Posted by 4wd on October 14, 2005, at 21:12:27
I am scared to death. I believe I am experiencing ultra ultra rapid cycling. I wake up full of agitation (that's what wakes me up, three hours too early). I'm scared and full of terrible nervous energy. This sometimes stays all day or levels off in late afternoon and then I feel okay at night. Other days, I have spells of the deepest depression one minute and fifteen minutes later terror. Sometimes both at the same time. I feel hopeless and like I can't control my brain and sometimes suicidal because it's all driving me crazy.
I haven't had any episodes of elation or euphoria. If I have mania it's the bad kind. Is there such a thing? I feel so full of bad, nervous energy, I think I'm going to explode or jump out the window.
I can't be around people who talk fast or are peppy because I get drawn into them and get so wound up.
I feel agitated and nervous and hyper and bad at teh same time. I have suicidal thoughts almost every day.
I'm terrified of the meds making me fat and stupid. I'm terrified of starting on a new round of med trials and side effects.
I've never had a complete remission from depression even though I've been on every ssri, snri and many tricyclics. SSRIs make me more agitated but keep me out of clinical depression.
This all started about a year and a half ago. I switched from Effexor to Paxil and got extremely panicky and agitated. Same thing happened when I switched again from Effexor to Cymbalta. When I went back to Effexor that time, it didn't help with the agitation and fear anymore. So I went to Celexa again but that didn't help either.
Does this sound like bipolar? Can you go from being mainly depressed with anxiety to being bipolar, especially if some big trauma sets it off? My pdoc suggested at my last appointment that maybe bipolar was the problem and that maybe I'd been misdiagnosed in the past but I was so sure I was just depressed and anxious I kind of shrugged it off. But I've been keeping a mood chart and I can see it now in black and white how I'm not stable.
I am so scared and I don't have a clue as to which meds are best.
Please help me somebody.
marsha
poster:4wd
thread:566985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051010/msgs/566985.html