![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by Maxime on March 12, 2005, at 22:07:06
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do?, posted by SLS on March 12, 2005, at 20:23:27
Hi Scott:
Actually my doctor had me on Adderall XR and Parnate at the same time. He knows about the contraindications but believes there are exceptions. He also believes that I know my body so well and trusts that I will stop a med if any weird things start to happen (secretly I was hoping for stroke that would kill me).
No, I am not allowed to be sick. I have to do my volunteer work. It's all I have. I feel useless and worthless as it is. Without all the volunteer work I do, I would feel ... completely dead. I volunteer for 3 difference organisations. I just found out that a grant I wrote came through and the mental health agency I wrote it for will be getting $25,000. It took me a long time to put it together, but it paid off in the end.
My doctor isn't listening to me these days. I sent him my journal where I made explicit reference to suicide. He said we have to keep trying. So I have decided that if I just have run myself into the ground that eventually someone will have to do something. Unfortunately I am a high-functioning depressive. Unless I wear my underwear on my head people find it hard to believe how much I suffer. But they only see me with my mask on.
Thanks Scott, you are a sweetie.
Maxime
> Hi Maxime.
>
> > I am currently NOT on an anti-depressant.
>
> How long ago did you stop taking Parnate? If it has been less than two weeks, your doctor might not be at all happy with you if he feels strongly about the contraindication of mixing an MAOI with a stimulant, despite their combined use being accepted by many as being a valid treatment strategy.
>
> I am a bad one to ask about self-medication, as I have had a history of this. So, if I were me :-), I would do what was necessary only if the event was important or unavoidable. I don't know if your volunteer work is important enough to you that you can't allow yourself to be sick. You are.
>
>
> - Scott
>
Posted by Maxime on March 12, 2005, at 22:16:54
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do?, posted by Phillipa on March 12, 2005, at 20:31:13
> Gee Maxime, I thought the trileptal, seroquel, and valium was all you needed? You were relaxed last night. how long ago since you took an Ad? Fondly, Phillipa
-------------------
I don't take valium ... never have. And I don't take Seroquel.I take Trileptal and clonazapam. I take thorazine when I am really desperate or I take Nozinan (another neuroleptic) to help me sleep. I haven't taken an AD since around February 15th???
Relaxed? Does apathy count as relaxed? I don't suffer from anxiety. I never have. Nope, I remain hopeless and worthless and fat.
Maxime
Posted by Phillipa on March 12, 2005, at 22:25:51
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do?, posted by Maxime on March 12, 2005, at 22:07:06
I'm sorry Maxime. I mixed your meds up with someone elses. It gets hard to remember what everyone is on. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Again, you demonstrate how caring of others you are. I think it's wonderful that you got the Grant. You must have worked very hard. Now, please take care of you, too. I understand how you feel about taking care of others. It helps with depression when you know you are doing important work for others that can't help themselves. It becomes almost like an antidepressant. I hope you will be able to do your work tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on March 12, 2005, at 23:47:30
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do? » Maxime, posted by Maximus on March 12, 2005, at 21:37:35
Cher Max,
Maintenant je prends le Trileptal et le Clonazapam.
J'ai déjà essayé plus de 40 médicaments. J'ai essayé chaque AD disponible au Canada.Je ne suis pas en forme. Je veux m'améliorer, mais je ne sais pas quoi faire.
Amicalement,
Max> Hi Max,
>
> I think you need to be on a mood stabilizer before taking an antidepressant. No? What did you try if i may ask?
>
> Be honest and trust your doctor. I will think to you Thuesday, dear friend.
Posted by pretty_paints on March 13, 2005, at 4:08:01
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do?, posted by SLS on March 12, 2005, at 20:23:27
I'm so sorry you're not doing well. I know what you mean about a high-functioning depressive. I know it wasn't supposed to be FUNNY but your post made me laugh. The bit about wearing underwear on your head. It's good you can still see what is funny to others, even tho you probably don't find it funny yourself! I used to be like that. I'd say something so-say ammusing, even tho I myself couldn't laugh about it.
I can't believe that you've completed a masters degree, whilst having two hospitalisations. That is amazing. I couldn't even bear to be at Uni right now. I don't know how you did it! What subject was it in? I'm v impressed!
Anyway, what are we going to do with you! We are going to get you well, YES!
Right, you said you have been on many medications. But don't worry, there will still be one that will work I am sure. You won't need to try ECT if you don't want to.
I know it's hard but just try and see if you can make it till tuesday. That sounds patronising, I don't mean it to. Just if you aim towards some particular date, it might help. Make sure your doc really understands this time about how bad you're feeling. Tell him you're suicidal and that you can't stand the way things are right now. Is there anything like a Crisis Team available (a group of people who come and visit you each day if things are getting really bad)?
