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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by iforgotmypassword on July 7, 2005, at 16:13:26
it takes enormous amounts of willpower to even approach any task, let alone pursue it to completion. everything i do, i do clumsily. i cannot express myself, no matter the situation with people. i am incapable of sustaining any interest in any sort of activity or subject. i do not have any friends, and i am not fond of the people i do associate with. doctors and other professionals have negated the idea that i suffer from any legitimate mood disorder and that my problems specifically lie in my harmful personality. they are unwilling to pursue any creative medication or treatment regimes except in the case where i do all the research that i have limited capability of doing as i have zero dependable functionality. i am unaware of any way to make myself into a functional individual and find a life worth living. i am now 21, havent completed high school, have a rapidly declining IQ, don't work, and it seems that i am solidifying into this dispicable mess. looking for help to end my life is a fruitless struggle with societies immature views of suicide. does anyone know of any way to overcome personality disorder and functional paralysis so that someone can have some level of dignity. medications, nutrients, or somatic treatments perferred. thanx. :)
Posted by Ilene on July 7, 2005, at 19:34:47
In reply to i can't get myself to do anything., posted by iforgotmypassword on July 7, 2005, at 16:13:26
> it takes enormous amounts of willpower to even approach any task, let alone pursue it to completion. everything i do, i do clumsily. i cannot express myself, no matter the situation with people. i am incapable of sustaining any interest in any sort of activity or subject. i do not have any friends, and i am not fond of the people i do associate with. doctors and other professionals have negated the idea that i suffer from any legitimate mood disorder and that my problems specifically lie in my harmful personality. they are unwilling to pursue any creative medication or treatment regimes except in the case where i do all the research that i have limited capability of doing as i have zero dependable functionality. i am unaware of any way to make myself into a functional individual and find a life worth living. i am now 21, havent completed high school, have a rapidly declining IQ, don't work, and it seems that i am solidifying into this dispicable mess. looking for help to end my life is a fruitless struggle with societies immature views of suicide. does anyone know of any way to overcome personality disorder and functional paralysis so that someone can have some level of dignity. medications, nutrients, or somatic treatments perferred. thanx. :)
You sound a lot like me, except I am 30 years older. You sound depressed--I'm surprised you haven't been diagnosed w/ major depression. Maybe you need a new pdoc. Have you told him or her you're suicidal? That usually gets people's attention.
I'm on meds, but they don't do too much anymore. I had ECT but it didn't do anything either. I was in a partial hospitalization program for a few months, but it didn't help either. It's down to me. I've been taking small steps in putting my life together. I'll be getting a new pdoc soon. I do some volunteer work. I'm starting hobbies again. I force myself to do a tiny amount of necessary but unpleasant work every day, such as pay bills. I still look forward to bedtime because then I don't have to search for something to do to stave off the boredom. OK, off to the post office to mail the bills I paid today. Then there is a sink full of dishes. I can listen to the radio while I do them. Maybe I'll start a sewing project this evening.
Ilene
Posted by iforgotmypassword on July 8, 2005, at 6:08:51
In reply to Re: i can't get myself to do anything. » iforgotmypassword, posted by Ilene on July 7, 2005, at 19:34:47
i'm pretty sure that i made it clear that i can see no alternative to killing myself. anyways thank you for responding, i don't know what to do, but for some horrible reason i always survive.
Posted by Denise1966 on July 8, 2005, at 7:28:31
In reply to Re: i can't get myself to do anything., posted by iforgotmypassword on July 8, 2005, at 6:08:51
Hi I forgot my password,
Let's both wait another year then if we're both feeling the same way and I am feeling like you then we can both do it together.
The only problem I have with suicide is I'm not sure I can bear the thought of my mum putting flowers on my grave.
I've even been thinking about trying to persuade her that it would be the best thing for me but I know there's no way she would accept it.
Denise
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 8, 2005, at 9:40:50
In reply to Re: To I forgot my password, posted by Denise1966 on July 8, 2005, at 7:28:31
> Let's both wait another year then if we're both feeling the same way and I am feeling like you then we can both do it together.
Please don't suggest that others harm themselves. Even in an attempt to be supportive.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by SLS on July 8, 2005, at 10:01:59
In reply to Re: To I forgot my password, posted by Denise1966 on July 8, 2005, at 7:28:31
:-(
Keep moving forward if you can.
If you are stuck, resist moving backwards.
If you are moving backwards, fight not to move back too fast.
If you are moving back too fast, don't worry, I will be there to catch you.
You will find that when you are ready and able to stand with or without help, you don't have to start from the beginning again. You can return to the point where the winds of the hurricane first hit you. You will be able to move forward again.Mushy, I know.
- Scott
Posted by ed_uk on July 8, 2005, at 13:51:22
In reply to i can't get myself to do anything., posted by iforgotmypassword on July 7, 2005, at 16:13:26
Dear IFMP,
Do you have a diagnosis?
~Ed
Posted by Declan on July 8, 2005, at 17:45:53
In reply to i can't get myself to do anything., posted by iforgotmypassword on July 7, 2005, at 16:13:26
My way of dealing with functional paralysis was to become a heroin addict. I was unable to act spontaneously or much at all. Anyway I don't recommend what I did but under certain circumstances I'd do it again. I'm sorry things are so awful for you. What Scott said was nice, wasn't it?
