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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Fivefires on September 21, 2008, at 23:35:52
Some of you know I had a short stint of uncontrollable crying, then physical debilitation and hyperventilation in 2005. It lasted a few days -or- until I was given Valium. Whatever this was, I was stooped, shuffling, unsteady, holding onto things to walk, weak as if 90y/o, shaking nonstop, and often if Valium dosage late, hyperventilated until top of head (just top like a beanie) felt this pressure. No one but one person here has said they've experienced this.
Looking up nervous breakdown there is reference to emotional or mental problems, which I did not have, butt, for about three-five minutes when pdoc forgot to sign-off on eve Valium and the nurses withheld it until he called them back.
I began hyperventilating deeply and that top of head (cap like pressure) was at its worst and it was at this time I became aware of what is paranoia. I suddenly thought all pp were looking and talking about me. But, having been in med field, I KNEW WASN'T TRUE, and repeated this over and over until convinced self.
That's my only experience w/ any sort of psychoses in my life. I am so sorry for these who must live w/ this.
Enuf about this. Most of you've heard before. I just keep wondering what I wasn't told.
Instead of saying 'i'm still doing very bad', it makes more sense to say 'i'm still staying the same'.
Since there's no dx called nerve-ous breakdown, and my research has only turned up a lot of about mental breakdown, I'm told this is a major depressive episode, but, for 9 months?
My 1st dx is agoraphobia, 2nd dx is PTSD, 3rd agoraphobia with panic disorder.
So I don't know what to do. On Xanax and Xanax-XR and Provigil, though the latter not regularly and the up and down is disturbing to me so asked d.c. but pdoc wants I stay on. Can't get ins. to cover tho' so depend upon samples.
Now I've made up my own phobia. It's called everyplacebutbed-phobia.
Hot and cold. Very cold more often. Am menopausal age though would be a false menopause. Low iron, B12. Getting more labs done.
I miss you all, and am sorry I'm not participating in other conversations, but I'm really trapped in a web here.
I feel if I knew WHY THIS WAS HAPPENING or WHAT IT WAS, I might then find a way back to living. I'm still alone and wish I could talk it out more often. I want 'OUT' so badly. It's been over 9mos! Do major depressive episodes last that long? A person on a crisis line said 'what did you do to cope with this the last time you had it?'. I said 'I've never had this before. What is it anyway? I don't even know why I have it!'
Anyway, apologize for not being more helpful to others and their situation.
I keep thinking something happened to my nervous system in 2005. I've asked professionals about that pressure feeling on the top of my head and of course they think I'm talking about a HA or something; but no. The most I got which made a little sense was a tech saying some pp experience anxiety emotionally and others physically, and I was prob' experiencing it physical.
Can't remember last shower.(?) I know!
bestwishestoall&alwaysinthoughts, 5f
Posted by yxibow on September 22, 2008, at 3:00:22
In reply to Biggest Challenge Ever Faced, posted by Fivefires on September 21, 2008, at 23:35:52
> Some of you know I had a short stint of uncontrollable crying, then physical debilitation and hyperventilation in 2005. It lasted a few days -or- until I was given Valium. Whatever this was, I was stooped, shuffling, unsteady, holding onto things to walk, weak as if 90y/o, shaking nonstop, and often if Valium dosage late, hyperventilated until top of head (just top like a beanie) felt this pressure. No one but one person here has said they've experienced this.
>
> Looking up nervous breakdown there is reference to emotional or mental problems, which I did not have, butt, for about three-five minutes when pdoc forgot to sign-off on eve Valium and the nurses withheld it until he called them back.
>
> I began hyperventilating deeply and that top of head (cap like pressure) was at its worst and it was at this time I became aware of what is paranoia. I suddenly thought all pp were looking and talking about me. But, having been in med field, I KNEW WASN'T TRUE, and repeated this over and over until convinced self.
>
> That's my only experience w/ any sort of psychoses in my life. I am so sorry for these who must live w/ this.I thought my experience with a Y-BOCS of 39 or 40 (the upper end of the OCD scale) with 7 hour showers was the worse I would ever face and I was hospitalized, I actually didn't take Prozac until I was out of the hospital because I was afraid of medications at the time changing my personality
(which is a contentious argument I'm not going to get into, but largely not true. Your "soul", your essence or whatever you believe -- I'm agnostic, is still there).
.... and I beat it myself with CBT and was OCD free basically (Y-BOCS of 10 or 11, which is basically what a lot of people experience -- i.e. 'normal' for a lack of a better word).
