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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by zarathustra on September 19, 2009, at 3:38:52
Hello, its been a very long time since I have posted. I can always count on my fellow "psycho babblers" for knowledgeable insight and advice and really need help. I will try to keep it short and to the point.
Diagnosed ADD + Social anxiety disorder.
Been on Dexedrine for aproximately 5 years on and off, no current psychiatrist or family doctor. I generally goto walk-in clinics for script, usually successfully (10mg TID (IR tablets)).Dexedrine works very well for me, improves focus and attention greatly + energy. However I feel as though I cant function without it, which is true given that I am much more productive, organized, and effective @ work.
Over the last year, I have developed a huge tolerance, and become very stupid and irresponsible at times. I will often take 30mg 4-5 times daily (until it runs out). When the script is renewed the medication is effective (after having to wait 2-3 weeks without any medication), however as each day goes by it seems to lose it effectiveness causing me to take more.
It sometimes gets to the point where I cant feel anything whatsoever. During the 2-3 weeks off, I am useless depressed, unfocused, and lazy (I dont know if this is due to withdrawl, or if its due to not having the benefits of the medication). I now have a psychiatrist who I have seen once so far, I left her a very emotional voicemail last week crying saying I need help and I am addicted to Dexedrine....please dont allow me to have any if I ask, I havent seen her since because frankly I am embarassed and ashamed.
I guess my question is this: Can my tolerance be managed by using holidays, and what are the general guidelines for them? Should I just attempt to give up this drug all together because I am an addict but cant admit it? Am i really addicted to the drug(sorry, "dependant") or am I addicted to the tremendous positive results it can provide? Is there a point where a single dosage of Dexedrine can become sort of "counter productive", meaning is it possible that taking eg 40mg at once will not produce a sort of linear result, that the problem is that I am simply taking to much, and that I have to sort of let my brain "learn" to respond to 10mg again? Is it even possible to 'resensitize' your brain to a small amount of amphetamines again once it has tasted much larger doses? I have been off it for the last month and just started taking it again today, the effects were positive and therapeutic, but I know (or am anticipating) that tomorrow my response will be lessened.Anyway, please ask me questions for clarifications if you need to. I have left alot out of my post only because there is so much to say, but I think I got the point accross well enough.
In the name of Babble.....
Andrew
Posted by Phillipa on September 19, 2009, at 10:23:52
In reply to Dexedrine advice needed re: tolerance + addiction, posted by zarathustra on September 19, 2009, at 3:38:52
May I ask how you manage to work feeling so horrible? I have what you have only to a diffent class of meds the benzos now do opposite and need less but don't help anxiety anymore. Tolerance is the word. Don't be embarrassed with the pdoc as I'm sure he/she is used to this. Maybe a different med like vyvanase? Long acting? Think that might help. Seems there is a fine line between anxiety and add from what I've read. Phillipa
Posted by desolationrower on September 20, 2009, at 0:40:00
In reply to Dexedrine advice needed re: tolerance + addiction, posted by zarathustra on September 19, 2009, at 3:38:52
well, it sounds like two questions:
1. yes AMP can have effects that you get tolerance to, but with holidays or targeted use you can still 'use' those effects, though this kind of use isn't as popular iwth all pdocs. probably more for motivation, but hwat is your experience?
2. does it really matter if you are 'addicted' to the drug or addicted to the results? its probably the case that you aren't really in control of your use. poorly controlled use might still be better than being lazy and unproductive all the time, but its not as good as if you controlled your use better. it sounds like 150mg/day isn't any better for you than 30mg a day, once tolerance is accounted for. if you can't control your intake, then decide on a course of action that doesn't assume you will be able to control it. what level and pattern of use will best help your add and social anxiety? maybe you can have someone else give you a weeks worth of your rx so you can't overuse them. maybe you can realize 150mg use is just borrowing from the future, and stop doing that. or maybe you should try something else, like desipramine/atomoxetine.
it sounds like you understand pretty well how the drug affects you.
-d/r
Posted by zarathustra on September 20, 2009, at 1:08:41
In reply to Re: Dexedrine advice needed re: tolerance + addiction » zarathustra, posted by Phillipa on September 19, 2009, at 10:23:52
Thank you Philipa, I am not sure what for though. I didnt understand what you meant when you said "May I ask how you manage to work feeling so horrible?", but whatever it means, you somehow made me feel like I am not alone that you know and can feel my pain. Its hard when I try and talk to people or reach out for help and understanding, only to be belittled, have my problems minimized, or looked at like I am speaking a foreign language. Maybe they just dont understand me. Compounding the fact that I have ADD and social anxiety disorder, I have been deemed "gifted" and very smart...I am a master of finding ways to rationalize my negative emotions. I dont say "gifted" with pride, I dropped out of high=school, I am awkward and shy, I feel like my friends and family are ashamed of me, I am a failure ugly and repulsive,
WOW, I am sorry, I will stop now, I just realized what I am doing right now, I am focusing on the negative. however its all I know, therefore its true...I have a bad case of I think therefore I am. Anyways I am not sure of my point here, but I guess there is no harm in sharing my thoughts as they cant fall on deaf ears forever. I wish I could just stop thinking so much. Stop deconstructing everything positive into atoms and molecules. Goodnight.