I don't take a shower some days. It really seems like a huge ordeal. I think there are two ways things can go. Either you don't CARE enough to take a shower, like, "what's the point?", or you want to, but you just don't have the energy. Like, you CAN'T, rather than you don't want to. I usually am wanting to have a shower but just CAN'T. Even if I get myself in there, I'll just sit at the bottom of the shower with the water falling on my head, looking at my hairy legs that need shaving with not enough energy to actually SHAVE them. Ha ha ha.
So your meds are Trileptal and clonazapam. What is Trileptal? I'm assuming Clonazapam is a sedative? Like, diazepam or lorazepam? Do these help?
What do you take the Thorazine for? How does that help? Do you have psychotic symptoms at the moment, as part of the bipolar illness?
It's difficult for me to say "hey have you tried this?" and suggest medications, because you have been on so many. So I don't want to suggest things you've already tried. But maybe a different MAOI instead of parnate?
I think it's really great that you are doing volunteer work, and well done on the $25,000!! I admire you because there's no way I could do volunteer work at the mo. It just seems so difficult and big. Hopefully you will be able to make it along.
Right well I will send you a babblemail so we can have a chat, but I just thought I'd post here too. Haven't really made any suggestions have I? DOH. Just wanted to reply and say hi really. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps: WOW, you speak French! I had fun decoding what you wrote, took me back to school! How come you replied in French to Maximus? Is he/she french?
Posted by SLS on March 13, 2005, at 7:33:04
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do?, posted by Maxime on March 12, 2005, at 22:07:06
Hi Maxime.
> Actually my doctor had me on Adderall XR and Parnate at the same time. He knows about the contraindications but believes there are exceptions.
He sounds like a doctor who isn't afraid to be aggressive or look at unconventional alternatives. Do you have confidence in him?
> He also believes that I know my body so well and trusts that I will stop a med if any weird things start to happen (secretly I was hoping for stroke that would kill me).
I can relate to this. :-(
> No, I am not allowed to be sick. I have to do my volunteer work. It's all I have.I understand. I go to a partial care hospital a few time a week. It's all I have. Unfortunately, I am really not functional enough to do volunteer work. At least I am provided with some structure throughout the week.
> I feel useless and worthless as it is.
Evidently, your production at work argues against these things as being true. Depression can leave one's sense of self-esteem in ruins. It is a self-reinforcing cycle. The biological illness will make you feel worthless by warping your thoughts and feelings and bias them towards the negative. You are left without any positive. If you know that your degree of function is less than it would be were you well, this very real observation only serves to reinforce the negative thoughts you are already having. Please be aware, however, that you do function at your job, and that you have been worth to them at least $25,000. I would call that extremely valuable. Three organisations? One wasn't enough? :-) That sounds like someone who functions quite well. The cleverness of the cognitive beast of depression is that it exaggerates the negative and discounts the positive. Unfortunately, you make a good textbook example of this.
> Without all the volunteer work I do, I would feel ... completely dead. I volunteer for 3 difference organisations. I just found out that a grant I wrote came through and the mental health agency I wrote it for will be getting $25,000. It took me a long time to put it together, but it paid off in the end.
WOW!
You sure are dedicated.
> My doctor isn't listening to me these days. I sent him my journal where I made explicit reference to suicide. He said we have to keep trying. So I have decided that if I just have run myself into the ground that eventually someone will have to do something. Unfortunately I am a high-functioning depressive. Unless I wear my underwear on my head people find it hard to believe how much I suffer. But they only see me with my mask on.
:-)
I know this scenario only too well. If I acted the way I felt, I would remain motionless and stare at the wall. It is a chore to interact with other people. As a matter of fact, it is a chore to do everything. But the mask I wear, although not designed to be phony, does belie the severity of my illness. I had to remind my last doctor of this more than once. Keeping a journal and submitting an accurate list of symptoms, and a desription of what you really experience as depression sounds like a good idea. You can keep your journal private.
Please try to hold on to your sense of value of your core inner person. Regardless of how aweful you feel or how functionless you may be, the value of the core inner person remains the same. You are valuable because you are you. You are not your illness. You are not your job. You are Maxime.
- Scott
Posted by ed_uk on March 13, 2005, at 10:34:45
In reply to What am I suppose to do?, posted by Maxime on March 12, 2005, at 19:48:47
Hi Maxime!
>I am currently NOT on an anti-depressant. I am not sure what I am suppose to do. It's so frustrating. My pdoc told me to take the Parnate until he could think of something else, but I have not followed his orders because it stopped working.
