Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deniseuk190466 on January 9, 2007, at 15:41:08
Hi,
As I spent two years trying so many drugs and then finally getting a response to Seroxat which seem to stop working so well and then coming off it and feeling absolutely lousy.
I'm starting to worry, that over the years and after so many drugs (which didn't work that easily in the first place) that I'm becoming more tolerant and resistant than ever.
Coming off Seroxat seemed to pitch me into hell and even adding Zyprexa every 7 days didn't help as much as it used to (at least not with the depression).
I'm now taking Nardil under my own guidance but even my response to this seems to be different to when I took it before, in that I feel less spaced out. It's definately helping with the anxiety but I just worry about where this is all leading to and worry that one day nothing will help.
I felt awful when all this started 5 years ago so know I needed something I just never anticipated all of the let downs.
Years and years ago when I took antidepressants and they worked really well, I always felt that they were healing me. To some extent they did, I came off them for three years and was ok. But now I just worry more and more about resistance and tolerance.
Even if I did find something that really worked I think I'd still worry that they'd stop working and that I'd get even worse. I worry about why medication doesn't work as well now as it did in my 20s, I worry about why meds that used to work no longer work and sometimes I just feel really scared because the memories of depression and anxiety always seem to be very near to me and I get scared that one day I'm going to feel like that permanently, for ever.......ahhhhhhh.
This Nardil seems to be helping but I worry that so did SSRIs used to help but they stopped. I've tried dropping it to 30mg but felt bad on 30mg. Tonight I'm not sure what to do whether to increase from 45mg to 60mg or not. I just keep hoping that it will help for a couple of months so that I can make a switch back to an SSRI and in the hope that the SSRI will work again.
Sometimes even when I feel better on medication I worry about what I'm really like underneath it all and worry about my dependence on medication.
When I'm feeling really bad I'm convinced I would go for Deep Brain Stimulation or ECT if there was a chance that it would work but if I had it and it worked I'd still worry that it would stop working. I'd still have this niggling feeling that I was only feeling capable, calm and enjoying life because of a contraption in my head, that underneath it all I am a total wreck.
Strangely though, when the seroxat finally worked at 40mg I didn't worry about what I was like underneath it all. It was reassuring really to know that I could still respond to seroxat and at a relatively low dose. I did however sense that it wouldn't work for that long but it wasn't that same sense of unease as I have now.
I know this sounds melodramatic but I feel like I've been given glimpses of hell and it's in my own head.
Just want a bit of reassurance, I get so scared sometimes. I know a lot of people on this board do but some people seem to be more hopeful and optimistic than myself.
Denise
Posted by SLS on January 9, 2007, at 16:14:52
In reply to worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resistance, posted by deniseuk190466 on January 9, 2007, at 15:41:08
Try to be orderly in your trial of Nardil.
Stay at each dosage for 3 weeks before evaluating the results and moving upwards.
Set it and forget it. Make your adjustments in treatment and then forget about it. Continue with life as best you can. Try not to look at your depression under a microscope. Changes occur over the course of weeks and months, not hours or days.
If this drug works, stay with it forever.
The early mitigation of your anxiety is a good sign.
Do you have any more mental energy to read and write and think?
Remember, the ascent from depression is not a smooth straight line. It can be somewhat jagged or variable. You will have a sequence of days that feels like a setback, only to be followed by further advancement. The rate of improvement also tends to be slower depending on chronicity and severity.
You are afraid of tolerance and relapse?
Me too.
I'll probably be looking over my shoulder for rest of my life.
Your fears are logical.
To help insure that your remission remains intact, you might want to consider supportive psychotherapy and exercise.
- Scott
Posted by cgd092 on January 9, 2007, at 16:18:35
In reply to worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resistance, posted by deniseuk190466 on January 9, 2007, at 15:41:08
Do you see a counselor regularly? They can help with a lot of your worrying. They can really challenge your maladaptive assumptions about "the terrible future." I like my counselor because I go in and say all the things like you said, and he pokes holes in my logic. It's great! Meds *and* counseling are the way to go.
Posted by blueberry1 on January 9, 2007, at 16:45:18
In reply to worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resistance, posted by deniseuk190466 on January 9, 2007, at 15:41:08
You worry about tolerance, reistance, and poopout? Me too!
I think Scott said it best, "I'll probably be looking over my shoulder the rest of my life."
