![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jcalder on February 17, 2005, at 23:27:18
i have some questions about lexapro. my husband started taking lex about three months ago. he now states that he sees things clearly now, feels great on the medicine and has self confidence now, i guess he didn't before. he moved to california one day while i was at worked, called me up and after 10 years of marriage and 2 very small kids told me he does not want to be with me anymore, said that most of the time he is not happy with me, states that he just feels so great with his lexapro. i am devastated, i did not see this coming at all, and quite frankly, even though he acts as if this is the best decision he has ever made in his life, i feel like he has completely lost his mind. we are now about to lose everything we have worked so hard for, we just baught a house 8 months ago, all of our toys, quads, etc. i am having to sell to make the house payment because he is not sending much money. not to mention the fact that he is destroying our family. i will now be a single mom with 2 kids, and the girls will now come from a broken home, and i have always been so proud of the fact that they didn't. he seems to think all of this is just ok, and is very cool and calm about the whole thing, almost with no emotion. and all of this behavior is so uncharacteristic of him, his family has always been his number one priority, all he lived for and worked for and now he is just throwing us out like a sack of trash, and seems to feel great about it. i was wondering if anyone knows much about this medicine lexapro, or if the fact that he also smokes pot while taking the lexapro could have any adverse affects. i just believe he is not thinking clearly right now, even though he believes he sees things so clearly. it just doesn't make sense. any input would help out, i just feel completely lost and confused...thanks
Posted by Phil on February 18, 2005, at 6:22:09
In reply to lexapro and marijuana use, posted by jcalder on February 17, 2005, at 19:14:00
Sorry to hear what you are going through. What a nightmare.
This is a guess more than anything so I hope some of the 'brains' will reply. AD's can trigger mania sometimes in those that are actually bipolar. Packing up and moving away from you and the kids sounds like some serious mania. I don't see pot affecting this one way or the other but if you could talk to his doctor about what's happened, maybe he could shed light on the behavior.
Is this his first time on meds?Phil
Posted by Nixon on February 18, 2005, at 10:50:28
In reply to lexapro and marijuana use, posted by jcalder on February 17, 2005, at 19:14:00
Hi,
I am sorry to read about the trouble you are going through. In my opinion this is clearly mania leading to irrational behavior. When or if he stops taking Lexapro he may be calling or knocking on your door to come home. It's not the pot again in my opinion. Have you thought about pressing charges? JN
Posted by HappyGirl on February 18, 2005, at 13:09:02
In reply to lexapro and marijuana use, posted by jcalder on February 17, 2005, at 19:14:00
Hi:
It could be the 'Stress,' rather blaming on lex and 'Pot,' which of course, has some influence/contribution on his behaviour. If you have NO experience on any of M.I.s, even a slight depression, you might NOT imagine how hard those M.I.s folks working hard to make a 'decent' and happy living-style. Not to mention, to keep the house payment on time, a good and loving marriage, and maintain everything 'organized.'
Then, after having been away from the home, your husband started to realize for the first time in his life, "what a good relief" he feels all by himself without thinking about any responsibilities attached to the family, even though he LOVES you and his kids more than anything else in the world.That being said, ... in my knowledge, 'pot' makes some of M.I.folks' condition get worse, altough in the begining of 'pot' experiment, it's such a good feelings, 'Euphoric,' or 'High'feelings, like 'I can do anything' type of the feelings. However, after its effect beginning to wear off, the next comes, ... 'terrible depression' that can not be helped by tradional psocyo. meds., because most of pdocs. are hesitant to offer any help to those. Then, it causes 'compound/double depression,' on top of an 'already' existing depresion. But, I can not be sure for this theory, because I NEVER experienced any of those 'street drugs,' ... just so to speak, learned from the 'hear and read stuff' things.
Besides this, your husband might have started to experience 'some Bipolar' symptoms after Lex. and Pot, ... but normally, it does NOT happen so quick, one day or so, ... that was in my case, tho', ... takes at least about a week or so after being on an SSRI.
In any case, ... if you SO much concern about his unstable and unforseen mind, then you could travel to Calif. to see and talk to him VERY lovingly.
Hope everything goes to a 'happy' ending!
H.G.
Posted by Impermanence on February 18, 2005, at 17:42:35
In reply to lexapro and marijuana use, posted by jcalder on February 17, 2005, at 19:14:00
I've been taking Lexapro for about eight months, it was hell for the first two months, these days it's like I'm not on anything, I don't notice it.
I also smoke weed and hash, a lot of weed and hash every day. Thats not the reason your husbands leaving you.