In Canada, what is the system for importing drugs (with a prescription) which have not been approved by Health Canada? I know this is possible in most countries, so I'd imagine that it's possible in Canada too, perhaps you could speak to a pharmacist. You could import something like isocarboxazid (Marplan), an MAOI. Are there any ADs available in Canada which you haven't tried?
>Today I never got dressed or took a shower.
Hmm, sounds like me. I have the ability to waste vast amounts of time, more than most people.
Ed xx
Posted by Maximus on March 13, 2005, at 11:35:53
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do? » Maximus, posted by Maxime on March 12, 2005, at 23:47:30
> Cher Max,
>
> Maintenant je prends le Trileptal et le Clonazapam.
> J'ai déjà essayé plus de 40 médicaments. J'ai essayé chaque AD disponible au Canada.
>
> Je ne suis pas en forme. Je veux m'améliorer, mais je ne sais pas quoi faire.
>
> Amicalement,
> Max
Hi Maxime,You said you try 40 different meds. That's a lot. But did you give them a fair trial, long enough? Sometimes that is very long to find the right combo. I'm pretty confident you will find the right strategy which will work for you.
Actually, you said you are on Trileptal and Rivotril. You have a very bad bipolar depression, right? I think it's pretty normal to be depressed without an antidepressant. Trileptal like Tegretol does nothing for depression.
If it may help, here, at the head quarter of the bipolar center of Québec city, the ultimate successful treatment for the bipolar depression is this following equation:
1- Lithium + Lamictal + Antipressant.
Did you ever try the above combo?
Well, that's all for the moment. I hope that helps.
Please keep me in touch!
Posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 19:56:16
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do? » Maxime, posted by Maximus on March 13, 2005, at 11:35:53
Hello Maximus
Yes, 40 meds over 10 years or more. I gave then a long enough trial when I could. I have had some strange reactions to medication including rashes, psychotic episodes, seizures and my favourite(not), lactating.
Lamictal made me very depressed. I tried it at various dosages and it made me more depressed. I go toxic on Lithium. I have tried different dosage and I always go toxic. I have been on many antidepressants. All of the SSRIs made me manic. I had a seizure on Wellbutrin (2 seizures actually). Effexor made me VERY manic. The best luck I had was with Parnate, an MAOI. I have been on many tricyclics as well. Some have given me rashes while others are far too sedating.
I never change more than one med at time. When I could tolerate the med I would stay on it for 6 weeks or more to give it a fair chance and to reach a therapeutic level.
Trileptal is like Tegretol and has been very helpful as a mood stabiliser. I use clonazapam (Klonopin) as a mood stabiliser as it is indicated for bipolar disorder.
I am waiting to find out about Deep Brain Stimulation. Right now I feel as though it is my only hope.
I also have an eating disorder, anorexia, which is "acting up" right now. I am obsessed with the number on the scale. However I am at normal weight right now. I also have a hypothyroidism for which I take Synthroid.
Phew. That was a lot to write.
So that sums it up.
Bisou,
Maxime
>
> You said you try 40 different meds. That's a lot. But did you give them a fair trial, long enough? Sometimes that is very long to find the right combo. I'm pretty confident you will find the right strategy which will work for you.
>
> Actually, you said you are on Trileptal and Rivotril. You have a very bad bipolar depression, right? I think it's pretty normal to be depressed without an antidepressant. Trileptal like Tegretol does nothing for depression.
>
> If it may help, here, at the head quarter of the bipolar center of Québec city, the ultimate successful treatment for the bipolar depression is this following equation:
>
> 1- Lithium + Lamictal + Antipressant.
>
> Did you ever try the above combo?
>
> Well, that's all for the moment. I hope that helps.
>
> Please keep me in touch!
Posted by Phillipa on March 13, 2005, at 20:14:12
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do? » Maximus, posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 19:56:16
Hi Maxime, How much trileptal do you take? It was given to me by the old pdoc. He Rx'd l50mg. No side effects. I think he would have gone higher but I changed docs and the next dc'd it. I'm still sorry for mixing up your meds. Sometimes I just get confused. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 20:15:22
In reply to Hi Maxime, posted by pretty_paints on March 13, 2005, at 4:08:01
Hi Pretty-Paints :)
Well that is what my doctor calls me - a high-functioning depressive.
Trileptal is like Tegretol and it is a mood stabiliser. I like to describe it as Tegretol with an oxygen atom on it ... because that is exactly what it is. When I was on Tegretol I had some bad side effects and it is contraindicated with many other meds. But that one little oxygen atom makes Trileptal have less side effects and not interfere with other meds. The Clonazapam is called Rivotril in Canada and Klonopin in the U.S. It is a benzo, but it is the only benzo that is indicated to treat bipolar illness. I don't have any anxiety. I had one panic attack and that was it (and enough).
