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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:01:30
I just don't know what to do. I swiched celexa to zoloft. I don't know if it is making me terribly paranoid or what. The doctor recommened I add depakote which I tried but it gives me the worst headache in combination with zoloft.
I was thinking of trying zoloft + depakote + zyprexa but I am just so stupid as it is with all this medication.
I don't know what to do. I just want to die all the time.
I don't understand. I got 90s in high school and now can barely pass in university.
Perhaps its time to drop out and get a job at Mcdonnalds.
It's just been such a long and hard road. Why must people invent a world that constantly tests the limits of human emotion.
I just wish there was a quick way to kill myself cause living in fear all the time is just hell.
Why does god do this to people?
Linkadge
Posted by alesta on September 15, 2004, at 17:23:34
In reply to I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:01:30
hi, linkadge:),
i hear you, honey, i hear you..i am having a wretched time myself right now..i don't feel like i'm very good at consoling right now, but i'll try my best to help and with your med situation....could you please give us a little more info? what type of anxiety do you have (SAD, GAD, etc?) and do you have depression also?
i fully understand what it's like to live a life of fear..it's quite an experience, i know..i wish i could make it go away for you..:) and i totally relate to wanting to die, linkadge. i honestly have for a long time, too. i am so proud of you for hanging in there, linkadge..you are a true hero..there are no trophies or applause..but you have to know this..it's the hardest thing in the world to keep going when you see no reason and when you're acutely suffering..and you're doing it..keep on fighting, man, that queen song is coming to my mind right now "we are the champions, my friends..and we'll keep on fighting til the end..." i know, all this just doesn't make any sense, does it? i'm here to help..please write back.:)
amy:)
Posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:57:07
In reply to Re: I am so messed up !! » linkadge, posted by alesta on September 15, 2004, at 17:23:34
I don't think I am bipolar, but I do think that the antidepressants make my mind race.
They make it difficult to concentrate and to know whats important.
My main problem is physical anxiety. Stomach problems, heart palpitations etc.
I just don't think I am fast enough to get through university. I am not dumb, but I just don't think I am fast enough to get through the tests etc.
Linkadge
Posted by alesta on September 15, 2004, at 18:06:06
In reply to Re: I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:57:07
hi, link,:)
so your problem is straight anxiety, huh? if i were you, i would try l-theanine (i feel like i'm on the l-theanine bandwagon here lately), and if that's not strong enough for you, low-dose klonopin.i saw that you posted about l-theanine on the alternative board. did you try it yet? if so, what brand and dosage?
amy
Posted by alesta on September 15, 2004, at 18:35:12
In reply to Re: I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:57:07
>
> I just don't think I am fast enough to get through university. I am not dumb, but I just don't think I am fast enough to get through the tests etc.linkadge, we know you're a smart guy, so don't worry about that.:)
actually if your anxiety is *solely* caused by your fear of not taking tests fast enough, then, i think we need to approach this from a different angle. i wonder if you could discuss this with your teachers..really let them know of your distress and see if they will help you..(and make sure you prepare sufficiently for your tests, which you may already be doing). do you think you could approach your teachers about this? anyone else have any ideas?
amy
Posted by woolav on September 15, 2004, at 19:27:42
In reply to Re: I am so messed up !!--linkadge, posted by alesta on September 15, 2004, at 18:35:12
Linkage, I am not good at advise, but I just wanted to say I think that zoloft-zyprexa-depoke would be bad for you. I took paxil-zyprexa-depoke and lithium years ago and I thought I was a complete loon...I ended up stopping cold turkey with major withdrawl symptoms. But I was a mess on those meds. I have since gone back to pdoc's (after losing trust for many years) and now take prozac, lamictal and klonopin. I too had the physical symptoms of anxiety as you. (awlful) But, I would try like amy said, maybe klonopin and if your depressed (which it sounds) add prozac or some other good AD. (zoloft sucks) -thats just my opinion. Keep your chin up. It will get better sweety...
Sandy
Posted by mike lynch on September 15, 2004, at 19:43:28
In reply to I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:01:30
> I just don't know what to do. I swiched celexa to zoloft. I don't know if it is making me terribly paranoid or what. The doctor recommened I add depakote which I tried but it gives me the worst headache in combination with zoloft.
