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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Phillipa on May 17, 2008, at 23:54:34
In reply to Re: Found my thread.. friends I am alive but, posted by Pluto on May 17, 2008, at 12:42:22
Pluto by the way how are the kids and your wife as you said I am your Mom which makes the kids my grandkids and I miss them dearly. Would it be possible for you to come visit and bring them? And you I miss terribly. I do think you may possibly be on too many meds maybe we can work on them together here with the help of all the lovely people I have met here. Can we try? Miss my boy. Love Mom Phillipa
Posted by Fivefires on May 18, 2008, at 0:23:36
In reply to Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 10:07:50
Provigil helps me Pluto. A lot.
I can't believe you're so highly cognitively aware w/ all on ur med list. RU sure you're not in a black hole? I think you are not. I believe you.
I know I've been very cognitively aware of these same thoughts and it 'would be a rational choice', not like times I was 'in a black hole and couldn't see there may be good times ahead'.
Thing is, there is beauty here in this painful life. Things are bad now. I mean, hospitals are full, I think this is the 4th to 5th largest city in US, and we're full!
Called astrologist friend; things are AFU out there around us. It's pounding on me. Some more than others will feel it.
I want you here. It's like a ship here. We all need each other. Please keep sharing.
All I have to offer besides my 'small talk' ...
Hold your hands out relaxed w/ your palms up and there is some good energy coming your way ...
Stretch them to the max first, and then lie down and open your hands w/ palms up, relaxed. If you/they tense up or start to curl up, stretch and strain them again, push your fingers back w/ the other hand, shake 'em out, and lay 'em out there again. Try (but don't try so hard it makes you tense) and hold them open and up in an open-minded way, a bit humbly. (I don't care for 'humble' much myself, but hey no one's watching.)
There is something good and you can get it through the palms of your hands and if you would like, let it travel to your heart.
It's here to be accessed in 'life'. I will not ask if you are sure of another. Curiousity is good, but I'll bet you've had some real bad backlash, huh?
This curiosity ... I'd be so thankful if you'd just stay and talk about it.
So,
(((((((((Pluto)))))))))
18 hugs 4 u,
and now, after I hit confirm, gonna lie down and send energy your way. I'll stay and keep sending. Just began new med so will be up a while; lieing here w/ music playing and receiving and sending.
5f
Posted by Fivefires on May 18, 2008, at 0:49:07
In reply to Re: Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Fivefires on May 18, 2008, at 0:23:36
I had to get up because I started to cry ....
If you have a child, do you?
It's knowing your here that's keeping someone alive and able to get up every day.
I'm so sad ... please don't go. I wish you feel what I feel, not the sadness, but the beauty ... I feel it so I know it's here for you to access.
I want to die too because so many bad things have happened around me and I've never been so sick, but some gone before me want to see me again and wouldn't know where to greet me if I choose the time, and some here, for reasons I can't see, think I freakin' walk on water ...
Being alive helps others live, so I'm trying to live for them.
Your being alive is helping me live tonight.
I'll be here and back
l o v e
5f
Posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 11:57:59
In reply to Re: Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Fivefires on May 18, 2008, at 0:49:07
Pluto are you there? If so please answer so worried about you. Phillipa
Posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 13:06:25
In reply to Re: Pluto Are You There??????, posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 11:57:59
> Pluto are you there? If so please answer so worried about you. Phillipa
So many people, phillipa my mom too worried. I don't get this really friends. I am vegetated now, you can't get a coherent reply from me. I checked my stock and gladly found klonopin 2 mg is more there. I took four tabs today, one Ativan 2mg one Xanax 1mg and provigil too. I am half awake while typig. Rigght now my friend came offered me 500 dollars as help, but I refused. I can't pay him back.How do you think you guys can help me? Money? that nevver bothered me. I am on the way to secure my kids life. Loan seems difficult but not impossible. After that, please understand my location and situation. This is a part where one is not going to get any help but will end up in sanatorium for thinking of suicide. At least I am not in Sanatorium so I can do something. I checked many websites. Damn... some offer good ideas but administrator thwarts them from going on. I am not educated. All I acquired is through reading and studying myself. NO certificates to provve I am qualified to do anything. Or else I would have been there in your civilized world where human beings are recognized as human beings.
See friends, I am 35 now. lived my life so far in abject poverty only to raise a family. I am partially successful to get them a house and a small means of living, but within this struggle I lost what I wished most. what is lost is lost. I need a new affair but I am a prisoner. Either I have to live a prisoner of life or I can end this penurious life. which should I prefer? Of course latter. Getting into an affair can wipe out all those meds for sure, because the root of my depression is there. but then what about my wife? kids? who will raise them up? It gets complicated.
