![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 21:12:27
I am scared to death. I believe I am experiencing ultra ultra rapid cycling. I wake up full of agitation (that's what wakes me up, three hours too early). I'm scared and full of terrible nervous energy. This sometimes stays all day or levels off in late afternoon and then I feel okay at night. Other days, I have spells of the deepest depression one minute and fifteen minutes later terror. Sometimes both at the same time. I feel hopeless and like I can't control my brain and sometimes suicidal because it's all driving me crazy.
I haven't had any episodes of elation or euphoria. If I have mania it's the bad kind. Is there such a thing? I feel so full of bad, nervous energy, I think I'm going to explode or jump out the window.
I can't be around people who talk fast or are peppy because I get drawn into them and get so wound up.
I feel agitated and nervous and hyper and bad at teh same time. I have suicidal thoughts almost every day.
I'm terrified of the meds making me fat and stupid. I'm terrified of starting on a new round of med trials and side effects.
I've never had a complete remission from depression even though I've been on every ssri, snri and many tricyclics. SSRIs make me more agitated but keep me out of clinical depression.
This all started about a year and a half ago. I switched from Effexor to Paxil and got extremely panicky and agitated. Same thing happened when I switched again from Effexor to Cymbalta. When I went back to Effexor that time, it didn't help with the agitation and fear anymore. So I went to Celexa again but that didn't help either.
Does this sound like bipolar? Can you go from being mainly depressed with anxiety to being bipolar, especially if some big trauma sets it off? My pdoc suggested at my last appointment that maybe bipolar was the problem and that maybe I'd been misdiagnosed in the past but I was so sure I was just depressed and anxious I kind of shrugged it off. But I've been keeping a mood chart and I can see it now in black and white how I'm not stable.
I am so scared and I don't have a clue as to which meds are best.
Please help me somebody.
marsha
Posted by Mistermindmasta on October 14, 2005, at 22:02:57
In reply to I think I'm bipolar and ultra ultra rapid cycling, posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 21:12:27
First off, let me start by saying I'm not expert here. I'm just putting in my two cents...
With that in mind, it sounds like you have depression with a very very strong anxiety component. But, the fact that you don't respond to antidepressants makes me think two things. First, how's your nutrition? Do you get enough folate and B vitamins and minerals? Do you abuse nicotine or caffeine or alcohol or whatever else? Antidepressants can be rendered less effective without adequate folate, and stimulants can be less effective without enough zinc. Keep that in mind. Also, are you taking any prescription drugs? My second thought is that you might really be bipolar. If your nutrition is adequate and you don't abuse substances, it becomes more likely that agitation and increased anxiety from all antidepressants would mean you're bipolar. It definitely sounds like a mood stabilizer would do you well.
I will add here that if you have a malabsorption syndrome of any sort, or an atypical food sensitivity or "allergy", you will also probably suffer from mood disorders of some variety. I am severely gluten sensitive, though not celiac, and I get very very very agitated, hyper and sort of anxious when I eat any grain with a gluten protein in it. I would assume that antidepressants would not help my situation. Crucial to my health is avoiding gluten. I would actually have trouble sleeping past a certain number of hours per day because I would wake up and feel physically agitated and restless. It would take me a half hour to get back to sleep because I'd be rolling around, never comfortable. I never really had very large mood swings, but there were many times where I honestly couldn't tell if I was very happy or kind of depressed... it was a strange feeling. I go through a lot of "colors" of moods, and the food I eat definitely effects my moods and mental stability.
Posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 22:09:30
In reply to Re: I think I'm bipolar and ultra ultra rapid cycling, posted by Mistermindmasta on October 14, 2005, at 22:02:57
> First off, let me start by saying I'm not expert here. I'm just putting in my two cents...
>
> With that in mind, it sounds like you have depression with a very very strong anxiety component.That's what I've always thought, up to now.
But, the fact that you don't respond to antidepressants makes me think two things. First, how's your nutrition? Do you get enough folate and B vitamins and minerals? Do you abuse nicotine or caffeine or alcohol or whatever else?
My nutrition is superior. I'm a recovering bulimic and I eat like a health nut. I do smoke. Almost no caffeine (ocasional cup of green tea), no drugs, no alcohol. I did use to abuse pain pills but I stopped that months ago when I got in such bad shape. No improvement since then though and it's been 7 months.
Antidepressants can be rendered less effective without adequate folate, and stimulants can be less effective without enough zinc. Keep that in mind. Also, are you taking any prescription drugs?
Celexa 5 mg, Klonopin .5 and hormone replacement therapy.