I tried Nardil, another MAOI, but I became so sick on it that I could not stay on it. After two weeks of throwing up and being dizzy and I had to throw in the towel. Maybe I will give it another go since my system is clean of all ADs right now.
I take the Thorazine to help me sleep. I can be exhausted but my brain will not shut down. Thorazine brings a calmness over me. I have been in a psychotic depression before and I had to take Risperidal and Zyprexa and lactate. Finally I stopped taking them because I couldn't handle the side-effects (of lactating).
I have my Masters in Communication Studies.
I know what you mean about the whole shower thing. It's sad when you can't shave your legs or in my case remember what I am suppose to do in the shower. There are too many steps involved.
I will see you in Babble mail. ;)
Oh Maximus lives in Quebec, the same Province I do. But we don't live near each other. His first language is French whereas mine is English. But in order to survive in Quebec you really need to be bilingual.
xoxo
Maxime> I'm so sorry you're not doing well. I know what you mean about a high-functioning depressive. I know it wasn't supposed to be FUNNY but your post made me laugh. The bit about wearing underwear on your head. It's good you can still see what is funny to others, even tho you probably don't find it funny yourself! I used to be like that. I'd say something so-say ammusing, even tho I myself couldn't laugh about it.
>
> I can't believe that you've completed a masters degree, whilst having two hospitalisations. That is amazing. I couldn't even bear to be at Uni right now. I don't know how you did it! What subject was it in? I'm v impressed!
>
> Anyway, what are we going to do with you! We are going to get you well, YES!
>
> Right, you said you have been on many medications. But don't worry, there will still be one that will work I am sure. You won't need to try ECT if you don't want to.
>
> I know it's hard but just try and see if you can make it till tuesday. That sounds patronising, I don't mean it to. Just if you aim towards some particular date, it might help. Make sure your doc really understands this time about how bad you're feeling. Tell him you're suicidal and that you can't stand the way things are right now. Is there anything like a Crisis Team available (a group of people who come and visit you each day if things are getting really bad)?
>
> I don't take a shower some days. It really seems like a huge ordeal. I think there are two ways things can go. Either you don't CARE enough to take a shower, like, "what's the point?", or you want to, but you just don't have the energy. Like, you CAN'T, rather than you don't want to. I usually am wanting to have a shower but just CAN'T. Even if I get myself in there, I'll just sit at the bottom of the shower with the water falling on my head, looking at my hairy legs that need shaving with not enough energy to actually SHAVE them. Ha ha ha.
>
> So your meds are Trileptal and clonazapam. What is Trileptal? I'm assuming Clonazapam is a sedative? Like, diazepam or lorazepam? Do these help?
>
> What do you take the Thorazine for? How does that help? Do you have psychotic symptoms at the moment, as part of the bipolar illness?
>
> It's difficult for me to say "hey have you tried this?" and suggest medications, because you have been on so many. So I don't want to suggest things you've already tried. But maybe a different MAOI instead of parnate?
>
> I think it's really great that you are doing volunteer work, and well done on the $25,000!! I admire you because there's no way I could do volunteer work at the mo. It just seems so difficult and big. Hopefully you will be able to make it along.
>
> Right well I will send you a babblemail so we can have a chat, but I just thought I'd post here too. Haven't really made any suggestions have I? DOH. Just wanted to reply and say hi really. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> ps: WOW, you speak French! I had fun decoding what you wrote, took me back to school! How come you replied in French to Maximus? Is he/she french?
Posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 20:22:13
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do?, posted by Phillipa on March 12, 2005, at 22:25:51
It's okay Phillipa, I sometimes have trouble keeping track of my own meds.
I was pleased that the grant came through because now the agency will be expanding their education programme (they go into school to talk to kids about mental health). I think it's so important for kids to know about mental illness - what it is and what it isn't.
I used to do a lot of grant writting for one of my jobs, so that is why I volunteered to do it. I didn't expect it to come to fruition because many agencies were competing for the grant.
Today didn't go very well. I had trouble expressing myself and forming complete sentences. This is for a group that has nothing to do with mental illness so I don't tell them about my problems. But really I was quite embarrassed with my inability to communicate. :(
Hugs for you Phillipa!