That was around 1993, and I met a group of friends that for some years I was very strong with and I had some sort of life, for a lack of better words, and I went to college during this period, although I was somewhat depressed there, it was the best time in my life I never realized at the time. I was the most independent in my life.
And then Nov 17-18, 2001 came and I've never been the same again. So yes, I'm facing my biggest challenge in my life to get things back on track at 33, after having it for nearly 7 years, symptoms that even bewildered neurologists, and also symptoms that even my psychiatrist who has seen umpteen years of experience, can't "fix". Its been a very long journey and not one I as you noted ever thought I would have a psychosis NOS (not specified, no known origin). Oh, my intelligence is still there, blunted, and waiting to get out, but its been a tough number of years and side effects and possible permanent effects.Anyhow this is about you, not me, I'm just trying to say that there are others out there whose biochemical imbalances shift radically for unknown reasons.
Maybe it was my near paranoia after Sept 11, maybe it just hit me, maybe it was a virus, maybe it was all of the above, or maybe it was stirring in the background for an unknown time. I have lots of theories why but its moot at this point.
> Enuf about this. Most of you've heard before. I just keep wondering what I wasn't told.
No, it helps to air things out -- no worries there.
> Instead of saying 'i'm still doing very bad', it makes more sense to say 'i'm still staying the same'.Well it helps also to say to yourself, I'm capable of doing (this) rather than self-limiting yourself in your mind on only focusing on the disorder. Its sort of what you're saying but in a bit of a different light.
Mea culpa -- I have and still do the same, up and down all the time though my doctors try to focus me on task-oriented goals to build my self-esteem.
> Since there's no dx called nerve-ous breakdown, and my research has only turned up a lot of about mental breakdown, I'm told this is a major depressive episode, but, for 9 months?
Yes... my biggest challenge I'm currently facing (below) has been there for coming on 7 years.
> My 1st dx is agoraphobia, 2nd dx is PTSD, 3rd agoraphobia with panic disorder.
The third sounds circular and could be a complex of the 1st, but that's up to your doctor.
> So I don't know what to do. On Xanax and Xanax-XR and Provigil, though the latter not regularly and the up and down is disturbing to me so asked d.c. but pdoc wants I stay on. Can't get ins. to cover tho' so depend upon samples.
Not that I like Big Pharma, but there are patient assistance programs that might help cover some things.
> Now I've made up my own phobia. It's called everyplacebutbed-phobia.
>
> Hot and cold. Very cold more often. Am menopausal age though would be a false menopause. Low iron, B12. Getting more labs done.
Labs to rule out organic conditions are perfectly fine unless one racks up every lab out there because they can be repetitive and not actually get to any conclusion (I'm not trying to be flippant, I did the same before being diagnosed with what I described below.)
Hot and cold are very common expressions, if they're not organic (medical disorders), as a part of the flight or fight part of our primitive brain that tells us, hey, there's real danger out there, I should run. It is the base instinct in other creatures similar and distant to us, in a way.> I miss you all, and am sorry I'm not participating in other conversations, but I'm really trapped in a web here.
>
> I feel if I knew WHY THIS WAS HAPPENING or WHAT IT WAS, I might then find a way back to living. I'm still alone and wish I could talk it out more often. I want 'OUT' so badly. It's been over 9mos! Do major depressive episodes last that long? A person on a crisis line said 'what did you do to cope with this the last time you had it?'. I said 'I've never had this before. What is it anyway? I don't even know why I have it!'
>
> Anyway, apologize for not being more helpful to others and their situation.
>
> I keep thinking something happened to my nervous system in 2005. I've asked professionals about that pressure feeling on the top of my head and of course they think I'm talking about a HA or something; but no.The most I got which made a little sense was a tech saying some pp experience anxiety emotionally and others physically, and I was prob' experiencing it physical.
Yes -- now I'm projecting with my own somatoform condition (I've only heard of one other person on here with one), but that is known as a somatoform disorder. The experience is very real, but one doesn't actually organically have that condition.
The most common one is pseudoseizures, where anxiety builds up in the body and this is frequently seen in ERs, and actually causes what someone feels is a seizure but they don't have epilepsy.
-- best wishes
-- Jay
Posted by Phillipa on September 22, 2008, at 11:04:27
In reply to Biggest Challenge Ever Faced, posted by Fivefires on September 21, 2008, at 23:35:52
14 years? If it is depression anxiety or just thyroid. Don't know. Phillipa
Posted by yxibow on September 22, 2008, at 20:02:27
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on September 22, 2008, at 11:04:27
> 14 years? If it is depression anxiety or just thyroid. Don't know. Phillipa
Yes, unfortunately depression and anxiety disorders can last a really long time, because most often than not they are a biochemical imbalance. That means things can wax and wane, and sometimes they can be really high for a long time :(. But with the right combination of medication and some sort of psychological therapy hopefully, ones life experience can be made much better.