My second thought is that you might really be bipolar. If your nutrition is adequate and you don't abuse substances, it becomes more likely that agitation and increased anxiety from all antidepressants would mean you're bipolar. It definitely sounds like a mood stabilizer would do you well.
I'm scared they'll make me fat and stupid. Or bulimic and stupid.
> I will add here that if you have a malabsorption syndrome of any sort, or an atypical food sensitivity or "allergy", you will also probably suffer from mood disorders of some variety. I am severely gluten sensitive, though not celiac, and I get very very very agitated, hyper and sort of anxious when I eat any grain with a gluten protein in it. I would assume that antidepressants would not help my situation.
Could this sensitivity develop suddenly, like overnight?
Thank you for responding,
Marsha
Posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 22:11:32
In reply to I think I'm bipolar and ultra ultra rapid cycling, posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 21:12:27
It seems to work the fastest so that's what I'm leaning toward. I can't take this much longer.
But I read that it isn't as effective for ultra ultra rapid cycling as lithium? Does lithium take a long time to work?
Marsha
Posted by iforgotmypassword on October 15, 2005, at 0:13:01
In reply to Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling?, posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 22:11:32
> It seems to work the fastest so that's what I'm leaning toward. I can't take this much longer.
>
> But I read that it isn't as effective for ultra ultra rapid cycling as lithium? Does lithium take a long time to work?
>
> Marshaumm, i don't know much about depakote but i have been having bouts of extreme agitation lately, and have been getting violent to the point of injuring myself. my family doctor suggested it, so the drug may be very versatile and reliable against hyperagitated states... or i'm guessing maybe... another thing you could try and i hate the fact that i keep suggesting it is an atypical antipsychotic like zyprexa, they come in a dissolvable kind so they can work extra quick and have significant antidepressant (and very calming) effects in many people.
unfortunately, i get very weak and sleepy on them and can't tolerate them.
Posted by SLS on October 15, 2005, at 10:13:47
In reply to I think I'm bipolar and ultra ultra rapid cycling, posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 21:12:27
The kind of "cycling" you speak of sounds more like the diurnal variation seen in unipolar melancholic or agitated depression. Tricyclics are good for treating that. It might be the agitation and anxiety that "pulls you in" to energetic people when you encounter them.
True "Ultra ultra" or ultradian cycling is very rare. There is nothing wrong with being bipolar. If you are, you are. There is also nothing wrong with being unipolar and using mood stabilizers. A combination of nortriptyline 75mg + lithium 300-600mg might work very well.
- Scott
Posted by SLS on October 15, 2005, at 10:23:03
In reply to Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling?, posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 22:11:32
> It seems to work the fastest so that's what I'm leaning toward. I can't take this much longer.
>
> But I read that it isn't as effective for ultra ultra rapid cycling as lithium? Does lithium take a long time to work?
Hi Marsha.Depakote can work very fast to treat acute mania. However, I'm not so sure how quickly it would stabilize one's chronic rapid cycling without the aid of a second mood stabilizer. I guess lithium, Lamictal, and Trileptal would be those I would choose. Just remember that when you combine Depakote and Lamictal, you must decrease the dosage of Lamictal by 50% and titrate more gradually.
The combination of Lamictal + lithium has recently become quite popular as a prophylaxis against recurrent episodes.
- Scott
Posted by Mistermindmasta on October 15, 2005, at 21:36:37
In reply to Re: I think I'm bipolar and ultra ultra rapid cycling » Mistermindmasta, posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 22:09:30
> My nutrition is superior. I'm a recovering bulimic and I eat like a health nut. I do smoke. Almost no caffeine (ocasional cup of green tea), no drugs, no alcohol. I did use to abuse pain pills but I stopped that months ago when I got in such bad shape. No improvement since then though and it's been 7 months.
>Ok, well that seems good. Some people who eat very healthy diets actually are eating diets very high in phytates and tannins which bind minerals from being absorbed properly, including zinc and iron, which are crucial to mental health. Other people who think they're getting enough folate, through like spinach and orange juice, etc, actually need MORE folate because they have an increased genetic requirement due to a less than optimally active enzyme. 800mcg of folate / day seems safe. Do you get that quantity in supplements??
> Antidepressants can be rendered less effective without adequate folate, and stimulants can be less effective without enough zinc. Keep that in mind. Also, are you taking any prescription drugs?
>
> Celexa 5 mg, Klonopin .5 and hormone replacement therapy.