Posted by zarathustra on September 20, 2009, at 1:15:30
In reply to Re: Dexedrine advice needed re: tolerance + addict, posted by desolationrower on September 20, 2009, at 0:40:00
Your right. I think the post I left about 5 minutes ago is the result of alot of dexedrine today and I am over-focusing on my anxieties and fears.Then again isnt that what Dexedrine is supposed to do?
Posted by zarathustra on September 20, 2009, at 2:25:07
In reply to Re: Dexedrine advice needed re: tolerance + addict » desolationrower, posted by zarathustra on September 20, 2009, at 1:15:30
I want to be understood. I want to be accepted for who I am. I feel like such an outcast. Where do I find people who are deep and expressive, who talk about their feelings, who dont put others down to make themselves feel better, who wont make me feel feminine for being who I am, who will comfort another person just because they need it. Who can empathize. Who arent afraid to say sorry, or I was wrong, who can forgive because they know that they are no better.
OR maybe I am simply some kind of Polyanna looking for something that does not exist.
Maybe I am living in some stupid utopian fantasy. Maybe I am naive. Survival of the fittest baby. Life is pretty horrible when you break it down, we are here to procreate no different from a virus. We are savage disgusting beasts. If it wasnt for seratonin, reality would drive us all to suicide.
I really dont know what I am trying to communicate here, I think I am hust angry right now and its coming out in the keystrokes, in a sort of stream-of-conciousness style, please forgive me if its all absurd.
Posted by zarathustra on September 20, 2009, at 3:29:36
In reply to Dexedrine advice needed re: tolerance + addiction, posted by zarathustra on September 19, 2009, at 3:38:52
I am a hypocrite. Because when I think about it, people have reached out to me in the past but I have been so afraid of rejection I pushed them away. Perhaps I am looking for something that doesent exist, ultimately I guess acceptance comes from within. Maybe I am too self-concious and introspective, to most people acceptance is something that happens when you apply for a loan and your credit is good. WHO THE HELL AM I TO EVEN MAKE THESE STATEMENTS? I seem to put myself above others, as if I am the only person who has ever felt rejection, pain, loss or despair. As though I am the only one who feels unloveable. This is crazy, like I am living in a paradox of my thoughts. Ignorance is bliss. Screw Dexedrine, give me some cyanide. I am not depressed by the way, I am being realistic. A few docs have tried to tell me depression is a "chemical imbalance", I have explained to them that they are absolutely right then pointed out that ALL EMOTIONS ARE CAUSED BY CHEMICAL IMBALANCES! INCLUDING LOVE AND HAPINESS.
I think I am allowing myself to nurture these thoughts or anger or whatever it is a little too much. I leave you now to go satiate a few billion neurons in my head which are begging for a nicotine fix.
One question for anyone who has endured me this far: I live in Toronto, a large cold busy city (as most cities are), is it possible that I might find the acceptance I want in a smaller more laid back town? Is my perceived rejection simply a matter of sort of looking for love in all the wrong places? Christ, the only time people make eye contact with you in Toronto is when they are asking you for some spare change.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on September 20, 2009, at 11:24:19
In reply to Dexedrine advice needed re: tolerance + addiction, posted by zarathustra on September 19, 2009, at 3:38:52
When taking Dexedrine, know it has addiction potential, and what the effect's that are already happening. I made a mistake by thinking, taking or re-dosing, with the same thing, led to where I can't take anymore. So be grateful that you do take it. Don't blow it.
Seriously take care.
Posted by floatingbridge on September 20, 2009, at 13:03:43
In reply to Dexedrine advice needed re: tolerance + addiction, posted by zarathustra on September 19, 2009, at 3:38:52
Andrew,
I've built up a tolerance to dex pretty quickly and this concerns me greatly. I understand you completely regarding that it is the only medication I have found to address my depression, social anxiety (pretty severe) and ADD. Are you on a mono-therapy of dex?
Some are taking vyvanse (sp?) with success. I'm still trying to figure this all out for myself. A base of Strattera w/ dex as an add-on, maybe.
I cried when I told my pdoc/T that I felt like an addict--he didn't see me that way. I don't like being dependent on meds to function. You're not alone.
best wishes for you,
fb
Posted by zarathustra on September 20, 2009, at 23:55:44
In reply to Re: Dexedrine advice needed re: tolerance + addiction, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on September 20, 2009, at 11:24:19
> When taking Dexedrine, know it has addiction potential, and what the effect's that are already happening. I made a mistake by thinking, taking or re-dosing, with the same thing, led to where I can't take anymore. So be grateful that you do take it. Don't blow it.
>
> Seriously take care.
>
> Thanks. It feels so good when someone understands. Please could you claify what you mean by..."thinking"? Do you mean thinking about the effect of the drug while your on it? Sort of analyzing if its working as well as you want it to?
This is the end of the thread.
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