![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 30. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maxime on October 6, 2005, at 19:40:07
I can't take this depression any more. I haven't showered or changed my clothes in 4 days. I've never done this before.
I just don't care about anything anymore. I don't even care about having a job because I don't think I can work right now.
I just want to be semi-normal to know what it feeld like.
Maxime
Posted by rjlockhart98 on October 6, 2005, at 20:00:50
In reply to Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 6, 2005, at 19:40:07
maxime,
please take care of yourself. If you are low on money, there are supplements you can take, such as L-Tyrosine at a supplement store, which increases dopamine levels, which increases drive. You said something about Adderall XR? i was on adderall for 8 years. I take Dexedrine now 30mg. If you coulnt get the prescription, go to the nutrition store, look for L-Tyrosine, and buy a overthe counter stimulant. This will somewhat simulate a amphetamine effect, until you can get back your feet. Dr-bob, please dont redirect this, i am trying to give help by mentioning a supplement.
I am so sorry what you going through, if i had money, i would mail it to you. Im trying to get a Executive assisant job at Pier 1 imports.
Mind set really is what can make reality. Depression can ruine it, but try somehow to change your mind into positive, of yourself, and then have drive to keep up. Thats the same thing im going through.
((HUG))
Please take care
Matt
Posted by Phillipa on October 6, 2005, at 20:35:59
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 6, 2005, at 20:00:50
Maxie, so no luck with the adderal yet? So sorry wish I could help. Love Phillipa
Posted by Ilene on October 6, 2005, at 21:21:33
In reply to Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 6, 2005, at 19:40:07
You and me both. This disease never leaves me alone. I'm starting to pull out of "thinking about suicide all the time" to "low level of functionality". I am frightened that I'm never going to get better, that I'll always be susceptible to sliding back down, and that it can happen at any moment....
My pdoc just called me. She wants me to see her tomorrow. My T wants to talk to me. I suppose these are good things, but I don't know what they can do for me in the short term. They've both given me pep talks, but I tend to forget what they say.
Are you on meds/seeing a pdoc?
Got to go now.
I.
Posted by 4wd on October 6, 2005, at 22:28:24
In reply to Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 6, 2005, at 19:40:07
> I can't take this depression any more. I haven't showered or changed my clothes in 4 days. I've never done this before.
>
> I just don't care about anything anymore. I don't even care about having a job because I don't think I can work right now.
>
> I just want to be semi-normal to know what it feeld like.
>
> Maxime
Maxime,What do you do all day? Are you able to get up and watch TV or anything at all? Are you crying all the time? I mean is this severe dysthymia or is it the clinical deep dark pit where the pain is unbearable?
Marsha
Posted by gardenergirl on October 6, 2005, at 23:13:46
In reply to Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 6, 2005, at 19:40:07
Maxime,
I wish I knew what to say. I wish you felt better.((((Maxime))))
gg
Posted by UgottaHaveHope on October 7, 2005, at 0:40:28
In reply to Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 6, 2005, at 19:40:07
well, you took time to post. that's a baby step. by posting, you essentially reached out for help. deep down inside, that means you really want to get better.
i am sorry you are going through such a challenging time right now. please keep posting and let us know what you are thinking. we care.
Posted by rod on October 7, 2005, at 10:57:53
In reply to Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 6, 2005, at 19:40:07
> I haven't showered or changed my clothes in 4 days.
ehrm well, lets say, welcome to my world .....
But hang in there ... brighter days will come soon...hugs
ROli
Posted by SLS on October 7, 2005, at 11:54:55
In reply to Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 6, 2005, at 19:40:07
Hi Maxime.
> I just want to be semi-normal to know what it feeld like.
Can you remember a time when you felt better?
There is a certain timelessness about depression. It seems to have no beginning and no end.
There usually is a beginning, though.
How old were you when your illness first appeared?
- Scott
Posted by Maxime on October 7, 2005, at 14:39:56
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone? » Maxime, posted by Ilene on October 6, 2005, at 21:21:33
I'm not really seeing a pdoc now. I moved in July leaving my pdoc behind. Wish I could have brought him along. But I did return for visit and I saw him.