>
> My second thought is that you might really be bipolar. If your nutrition is adequate and you don't abuse substances, it becomes more likely that agitation and increased anxiety from all antidepressants would mean you're bipolar. It definitely sounds like a mood stabilizer would do you well.> I'm scared they'll make me fat and stupid. Or bulimic and stupid.
I don't know enough about the side effects to make a judgement on that, but if you really are bipolar, there's a chance they will make you feel smarter, not stupider. It's definitely worth a try, though. You'll never know until you try it.
> > I will add here that if you have a malabsorption syndrome of any sort, or an atypical food sensitivity or "allergy", you will also probably suffer from mood disorders of some variety. I am severely gluten sensitive, though not celiac, and I get very very very agitated, hyper and sort of anxious when I eat any grain with a gluten protein in it. I would assume that antidepressants would not help my situation.
>
> Could this sensitivity develop suddenly, like overnight?My sensitivities developed over the course of june 1998 - march 1999, from not really being sensitive to being extremely sensitive. That's not exactly "overnight", but its about 8 months. Actually though, the bulk of my problems came on within the course of several weeks, around jan - feb '99, with the symptoms beginning around june but not taking front stage until around january. So who knows.
For me, I feel 500% better by avoiding gluten, dairy products and yeasts (bakers, mainly). Maybe you could try a gluten free diet, if it's not too demanding. I found it to be not too difficult, and I noticed a 180 degree turnaround in 5 days. But depending on your schedule and stuff, it might be more difficult.
Posted by 4wd on October 15, 2005, at 21:56:49
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling, posted by iforgotmypassword on October 15, 2005, at 0:13:01
> > It seems to work the fastest so that's what I'm leaning toward. I can't take this much longer.
> >
> > But I read that it isn't as effective for ultra ultra rapid cycling as lithium? Does lithium take a long time to work?
> >
> > Marsha
>
> umm, i don't know much about depakote but i have been having bouts of extreme agitation lately, and have been getting violent to the point of injuring myself. my family doctor suggested it, so the drug may be very versatile and reliable against hyperagitated states... or i'm guessing maybe... another thing you could try and i hate the fact that i keep suggesting it is an atypical antipsychotic like zyprexa, they come in a dissolvable kind so they can work extra quick and have significant antidepressant (and very calming) effects in many people.
>
> unfortunately, i get very weak and sleepy on them and can't tolerate them.
I can't take Zyprexa because it wakes up my bulimia which is currently in remission. It makes me want to eat everything in sight - and I do. The other atypicals didn't have much effect at all. Thanks for the info about the depakote, though. I need something to stop the super agitation and fear.Marsha
Posted by 4wd on October 15, 2005, at 22:06:17
In reply to Re: I think I'm bipolar and ultra ultra rapid cycling » 4wd, posted by SLS on October 15, 2005, at 10:13:47
> The kind of "cycling" you speak of sounds more like the diurnal variation seen in unipolar melancholic or agitated depression. Tricyclics are good for treating that. It might be the agitation and anxiety that "pulls you in" to energetic people when you encounter them.
>
> True "Ultra ultra" or ultradian cycling is very rare. There is nothing wrong with being bipolar. If you are, you are. There is also nothing wrong with being unipolar and using mood stabilizers. A combination of nortriptyline 75mg + lithium 300-600mg might work very well.
>
>
> - ScottHi Scott,
I guess only my doctor can diagnose whether I'm rapid cycling or in mixed states or if it's agitated depression. I don't really care what the diagnosis is - except insofar as finding the right medto treat it. I just cannot stand the way I feel in the mornings and most of the day. Klonopin does relieve it more or less after about 2-3 hours. I feel like I"m going to explode with adrenaline and fear if I don't take the Klonopin.
I just want to wake up feeling calm and be able to get out of bed and look around at the world instead of waking up feeling like someone had sneaked into my bedroom and shot me up with adrenaline and strychnine while I was sleeping. And it that's negative energy, you know? Fear energy.
Cant take Lamictal - it not only gave me headaches ( I figure those would go away) but it also made my bottom teeth hurt so bad my mouth would water and my back muscles went into spasm. Weird. Neurontin had no side effects but no effect on anxiety either.
I was thinking that a short trial of Depakote would be a good diagnostic tool. If it works, then I'm bipolar, right?
Marsha
Posted by 4wd on October 15, 2005, at 22:13:42
In reply to Re: I think I'm bipolar and ultra ultra rapid cycling, posted by Mistermindmasta on October 15, 2005, at 21:36:37
>
> Ok, well that seems good. Some people who eat very healthy diets actually are eating diets very high in phytates and tannins which bind minerals from being absorbed properly, including zinc and iron, which are crucial to mental health. Other people who think they're getting enough folate, through like spinach and orange juice, etc, actually need MORE folate because they have an increased genetic requirement due to a less than optimally active enzyme. 800mcg of folate / day seems safe. Do you get that quantity in supplements??My pdoc has asked me to be tested for folate and B-12 levels. I've been too frantic to get it done but I guess I better.