People here always act like over cautious psychologists trying to label every state of mind for a chemical solution. I don't think he's manic or bipolar. I think he was depressed for years while married to you and now Lexapro has lifted the cloud and he sees whats actually wrong in his life; he's unhappy with you.
You said "we are now about to lose everything we have worked so hard for", maybe you are about to loose everything YOU worked so hard for and he was just going along. Now Lexapro has given him the clear headedness and confidence to get on with his life somewhere he's happy. Maybe you need to move on too.
Just my two cents, anyways I hope things work out for you whatever happens, it must be a very difficult time. It's easy to blame it on meds and easer for people here to blame it on manic depression, something they have no idea if your husband really suffers from. Sometimes it's better to hear what you don't want to hear.
Posted by jcalder on February 18, 2005, at 18:18:37
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use » jcalder, posted by Impermanence on February 18, 2005, at 17:42:35
> I've been taking Lexapro for about eight months, it was hell for the first two months, these days it's like I'm not on anything, I don't notice it.
>
> I also smoke weed and hash, a lot of weed and hash every day. Thats not the reason your husbands leaving you.
>
> People here always act like over cautious psychologists trying to label every state of mind for a chemical solution. I don't think he's manic or bipolar. I think he was depressed for years while married to you and now Lexapro has lifted the cloud and he sees whats actually wrong in his life; he's unhappy with you.
>
> You said "we are now about to lose everything we have worked so hard for", maybe you are about to loose everything YOU worked so hard for and he was just going along. Now Lexapro has given him the clear headedness and confidence to get on with his life somewhere he's happy. Maybe you need to move on too.
>
> Just my two cents, anyways I hope things work out for you whatever happens, it must be a very difficult time. It's easy to blame it on meds and easer for people here to blame it on manic depression, something they have no idea if your husband really suffers from. Sometimes it's better to hear what you don't want to hear.
I do appreciate your honesty, and yes, it is easy to blame meds, etc. i would like to give you a little more history and would like your input, because i am really struggeling with this. i believe my husband has always been a depressed person, he knows it, his family knows it, its just him. i have struggled with him for the past ten years to find something to help him. he has an anger problem, smashes doors, punches holes in walls, etc. we did have a one year separation about 5 years ago because his anger had simply gotten to be too much for me and we had a daughter. after we got back together, he was great for the past 4 1/2 years, we had another baby, his anger was much more under control. as far as what we have worked so hard for, this has all been his dream, and i am the one who has been along for the ride, working with him to have everything he wanted. then, about the past 7 months or so, his anger has started raging again and depression coming back. the only things i could contribute it to were either the stress of the move, we recently moved from ca to az, which is something that he wanted to do, i simply agreed, we bought a house, which he also wanted, and he was starting his own business, money was really tight, and tension was high, or the other thing that was different was that he started smoking pot again, he had quit for years. so, i figured it was either the stress or the pot and suggested that he go talk with someone, which is what he did and started the lexapro. now he says that i f*cked him up and acts as if he never had any problems and wouldn't have if it weren't for me. can you please shed some light on this, because i have only tried to love and help him all these years, and after everything i have been through with him in trying to please and love him and help him, i just don't understand how he could feel so negatively about me and think i cause his unhappiness. i dont mind honesty at all, maybe i need to here it...it just doesn't seem like this man is my husband., and after our separation, if i was all his problems, didn't he figure it out then, and why did he come back...i know you don't know us and of course don't have all the answers, i am just so cinfused and hurt...any input???
Posted by Sebastian on February 19, 2005, at 10:14:12
In reply to lexapro and marijuana use, posted by jcalder on February 17, 2005, at 19:14:00
I think its the marijuana that is doing this, it makes you care less. Not the lexapro. My guess is the marijuana is to calm himself down when the lexapro is energising him. Try him on a sedative other than mj, or a different anti-depressant.
Posted by HappyGirl on February 19, 2005, at 12:09:23
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use, posted by jcalder on February 18, 2005, at 18:18:37
Hi:
The following quote you wrote sounds a LOT like 'Bipolar' symptoms;>>> he has an anger problem, smashes doors, punches holes in walls, etc. <<<
This sort of anger is called, 'Dysphoric' mania that is a part of 'hypo-manic' symptoms. I, too had this problem, then made a lot of hole in the walls around the house, NOT intentionally, ... but just couldn' control. Only after a honest conversation with my psychiatrist, I found this anger was due to Bipolar I had, ... not 'my own self.' Afterwards, a tiny dosage of the Zyprexa made me control and correct my 'dysphoric'(severe form of anger)problem. Then, I 'truly,' ... almost 95-100% sure to say your husband has Bipolar II that has mostly depressive episodes with lesser type of mania.