Maxime
> I'm sorry Maxime. I mixed your meds up with someone elses. It gets hard to remember what everyone is on. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Again, you demonstrate how caring of others you are. I think it's wonderful that you got the Grant. You must have worked very hard. Now, please take care of you, too. I understand how you feel about taking care of others. It helps with depression when you know you are doing important work for others that can't help themselves. It becomes almost like an antidepressant. I hope you will be able to do your work tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Racer on March 13, 2005, at 20:28:23
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do? » Maxime, posted by SLS on March 13, 2005, at 7:33:04
Can't tell you anything about meds, but here's something I did that seems to help on the doctor communication thing: I put together a mood chart thing that covers all sorts of things -- including any symptoms of depression, etc. I can take that in to the doctor, and SHOW how I've been over the periods between visits.
I told the doctor that the days I go in to see him are not representative of my moods between visits, because on those days I get up, I shower, I dress, and I leave the house! Whoohoo! A full day right there ;-) The mood chart that I came up with shows trends -- including things like whether I feel worse in the AM or PM, whether what and how much I eat affects my mood, how much I've accomplished each day, etc.
It hasn't made communication perfect, but it sure did help.
(Actually, Dr CattleProd does listen, even if we don't always agree. It was Dr EyeCandy who didn't listen all that well -- and I was always in a better mood on days I'd see him, because a thing of beauty is a joy forever...)
Just a thought for you. Take it for what it's worth, and I hope it helps.
Posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 20:29:41
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do? » Maxime, posted by SLS on March 13, 2005, at 7:33:04
Hi sweetie Scott. :)
Actually I don't even have a job. I had to quit because I couldn't handle it. At least with the volunteer work I can usually do it when I am at my peak. However, everything is relative and my peak right now is pretty low.
I will try and remember what you wrote in your last paragraph. It is very profound.
Today was a disaster though. I was trying to speak to other members of the volunteer organisation and I couldn't articulate myself. I burst out crying in front of everyone. Plus I have to have a press kit ready in 2 days and I really don't think I can do it. I don't.
Sigh. I hate this. I hate feeling this way and I hate knowing that others suffer in the same way.
Maxime
> Hi Maxime.
>
> > Actually my doctor had me on Adderall XR and Parnate at the same time. He knows about the contraindications but believes there are exceptions.
>
> He sounds like a doctor who isn't afraid to be aggressive or look at unconventional alternatives. Do you have confidence in him?
>
> > He also believes that I know my body so well and trusts that I will stop a med if any weird things start to happen (secretly I was hoping for stroke that would kill me).
>
> I can relate to this. :-(
>
>
> > No, I am not allowed to be sick. I have to do my volunteer work. It's all I have.
>
> I understand. I go to a partial care hospital a few time a week. It's all I have. Unfortunately, I am really not functional enough to do volunteer work. At least I am provided with some structure throughout the week.
>
> > I feel useless and worthless as it is.
>
> Evidently, your production at work argues against these things as being true. Depression can leave one's sense of self-esteem in ruins. It is a self-reinforcing cycle. The biological illness will make you feel worthless by warping your thoughts and feelings and bias them towards the negative. You are left without any positive. If you know that your degree of function is less than it would be were you well, this very real observation only serves to reinforce the negative thoughts you are already having. Please be aware, however, that you do function at your job, and that you have been worth to them at least $25,000. I would call that extremely valuable. Three organisations? One wasn't enough? :-) That sounds like someone who functions quite well. The cleverness of the cognitive beast of depression is that it exaggerates the negative and discounts the positive. Unfortunately, you make a good textbook example of this.
>
> > Without all the volunteer work I do, I would feel ... completely dead. I volunteer for 3 difference organisations. I just found out that a grant I wrote came through and the mental health agency I wrote it for will be getting $25,000. It took me a long time to put it together, but it paid off in the end.
>
> WOW!
>
> You sure are dedicated.
>
> > My doctor isn't listening to me these days. I sent him my journal where I made explicit reference to suicide. He said we have to keep trying. So I have decided that if I just have run myself into the ground that eventually someone will have to do something. Unfortunately I am a high-functioning depressive. Unless I wear my underwear on my head people find it hard to believe how much I suffer. But they only see me with my mask on.
>
> :-)
>
> I know this scenario only too well. If I acted the way I felt, I would remain motionless and stare at the wall. It is a chore to interact with other people. As a matter of fact, it is a chore to do everything. But the mask I wear, although not designed to be phony, does belie the severity of my illness. I had to remind my last doctor of this more than once. Keeping a journal and submitting an accurate list of symptoms, and a desription of what you really experience as depression sounds like a good idea. You can keep your journal private.
>
> Please try to hold on to your sense of value of your core inner person. Regardless of how aweful you feel or how functionless you may be, the value of the core inner person remains the same. You are valuable because you are you. You are not your illness. You are not your job. You are Maxime.