>
> > Antidepressants can be rendered less effective without adequate folate, and stimulants can be less effective without enough zinc. Keep that in mind. Also, are you taking any prescription drugs?
> >
> > Celexa 5 mg, Klonopin .5 and hormone replacement therapy.
> >
>
>
> I don't know enough about the side effects to make a judgement on that, but if you really are bipolar, there's a chance they will make you feel smarter, not stupider. It's definitely worth a try, though. You'll never know until you try it.
>You're right. I am going to try it. I've tried very other class of drug.
>
> My sensitivities developed over the course of june 1998 - march 1999, from not really being sensitive to being extremely sensitive. That's not exactly "overnight", but its about 8 months. Actually though, the bulk of my problems came on within the course of several weeks, around jan - feb '99, with the symptoms beginning around june but not taking front stage until around january. So who knows.
>
> For me, I feel 500% better by avoiding gluten, dairy products and yeasts (bakers, mainly). Maybe you could try a gluten free diet, if it's not too demanding. I found it to be not too difficult, and I noticed a 180 degree turnaround in 5 days. But depending on your schedule and stuff, it might be more difficult.
Gluten is pretty prevalent in foods isn't it? Do you avoid all wheat products or just gluten?
Thanks for all your answers. I'm going to look up gluten free diets on the web. I told my pdoc I'd be happy to eat nothing but cottage cheese and peaches for the rest of my life if it would get rid of the horrible fear. (we were discussing maoi's_.Marsha
Posted by 4wd on October 15, 2005, at 22:26:31
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling? » 4wd, posted by SLS on October 15, 2005, at 10:23:03
>
> Depakote can work very fast to treat acute mania. However, I'm not so sure how quickly it would stabilize one's chronic rapid cycling without the aid of a second mood stabilizer. I guess lithium, Lamictal, and Trileptal would be those I would choose. Just remember that when you combine Depakote and Lamictal, you must decrease the dosage of Lamictal by 50% and titrate more gradually.
You know, Scott, something you said in an earlier post just now kind of hit me. If I was manic, it probably wouldn't just go away nearly every night at 9 or 10 o'clock. I mean, by then the Klonopin I took at 9 am is not really in my system much anymore (certainly not as much as it was at noon or 3 when I'm still scared). But I gradually get better as the day goes on. That is, IF I take the Klonopin in the morning. If I don't, I usually stay bad all day.So maybe it is agitated depression. I do remember doing well on imipramine a long time ago. But I didn't have much anxiety then, just depression. Nortriptyline made me more anxious. Amitryptiline sent me into furious rages. Desipramine didn't work as well as imipramine. Sinequan made me unable to tell if water was hot or cold, if something was large or small, etc. and I couldn't make sense of what people were saying to me.
At least I get a few hours peace at night. That's a lot more than some of us get.
I see my pdoc on Thursday. I hope he can sort this out. Thanks for all your suggestions and answers.
Marsha
Thanks.
Marsha
Posted by spriggy on October 16, 2005, at 1:07:52
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling?, posted by 4wd on October 15, 2005, at 22:26:31
Marsha,
I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but we sound identical. I could've written your post.
That's exactly how I feel. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning's my insides literally feel like they are doing jumping jacks and I want to crawl right out of my own skin.
I can't stand the constant state of super high alert-- like I just had a near death experience and my adrenaline is still ultra high and pumping.
It's hard to describe but it's torment. I sometimes think I'd rather be depressed. Then I got really depressed and wished I just had anxiety.
I look forward to going to sleep at night to get relief but dread waking up because I am so scared that feeling will be there.
Some days are better than other's. I have gotten much worse lately-- not sure if it's the weather change, sickness, stress, or what but it's been bad.
Posted by Cecilia on October 16, 2005, at 4:26:00
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling?, posted by 4wd on October 15, 2005, at 22:26:31
I too can relate to that horrible horrible morning feeling-for me a combination of anxiety and despair-an overwheming emotional pain that feels almost like physical pain. For me it seems somehow related to my dreams-I have bizarre usually unpleasant, exhausting dreams. I wonder if there is some primitive part of the brain that is activated by dreams and causes that overwhelming terror and despair. I`m certainly depressed later in the day too, but it`s totally different, more thought driven, whereas the waking-up despair is pure feeling. Sorry, don`t have any solutions, wish I did. Cecilia
Posted by SLS on October 16, 2005, at 9:20:56
In reply to Re: I think I'm bipolar and ultra ultra rapid cycling » SLS, posted by 4wd on October 15, 2005, at 22:06:17
Hi Marsha.