Truthfully, though, a treatment(meds.) of the Bipolar is NEVER cheap, ... it's a quite expensive illness on both, financially and emotionally, but untreated(no meds.) Bipolar is much more expensive, such as your personal 'toll' you and your husband going through.
In my suggestion, ... you can find a competent counselor who has a good knowledge and understanding in terms of mental illness and family problems, such as yours.
H.G.
Posted by Sebastian on February 19, 2005, at 13:13:48
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use, posted by Sebastian on February 19, 2005, at 10:14:12
I was afraid to say it, but yes zyprexa is the sedative I would also suggest. Small dose would work, like 2.5 - 5 mg, my guess.
Posted by Impermanence on February 19, 2005, at 20:15:29
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use, posted by jcalder on February 18, 2005, at 18:18:37
Did he have alcohol on him during the times he punched holes in the wall? I ask because I've been there, I like many men have broke stuff up in a rage but only while drinking when someone really pushed buttons. If he was sober then he really does have anger problems and needs to talk to someone.
Still I'm not convinced he's bipolar, I must warn you people here are obsessed with bipolar (manic depression) because most of them are bipolar. Only a tiny percentage of people actually have this illness and I think it's unlikely he has it. I think it's more likely he's not dealing with issues from his past or to do with you.
I'm an alcoholic (off the drink), I had four serious suicide attempts over the last four years and all where during a week or two long binge. Any time I broke stuff was when I was drunk. My psychologist put me on Zyprexa for six weeks thinking I was bipolar after a suicide attempt, like everyone else here thinks your husband should do. Those six weeks I was a zombie lying in bed wishing I was dead. Yes antipsychotics should shut your husband up like they did me, that is if your husband is really bipolar because guess what, my psychologist was wrong, I'm not bipolar, I was just an alcoholic that needed to talk to someone and get off the booze. I really don't understand the obsession with bipolar and ADHD these days. If someone gets angry there bipolar and need expensive antipsychotics to drain their soul away. If a child has a zest for life and can't shut up it has ADHD and needs to be put on speed!!!! Maybe it's the greedy pharmaceutical companies and their propaganda?
Anyway, the only people who can tell you if your husband is bipolar is a psychologist who has spent time with him. I still think he vas very unhappy with you and now has the confidence to move on. I'm on the same meds as him, I smoke weed every day and have punched walls, I'm not bipolar. I think the best thing you and him could do is go to marriage counseling together and get to the root of why this all happened, was he really happy, did you change ect.
On the cannabis thing, yes weed will drain ambition and motivation out of a person, it will make them not care so much for whats going on around them and make them just want to live in there own little world (while their stoned). But in my opinion as a stoner, weed would be more likely to make him not bother leaving than go to all this trouble UNLESS he really was unhappy and maybe the fights where just too much.
Good luck again Jcalder, I hope you find happiness. You both need to talk to professionals, maybe together. You can't change him, you can only change yourself. Give it a few weeks, if he hasent changed his mind I suggest you get on with your life. XXX
Posted by jcalder on February 19, 2005, at 22:35:50
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use » jcalder, posted by Phil on February 18, 2005, at 6:22:09
YES, THIS IS HIS FIRST TIME ON MEDS. I THOUGHT ABOUT TALKING WITH HIS DR. BUT I KNOW THERE IS THE WHOLE PT CONFIDENTIALITY THING, SO I DIDN'T THINK HE WOULD BE ABLE TO DISCUSS IT WITH ME. IT HAS BEEN A TRUE NIGHTMARE, IT STILL DOESN'T SEEM REAL TO ME. DID YOU SEE THE POST ABOUT HE JUST SEES NOW THAT HIS PROBLEM IS THAT HE IS JUST NOT HAPPY WITH ME?? DON'T YOU THINK HE COULD HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT BEFORE 10 YEARS AND 2 KIDS. HE HAS NEVER GIVEN ANY INDICATION THAT HE WAS ANYTHING BUT ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH ME UNTIL NOW. SURE, WE HAVE OUR PROBLEMS LIKE ALL MARRIED COUPLES, BUT I THOUGHT WE HAD A CLOSENESS, AND NEVER EVEN SAW THIS COMING.
Posted by jcalder on February 19, 2005, at 22:35:50
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use » jcalder, posted by Nixon on February 18, 2005, at 10:50:28
PRESSING CHARGES FOR WHAT?
Posted by gromit on February 20, 2005, at 0:02:44
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use » Nixon, posted by jcalder on February 18, 2005, at 19:13:59
> PRESSING CHARGES FOR WHAT?