>
>
> - Scott
Posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 20:39:42
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do? » Maxime, posted by ed_uk on March 13, 2005, at 10:34:45
Marplan. Hum. No, we can't get that in Canada. I can get Manerix, but I haven't heard anything good about it and I haven't tried it. Maybe I should.
There isn't a antidepressant that I haven't tried except for Manerix.
Is Marplan available in the UK?
xo
Maxime> Hi Maxime!
>
> >I am currently NOT on an anti-depressant. I am not sure what I am suppose to do. It's so frustrating. My pdoc told me to take the Parnate until he could think of something else, but I have not followed his orders because it stopped working.
>
> In Canada, what is the system for importing drugs (with a prescription) which have not been approved by Health Canada? I know this is possible in most countries, so I'd imagine that it's possible in Canada too, perhaps you could speak to a pharmacist. You could import something like isocarboxazid (Marplan), an MAOI. Are there any ADs available in Canada which you haven't tried?
>
> >Today I never got dressed or took a shower.
>
> Hmm, sounds like me. I have the ability to waste vast amounts of time, more than most people.
>
> Ed xx
Posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 20:45:18
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do?, posted by Racer on March 13, 2005, at 20:28:23
Thanks Racer, actually my doctor insists that I keep a mood chart and bring it with me to every visit. It is a helpful tool. For instance now I know that I get agitated or hypomanic 3 days before the full moon. I never knew that until I did the charting. It's actually interesting and I do it right before I go to bed.
Maxime
> Can't tell you anything about meds, but here's something I did that seems to help on the doctor communication thing: I put together a mood chart thing that covers all sorts of things -- including any symptoms of depression, etc. I can take that in to the doctor, and SHOW how I've been over the periods between visits.
>
> I told the doctor that the days I go in to see him are not representative of my moods between visits, because on those days I get up, I shower, I dress, and I leave the house! Whoohoo! A full day right there ;-) The mood chart that I came up with shows trends -- including things like whether I feel worse in the AM or PM, whether what and how much I eat affects my mood, how much I've accomplished each day, etc.
>
> It hasn't made communication perfect, but it sure did help.
>
> (Actually, Dr CattleProd does listen, even if we don't always agree. It was Dr EyeCandy who didn't listen all that well -- and I was always in a better mood on days I'd see him, because a thing of beauty is a joy forever...)
>
> Just a thought for you. Take it for what it's worth, and I hope it helps.
Posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 20:47:55
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do? » Maximus, posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 19:56:16
Silly me. I forgot to mention that the reason I am not an antidepressant right now is because there is nothing left for me try. I have come to the end of line. That is why I am in such a bad place right now.
Maxime
Posted by Patient on March 13, 2005, at 23:31:35
In reply to Maximus, posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 20:47:55
Maybe time for no medicine.
I will tell you what I am doing-have been on SSRI's since March 2000, or was it 1999? Memory poor. But, it has now been three weeks plus since being off of Lexapro and I'm really suprised I am doing so well considering what I've been through after discontinuing other SSRI's. i.e. return of the angry irritable monster within say two weeks. The only difference is I've been taking a supplement with many ingredients, and I don't know if it has anything to do with how I am doing better than I normally do after discontinuing completely from an SSRI, but I do seem calmer after taking it. This is getting on the subject of alternatives, but have you given alternatives a try? Nope, doesn't contain SJW or 5-HTP, or SAM-e. The ingredient in this supplement I am taking that I have never tried before is DL-phenylalanine, but it is in combination with other ingredients (vitamins, minerals, herbs, amino acids), so I don't know for certain if this is what is helping me do well or if it how it works in combination with the other ingredients, or if it has nothing to do with this suppelement, maybe, like you mentioned to someone else, it is because spring is arriving and the mood goes up. Anyway, just wanted to put a few shillings worth in that maybe when the medicines aren't helping, you gotta go another route. I for one am very suprised at how well I am doing, for I tend to get a bit anxious over the thought of not taking any medicine-especially as all Hades broke lose after my past trials of discontinuing meds. where I ending up back on them to regain my sanity. I had to do this because of extreme budget restrictions-we just can't afford the medicines any longer, much less doctor visits. Maybe Lexapro is just simply easier to end. I also stopped taking the 10mg because I was still getting depressed over situational stressors (poor job outlook for husband, quickly using up our liquid assets). I still have moments where I begin crying over things, but I am so far doing well with no outburst of anger-and this is by far the biggest problem I have, which, can result in deep depression. I have been dx'd with borderline personality disorder. So far, so good after 3 weeks. Maybe I speak to soon at how well I do after discontinuing meds,but this is the longest time I have been without them-I guess I'm excited I've made it thus far!
p.s.I was getting my meds from my gynecologist who would give me a years worth of prescription that I ordered from Canada. Before that I was seeing a psychiatrist-too costly and ineffective.
Posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 23:46:38
In reply to Re: Maxime, posted by Patient on March 13, 2005, at 23:31:35
> Maybe time for no medicine.
>
Hi PatientI appreciate your suggestions. I have gone "au naturel" before and I always land in the hospital. I am bipolar and sadly I think I will always have to go the chemical route. It's really dangerous for me to be off an antidepressant right now .... but I have no choice.
I do take a lot of fish oil and B vitamins, but it's not enough to fight off my depression.
However, I think it's GREAT that it's working for you! Maybe you can post more about it on the alternative group and I can learn more about your cocktail and advice there.
Again, I am happy that you are doing so well. :) May it continue!
Maxime
> I will tell you what I am doing-have been on SSRI's since March 2000, or was it 1999? Memory poor. But, it has now been three weeks plus since being off of Lexapro and I'm really suprised I am doing so well considering what I've been through after discontinuing other SSRI's. i.e. return of the angry irritable monster within say two weeks. The only difference is I've been taking a supplement with many ingredients, and I don't know if it has anything to do with how I am doing better than I normally do after discontinuing completely from an SSRI, but I do seem calmer after taking it. This is getting on the subject of alternatives, but have you given alternatives a try? Nope, doesn't contain SJW or 5-HTP, or SAM-e. The ingredient in this supplement I am taking that I have never tried before is DL-phenylalanine, but it is in combination with other ingredients (vitamins, minerals, herbs, amino acids), so I don't know for certain if this is what is helping me do well or if it how it works in combination with the other ingredients, or if it has nothing to do with this suppelement, maybe, like you mentioned to someone else, it is because spring is arriving and the mood goes up. Anyway, just wanted to put a few shillings worth in that maybe when the medicines aren't helping, you gotta go another route. I for one am very suprised at how well I am doing, for I tend to get a bit anxious over the thought of not taking any medicine-especially as all Hades broke lose after my past trials of discontinuing meds. where I ending up back on them to regain my sanity. I had to do this because of extreme budget restrictions-we just can't afford the medicines any longer, much less doctor visits. Maybe Lexapro is just simply easier to end. I also stopped taking the 10mg because I was still getting depressed over situational stressors (poor job outlook for husband, quickly using up our liquid assets). I still have moments where I begin crying over things, but I am so far doing well with no outburst of anger-and this is by far the biggest problem I have, which, can result in deep depression. I have been dx'd with borderline personality disorder. So far, so good after 3 weeks. Maybe I speak to soon at how well I do after discontinuing meds,but this is the longest time I have been without them-I guess I'm excited I've made it thus far!
>
> p.s.I was getting my meds from my gynecologist who would give me a years worth of prescription that I ordered from Canada. Before that I was seeing a psychiatrist-too costly and ineffective.
Posted by ed_uk on March 15, 2005, at 5:37:19
In reply to Re: What am I suppose to do? » ed_uk, posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 20:39:42
Hi Maxime!
Thanks for your email - will reply shortly. I've been ill, had a virus or something, which is why I didn't visit p-babble yesterday :-(
>I can get Manerix, but I haven't heard anything good about it and I haven't tried it. Maybe I should.
I think it's worth a try, if it doesn't help you could ask your doc about importing something. I do know of one person who did well on Manerix, even after other ADs didn't help :-)
>Is Marplan available in the UK?
Generic isocarboxazid is, name-brand Marplan isn't marketed here.
Ed xx
Posted by Patient on March 27, 2005, at 16:19:04
In reply to Re: Maxime, posted by Maxime on March 13, 2005, at 23:46:38
Hi Maxime,
I thought I'd wait before I posted to see how long this would last. It didn't. As of yesterday I started taking 5mg Lexapro and am doing fine. I was beginning to get irritable.
I understand why you feel the need to go the chemical route. From what I know, it seems borderliners are the same way-unless they can change their distored thinking and reacting patterns. I haven't and so, being med. free made me realise this. I was really hoping that cheap supplement purchase from the salvage grocery was going to work. But, I am really astounded at how much better I feel while taking this SSRI, inspite of side effects, it does wonders for making me feel calm.
Hope you find what works!
> Hi Patient
>
> I appreciate your suggestions. I have gone "au naturel" before and I always land in the hospital. I am bipolar and sadly I think I will always have to go the chemical route. It's really dangerous for me to be off an antidepressant right now .... but I have no choice.