> I was thinking that a short trial of Depakote would be a good diagnostic tool. If it works, then I'm bipolar, right?Gosh, that's one of those questions that you will probably get conflicting opinions on. Depakote can have anxiolytic effects without necessarily acting as a mood stabilizer. You might feel less anxious in the mornings because of it. But what if it lifts your depression too? Although I don't doubt that it has helped some unipolars from time to time, I think most people would bet that you were bipolar if you were to respond to it.
If you don't respond to Depakote, does that mean that you are not bipolar? The answer to this question is most definitely no. Many people who are bipolar do not respond to Depakote. Because of this, one cannot trust it as a diagnostic test.
- Scott
Posted by 4wd on October 16, 2005, at 14:24:10
In reply to Re: I think I'm bipolar and ultra ultra rapid cycling, posted by SLS on October 16, 2005, at 9:20:56
> Hi Marsha.
>
> > I was thinking that a short trial of Depakote would be a good diagnostic tool. If it works, then I'm bipolar, right?
>
> Gosh, that's one of those questions that you will probably get conflicting opinions on. Depakote can have anxiolytic effects without necessarily acting as a mood stabilizer. You might feel less anxious in the mornings because of it.that would be enough for me.
>But what if it lifts your depression too?
That would be way good.
Although I don't doubt that it has helped some unipolars from time to time, I think most people would bet that you were bipolar if you were to respond to it.
>
> If you don't respond to Depakote, does that mean that you are not bipolar? The answer to this question is most definitely no. Many people who are bipolar do not respond to Depakote. Because of this, one cannot trust it as a diagnostic test.
>
>
> - ScottRats!
Posted by 4wd on October 16, 2005, at 14:29:54
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling? » 4wd, posted by spriggy on October 16, 2005, at 1:07:52
> Marsha,
>
> I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but we sound identical. I could've written your post.
>
> That's exactly how I feel. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning's my insides literally feel like they are doing jumping jacks and I want to crawl right out of my own skin.Yeah, I lie there in bed trying to go back to sleep because it woke me up too early but the longer I lie there, the worse it gets.
> I can't stand the constant state of super high alert-- like I just had a near death experience and my adrenaline is still ultra high and pumping.
>
Yes! Like you're a person who's phobic about flying and you're on the airplane and the engines have revved up and you're starting down the runway. Gasp!> It's hard to describe but it's torment. I sometimes think I'd rather be depressed. Then I got really depressed and wished I just had anxiety.
>I've know I've asked before but I forgot. What meds are you on? What is your diagnosis?
> I look forward to going to sleep at night to get relief but dread waking up because I am so scared that feeling will be there.
Does yours never go away? Mine goes away at night. By 9 or 10 it's usually gone and by 11 or 12 I feel like a normal person. Then it starts all over again the next morning.
> Some days are better than other's. I have gotten much worse lately-- not sure if it's the weather change, sickness, stress, or what but it's been bad.What does your doctor say? Klonopin really helps but it takes a while in the morning after I take it before the agitation/fear goes away (lessens).
Marsha
Posted by 4wd on October 16, 2005, at 14:38:21
In reply to I think I'm bipolar and ultra ultra rapid cycling, posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 21:12:27
Maybe the reason it was so bad on Friday was because I tried to take Atarax for the anxiety instead of taking Klonopin.
Apparently it didn't work. I'm now more or less back to my normal state of waking up very nervous and scared. Getting up, taking my 3/8 - .5 mg of Klonopin. Staying scared and agitated for the next 2 hours while I wait for the Klonopin to work. Then I start to feel better but a little depressed.
As the afternoon progresses, I still have some depression (sluggish, don't care, just not interested) and mild fear but when it starts to get dark, I start to feel better. By about 8 I feel more or less ok. By 11 or midnight, I feel good, even normal sometimes.
I've lowered my Celexa to 5mg from 10 about 5 days ago. I've been a little bit more apathetic and sad in the last couple days but my neck isn't hurting as much and I think I might be a little less agitated.
I guess I'm not rapid cycling. I guess I'm just weird and undiagnosable.
Marsha
Posted by 4wd on October 16, 2005, at 15:23:00
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling? » 4wd, posted by spriggy on October 16, 2005, at 1:07:52
> Marsha,
>
> I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but we sound identical. I could've written your post.