As far as meds are concerned, I've been on them them and tried them all. I do take Parnate, Synthroid (hypothyroid), Trileptal and Klonopin. I use Dexedrine when I really can't function. Although I have tried it past week and it doesn't help.
You can ask Link ... there is no way I can find a new doc here. I'm in Canada. First, I would have find a GP ... impossible who would refer me to a GP ... impossible. Severe shortage of doctors here.
So I am stuck ... as usual. I f*cking hate being me. I'm worthless. I could disappear from the planet and no one would know.
Maxime
> You and me both. This disease never leaves me alone. I'm starting to pull out of "thinking about suicide all the time" to "low level of functionality". I am frightened that I'm never going to get better, that I'll always be susceptible to sliding back down, and that it can happen at any moment....
>
> My pdoc just called me. She wants me to see her tomorrow. My T wants to talk to me. I suppose these are good things, but I don't know what they can do for me in the short term. They've both given me pep talks, but I tend to forget what they say.
>
> Are you on meds/seeing a pdoc?
>
> Got to go now.
>
> I.
>
>
Posted by ed_uk on October 7, 2005, at 14:40:26
In reply to Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 6, 2005, at 19:40:07
Dear Maxie,
HUGS
Perhaps you should try fluoxetine (Prozac) again, say 80mg/day. I rememeber you saying that you responded to high-dose fluoxetine in the past. If you taper off Parnate you could start fluoxetine in a few weeks. You'd need to wait 2 weeks after stopping Parnate before you could start fluoxetine.
With love
~Ed xx
Posted by ed_uk on October 7, 2005, at 14:41:08
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by rod on October 7, 2005, at 10:57:53
Hi Roli
How are you feeling now you're back on clomipramine?
~ed
Posted by Maxime on October 7, 2005, at 14:42:15
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Phillipa on October 6, 2005, at 20:35:59
> Maxie, so no luck with the adderal yet? So sorry wish I could help. Love Phillipa
No, no luck yet. I don't have the funds for that. I know you wish you could help ... I wish I could help you as well.
Hugs,
Maxie
Posted by Maxime on October 7, 2005, at 14:48:32
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone? » Maxime, posted by 4wd on October 6, 2005, at 22:28:24
I have about 2 hours in the day where I go on the computer or watch TV. The rest of the time I am in bed crying and crying or just laying there looking at the wall. Some days I can't cry ... I just look at the wall. Some days I can't get up for 2 hours ... maybe only 30 minutes. I don't sleep when I am in bed ... I just lay there ... not caring anymore. So what is that?
Maxime
> > I can't take this depression any more. I haven't showered or changed my clothes in 4 days. I've never done this before.
> >
> > I just don't care about anything anymore. I don't even care about having a job because I don't think I can work right now.
> >
> > I just want to be semi-normal to know what it feeld like.
> >
> > Maxime
>
>
> Maxime,
>
> What do you do all day? Are you able to get up and watch TV or anything at all? Are you crying all the time? I mean is this severe dysthymia or is it the clinical deep dark pit where the pain is unbearable?
>
> Marsha
>
Posted by Maxime on October 7, 2005, at 14:58:09
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone? » Maxime, posted by SLS on October 7, 2005, at 11:54:55
I took my first OD when I was 4. So I guess 4. I told my mom that the world was ugly.
Going to school was really traumatic for me for various reasons. I don't remember really feeling happy except when I was really, really, young.
Although I haven't been happy I have still been able to push myself to do well in school and go on to do my Masters degree. I have held down high stress and high responsibility jobs. Very high functioning my PDOCS have always said. That is mainly to please someone, especially my parents (now there is just my mom, but I feel like my dad is looking down and shaking his head). But it's always there. Then the anorexia gets worse. And I don't know where one begins and the other ends.
And now I am really tired again and I have to go bed.
I've missed you Scott.
Maxime
> Hi Maxime.
>
> > I just want to be semi-normal to know what it feeld like.
>
> Can you remember a time when you felt better?
>
> There is a certain timelessness about depression. It seems to have no beginning and no end.
>
> There usually is a beginning, though.