>
> I was thinking of trying zoloft + depakote + zyprexa but I am just so stupid as it is with all this medication.
>
> I don't know what to do. I just want to die all the time.
>
> I don't understand. I got 90s in high school and now can barely pass in university.
>
> Perhaps its time to drop out and get a job at Mcdonnalds.
>
> It's just been such a long and hard road. Why must people invent a world that constantly tests the limits of human emotion.
>
> I just wish there was a quick way to kill myself cause living in fear all the time is just hell.
>
> Why does god do this to people?
>
>
> Linkadge
>
>
>
I am interested in this *emotion* you speak of...this concept seems foriegn to me ;)If it helps when I start an antideppressant for the first time my emotions seem exaterated..but then of course all emotions disappear after the dosage stabalizes...and really while him off to... There are going to be times when you'll feel like this...it's more then likely the meds..you just have to get that issue straightened out that's all.. but I know how you feel.. I really hate medication to..even if you get relief you have to live your life being filtered through this medication..some people do fine..but for some people it is just a "either depressed or a medicated retarted zombie*
Posted by Pfinstegg on September 15, 2004, at 20:59:58
In reply to Re: I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:57:07
Linkadge, you are SO smart and SO well-informed. If depression and all the meds you have to take have slowed you down so much, can you get the proper medical release so that you can take your exams untimed, and show your uni, as you've shown us, what a truly fine mind you have? I'm so sorry it is so hard.
Posted by sooshi on September 15, 2004, at 21:21:15
In reply to I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:01:30
Hi linkadge,
Without your wonderful and informative posts, this place would surely shut down, so please don't go anywhere....
I just have a little advice about school. It might not be any good, but here goes. I too was a straight A student in High School, only to totally "lose it" in college. I frickin' struggled and struggled, re-took classes, then started taking Incompletes, then took F's, then just gave up. Figured I'd go back once I got better. Well, that hasn't happened yet, and here I am at 40, and DOING JUST FINE!!! I got married, had kids, worked in the arts, and struggled like hell with a debilitating mental illness the whole darn time, all without that precious degree!
So, don't worry TOO much about that piece of paper, OK?
Good luck,
Sooshi
Posted by EERRIICC on September 15, 2004, at 21:21:34
In reply to I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:01:30
I empathize and I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm messed up bad right now too. I wonder what exactly is it that is being hurt in this sadistic manner; what feels depression's pain?
Posted by mcp on September 15, 2004, at 23:05:26
In reply to Re: I am so messed up !!, posted by EERRIICC on September 15, 2004, at 21:21:34
I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but Linkage brought up God so I thought I'd share my thoughts. A few weeks ago I thought I had hit my breaking point with the same sort of stuff you are complaining about. I have had a very rough year and I was ready to give up. Well, I got a message from a friend from the job I got fired from saying that the reason we are put through these hard times is to bring us closer to God. I don't know your personal story, but it made perfect sense to me. In my case, I turned my life over to Christ and it has made a huge difference. Will He cure all you ills. Probably not, but He will give you the strength to pull through. He is with you right now. You just gotta tap into it. Like I said, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I thought I'd tell you what has helped me. Oh, I also make it a point now to get off my ass and exercise until I am pooped. All the best,
Casey
Posted by whitecat on September 16, 2004, at 3:46:00
In reply to I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:01:30
hi Linkadge,
please be sure you are not alone: is just difficult lo learn at university, SO much difficult than high school. i think a lot of people will agree with this, those that don't have any mental problems too! i, too, did very well at high school, but struggled all the way through the university, and my grades were far from very good most of the time. sorry i have nothing to contribute concerning meds (i have very little experience with them, only with Celexa and Moclobemide, my problem is SP), but hope this helps a little.
whitecat
> I just don't know what to do. I swiched celexa to zoloft. I don't know if it is making me terribly paranoid or what. The doctor recommened I add depakote which I tried but it gives me the worst headache in combination with zoloft.
>
> I was thinking of trying zoloft + depakote + zyprexa but I am just so stupid as it is with all this medication.
>
> I don't know what to do. I just want to die all the time.
>
> I don't understand. I got 90s in high school and now can barely pass in university.
