Posted by jerimycoplo on February 23, 2004, at 6:01:06
Hey I was wondering if anyone has experienced something like this. i have officially : ocd, sad and generalized anxiety disorder.
is seems however that i have trouble forming normal meaningful relationships with people in places where people are plenty and are expected to meet people (e.g. college campus). it seems odd, but being around thousands of people makes me feel more lonely then ever. also, it seems like i can't form a meaningful relationship with anyone b/c there are so many ppl around....
it is so strange. i do fine in settings like big cities where people are more spread out and act more independently (e.g . a big city where i just meet people casually as i go about my life). but in a college campus type town (4 y. school), i heneslty feel like i become weird, have trouble finding girls, real meaningful intimate connections....i always date goodlooking girls in a big city setting. since i have come to college i have not had a girlfriend, a meaningful friendship...anything. i think it might have something to do with my *perception* that in a college town like this everything is for show...
i feel like people are supposed to act a *certain* way...i don't act myself. i feel so weird...
this all goes away when i leave the college campus setting, highschool type setting...etc...
I have always wondered what this thing has to do with. i hated highschool for the same reasons...small, tightly knit community....makes me feel strange. Once i graduated highschool and i stopped being part of that environment, i was able to become good friends with the exact type of people i have trouble being normal around in highschool or college setting...meeting them at bars, parties , etc. ....just as long as i did not associate them with one single social environment.
so it's not the people, it's my perception and the way it makes me act and feel....?
does this have anything to do with my ocd? generalized anxiety? i think it must...i don't know anyone like this. everyone i know on this campus has met a girlfriend, freinds etc....
i feel nutty telling people that i dated normal good looking girls (just like the ones here), had meaningful friendships...BUT i can't do it in a town where there are 20,000 of my peers within close proximity!!??>> sounds crazy right? but it's my reality. i know once i leave this place and greduate, things return to nomal once the school setting environment thing is gone...
anyone know why this happens to me though in this type of enviroment? it is the dillema of my life...is this a personality disorder? some sort of associative disorder? i think it must have something to do with the abnormal brain chemistry associated with ocd...with the way someone with ocd...so subtly thinks and perceives things slighlty different then others...?
any comments / advice would be appreciated.
sorry for being so long
jc
poster:jerimycoplo
thread:316757
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040223/msgs/316757.html