>
> I do take a lot of fish oil and B vitamins, but it's not enough to fight off my depression.
>
> However, I think it's GREAT that it's working for you! Maybe you can post more about it on the alternative group and I can learn more about your cocktail and advice there.
>
> Again, I am happy that you are doing so well. :) May it continue!
>
> Maxime
>
>
>
> > I will tell you what I am doing-have been on SSRI's since March 2000, or was it 1999? Memory poor. But, it has now been three weeks plus since being off of Lexapro and I'm really suprised I am doing so well considering what I've been through after discontinuing other SSRI's. i.e. return of the angry irritable monster within say two weeks. The only difference is I've been taking a supplement with many ingredients, and I don't know if it has anything to do with how I am doing better than I normally do after discontinuing completely from an SSRI, but I do seem calmer after taking it. This is getting on the subject of alternatives, but have you given alternatives a try? Nope, doesn't contain SJW or 5-HTP, or SAM-e. The ingredient in this supplement I am taking that I have never tried before is DL-phenylalanine, but it is in combination with other ingredients (vitamins, minerals, herbs, amino acids), so I don't know for certain if this is what is helping me do well or if it how it works in combination with the other ingredients, or if it has nothing to do with this suppelement, maybe, like you mentioned to someone else, it is because spring is arriving and the mood goes up. Anyway, just wanted to put a few shillings worth in that maybe when the medicines aren't helping, you gotta go another route. I for one am very suprised at how well I am doing, for I tend to get a bit anxious over the thought of not taking any medicine-especially as all Hades broke lose after my past trials of discontinuing meds. where I ending up back on them to regain my sanity. I had to do this because of extreme budget restrictions-we just can't afford the medicines any longer, much less doctor visits. Maybe Lexapro is just simply easier to end. I also stopped taking the 10mg because I was still getting depressed over situational stressors (poor job outlook for husband, quickly using up our liquid assets). I still have moments where I begin crying over things, but I am so far doing well with no outburst of anger-and this is by far the biggest problem I have, which, can result in deep depression. I have been dx'd with borderline personality disorder. So far, so good after 3 weeks. Maybe I speak to soon at how well I do after discontinuing meds,but this is the longest time I have been without them-I guess I'm excited I've made it thus far!
> >
> > p.s.I was getting my meds from my gynecologist who would give me a years worth of prescription that I ordered from Canada. Before that I was seeing a psychiatrist-too costly and ineffective.
>
>
Posted by Maxime on March 27, 2005, at 20:30:38
In reply to Re: Maxime, posted by Patient on March 27, 2005, at 16:19:04
I'm not borderline. I said in a post that two pdocs refuted that diagnosis. However on my own I went through DBT just as an added precaution. I'm bipolar and anorexic. That's it. Those are the only two diagnoses I have.
Why do I feel like burying myself alive right now? Is anyone listening to me? Or do I sound like Charlie Brown's teacher?
I'm sorry for being such a f*cking bitch but I am really feeling attacked and I haven't done anything.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on March 27, 2005, at 21:03:44
In reply to Re: Maxime » Patient, posted by Maxime on March 27, 2005, at 20:30:38
Unless of course you were just referring to yourself and I read your post wrong. In which case I am an *sshole and I apologise. I'm sorry if that was the case. I am an idiot.
Maxime
Posted by gardenergirl on March 28, 2005, at 1:00:04
In reply to Re: Maxime Patient, posted by Maxime on March 27, 2005, at 21:03:44
Sounds like you are very touchy right now, and no wonder.
I wanted to let you know, there's some very good work being done with DBT and eating disorders. I know of two centers: one in Cleveland, Ohio and one in San Francisco. I'm sure there are others. I attended a workshop last fall about this, and I was very excited about the concept. It makes a lot of sense to me. I hope more therapists and teams get on board with it soon.
Take care, sweetie. There's something good for you on the horizon, and I bet it's closer than you think.
gg
Posted by B2chica on March 28, 2005, at 10:16:55
In reply to Re: Maxime » Maxime, posted by gardenergirl on March 28, 2005, at 1:00:04
my pdoc just mentioned one to me on friday, said it was in minneapolis...anyone know of this?
> I wanted to let you know, there's some very good work being done with DBT and eating disorders. I know of two centers: one in Cleveland, Ohio and one in San Francisco. I'm sure there are others. I attended a workshop last fall about this, and I was very excited about the concept. It makes a lot of sense to me. I hope more therapists and teams get on board with it soon.
>
> Take care, sweetie. There's something good for you on the horizon, and I bet it's closer than you think.
>
> gg
This is the end of the thread.
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