>
> Perhaps its time to drop out and get a job at Mcdonnalds.
>
> It's just been such a long and hard road. Why must people invent a world that constantly tests the limits of human emotion.
>
> I just wish there was a quick way to kill myself cause living in fear all the time is just hell.
>
> Why does god do this to people?
>
>
> Linkadge
>
>
>
Posted by Nohope on September 16, 2004, at 4:13:16
In reply to Re: I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:57:07
Hi Linkadge.
I understand first hand the pain that a couple of your problems are causing.
Regarding somatic anxiety, I suffer that a great deal and it has been very difficult to treat. (My particular symptoms are chronic breathless sensations and a 'twig' in the throat.)
Although I promised myself when I joined psychobabble that I would remain as anonymous as possible, I will reveal that I am an engineer and that your frustration with 'dumb' drugs is well founded.
I see from the archives that you have tried a great many medications, so please forgive me if you have tried the following (or considered them and rejected them for whatever reason).
For somatic anxiety, only Xanax truly works for me. However, it is well known as a dumb drug; doses >1mg/day noticably impact on my memory. Therefore, I do not use it on a regular basis. However, it can be a very useful emotional 'anaesthetic' when severely depressed. If enough is taken, it can take many people (myself included) from the depths of despair into a rather neutral state ('stoned' some people call it) for a while (for me, a couple of days). This can be of enormous benefit when you hit the wall. It just gives you a bit of a break. YMMV, of course.
Nearly all medications I have tried have been dumb drugs, with Depakote being close to the worst. The following are the only medications that I feel sharp on:
1) Mianserin. People think that because it is the parent molecule of Remeron that it must be just a 'dirty' Remeron. It is not.
2) Milnacipran. Not a very helpful medication for me, but it did leave my intellect(?) intact.
3) Parnate. I'm on 40mg/day at the moment. I am having a few problems with it at the moment, but definitely not in terms of cognitive functioning.
BTW, none of the above made my mind race (like you complain of), although many, many did.
Once again, my apologies if this is old news for you. Best of luck.
Nohope
> I don't think I am bipolar, but I do think that the antidepressants make my mind race.
>
> They make it difficult to concentrate and to know whats important.
>
> My main problem is physical anxiety. Stomach problems, heart palpitations etc.
>
> I just don't think I am fast enough to get through university. I am not dumb, but I just don't think I am fast enough to get through the tests etc.
>
> Linkadge
>
>
>
>
>
>
Posted by alesta on September 16, 2004, at 17:04:39
In reply to I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:01:30
Posted by zeugma on September 16, 2004, at 18:15:22
In reply to you all are all wonderful!great advice to link:) (nm), posted by alesta on September 16, 2004, at 17:04:39
hi amy, i really appreciate that you encourage posters who try to help those of us who are having a hard time :)
linkadge, i hope you are feeling better. I am positive that you could get through your exams, but I have been through the mill with psych meds too, and I fully believe that SSRI's could cause cognitive changes.
About a week ago I tried to combine 100 mg Provigil with 20 mg Ritalin. The result was a dopamine overload that had some peculiar effects on my cognition. I found that my ability to process the 'language-like' elements of mathematics, such as algebra and number theory, was heightened; I was able to focus on details of expressions in a way that had never been possible for me (I have mathematical dyslexia, as well as minor but annoying (to me) linguistic dyslexia. These were alleviated by the dopaminergic combination. I am convinced this is because it improved my ability to single-mindedly focus on small details.
On the other hand, I was almost completely unable to shift my attention from one area of mathematics to another. In particular the application of formulas in geometry was even more difficult for me than usual. I normally experience an involuntary drift of attention due to my ADHD, but it was literally painful to shift my focus from one area to another. I think serotonin promotes a lightening of attention that explains why SSRI's can relieve OCD but can also induce attentional difficulties.
There is also the possibility that NE was involved in some of these cognitive effects.
-z
Posted by linkadge on September 16, 2004, at 18:37:25
In reply to Re: you all are all wonderful!great advice to link:) » alesta, posted by zeugma on September 16, 2004, at 18:15:22
Too much dopamine and i feel that the problem is much more complex than it really is. The SSRI's are the only things that stop me from freaking out as soon as I look at the problem and help me to temper my "interpretation" of the difficulty of the problem.
