Posted by yxibow on September 22, 2008, at 3:00:22
In reply to Biggest Challenge Ever Faced, posted by Fivefires on September 21, 2008, at 23:35:52
> Some of you know I had a short stint of uncontrollable crying, then physical debilitation and hyperventilation in 2005. It lasted a few days -or- until I was given Valium. Whatever this was, I was stooped, shuffling, unsteady, holding onto things to walk, weak as if 90y/o, shaking nonstop, and often if Valium dosage late, hyperventilated until top of head (just top like a beanie) felt this pressure. No one but one person here has said they've experienced this.
>
> Looking up nervous breakdown there is reference to emotional or mental problems, which I did not have, butt, for about three-five minutes when pdoc forgot to sign-off on eve Valium and the nurses withheld it until he called them back.
>
> I began hyperventilating deeply and that top of head (cap like pressure) was at its worst and it was at this time I became aware of what is paranoia. I suddenly thought all pp were looking and talking about me. But, having been in med field, I KNEW WASN'T TRUE, and repeated this over and over until convinced self.
>
> That's my only experience w/ any sort of psychoses in my life. I am so sorry for these who must live w/ this.I thought my experience with a Y-BOCS of 39 or 40 (the upper end of the OCD scale) with 7 hour showers was the worse I would ever face and I was hospitalized, I actually didn't take Prozac until I was out of the hospital because I was afraid of medications at the time changing my personality
(which is a contentious argument I'm not going to get into, but largely not true. Your "soul", your essence or whatever you believe -- I'm agnostic, is still there).
.... and I beat it myself with CBT and was OCD free basically (Y-BOCS of 10 or 11, which is basically what a lot of people experience -- i.e. 'normal' for a lack of a better word).
That was around 1993, and I met a group of friends that for some years I was very strong with and I had some sort of life, for a lack of better words, and I went to college during this period, although I was somewhat depressed there, it was the best time in my life I never realized at the time. I was the most independent in my life.
And then Nov 17-18, 2001 came and I've never been the same again. So yes, I'm facing my biggest challenge in my life to get things back on track at 33, after having it for nearly 7 years, symptoms that even bewildered neurologists, and also symptoms that even my psychiatrist who has seen umpteen years of experience, can't "fix". Its been a very long journey and not one I as you noted ever thought I would have a psychosis NOS (not specified, no known origin). Oh, my intelligence is still there, blunted, and waiting to get out, but its been a tough number of years and side effects and possible permanent effects.Anyhow this is about you, not me, I'm just trying to say that there are others out there whose biochemical imbalances shift radically for unknown reasons.
Maybe it was my near paranoia after Sept 11, maybe it just hit me, maybe it was a virus, maybe it was all of the above, or maybe it was stirring in the background for an unknown time. I have lots of theories why but its moot at this point.
> Enuf about this. Most of you've heard before. I just keep wondering what I wasn't told.
No, it helps to air things out -- no worries there.
> Instead of saying 'i'm still doing very bad', it makes more sense to say 'i'm still staying the same'.Well it helps also to say to yourself, I'm capable of doing (this) rather than self-limiting yourself in your mind on only focusing on the disorder. Its sort of what you're saying but in a bit of a different light.
Mea culpa -- I have and still do the same, up and down all the time though my doctors try to focus me on task-oriented goals to build my self-esteem.
> Since there's no dx called nerve-ous breakdown, and my research has only turned up a lot of about mental breakdown, I'm told this is a major depressive episode, but, for 9 months?
Yes... my biggest challenge I'm currently facing (below) has been there for coming on 7 years.
> My 1st dx is agoraphobia, 2nd dx is PTSD, 3rd agoraphobia with panic disorder.
The third sounds circular and could be a complex of the 1st, but that's up to your doctor.
> So I don't know what to do. On Xanax and Xanax-XR and Provigil, though the latter not regularly and the up and down is disturbing to me so asked d.c. but pdoc wants I stay on. Can't get ins. to cover tho' so depend upon samples.
Not that I like Big Pharma, but there are patient assistance programs that might help cover some things.
> Now I've made up my own phobia. It's called everyplacebutbed-phobia.
>
> Hot and cold. Very cold more often. Am menopausal age though would be a false menopause. Low iron, B12. Getting more labs done.
Labs to rule out organic conditions are perfectly fine unless one racks up every lab out there because they can be repetitive and not actually get to any conclusion (I'm not trying to be flippant, I did the same before being diagnosed with what I described below.)
Hot and cold are very common expressions, if they're not organic (medical disorders), as a part of the flight or fight part of our primitive brain that tells us, hey, there's real danger out there, I should run. It is the base instinct in other creatures similar and distant to us, in a way.> I miss you all, and am sorry I'm not participating in other conversations, but I'm really trapped in a web here.
>
> I feel if I knew WHY THIS WAS HAPPENING or WHAT IT WAS, I might then find a way back to living. I'm still alone and wish I could talk it out more often. I want 'OUT' so badly. It's been over 9mos! Do major depressive episodes last that long? A person on a crisis line said 'what did you do to cope with this the last time you had it?'. I said 'I've never had this before. What is it anyway? I don't even know why I have it!'
>
> Anyway, apologize for not being more helpful to others and their situation.
>
> I keep thinking something happened to my nervous system in 2005. I've asked professionals about that pressure feeling on the top of my head and of course they think I'm talking about a HA or something; but no.The most I got which made a little sense was a tech saying some pp experience anxiety emotionally and others physically, and I was prob' experiencing it physical.
Yes -- now I'm projecting with my own somatoform condition (I've only heard of one other person on here with one), but that is known as a somatoform disorder. The experience is very real, but one doesn't actually organically have that condition.
The most common one is pseudoseizures, where anxiety builds up in the body and this is frequently seen in ERs, and actually causes what someone feels is a seizure but they don't have epilepsy.
-- best wishes
-- Jay
poster:yxibow
thread:853359
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080915/msgs/853372.html