>
> That's exactly how I feel. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning's my insides literally feel like they are doing jumping jacks and I want to crawl right out of my own skin.
>
> I can't stand the constant state of super high alert-- like I just had a near death experience and my adrenaline is still ultra high and pumping.
>
> It's hard to describe but it's torment. I sometimes think I'd rather be depressed. Then I got really depressed and wished I just had anxiety.
>
> I look forward to going to sleep at night to get relief but dread waking up because I am so scared that feeling will be there.
>
> Some days are better than other's. I have gotten much worse lately-- not sure if it's the weather change, sickness, stress, or what but it's been bad.
>
>Spriggy,
If you want to babblemail me to compare notes or suggestions, that'd be fine.
Marsha
Posted by spriggy on October 16, 2005, at 17:37:36
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling? » spriggy, posted by 4wd on October 16, 2005, at 15:23:00
Yes, that's a perfect example of how it feels (the airplane phobia analogy). Which oddly enough, I do have a horrific fear of flying (and still manage to do it several times a year, bleek!).
My diagnosis; well, it depends on who you ask. LOL I definitely have had anxiety problems all my life- I was even thinking last night how as a young kid I would lye in bed at night absolutely TERRIFIED and shaking for no apparent reason.
It's hard to know what's genetic compared to upbrining etc.. I have a seriously unstable Bipolar father who also had a severely bipolar mother (who committed suicide). My father's bp has never been under control no matter what medicine they give him.
He has also battled a serious drug problem my entire life; cocaine and pain killer's especially. So I grew up with his issues plus a very neurotic, controlling, super anxious/worrier for a mother.
I dealt with abuse; physical, verbal, and later on in my early teen years, sexual.
I have a family history on both sides of mental illness; from bipolar, to generalized anxiety, panic attacks, sociopaths, etc..
My regular gp thought I was bipolar 2 (after my episode on Lexapro). I got sent to a psychologist who said, " You are not bipolar." THen later, as I continued to wig out, I checked myself into a psych ward (while withdrawing from Lexapro) and after 4 days there they released me and told I had akathasia.
Mind you, I've never had real treatment or evaluating- I don't think you can spend 15 minutes with a person and tell them what their problem or diagnosis is, and that's how it's been for me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a lot of physical things going on right now too; fever's, rash's, body aches, etc.. I see a rheumatologist in three weeks so hopefully I can get a definite diagnosis by then.
My gp thinks i have lupus, the neurologist said I had a fibromyalgia, and the allergist said I had asthma and severe allergies.
Only the Lord knows what's wrong in this body.
I was fairly normal until I got sick last Christmas (and had a traumatic event). I don't know if it was the physical illness this downward spiral or if it was the traumatic event (or both).
I could very well be bipolar and just be in extreme and total denial. Because of the way bipolar looks in my family, I think I'd rather have cancer.So maybe I don't want to believe it. I'm also a Christian and don't want to live with the stigma (or idea in my own head) that my faith is not strong enough.
I'm dealing with that right now.
On top of this, I have a lot of people counting on me; my son is severely autistic, my husband just started a church, etc..
I can't afford to not be well, and yet, here I am.
Not well.
Posted by spriggy on October 16, 2005, at 17:40:02
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling? » spriggy, posted by 4wd on October 16, 2005, at 15:23:00
I totally thought that I was babblemailing my above post and not posting for the world to see.
Oh well, good thing I'm an open book. LOL
Posted by 4wd on October 16, 2005, at 22:25:17
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling? » 4wd, posted by spriggy on October 16, 2005, at 17:37:36
>
Hi Spriggy,Me too. I tell everybody everything the minute I meet them.
Okay, we must be related somewhere down the line. You sound so much like me.
> My diagnosis; well, it depends on who you ask. LOL I definitely have had anxiety problems all my life- I was even thinking last night how as a young kid I would lye in bed at night absolutely TERRIFIED and shaking for no apparent reason.
I manifested my early childhood anxiety with physical symptoms. Picking at my skin, spastic colitis, etc. I was put on phenobarbital before I made it to Jr. High!
> It's hard to know what's genetic compared to upbrining etc.. I have a seriously unstable Bipolar father who also had a severely bipolar mother (who committed suicide). My father's bp has never been under control no matter what medicine they give him.That's scary.
>
> He has also battled a serious drug problem my entire life; cocaine and pain killer's especially. So I grew up with his issues plus a very neurotic, controlling, super anxious/worrier for a mother.I've been there myself with the pain pill issues. I abused them off and on for a long time before quitting last spring.