Schizophrenia, which is something that people worry intensively about rightfully, can last decades, and often wanes and reduces itself later in life.
I guess in the end its not waiting for the disorder to go away (I'm still caught in that, and its very depressing, but thats another story), its about accepting what one has and doing the best in life -- yes, mental illness has a stigma and it shouldn't and people have to work harder than the general population to make what can be a success.
-- Jay
Posted by Fivefires on September 24, 2008, at 15:38:27
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced » Fivefires, posted by yxibow on September 22, 2008, at 3:00:22
Jay I wanna hug the h*ll out of you! (Extreme lack of emotional intelligence .. sorry.)
I think this crossed my mind in fleeting moments since then but whenever I purported 'maybe a seizure' and no one validated it, I in turn invalidated.
I think you're right J.
Would an EEG show this?
Like said, can't sit here long. You've graciously shared a lot I'd like to process.
I'm happy you are able to perform DBT skills and find them effective. Maybe I've been unwilling ACCEPT a consequence w/o knowing its origin. I did three modules and group disbanded at fourth module interpersonal relationships.
My DBT called me a few days back as there is another person she sees w/ same name as I and needed to talk to her. I called her and she apologized and asked how I was. She suggested EMDR.
Thanks so much .. more later okay?!
Oh. I'd better say, if you feel I'm misunderstanding anything you are saying, I'd very much appreciate if you'd let me know via here or babble mail.
5f
Posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2008, at 19:46:57
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced, posted by Fivefires on September 24, 2008, at 15:38:27
Five Fires a pseudoseizure is not a real seizure an EEG would or might confirm you're not have true seizures. Love Phillipa
Posted by yxibow on September 25, 2008, at 3:18:43
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2008, at 19:46:57
> Five Fires a pseudoseizure is not a real seizure an EEG would or might confirm you're not have true seizures. Love Phillipa
Definitely -- it is a very real experience -- as in the mind is actually feeling what it is, whatever a somatoform/somatoform NOS experience and manifestation may be, but it is not an organic (non-psychiatric, something that might show up on not-psychiatric testing, an actual disorder). And that is why it is so real that it can be in a spectrum of disorders including OCD, I believe, at least for me, but I'm not sure in general. There is a journal for it I believe but it is not studied enough in modern DSM terms (yet, I guess).
Somatoform conditions are sometimes missed or mistaken for other disorders I think -- I mean, I may disagree on some of my doctor's observations but I can see the general picture of things. It used to be thought of as malingering (which is still in the DSM, because it can happen), but it is really mostly not. It is very real and the patient does not want to have it. I'm not saying you have that, I'm just suggesting that differential diagnosis might help.
So yes, an EEG would help, and even better if you're not taking much of a load of benzodiazepines which tend to smooth things out. But things can still be detected. It is the general tool I believe that is used in hospitals, plus a general session of going over past history, did you ever have migraines, odd episodes, etc, to rule out other organic things.
There used to be a tool called conscious sedation where a patient was put under strong Valium or Versed and questions were asked, but this is usually now a forbidden practice at hospitals because it doesn't in the end help the patient, they may not remember for their own psychodynamic and psychological improvement.
So, go for the EEG, and whatever else might be recommended.-- best wishes
Jay
Posted by Fivefires on October 3, 2008, at 18:08:52
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced » Phillipa, posted by yxibow on September 25, 2008, at 3:18:43
Hey you all.
I'm worsening. I just locked my doors and put heavy things in front of my bedr door. I'm not suicidal. I just don't want to see ANYONE! I've once again, of many times, seemed to have taken the blame for what someone else has done in my life. And of course because I allow them in my life, IT IS MY FAULT. I can't breathe like my anxiety is way out of control. I just took something and will lie down. I need to read off this info when I can be calm. I'm scared. I'm scared because 'no one in my family has time to care or $ to help me' and what then shall they do if I let them in my room? Judge me? I haven't been psychotic or had the hyperventilating and the pressure in the top of my head as of yet, as have necessary Xanax treatment. Not sure this Eff-XR is doing me any good. But, what I'm writing for is because this is the ultimate agoraphobia, ... making sure no one comes into my room??!! Idk what to do. Every psych person I talk with will not discuss any medical thing I may having going on here. I asked about seizures and withdrawal and a nurse said I can't talk about medical things here. This is just mental illness. I thot 'WTH'!!!! I'm angry, edgy, just want the world to leave me if they haven't time, if they haven't money - well to me it sounds they haven't love! So they can leave me the freakin he*l alone! So much selfishness; feel buzzards are circling. UNcle finished my sentence as I said it feels like they want me to ... 'DIE?', and the thot of this just makes me so ill. Must lie down.
