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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jerimycoplo on February 23, 2004, at 6:01:06
Hey I was wondering if anyone has experienced something like this. i have officially : ocd, sad and generalized anxiety disorder.
is seems however that i have trouble forming normal meaningful relationships with people in places where people are plenty and are expected to meet people (e.g. college campus). it seems odd, but being around thousands of people makes me feel more lonely then ever. also, it seems like i can't form a meaningful relationship with anyone b/c there are so many ppl around....
it is so strange. i do fine in settings like big cities where people are more spread out and act more independently (e.g . a big city where i just meet people casually as i go about my life). but in a college campus type town (4 y. school), i heneslty feel like i become weird, have trouble finding girls, real meaningful intimate connections....i always date goodlooking girls in a big city setting. since i have come to college i have not had a girlfriend, a meaningful friendship...anything. i think it might have something to do with my *perception* that in a college town like this everything is for show...
i feel like people are supposed to act a *certain* way...i don't act myself. i feel so weird...
this all goes away when i leave the college campus setting, highschool type setting...etc...
I have always wondered what this thing has to do with. i hated highschool for the same reasons...small, tightly knit community....makes me feel strange. Once i graduated highschool and i stopped being part of that environment, i was able to become good friends with the exact type of people i have trouble being normal around in highschool or college setting...meeting them at bars, parties , etc. ....just as long as i did not associate them with one single social environment.
so it's not the people, it's my perception and the way it makes me act and feel....?
does this have anything to do with my ocd? generalized anxiety? i think it must...i don't know anyone like this. everyone i know on this campus has met a girlfriend, freinds etc....
i feel nutty telling people that i dated normal good looking girls (just like the ones here), had meaningful friendships...BUT i can't do it in a town where there are 20,000 of my peers within close proximity!!??>> sounds crazy right? but it's my reality. i know once i leave this place and greduate, things return to nomal once the school setting environment thing is gone...
anyone know why this happens to me though in this type of enviroment? it is the dillema of my life...is this a personality disorder? some sort of associative disorder? i think it must have something to do with the abnormal brain chemistry associated with ocd...with the way someone with ocd...so subtly thinks and perceives things slighlty different then others...?
any comments / advice would be appreciated.
sorry for being so long
jc
Posted by obSession on February 23, 2004, at 8:29:25
In reply to help! problems, posted by jerimycoplo on February 23, 2004, at 6:01:06
hi experienced the same problems...in school had no friends and no boyfriends...in normal situations like one on one or a small group i had absaloutely loads....due to this problem im avoiding university like the plague and studying through other methodoligies.....email me if u like private@magicmail.co.za :)
Posted by anxiety66me on February 23, 2004, at 16:18:44
In reply to Re: help! problems, posted by obSession on February 23, 2004, at 8:29:25
I understand....I have the same problem that you people have. Whenever I visit NYC I feel so comfortable and talk to random people on subways; but at home, on campusI clam up (Thank god I am graduating in 2 mo!). My husband calls me anti-social. It is very hard and I can't stand how I am.
I hate being on campus. I thought that after highschool it would end, but I can never run away from who I am. Some SSRI's have helped, but the side effects are too much for me to keep taking them.
My therapist says that I wear a "mask" for the different types of people I encounter (I am a phoney). He said, for example, that when people are on a job interview they make sure to be very polite and may act differently (wear a "mask")than if they were with their friends on a weekend night out (act like themselves without fear).
But, he pointed out that I put on the same mask that people usually save for job interviews when engaging in conversation with everyday people. I act how I think that they want me to act. It has a lot to do with what people think of me. I am SO afraid they will think negative things about me that I don't speak a word. All that doubt makes me so nervous.
If someone approaches me to have a conversation I am so nervous that my reply comes out gargled and incoherent. My heart races and my mind is flooded with horrible perceptions of myself.
The thing with the city is- I know that I probally won't EVER see that person, so I don't care what they think for once. It feels SO good.
The therapist made a good point. These people 99% of the time are NOT thinking the negative things I think that they do about me. They are more concerned with their own problems and stuff to give a crap.
Hey, that's what therapy is for and I am working on the exact same problem.
Posted by KathrynLex on February 23, 2004, at 17:01:29
In reply to help! problems, posted by jerimycoplo on February 23, 2004, at 6:01:06
Hi JC,
It's interesting that you can make friends and meet people as long as you don't associate them with a single environment. That does sound a little bit like obsessive behavior. (Of course, I'm not a doctor.) Some therapy might help you discover why you do this and how to overcome it. In therapy you could also explore the reasons behind your inability to have meaningful relationships. Can you tell I'm a strong advocate of therapy?
You might also look in to medication. Right now I take Lexapro for depression/anxiety. One of the best things it's done has helped me to control the negative thinking that brings on anxiety. Meds might help you to stop worrying about social situations and small communities of your peers. I hope you can get some help and consider going on medication, it can be wonderful for some people. Best of luck to you.
K.
Posted by jerimycoplo on February 23, 2004, at 19:49:55
In reply to Re: help! problems, posted by KathrynLex on February 23, 2004, at 17:01:29
I believe that one of the replies was on the right track. I think that the fact that I might see people here over and over again makes me act not myself because i am worried what they might think. This completely dissappears in a big city where people just meet strangers all the time. In that case, I do extremely well b/c it makes sense to be yourself, since you will not see that person again anyway unless you choose to...
Do you guys think that this problem has more to do with my social anxiety component of my issues or the ocd compinent?
thankx
jc
> Hi JC,
>
> It's interesting that you can make friends and meet people as long as you don't associate them with a single environment. That does sound a little bit like obsessive behavior. (Of course, I'm not a doctor.) Some therapy might help you discover why you do this and how to overcome it. In therapy you could also explore the reasons behind your inability to have meaningful relationships. Can you tell I'm a strong advocate of therapy?
>
> You might also look in to medication. Right now I take Lexapro for depression/anxiety. One of the best things it's done has helped me to control the negative thinking that brings on anxiety. Meds might help you to stop worrying about social situations and small communities of your peers. I hope you can get some help and consider going on medication, it can be wonderful for some people. Best of luck to you.
>
> K.
>
>
Posted by anxiety66me on February 23, 2004, at 20:40:27
In reply to Re: help! problems, posted by jerimycoplo on February 23, 2004, at 19:49:55
Definitely social anxiety.
This is the end of the thread.
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