>
> How old were you when your illness first appeared?
>
>
> - Scott
Posted by Maxime on October 7, 2005, at 15:01:26
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 6, 2005, at 20:00:50
Hi Matt - I have taken L-Tyrosine but it does not go well with Parnate (for me anyway). But that was a really good suggestion. I took it because I read it helped the thyroid.
Maxime
> maxime,
>
> please take care of yourself. If you are low on money, there are supplements you can take, such as L-Tyrosine at a supplement store, which increases dopamine levels, which increases drive. You said something about Adderall XR? i was on adderall for 8 years. I take Dexedrine now 30mg. If you coulnt get the prescription, go to the nutrition store, look for L-Tyrosine, and buy a overthe counter stimulant. This will somewhat simulate a amphetamine effect, until you can get back your feet. Dr-bob, please dont redirect this, i am trying to give help by mentioning a supplement.
>
> I am so sorry what you going through, if i had money, i would mail it to you. Im trying to get a Executive assisant job at Pier 1 imports.
>
> Mind set really is what can make reality. Depression can ruine it, but try somehow to change your mind into positive, of yourself, and then have drive to keep up. Thats the same thing im going through.
>
> ((HUG))
>
> Please take care
>
> Matt
Posted by Maxime on October 7, 2005, at 15:04:53
In reply to Re: 1 step at a time, posted by UgottaHaveHope on October 7, 2005, at 0:40:28
Thank you. You are very kind. I guess deep down everyone wants to survive ... really really really deep down.
Maxie
> well, you took time to post. that's a baby step. by posting, you essentially reached out for help. deep down inside, that means you really want to get better.
>
> i am sorry you are going through such a challenging time right now. please keep posting and let us know what you are thinking. we care.
Posted by Maxime on October 7, 2005, at 15:07:15
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by rod on October 7, 2005, at 10:57:53
They never seem to come for me ...but I like the idea that it can happen.
I'm really outta it now. M
> > I haven't showered or changed my clothes in 4 days.
>
> ehrm well, lets say, welcome to my world .....
>
>
> But hang in there ... brighter days will come soon...
>
> hugs
>
> ROli
Posted by rod on October 7, 2005, at 15:16:36
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone? » rod, posted by ed_uk on October 7, 2005, at 14:41:08
> Hi Roli
>
> How are you feeling now you're back on clomipramine?
>
> ~edcrappy. its complcated. I've sent you a babblemail....
Posted by 4wd on October 7, 2005, at 20:35:05
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone? » 4wd, posted by Maxime on October 7, 2005, at 14:48:32
> I have about 2 hours in the day where I go on the computer or watch TV. The rest of the time I am in bed crying and crying or just laying there looking at the wall. Some days I can't cry ... I just look at the wall. Some days I can't get up for 2 hours ... maybe only 30 minutes. I don't sleep when I am in bed ... I just lay there ... not caring anymore. So what is that?
>
> Maxime
>
Does it hurt? Emotionally, I mean. Or is it that dead feeling where you can't feel anything, any emotion and just feel dead inside. I guess it must hurt or you wouldn't be crying so much. I don't know what I'm trying to say. It's just I've recently been (still going through) a time where I am in so much pain that I'd do anything to make it stop. Emotional pain. Black depression. Writhing in the floor pain. I was wondering if yours was like that.Sending hopeful thoughts for the future.
Marsha
>
> > > I can't take this depression any more. I haven't showered or changed my clothes in 4 days. I've never done this before.
> > >
> > > I just don't care about anything anymore. I don't even care about having a job because I don't think I can work right now.
> > >
> > > I just want to be semi-normal to know what it feeld like.
> > >
> > > Maxime
> >
> >
> > Maxime,
> >
> > What do you do all day? Are you able to get up and watch TV or anything at all? Are you crying all the time? I mean is this severe dysthymia or is it the clinical deep dark pit where the pain is unbearable?