Maybe they meant trying to force him to pay child support. I don't know about pressing charges, I think you would actually have to go to court and get a judgement, then if he didn't comply he could be arrested as a "deadbeat dad". Hopefully it won't come to that and he will come to his senses.
Rick
Posted by HappyGirl on February 20, 2005, at 1:29:34
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use » Phil, posted by jcalder on February 18, 2005, at 19:12:46
Hi:
>>> DID YOU SEE THE POST ABOUT HE JUST SEES NOW THAT HIS PROBLEM IS THAT HE IS JUST NOT HAPPY WITH ME?? <<<
--- Probably, it means, ... your husband felt 'pressure' all along with you due to the problem, either mental disorder or any other emotional/mental problems he's been carrying, because 'pressure' causes 'stress,' and vice versa, ... 'Stress' also makes him feel 'pressured.' --- Actually, this is a bad cycle to say the least, from the experience.
This is just my guess after having read the way he wrote to your inquiry, above ... but of course, *not* quite sure to say this.
H.G.
Posted by Mr.Scott on February 21, 2005, at 12:15:11
In reply to lexapro and marijuana use, posted by jcalder on February 17, 2005, at 19:14:00
I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma. I would suspect a bipolar condition myself, but it's sometimes hard to tell. Maybe you should see a doctor to discuss this in honest detail, maybe with your husband if he's willing and he should be after 10 years and 2 kids! That might give you some understanding of what exactly is going on and whether its bipolar mania tipped off by the the Lexapro or just that he's leaving you.Scott
Posted by jcalder on February 21, 2005, at 23:58:08
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use » jcalder, posted by Impermanence on February 19, 2005, at 20:15:29
no, he didn't have alcohol in his system when he punched holes in walls, etc. he would just wake up like that, he would go into the kitchen to make his lunch and if we were out of donuts, pepsi, or anything small like that he would just go off. if i said anything at all, watch out!! that is why he went to talk to a psych and got on the meds. it's just hard to accept that his meds gave him enough confidence to leave me when i didn't even know he wanted to. like i said, we had problems, but i thought the problems revolved around his anger issues and depression, and i just always tried to help him with those issues, tried to make him happy, not unhappy. most of the fights we got into were because he either got way too pissed off about nothing and smashed up the house, or because he would just sit around and watch tv and not help out at all with the house, kids, etc. the more i talk about him and how he is, the more i question why i care anyways if he wants to leave me, maybe he is doing me a favor. i just can't help feeling sad that if these meds are really going to work for him, i can't believe he wants to experience it alone when i feel that i am the one who has tried so hard for all these years to help him feel good, and encourage him to talk to someone and maybe get on some meds, and now that he has done it and feels like he can be a normal person, he doesn't want to share that with me and the family, he wants to do it alone, it's like he just wants to start a new life and see if he can make it better this time, and that's not fair when he has a life and family he is leaving behind. i have accepted the fact that he is gone, and the marriage is over. it just still hurts, and i just wish i had a real reason. i think that's what i really need, because i'm just not buying what he's saying, i don't believe you just wake up one day and realize the woman you have been married to for 1o years and the mother of your children is the wrong one for you...doesn't make sense to me. about the weed, so smoking the pot while you take psyche meds doesn't have any kind of affect on your brain or the way the meds work or anything like that? and if he has so much self confidence now and sees things so clearly, why on earth would he think it is ok to just send whatever little bit of money he can when he can? this family is accostomed to him bringing home at least 1000.00 per week, and he just up and leaves one day and has sent me less than 500.00 for a whole month, how is he expecting us to survive? that's not enought to cover my daycare for a month, let alone the mortgage, utilities, groceries, diapers, etc. so if he sees things so clearly, wouldn't he be able to figure out that he needs to do something to send us some more money, wouldn't he want his kids to be taken care of? or since he has come to this new found discovery of how unhappy he is with me, he doesn't think he needs to pay up? sorry to drive you crazy...but when something like this just happens out of the blue...it really throws you for a loop...it almost consumes me, i'm getting a little better though, day by day...