Anyway, no help, but at least you aren't alone.
Posted by Phillipa on January 9, 2007, at 17:43:41
In reply to Re: worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resistance, posted by blueberry1 on January 9, 2007, at 16:45:18
I think I have more to be worried about as benzos were the only meds that ever worked for me except a short year of 10mg of paxil with xanax and that included beer. I'd give anything for a remission. So I just take it from moment to moment and ride my bike. Love Phillipa
Posted by laima on January 9, 2007, at 21:34:07
In reply to worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resistance, posted by deniseuk190466 on January 9, 2007, at 15:41:08
I'm pretty worried with the same sorts of concerns. One piece of advice I got I try to remember: distraction! As in trying as best as possible to not mull over these worries and try to get absorbed into a book, movie, sporty activity, or social activity instead- whatever is most likely to be enjoyable and engrossing. I was told that some research says people who mull over hash out what is upsetting them feel worse than those who get engaged with something else instaed. I know it sounds weird, it sounds like it goes against what a lot of older- style therapy teaches- but from experimenting I am encouraged that there's some truth to it. If only I was better at it myself...
Posted by medievil on January 10, 2007, at 12:19:16
In reply to Re: worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resistance, posted by laima on January 9, 2007, at 21:34:07
i worray about that too
add in an nmda antagonist and oxytocin
Posted by Denise190466 on January 10, 2007, at 13:58:30
In reply to Re: worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resist » deniseuk190466, posted by SLS on January 9, 2007, at 16:14:52
Hi again Scott,
Glad to see the Nortryptyline/Nardil combination is working for you again.
I'll try and keep to what you suggest. I'm a bit miffed that I don't feel so spaced out as I did before on Nardil.
I do worry because last Friday night I tried reducing the dose to 30mg (I'm forever tinkering round with things, thinking what if I do this? and hoping I can do ok on the bare minimuk) and I felt bad all of Saturday.
So far on the 45mg, what I have noticed is my concentration is better in the morning and then again at night, I feel more relaxed and I'm lauging more, I was even singing in the kitchen the other day.
On the downside I still don't really feel like "me" but not sure who that is anymore, I still feel morose (especially in the afternoon), sense of unease and sometimes there is this real sadness (again specially in the afternoon).
On Nardil sometimes I still feel sort of suicidal but it's a "it can wait sort of suicidal", a more of a relaxed kind of suicidal. That was a bit how I felt before on it.
By the way, what did you mean in your other post (related to another thread) where you said you carried on going because you believed in the system. What did you mean by this as I wasn't quite sure?
Thanks again for the response and I hope you continue to do well on your combination.
Denise
Posted by Denise190466 on January 10, 2007, at 14:02:32
In reply to Re: worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resist, posted by Denise190466 on January 10, 2007, at 13:58:30
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Posted by Denise190466 on January 10, 2007, at 14:03:53
In reply to Re: worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resist, posted by cgd092 on January 9, 2007, at 16:18:35
Thanks cgd092, I am on the waiting list for CBT, another 7 months to go.
Kind Regards.....Denise
Posted by Denise190466 on January 10, 2007, at 14:43:17
In reply to Re: worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resistance, posted by Phillipa on January 9, 2007, at 17:43:41
Awwwww Phillipa, don't mean to be condescending but you seem so sweet.
I keep asking this but I thought you were going to give ensam a try?
I think I saw that you had thyroid problems maybe that would explain your lack of response to antidepressants. It would be nice to think it was because then when you get those problems resolved maybe you will respond again.
Denise
Posted by Phillipa on January 10, 2007, at 19:04:53
In reply to To Phillipa, posted by Denise190466 on January 10, 2007, at 14:43:17
I was stable for 9 years and they didn't work but the other docs let me have calcium with the synthroid so maybe different this time. And the EMSAM my pdoc said is too stimulating for me. I did so much want a patch. Love Phillipa
Posted by littlebitpa on January 14, 2007, at 15:54:00
In reply to worry, worry, worry about tolerance and resistance, posted by deniseuk190466 on January 9, 2007, at 15:41:08
Hi, I am new to the board and just happened to read your post, and was floored. You said everything I have been thinking and obsessing about in my head for years. I am extremely medication resistent and everything I have tried has eventually stopped working. I also want to try electric shock. Its weird to read what I have been feeling for so long. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Good Luck
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