In other words, I think I may have some limbic ADHD, where my emotions simply shut off my ability to recieve incoming info.
I need some way to shut off that FEAR. I'm not dumb but I think my amygdala is in overdrive. How do I shut off the amygdala ?
Linkadge
Posted by SLS on September 16, 2004, at 19:02:51
In reply to Re: you all are all wonderful!great advice to link:), posted by linkadge on September 16, 2004, at 18:37:25
> I need some way to shut off that FEAR. I'm not dumb but I think my amygdala is in overdrive. How do I shut off the amygdala ?
SSRI + benzo + GABA (Depakote, Neurontin, etc)
- Scott
Posted by zeugma on September 16, 2004, at 19:09:47
In reply to Re: you all are all wonderful!great advice to link:), posted by linkadge on September 16, 2004, at 18:37:25
> Too much dopamine and i feel that the problem is much more complex than it really is. The SSRI's are the only things that stop me from freaking out as soon as I look at the problem and help me to temper my "interpretation" of the difficulty of the problem.
>
> In other words, I think I may have some limbic ADHD, where my emotions simply shut off my ability to recieve incoming info.
>
> I need some way to shut off that FEAR. I'm not dumb but I think my amygdala is in overdrive. How do I shut off the amygdala ?
>
>
> Linkadge
>
> Dr. Amen thinks that TCA's are good treatments for limbic ADD. From my experience TCA's are remarkably powerful at suppressing panic attacks where the amygdala shuts down the prefrontal cortex. On the other hand they have a documented uselessness in social phobia, except for clomipramine, suggesting a specifically antipanic effect.Before restarting nortriptyline I had the periodic feeling of shivering inside. It was not related to any external or internal stimuli known to me- it was fear, pure and simple. This shivering stopped even on 20 mg of nortriptyline which is a tiny dose. On the other hand TCA's can intensify emotions, including negative ones, but not fear or panic. The picture is incredibly complex. I think the noradrenergic and/or anticholinergic effects cause a cognitive 'slowing' which improves the continuity of thought. but this can also exacerbate the perceptions of complexity that are causing you problems. Provigil which I think is powerfully noradrenergic as well as dopaminergic was especially 'slowing' in this respect. It had too many strange s/e for me to stay on it which is a shame because I liked this effect a lot.
if you find yourself prone to panic, and suspect limbic ADHD as well, then a TCA would be a good choice, at least according to Dr. Amen. If you could get your hands on some cymbalta that would probably be even better.
For shutting off the amygdala quickly and cleanly, I would say Klonopin would be the best.
-z
Posted by Sebastian on September 16, 2004, at 20:46:09
In reply to I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:01:30
I use to think about my meds a lot, at times when it was absolutly essential to get a better arangement or I felt I would lose my mind the anxiety/! I would say drop the zoloft. Zyprexa is great for the rest. I didn't like depakote, it didn't do much for me, I took it for a year. Even my doctor didn't think it was doing anything for me; a different doctor had me on it.
Posted by artemiss on September 17, 2004, at 16:27:37
In reply to Re: you all are all wonderful!great advice to link:), posted by linkadge on September 16, 2004, at 18:37:25
Hey Linkadge,
I too suffer from alot of anxiety and fear. Alot of my anxiety results in strong physical symptoms like shaking alot, dizziness, nausea, hot and cold flashes, tremors, which leads to intense fear and paranoia. This may be an ignorant question since you have obviously tried alot of things, but do you consume any caffeine? Caffeine can induce panic attacks and anxiety, even in small amounts to those who are prone to panic attacks and anxiety disorders.
I noticed that pretty much all of my severe panic attacks happened after I consumed caffeine, usually several hours after, sometimes more than 12 hours afterwards, even after only one cup of tea. I stopped drinking coffee and coke years ago since I always got a big panic attack soon after those, but I've recently had to cut all caffeine out because I would get a panic attack after only one cup of tea. I still feel anxious and nervous, but it hasn't been as bad as with the caffeine and I don't get panic attacks. I am currently on Effexor and Ativan.