Let the klonopin work better, I will write again. What solution you guys offer to this man? I wasn't born depressed, but I acquired it. None loved me in my life. Even my mom who could only scold me whenever she got a chance. NOt her fault, because she was abused by my highly dominant father. I suffered huge traumma after finishing schools. I was a very brilliant student, but father was working for pittance and both couldn't offer anything to go for higher studies. Something broken inside me at that time. I was very much fond of studies. Instead I had to work, worked 14 to 16 hours and without sleeping, I started to read books to get educated myself. This is my story. All these continue but not any more. Books are there untouched. Now in my thirties I am a filthy bastard to look for an affair when my kids are waiting for me. And you guys are sympathetic... strange is this world.
Will you care for a deranged man whose only remedy lays in jeopardizing his family to have an affair? And where is that affair? that too should be found out. All are getting mixed up. adding more confusion. I don't worth your time friends. please... I have given 13 good years to my wife, though she couldn't do it. not her fault because she was not attracted to me from the very beginning. It was a force of circumstance that led me to her, still I gave her my time and if it can be called love yes love too. This is enough. My kids will grow up and I have saved money for that. what more I can do for them?
How can I escape to a p lace where I would be cared? who will accept a layman without anything to prove at least he is educated.? NO friends. please don't waist your time over this man. I have done the mandates of fate. Now naked, alone I am about to knock the uttermost gate to get into a night where there is no tomorrow.
It is not you people kept me alive so far. It was for adjusting a loan. Application is given, and it would soon get sanctioned. Or may be rejected. Either way, I will wait for that too. Couple of days more, then I will get into that night, night without a morrow.
What you good friend will think of me once I disappear? These words of Keats?
"Thou wast not born for death immortal bird"
Posted by Jeroen on May 18, 2008, at 14:34:43
In reply to Re: Pluto Are You There?????? » Phillipa, posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 13:06:25
im in deep sh*t too ... doctors fault, not mine
bad meds making me psychotic and stuff, i understand you, but you have a lot more at stake here like kids and stuff, i think you should reconsider
Posted by Fivefires on May 18, 2008, at 15:47:59
In reply to Re: Pluto Are You There?????? » Phillipa, posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 13:06:25
Prozac down, and off or increase Provigil. Accept friend's $ or use 'college money' see can get diff' doc or meds u need somehow.
I don't think now you are cognitively aware of what you're doing, so you'll probably just screw it up.
Men think all they are here for is money ... or is this just what I'm getting from you?
Where's your heart? Did your mother leave no room in it for your children?
I had a father who didn't care so much about how much $ he made or how much $ it looked like he made ...
He cared about .. WHO HE WAS .. THE KIND OF PERSON HE WAS.
'They' say, ummm, ... a perfect soul is both male and female.
I would give up an arm (I'd give up more!) to have my father back! My mother and I don't understand each other. After he passed away, well I kinda' was completely freakin' IGNORED! Some pp here know 'my heart is broken' and 'well it had been broken a few times before', and I was thinkin' .. I wonder if I have any room left in my heart for anyone or anything anymore.
I think living in the moment is good. I feel my emotional pain is helped by my ... oh well sh*t you don't wanna' hear about me.
I sort of apologize but you are pissin' me off.
Yeah ... my Dad stayed as long as he could. He smoked. I give him that; he enjoyed it.
I wanted him happy. He was 67-y/o four years ago. I miss him so much ... you'd think he were a husband I suppose.
Why did you post here? I'm so glad I'm not you.
5f
Posted by Sigismund on May 18, 2008, at 16:00:52
In reply to Re: Pluto Are You There?????? » Phillipa, posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 13:06:25
They must still teach English where you come from.
I quite like this.......
Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget
What thou among the leaves hast never known,
The weariness, the fever, and the fret
Here, where men sit and hear each other groan;
Where palsy shakes a few, sad, last grey hairs,
Where youth grows pale, and spectre-thin, and dies;
Where but to think is to be full of sorrow
And leaden-eyed despairs;
Where beauty cannot keep her lustrous eyes,
Or new Love pine at them beyond to-morrow.
Posted by okydoky on May 18, 2008, at 16:13:15
In reply to Re: Pluto Are You There?????? » Pluto, posted by Sigismund on May 18, 2008, at 16:00:52
Beautiful
On a more positive note:
I would not exchange the laughter of my heart
for the fortunes of the multitudes;
nor world I be content with converting my tears,invited by my agonized self, into calm.