takecareuall, 5f
Posted by Phillipa on October 3, 2008, at 20:05:53
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced, posted by Fivefires on October 3, 2008, at 18:08:52
So where have you been and what meds taking for last few weeks something is wrong not seizures. Phillipa
Posted by Fivefires on October 5, 2008, at 1:12:49
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on October 3, 2008, at 20:05:53
> So where have you been>
In bed withering away as cannot keep food in.
>and what meds taking for last few weeks>
Xanax-XR 1mg t.i.d. and Xanax 2 mg t.i.d., Effexor-XR 300mg a day, then my pain meds and estrogen.
>something is wrong not seizures.>
No, I don't mean I'm having seizures now. I mean the episode in 2005 that I didn't know what to call ... I called it a nervous system shutdown.
I had 'the pressure on the top of my head' once again since, when I was in the hosp. just (lost track time) few mos ago when d.c.'d Xanax and put me on 1mg Klonopin t.i.d. I was so scared I would have another one, I left AMA.
I think these seizures damaged me or some part of my brain somehow. I've WAY not been myself since!
No medical personnel at all ever mentioned that it might have been a seizure. They came up with the most lame reasons ... knee they were humoring me. I wasn't having a HA. I wasn't imagining it. I knew something serious was happening and no one did anything.
I have a referral to a neuro (again).
> Phillipa>
Tks 5f
Posted by Phillipa on October 5, 2008, at 19:16:52
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced, posted by Fivefires on October 5, 2008, at 1:12:49
If you had had a seizure you would probably not remember it and be dazed disoriented when it was over and most likely have been incontinent? An Aura first usually too. Did any of this happen? Phillipa
Posted by Jeroen on October 8, 2008, at 9:46:13
In reply to Biggest Challenge Ever Faced, posted by Fivefires on September 21, 2008, at 23:35:52
hi, i had this pressure feeling to on my head, all scans went normal result, so either this medical technology is outdated, i think its that
Posted by Fivefires on October 16, 2008, at 18:41:58
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on October 5, 2008, at 19:16:52
No incontinence Phillipa. I'll bet I was headed for an aura though, before they gave me Valium.
5f
Something's really wrong. I can't even pay my bills properly. They're scattered. I don't know which I've paid or not. I got out of the hosp., debit and checks were gone, so went online for chg acct # to make phone call payments, but had to call bank for routing#. They gave me the wrong routing number (There are two!). They gave me the bank to bank one. I then got all these payees charging me a returned check fee. Then again a few months later lost my debit card AGAIN, and I don't think this was 'lost', think was ;deliberately hidden from me'. I need help w/ my bill pay online and no one can come help me. I'm so sad, and I've been sitting here for maybe 30m and can't stand it anymore. To bed.
l, 5f
Tks Phillipa, 5f
Posted by Phillipa on October 16, 2008, at 23:05:09
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced, posted by Fivefires on October 16, 2008, at 18:41:58
did you google both seizures and pseudoseizures? Think aura proceeds real seizures. Phillipa
Posted by Fivefires on October 18, 2008, at 11:12:45
In reply to Re: Biggest Challenge Ever Faced » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on October 16, 2008, at 23:05:09
I can barely do NADLs, so inactive. Ty tho. So tired. 5f
Posted by Fivefires on October 18, 2008, at 11:14:58
In reply to to firefives, posted by Jeroen on October 8, 2008, at 9:46:13
Jeroen ... did u feel any chg in ability to handle stress after this? tks 5f
Posted by Jeroen on October 18, 2008, at 11:49:27
In reply to Re: to firefives, posted by Fivefires on October 18, 2008, at 11:14:58
please repeat your question
Posted by Fivefires on October 18, 2008, at 12:24:17
In reply to Re: to firefives, posted by Jeroen on October 18, 2008, at 11:49:27
> please repeat your question>
Yep, try. Did you feel as if your tolerance for stress, a lot of commotion, and excitement like one more than one toddle or baby, was more difficult for you to tolerate after these episodes? I had two babies, not unusual, my knee buckled and sat down w/ one on each knee and cried and couldn't get up. It was at that time I realized 'my nervous system has suffered some kind of insult. So, did you experience anything similar in your ability to handle hectic tasks?
tks jeroen 5f
This is the end of the thread.
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