> I dealt with abuse; physical, verbal, and later on in my early teen years, sexual.
My father was an alcoholic and addicted to Valium. He had severe depression and anxiety. His grandfather was definitely disturbed - he killed himself in front of his six year old daughter. My maternal grandmother was severely depressed. My sister is depressed and my niece is bipolar. My uncle was an addict and alcholic and a suicide.
> I have a family history on both sides of mental illness; from bipolar, to generalized anxiety, panic attacks, sociopaths, etc..
Yes, see above.
> My regular gp thought I was bipolar 2 (after my episode on Lexapro).Lexapro made me so anxious. Paxil gave me panic attacks. Other SSRIs do tend to make me more anxious but they do work for depression.
I got sent to a psychologist who said, " You are not bipolar." THen later, as I continued to wig out, I checked myself into a psych ward (while withdrawing from Lexapro) and after 4 days there they released me and told I had akathasia.
Some diagnosis.> Mind you, I've never had real treatment or evaluating- I don't think you can spend 15 minutes with a person and tell them what their problem or diagnosis is, and that's how it's been for me.
Have you thought about going to a real pdoc for the whole shebang - the hour or two hour consultation where they take a history and do all that?
> I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a lot of physical things going on right now too; fever's, rash's, body aches, etc.. I see a rheumatologist in three weeks so hopefully I can get a definite diagnosis by then.
>
Depression and anxiety can cause a lot of that stuff. Have you had your cortisol level checked? I bet yours is sky high. Be sure to ask for a 24 hour urinary free cortisol (if your doctor thinks it's a good idea to check it). I was so sure my problem was physical I asked to have it checked. (Well, I also had a pituitary gland tumor and that was part of the workup) My level was 4 times normal. (Cortisol is the stress hormone)So the pdoc says the cortisol doesn't MAKE you anxious. ANd the endo says the cortisol is high BECAUSE I'm anxious.
> My gp thinks i have lupus, the neurologist said I had a fibromyalgia, and the allergist said I had asthma and severe allergies.
>
> Only the Lord knows what's wrong in this body.
>It just makes yo want to throw up your hands in despair and wish they'd all get together and talk to each other for goodness sakes.
> I was fairly normal until I got sick last
Christmas (and had a traumatic event). I don't know if it was the physical illness this downward spiral or if it was the traumatic event (or both).That is so weird. My stuff all started happening right after a traumatic event too. Well, it was actually a series of connected traumatic events.
> I could very well be bipolar and just be in extreme and total denial. Because of the way bipolar looks in my family, I think I'd rather have cancer.
>
> So maybe I don't want to believe it. I'm also a Christian and don't want to live with the stigma (or idea in my own head) that my faith is not strong enough.I know what you mean. Like if you could just turn it over to God you ought to feel better. Or at least be able to accept the situation and trust that God will take care of you. But when you are terrified, it's real hard to feel trust.
> I'm dealing with that right now.
>
> On top of this, I have a lot of people counting on me; my son is severely autistic, my husband just started a church, etc..Wow. You do have a lot. Having an autistic child would be extremely demanding and traumatic in itself. Here's mine. My mom has Alzheimer's, my husband abuses the same pain pills I quit using, my sister stole half my parents' life savings and now I have to pay the bills with only half the money they had. I don't know if that makes you feel any better but maybe the misery loves company thing?
> I can't afford to not be well, and yet, here I am.
>
Exactly. I quit my job a couple of years ago when I started to spiral downward. There is so much happening in my life right now that I need to be taking care of and I just can't do it. Or, rather, I do it, but I tremble through it and worry ceaselessly.On the plus side, right now, I'm okay. I am so grateful that it does go away at night.
Do you have any time when it's not present at all? When you feel normal?
Do you take hormones of any kind? I have a sneaking suspicion that the progesterone in my HRT is NOT good for my mental state.
Hang in there. One day, one of us will get a diagnosis and then we'll BOTH know what the matter is and get well.Marsha
Posted by spriggy on October 17, 2005, at 22:52:50
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling?, posted by 4wd on October 16, 2005, at 22:25:17
Marsha,
Thanks so much for your response. Yes, we sound so much a like. Makes me feel better already-- not better that YOU suffer this way-- but better because I am not alone!
I thought something was interesting that you wrote- about the progesterone. Right before all this started with me, I had a dear friend SWEAR up and down (and sideways) that my PMS and cycles would be ooh so great if I rubbed this progesterone cream into my skin every night.I did it. I'm only 27 so no premenopause stuff yet, I just did it because she swore it suddenly caused her to grow a halo (LOL). Anyway, I've always had a sneakin' suspicion that the cream whacked my system/hormones/endocrine system all up and put me in this state.