It is my fervent hope that my whole life on thisearth will ever be tears and laughter.
Kahlil Gibran
Posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 16:16:58
In reply to Re: Pluto Are You There??????, posted by Fivefires on May 18, 2008, at 15:47:59
>
> Where's your heart? Did your mother leave no room in it for your children?It is in its place buddy. Don't cry for me f*ckard. My mother left a stone in that place. You know I don't have a childhood because all I can still hear abuses, nasty curses. But still don't f*ck the hell question my heart. I have it despite of all this.
> I had a father who didn't care so much about how much $ he made or how much $ it looked like he made ...
>
> He cared about .. WHO HE WAS .. THE KIND OF PERSON HE WAS.
And see good gentleman, I have still a father alive. Only to recall with horror. I couldn't develop that thing called personality because I was traummatised. Don't talk sh*t if you don't know.> Why did you post here? I'm so glad I'm not you.
Is this forum your private property? I can post anywhere where I am allowed. Spew the sh*t and wash your mouth. And yes I am glad because I am not a f*ckin freek like you.
Posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 16:19:49
In reply to Re: Pluto Are You There?????? » Pluto, posted by Sigismund on May 18, 2008, at 16:00:52
> They must still teach English where you come from.
Your point? I am bad in English. Should I be need to be in trash for that?
Posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 16:31:00
In reply to Re: Pluto Are You There?????? » Phillipa, posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 13:06:25
Pluto I think I'm beginning to understand your torment. I feel that you wish you were not married with childrean as you have found a woman that you wish to be with. Pluto this happens every day in the World. People get divorced, have affairs but they survive and kids survive. Have you ever lived in the USA before? There are many programs for people without money docs, colleges, technical schools, places where you at such a tender young age could learn a trade or get an education. Now that would allow you to continue to support your children and wife and I can't advise you on your other woman. I feel that sitting down with a third party and discussing your options might be a very good thing for you. Is there someone where you are that is a professional that would be willing to help you sort out your emotional turmoil? I feel your pain and I shed tears for your sorrow. But please keep talking with us too. I'm sure we can help. Will you allow this favor to your new Mom? Love Phillipa
Posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 16:49:08
In reply to Re: Pluto Are You There?????? » Pluto, posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 16:31:00
Posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 17:19:43
In reply to I babble mailed you mom (nm) » Phillipa, posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 16:49:08
Pluto yes and I've replied now a favor would you post here a lot of your sorrow so we as a group can try to help you find a solution as there is one so many talented and gifted people here. Someone will say the magic words to you. Love Mom Phillipa
Posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 17:44:20
In reply to Re: I babble mailed you mom » Pluto, posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 17:19:43
> Pluto yes and I've replied now a favor would you post here a lot of your sorrow so we as a group can try to help you find a solution as there is one so many talented and gifted people here. Someone will say the magic words to you. Love Mom Phillipa
No. I am not here to share my sorrows, because sorrows are not patented to me. All are suffering and I am just one of them. I came here for help to end this business once and forever. Now, help? No I have come a long way and there is nothing that could reverse me. Let me secure my kid's lives. Until then I will be here.
Posted by Deputy Racer on May 18, 2008, at 18:02:05
In reply to I am here you fuckin freek » Fivefires, posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 16:16:58
>
>Don't cry for me f*ckard. But still don't f*ck the hell question my heart.
>
>
> Don't talk sh*t if you don't know.
>
>
> Spew the sh*t and wash your mouth. And yes I am glad because I am not a f*ckin freek like you.
>Please don't post anything which could lead others to feel accused or put down, and please do not use profanity on this website. This warning is offered based on your behavior in this post, and is not meant to indicate that you are unwelcome in any way.
Additionally, no one on this website will offer information regarding lethal doses of any medication. That is not allowed here, and anyone who breaks that rule will also face a reprimand.
If you have any questions regarding the posting policies on this site, please read the FAQ, located at http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil Follow ups to this action should be directed to the Administration board and should themselves be civil.
Dr Bob has ultimate authority over all administrative issues on this site, and may choose at any time to revise or reverse any action taken by a deputy.
Deputy Racer
Posted by SLS on May 18, 2008, at 18:14:25
In reply to Re: I babble mailed you mom, posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 17:44:20
Yes. I have an agenda. I don't want anyone to kill themselves when they are in an altered state of consciousness. Drunk, depressed, or psychotic, these are all altered states within which it is nearly impossible to maintain good judgment. You area capable of good judgment, but not in your current state.
