don't drink alchol because I can see how self medicating with that would be so easy ( I did it a few nights before starting lexapro) so I am afraid that I have an addictive personality.
Anyhow enough ramblings. I appreciate any responses and know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers as we search for answers.
Posted by Phillipa on May 7, 2010, at 11:31:35
In reply to How do handle relapses of anxiety?, posted by MrTook on May 7, 2010, at 10:54:52
Welcome to babble. I also have 40 years of anxiety first panic and now Gad official diagnosis. I'm been on benzos the whole time. For over 30years switched from one to another as new ones created or released. I've had good success til last few years. Now I find I need less and less never escalated them took more. Sometimes more sometimes hardly any and some periods of none. Ad's just have really not done much for me. Try not to fear and project I also do the same and know it's now healthy. It's hard. Phillipa
Posted by chujoe on May 7, 2010, at 16:09:36
In reply to Re: How do handle relapses of anxiety? » MrTook, posted by Phillipa on May 7, 2010, at 11:31:35
Welcome MrTook! I'm pretty new here myself, but have found lots of useful information and knowledgeable support. I'll be 59 this month and I've had anxiety pretty much all my life, though only began treating it "officially" about a decade ago. Before that I self-medicated, mostly with alcohol.
I think it's important to remember that there are no "perfect" or normal brains with just the right balance of neurotransmitters & etc. Brains are all over the place and at different times and places our anxious brains might have been highly valued -- in the distant past it would have been useful, for example, to have someone in your group who was always worried about lions. Most of the time of course that person's anxiety about lions proved unfounded, but he/she would have kept worrying & kept alert, so that when everybody else was gossiping down by the stream and a lion snuck up, our anxiety sufferer would have seen the danger and alerted everyone else. In that context, the anxious person is a hero.
Even in the modern world, anxiety can be an effective motivator. You should obviously be anxious for your children, just not debilitatingly so. Those years when you were taking medication were the real you just as much as before or after the period of medication. And if you go back on meds you will still be the real you.
The problem is not to let anxiety, which is a property of all human brains, get out of control and ruin your life. There are several things you can try: meditation works for me, along with meds; some supplements, such as fish oil, seem to really help with mental health in general (I'm skeptical about many other supplements, but some people find them useful). Exercise and diet are important too. The CBT you're doing works for many people. I have been most successful when I have refused to be passive -- when I have taken control and made decisions that would result in positive changes for me and my family. Those changes and decisions will shift over time, like everything else in life.
So now, from your description, you have anxiety about getting anxiety -- it's "classic," as my therapist would say. To answer your question directly, I'd suggest working hard on the CBT, taking fish oil, perhaps seeing a psychotherapist with whom you can work to decide if you want to go back on meds.
Posted by Phillipa on May 7, 2010, at 21:33:38
In reply to Re: How do handle relapses of anxiety?, posted by chujoe on May 7, 2010, at 16:09:36
I keep forgetting to get fish oil. Darn. Keep cutting down on benzos don't know why seems my body doesn't need them? Slept through lawn service mowing lawns today. And I hear everything. 40 year here on them. Phillipa
Posted by MrTook on May 7, 2010, at 22:06:06
In reply to Re: How do handle relapses of anxiety? » chujoe, posted by Phillipa on May 7, 2010, at 21:33:38
Thank you both for your kind words. To clarify I am still on 20 mg Lexapro and 7.5 mg Deplin. I think chujoe is exactly right. I get anxiety about getting anxiety :(. It is especially hard to think that medicine is not working.
I am fighting through it. Fortunately it does seem to be getting better.
Here is to better days ahead for all of us.
Mrtook
Posted by chujoe on May 9, 2010, at 9:17:44
In reply to Re: How do handle relapses of anxiety?, posted by MrTook on May 7, 2010, at 22:06:06
MrTook, sorry -- I didn't read carefully enough to see that you are still taking meds. I guess I'd revise my advice to suggest you consult with your pdoc about augmenting or shifting meds, or perhaps just getting through a down period. It's good to have expert help as long as you stay in the driver's seat. And believe me, I know what anxiety about anxiety is all about -- a constant ratcheting thought process that makes one wish for a florid psychosis (just kidding!) because anxiety is so freaking boring in a terrible, hot, noisy kind of way.
Anyhow, best of luck & keep checking in back here if you find it helpful.
Posted by Mrtook on May 10, 2010, at 9:42:57
In reply to Re: How do handle relapses of anxiety?, posted by chujoe on May 9, 2010, at 9:17:44
Thanks chujoe. Best of luck to you as well.
Posted by Deneb on May 27, 2010, at 20:45:54
In reply to How do handle relapses of anxiety?, posted by MrTook on May 7, 2010, at 10:54:52
Hello Mr. Took!
Welcome to Psycho-Babble! I hope your life gets back to normal again. Relapses aren't fun. Increasing meds sounds like a good idea.
Deneb
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