> >
> > Marsha
> >
>
>
Posted by Maxime on October 8, 2005, at 1:46:24
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone? » Maxime, posted by ed_uk on October 7, 2005, at 14:40:26
> Dear Maxie,
>
> HUGS
>
> Perhaps you should try fluoxetine (Prozac) again, say 80mg/day. I rememeber you saying that you responded to high-dose fluoxetine in the past. If you taper off Parnate you could start fluoxetine in a few weeks. You'd need to wait 2 weeks after stopping Parnate before you could start fluoxetine.
>
> With love
>
> ~Ed xxif i takes prozac then i wait 5 weeks to starts parnate again if it doesnt' work fo r me. but parnate not working anyway so no things ot lose right? need a person to tell me what ti do. maybe just take PEZ candies? noything works anyway,
M
Posted by Jedi on October 8, 2005, at 3:03:04
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 8, 2005, at 1:46:24
> if i takes prozac then i wait 5 weeks to starts parnate again if it doesnt' work fo r me. but parnate not working anyway so no things ot lose right? need a person to tell me what ti do. maybe just take PEZ candies? noything works anyway,
>
> MHi Maxime,
I can't remember if you had tried Nardil. Parnate did not work at all for me while Nardil worked wonders. Works best for atypical depression and social anxiety.
JediEfficacy and tolerability of tranylcypromine versus phenelzine: a double-blind study in antidepressant-refractory depressed inpatients.
Link:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=pubmed&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=15554763&query_hl=30
Posted by ed_uk on October 8, 2005, at 11:36:49
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 8, 2005, at 1:46:24
Hi M,
Apart from Parnate, what is the best antidepressant you've been on? Was it Prozac? I think you said it was. If so, I think you should try it again. You haven't been on Prozac for a long time, it might have renewed effectiveness now.
Love
~Ed
Posted by Sebastian on October 8, 2005, at 16:32:36
In reply to Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Maxime on October 6, 2005, at 19:40:07
Try a mood stablizer like zyprexa.
Posted by Tom Twilight on October 8, 2005, at 18:09:33
In reply to Re: Why can't it leave me alone?, posted by Sebastian on October 8, 2005, at 16:32:36
Hey Maxime
I'm really sorry you feel so crap
I'm also sorry to have responded so late to your post
I wrote a long reply last night, but managed to loose it trying to edit it!
I'm so tired at the moment
Also I suffer more from anxiety than depression, but I'll do my best to helpYour taking Parnate and Dexedrine at the moment right?
I know you've tried a lot of meds but there must be some medications you haven't tried
If you could post a list of all the meds you've taken then it would be helpful.
At least then we'd know what you haven't tried, I know your feeling hopless at the moment but it might be worth it.Personally I think you should probably try augmenting Parnate before trying a different med.
Have you tried Mirtazapine/Remeron?
On its own it doesn't do much, but when its combined with other meds it can give them a much needed boost.
To illistrate this point I was on 225mgs of Effexor which wasn't helping, I was almost bed bound by depression. I added 30mgs of Mirtaz to help me sleep, and felt like a different person the next day.
Mirtazapine probably doesn't synagise with Parnate the same way as Effexor, but it still might help.
I also *think* its safe to combine Mirtazapine with MAOIs (especially in dire situations)as long as you haven't got high blood pressure.
I combined 30mgs with my Marplan with no ill effects, other than painfull eyes.It might also be worth trying Reboxetine, its a stimulating AD that inhibits the re-uptake of Noradrenaline, like Desipramine.
Desipramine made you drowsy, but Reboxetine doesn't have Desipramine's anti-histamine effects.
Reboxetine can be combined with MAOIs, in one study it was shown to actually help prevent hypertensive crisis's.Lastly Phenibut had a rapid antidepressant effect on me, although it lost effectivness after a few days.
Its cheap and freely available, so it might be worth a try.
I'm sorry if any of the aproaches I've mentioned sound risky, or reckless.
There are others on the board with much more experience and knowlage than me I'm just doing my best to help.> So I am stuck ... as usual. I f*cking hate being me. I'm worthless. I could disappear from the planet and no one would know.
>
> MaximeYour not worthless Maxine, your a kind and helpful person!
You've done your best to stay well, its not your fault your treatment resistant.
If you disappeared you would be sorely missed by many people on this board at least!
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.