I respect your right to autoeuthansia. However, I don't think now is the time. You have too many untried alternative treatments.
My agenda is to not help you die nor help you live in pain. I would much rather that you live well.
I wish I had guarantees for you. I don't. I want you to take a calculated risk and live to try more treatments. You have not tried nearly enough.
First, though, if you do want to live for a day or a week or a month or more, you might as well do it in the absence of intolerable pain. Take Zyprexa. I can ALMOST guarantee that it will take away much of your pain and allow you to make better decisions. I am not saying that the decision to kill yourself has no psychosocial background. Maybe it can be justified at some point in the future, but not today.
Choose to live WELL. Work for it. I know you have already worked hard. I'm asking that you make things easier on yourself by taking an anti-suicide drug like Zyprexa, rather than be haunted by an obsession with death. Zyprexa will take away the sense of urgency, anger, anxiety, and pain.
Stop the pain. No longer allow your thinking to be influenced by the pain.
I know you want out. Things for you suck. However, you are young and angry enough to live well despite your current thought style.
I WANT YOU TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF ME. I don't mind.Tell me what I don't know about you. Tell me how I have made errors in judgment regarding you.
Yell at me. Tell me how I don't understand. Educate me. Make me understand. I want to understand.
Zyprexa will dramatically reduce your pain. Try it.
- Scott
Posted by Jeroen on May 18, 2008, at 18:39:24
In reply to Pluto, posted by SLS on May 18, 2008, at 18:14:25
zyprexa is the start of a non ending psychotic nightmare
Posted by SLS on May 18, 2008, at 19:00:46
In reply to Re: Pluto, posted by Jeroen on May 18, 2008, at 18:39:24
> zyprexa is the start of a non ending psychotic nightmare
For YOU, maybe.
Please don't discourage everyone from taking a drug that you personally had a problem with, especially when you represent a minority. I have taken Zyprexa several times. It helps both mania and depression, and makes an ideal anti-suicide drug.
- Scott
Posted by Jeroen on May 18, 2008, at 19:04:52
In reply to Re: Pluto » Jeroen, posted by SLS on May 18, 2008, at 19:00:46
pluto, listen to my story of what i am going trough it takes 30 seconds
i was psychosis free and happy and i took lamictal only s few days until all hell came trough,
now that i have this psychosis it wont go away and when i take an anti psychotic it will get lot worse, so when i take zyprexa now i get psychotic from time to time, its all for the money your right!
you can try of course, but its just a pain money med
Posted by SLS on May 18, 2008, at 19:07:18
In reply to Re: Pluto, posted by Jeroen on May 18, 2008, at 19:04:52
Zyprexa is a lifesaver.
By the way, what do YOU mean by "psychosis"? Why did you take Zyprexa in the first place? Psychosis?
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 19:08:02
In reply to Re: Pluto, posted by Jeroen on May 18, 2008, at 19:04:52
Pluto it's Mom and I'm on my hands and knees begging you to take zyprexa Scott is a wonder person and an expert at meds he said take zyprexa and you will feel suicide free so please do it for me? I don't want to shed tears. I want to see my boy better and zyprexa will do it Please? Love Phiilipa
Posted by Jeroen on May 18, 2008, at 19:09:04
In reply to Re: Pluto, posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 19:08:02
yea take it .....
Posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 19:13:24
In reply to Re: Pluto, posted by Jeroen on May 18, 2008, at 19:09:04
Pluto see we all care and I knew we could all come up with a plan to start you on you way to wellness. This makes me happy. Love Mom Phillipa
Posted by Deputy Racer on May 18, 2008, at 19:28:16
In reply to Re: Pluto, posted by Jeroen on May 18, 2008, at 19:04:52
> zyprexa is the start of a non ending psychotic nightmare
>
> i was psychosis free and happy and i took lamictal only s few days until all hell came trough,
>
> so when i take zyprexa now i get psychotic from time to time, its all for the money your right!
>Please don't post exaggerations or over-generalizations. Doing so violates the civility guidelines of this site. When it comes to medications, mileage varies. For you, the medication in question may not have been effective. It is very effective for others, and over-generalizing your experience is not respectful of them.
f you have any questions regarding the posting policies on this site, please read the FAQ, located at http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil Follow ups to this action should be directed to the Administration board and should themselves be civil.
Dr Bob has ultimate authority over all administrative issues on this site, and may choose at any time to revise or reverse any action taken by a deputy.
Deputy Racer
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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