Chocolate doesn't bother me, but I don't eat alot of it.
Just a thought......
> Too much dopamine and i feel that the problem is much more complex than it really is. The SSRI's are the only things that stop me from freaking out as soon as I look at the problem and help me to temper my "interpretation" of the difficulty of the problem.
>
> In other words, I think I may have some limbic ADHD, where my emotions simply shut off my ability to recieve incoming info.
>
> I need some way to shut off that FEAR. I'm not dumb but I think my amygdala is in overdrive. How do I shut off the amygdala ?
>
>
> Linkadge
>
>
Posted by linkadge on September 19, 2004, at 15:38:14
In reply to Re: you all are all wonderful!great advice to link:), posted by artemiss on September 17, 2004, at 16:27:37
I do drink caffiene, and yes it does make me more panicky, but it also tends to improve my depression, even when AD's poop out.
Linkadge
Posted by Waki on September 19, 2004, at 23:12:53
In reply to I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:01:30
when god hates me i just hate em back, then we make up :)
Posted by ace on September 21, 2004, at 2:25:41
In reply to I am so messed up !!, posted by linkadge on September 15, 2004, at 17:01:30
> I just don't know what to do. I swiched celexa to zoloft. I don't know if it is making me terribly paranoid or what. The doctor recommened I add depakote which I tried but it gives me the worst headache in combination with zoloft.
>
> I was thinking of trying zoloft + depakote + zyprexa but I am just so stupid as it is with all this medication.
>
> I don't know what to do. I just want to die all the time.
>
> I don't understand. I got 90s in high school and now can barely pass in university.
>
> Perhaps its time to drop out and get a job at Mcdonnalds.
>
> It's just been such a long and hard road. Why must people invent a world that constantly tests the limits of human emotion.
>
> I just wish there was a quick way to kill myself cause living in fear all the time is just hell.
>
> Why does god do this to people?
>
>
> Linkadge
>
>
>
Hang in there buddy. You know we all care for you dude. I wish i could get over and help you now.But please be patient....the black sky ALWAYS clears
Your mate in australia,
Ace
Posted by AuntieMel on September 21, 2004, at 17:27:32
In reply to Re: I am so messed up !! » linkadge, posted by ace on September 21, 2004, at 2:25:41
> I don't understand. I got 90s in high school and now can barely pass in university.
>
> Perhaps its time to drop out and get a job at Mcdonnalds.
>Boy, do I see this all the time, and more often in the undepressed. The fact is that high school these days just doesn't prepare you for college. The material doesn't go deep enough. Worse, there just isn't enough of it to force kids to have to study.
It seems that the first year of college is mainly working on *how* to study, and how to study efficiently. It's a real shock to the system!
Posted by psychosage on September 21, 2004, at 17:40:51
In reply to Re: I am so messed up !! » linkadge, posted by ace on September 21, 2004, at 2:25:41
> > I just don't know what to do. I swiched celexa to zoloft. I don't know if it is making me terribly paranoid or what. The doctor recommened I add depakote which I tried but it gives me the worst headache in combination with zoloft.
> >
> > I was thinking of trying zoloft + depakote + zyprexa but I am just so stupid as it is with all this medication.
> >
> > I don't know what to do. I just want to die all the time.
> >
> > I don't understand. I got 90s in high school and now can barely pass in university.
> >
> > Perhaps its time to drop out and get a job at Mcdonnalds.
> >
> > It's just been such a long and hard road. Why must people invent a world that constantly tests the limits of human emotion.
> >
> > I just wish there was a quick way to kill myself cause living in fear all the time is just hell.
> >
> > Why does god do this to people?
> >
> >
> > Linkadge
> >
> >
> >
> Hang in there buddy. You know we all care for you dude. I wish i could get over and help you now.
>
> But please be patient....the black sky ALWAYS clears
>
> Your mate in australia,
>
> Ace
>
hi linkadge!i hope you start feeling better. don't hope the meds "auto-pilot" your moods for you. we have to work so much harder to be somewhat sane and functional but the struggle is worth it. The point of the struggle is not to be able to experience pleasure all the time either. Perhaps you just having found activities, social or otherwise, or relationships that really fulfill you.
Keep on keeping on. You aren't the only one.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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