Posted by jcalder on February 21, 2005, at 23:58:08
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use//jcalder, posted by HappyGirl on February 20, 2005, at 1:29:34
he did go see a counselor, or psychiatrist...he just said he was depressed and put him on the lexapro..but isn't there some kind of test they give for bipolar? my husband's anger problem, he has stated himself, is not controllable, he says his mind just goes blank and his body physically gets hot inside and his hands start to sweat, and i'm talking about getting that mad about stupid stuff, like the gut in front of him is driving too slow. i don't mind the expense of help or meds, that's all i ever wanted to do, but now look where it has gotten me, psyche meds make him feel so euphoric that he feels too good for his family now. how does someone change their mind so quickly about what is important to them in life? i just feel like i wasted 10 years of my life, to just be tossed out. he tells me i have a mental problem, wierd thing is i seem to get along with others just fine, at work etc. i have started taking paxil though, because i just was so torn up about this i was unable to function. i think i literally had a nervous breakdown. it's not like i had any warning!! but now i don't want to get stuck on psyche meds, i have never taken any medicine in my life, but i must say, it is helping me to feel better about things, it was getting hard to even get out of bed! how could one find out if they were bipolar? wouldn't the dr he went to have told him that?
Posted by HappyGirl on February 22, 2005, at 1:42:37
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use//jcalder » HappyGirl, posted by jcalder on February 21, 2005, at 14:27:07
Hi:
First off, ... Bipolar dx is a very tricky. Normaly, Bipolar dx comes AFTER taking an SSRI, such as Lexapro your husband has been on. After taking an SSRI for about one to two weeks, Bipolar symtoms started to surface on person who has a tendency of having Bipolar. Also, Bipolar like any other illnesses runs in family. If one/some of his family members has Bipolar, even all way back to his 'great-grandparents,' he might have Bipolar. However, if there is NO trait in his family, then I truly doubt he has Bipolar, ... rather he might sufferring from some sort of 'delusitonal' by taking both 'pot' and 'Lexapro.' But, I never have any 'street drugs' in my life, then I can not assure on this regard. Just, a professional has some clue on this, ... preferrably a psychologist, not a psychiatrist who may NOT give a good answer.Punching in walls is quite annoying, then in my case, my family suggested me to take some 'med.' for me to calm down. Normally, this/punching happens when sever rage/anger explodes inside, that is my case, 'dysphoric mania' due to my Bipolar condition. However, in your husband's case, it might be due to 'depression,' ... even 'pot' and 'lex' aggrevation. In depression, there are several different form of depression, from mild to severe cases. Your husband's dep. seems more likely 'severe' form, if he REALLY has one.
That being said, ... in Bipolar, it takes time to get a proper dx. unless he/she has 'full-blown' mania. Particualy, Bipolar II that has mostly depressive episodes with much lesser form of mania, then it's often mistakenly dx'ed as depression, not Bipolar II. Just, a mood-stabilizer makes him/her calm down to the point that normalizes his/her moods. Then, in my suggestion, ... look at his family, ... if there is NO-Bipolar in his family, I'm highly doubtful he has Bipolar.
In regard to 'Paxil,' ... sounds like you have 'situation depression' due to your current 'dilemna.' In my knowledge, if there is NO chemical imbalance in the brain, then you can get it off when you get BETTER. But, in the menatime until the things getting optimist, you'd better to stay on the Paxil. Ask the pdoc. in this regard, tho', not to become 'permanent' basis.
In my suggestion, ... if your husband seems NOT to change his mind, then you have NO choice but going to some authority to get enough money for you and the kids.
Lastly, ... I hear/read that there are 'family' abandan, leaving the family, due to mental illness. At least, you're not alone in this regard. However, you need a 'GOOD' help to move on.
p.s.) Besides this board, there is 'Significant others' on the Internet which mostly disscuss family problems, like yours. Try to find one by 'search' engine and post this thread(your very first one). For posting the thread, you may get more 'realistic' and 'constructive' answers to your current situation.
H.G.
Posted by HappyGirl on February 22, 2005, at 8:53:58
In reply to Re: lexapro and marijuana use}}Jcalder, posted by HappyGirl on February 22, 2005, at 1:42:37
Hi:
I just forgot to mention one thing, .... this is just my suggestion below;If your husband stays on his principle, ... "leaving the family with NO concern over you and the kids,' then if I were you, I would go to authority, asking whether I should file 'abandanment of the family' or not.' Because, your husband's action should NOT be tolerated as being a 'GROWN' man with two kids.
In my knowledge, one lady with a baby filed against 'live-in-boyfriend' who is baby's father due to his NO financial support. After some struggles and verbal fights, everything settled peacefully. However, all is up to you. You are the one who has a good judgement and wisdom. However, you may need to think about 'legal action,' because of the kids' welfare.
Also, try to keep a good communication open as much as possible, because your husband's action might be just 'temporary' brought on by med., Lex, or a bad mix., 'med'and 'pot,' stress.
Hope everythings settle smoothly.
H.G.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.