But maybe I'm wrong. I have no idea.
Oh, and also I do feel normal- some days I feel normal all day long. It's weird. It comes and goes.I usually feel okay in the mid morning/afternoon for about 4 hours. The strange thing is that I start running a fever (low grade) and that's when the "weirdness" kicks in.
I don't know what's related to what. If I am bipolar, I suspect that it's still much more than that. I don't think bipolar can give you fevers, weight loss, high white counts, rashes, etc..
ROFL
My other suspicion is that I'm some freak of nature. ROFL
No seriously, I am just trying to work on this daily with the Lord and lots of prayer. I wish I could see a psychiatrist but our insurance only covers half and I'd have to drive over 35 miles to get one! It's ridiculous around here.
I imagine if all these other roads lead to a complete dead end (specialists, etc..) I will have no choice.
I am going to see a nutritionist this week- I am doing chiropractic care for my fibromyalgia and occasionally do massage therapy as well.
I just have to take this one day at a time. It's hard though. Life won't just stand still for me to feel better.Thank you for listening and sharing! It's already made me feel better. You sure have a lot on your plate as well. I'll make sure to be praying for you.
((((hugs))))
Posted by 4wd on October 18, 2005, at 13:28:47
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling?, posted by spriggy on October 17, 2005, at 22:52:50
> Marsha,
>
> Thanks so much for your response. Yes, we sound so much a like. Makes me feel better already-- not better that YOU suffer this way-- but better because I am not alone!
>
>
> I thought something was interesting that you wrote- about the progesterone. Right before all this started with me, I had a dear friend SWEAR up and down (and sideways) that my PMS and cycles would be ooh so great if I rubbed this progesterone cream into my skin every night.
>
> I did it. I'm only 27 so no premenopause stuff yet, I just did it because she swore it suddenly caused her to grow a halo (LOL). Anyway, I've always had a sneakin' suspicion that the cream whacked my system/hormones/endocrine system all up and put me in this state.
>
If you haven't already, QUIT USING THAT CREAM! I tried some bioidentical hormones and freaked right out! It was the progesterone, I'm sure. I've read on the web about people who were plunged into severe depression by hormone injections. There's even someone on this site who talks about ithttp://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041108/msgs/414029.html
> But maybe I'm wrong. I have no idea.
>
>
> Oh, and also I do feel normal- some days I feel normal all day long. It's weird. It comes and goes.
>
> I usually feel okay in the mid morning/afternoon for about 4 hours. The strange thing is that I start running a fever (low grade) and that's when the "weirdness" kicks in.
>
That different from me. It's the same every day. Anxious in the morning, better in the afternoon and pretty good at night. Some nights, I feel actually normal.
> I don't know what's related to what. If I am bipolar, I suspect that it's still much more than that. I don't think bipolar can give you fevers, weight loss, high white counts, rashes, etc..
>
> ROFLNo, there's something definitely going on there.
>
> My other suspicion is that I'm some freak of nature. ROFLNo, can't be. There are two of us at least. Ha.
> No seriously, I am just trying to work on this daily with the Lord and lots of prayer. I wish I could see a psychiatrist but our insurance only covers half and I'd have to drive over 35 miles to get one! It's ridiculous around here.I drive 85 miles one way to my pdoc. There are others closer (40 miles) but mine is so special it's worth the trip. I really think your medical issues are causing a lot of your stuff, though, so I'd work on that first. I know fibromyalgia can contribute to depression and mood problems.
>
> I imagine if all these other roads lead to a complete dead end (specialists, etc..) I will have no choice.
>
> I am going to see a nutritionist this week- I am doing chiropractic care for my fibromyalgia and occasionally do massage therapy as well.
>
Cymbalta is supposed to be good for fibro but it didn't help me much with my depression.>
> I just have to take this one day at a time. It's hard though. Life won't just stand still for me to feel better.
>
> Thank you for listening and sharing! It's already made me feel better. You sure have a lot on your plate as well. I'll make sure to be praying for you.
>
> ((((hugs))))Thanks. We'll pray for each other. I guess God will know who I'm talking about if I say spriggy, right?
Marsah
Posted by spriggy on October 19, 2005, at 13:51:46
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling? » spriggy, posted by 4wd on October 18, 2005, at 13:28:47
Oh Yes, Marsha..
He knows Spriggy pretty well by now.
He broke the mold when he made me. ROFL
This is the end of the thread.
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