Declan
Posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2005, at 23:44:39
In reply to Re: i can't get myself to do anything., posted by Declan on July 8, 2005, at 17:45:53
Scott is a very strong person with a lot of Faith. Myself, I take babysteps. Just a little bit more each day. Please don't harm yourself. If you are that serious you need to be in a hospital where you are safe. Is there someone there with you? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by iforgotmypassword on July 9, 2005, at 9:54:36
In reply to Re: i can't get myself to do anything. » iforgotmypassword, posted by ed_uk on July 8, 2005, at 13:51:22
i'm really sorry to have put you in such a vulnerable position denise, and thank you for everyting everyone said.
i know that i have a personality disorder. narcissistic and possibly borderline. dependant and passive agressive personality traits were also noted but i really feel i'm not lazy and useless like this to hurt anyone, or out of malicious spite, it really takes so much willpower to do anything but eat and be clingy like a small child. my cognitive ability is so horrible and i can't think about anything properly, i'm even having trouble with the windows on this screen. i really wonder if i have brain damage or something. i used to use drugs a lot. mostly just a lot of pot and mushrooms sometimes, but i was never careful who i bought from, and i heard wierd things about a lot of the stuff we used. but even then i reacted so much MUCH more severely to the drugs than anyone i was with. it was misery for everyone trying to cope with my presence. and when i was little i was always doing wierd obnoxious ridiculous things and i never kept or had any awareness of what was appropriate and even if i did i still did random malicious things. i could hardly ever function socially. i just rejected all authority and help and lashed out as if it were their fault. even with this i was considered a gifted child. and now look at me i can barely make functional sentences. i was diagnosed with ADD before and asperger's as well but i really don't know if that's really me. i definately have a lot of trouble caring for people. love in my life has been so much torture to me, but i've been so abusive towards everyone i've been with and i can't even tell that i'm doing it until someone is forced to shove it in my face in defense of the poor person i am abusing. i never stop thinking every day about my ex-girlfriend that i lost over three and a half years ago. i still cannot accept that i've lost her forever. i've fantasized about horrible things like killing her parents and even her! it's such a horrible nightmare. i don't know why i am or how i became this disgusting person. all my life ive tried to be someone i'm not and i can't ever tell who i really am and what my actual likes and dislikes are. my brain is like a huge glob of coagulated toxic sludge hardening into conrete. i can never say anything that i ever feel like i mean to say. every task i try to do i screw up and make a huge mess i can't understand. i tell myself i just want to die, but i'm so terrified of what will happen to me if i kill myself. and i always dream of being loved and cherished, always like my ex-girlfriend will one day come back to save me and i don't know how to stop. i'm paralysed as this horrible individual and even if i knew how to help myself escape this i couldn't know how to force myself to do it. i've proven to everyone how disgusting i am. i really really wish i were never born.
Posted by iforgotmypassword on July 9, 2005, at 10:00:40
In reply to Re: i can't get myself to do anything., posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2005, at 23:44:39
i'm really sorry ive subjected everyone to all of my disgusting self-pity. i know i don't deserve any help from anyone. i don't know how to get rid of this disgusting person. i just want to be forgiven and my life completely erased from time.
Posted by ed_uk on July 9, 2005, at 10:15:32
In reply to Re: i can't get myself to do anything., posted by iforgotmypassword on July 9, 2005, at 10:00:40
Hi IFMP,
>i know i don't deserve any help from anyone.
You do deserve help....and you'll need a lot of help. Do you see a psychologist aswell as a pdoc?
>i'm really sorry ive subjected everyone to all of my disgusting self-pity.
Your post was an honest description of how you are feeling. Don't be sorry.
Kind regards
~Ed
Posted by Declan on July 10, 2005, at 3:45:58
In reply to Re: i can't get myself to do anything., posted by iforgotmypassword on July 9, 2005, at 10:00:40
Don't be silly. Your posts are really interesting, I always look out for them.
Declan
Posted by StressedandDepressed on July 12, 2005, at 10:55:45
In reply to Re: i can't get myself to do anything., posted by iforgotmypassword on July 8, 2005, at 6:08:51
Hi there.... It's sad because I know how you feel. I can't get myself to do anything either. After droping out of college, I started using drugs and alcohol hardcore. Now I am all messed up and I never feel good. People say that I am just a hypocondriac but I promise you, I always either feel depressed or sick, etc. I am 24 years old and still live with my mom! Now talk about a loser. From reading through your posts, I see that you are really really smart. Your grammar, etc... is really good. So don't think that you are stupid. You are trying to get help, thats a smart thing! I felt like giving up so many times, and I still do sometimes now but the thing that stops me is what my mom tells me everyday. "Life is tough now a days, very hard". Surviving in todays world is tough. I live in Miami and the people down here are MEAN and cruel. I got picked on my whole 12 years living here. "Freckle Face, cracker, etc". I started using drugs to fit in with all the other losers out here. Now I am paying the price. I am sure if we just find the right medication and surround ourselves around positive people, we will one day feel better!! Just keep that hope. Today is my mom's b-day and I have no motivation to do anything for her. I don't feel good ofcourse but I am going to get off my *ss and take her to the Hard Rock for lunch and TRY to be happy and think positive. I am happy that we have this forum, it is so comforting to hear other peoples stories and get advice from people who have been there. Good luck to you and keep on posting. Writing down your feelings and problems always helps releive some stress.
This is the end of the thread.
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