Shown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ian24 on January 8, 2004, at 0:21:08
Obsessing about sex via porn or illicit sex , inability to have LTR's . Is this a real addiction like alcoholism(which I have) or is it just a behaviour?
Posted by Asian Girl on January 8, 2004, at 8:00:25
In reply to sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 8, 2004, at 0:21:08
I think if you go to a Psy Doctor, get right medication ( make sure, start with very low doesage ) It may help you Less compulsive with sexual and notice lots of other pleasure things to do in life other than sex. You are not a bad person, you are just have a kink of illness like most of us on this board, each of us just has different symptoms.
best luck on finding a good doctor.
Posted by f l y on January 8, 2004, at 13:24:19
In reply to sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 8, 2004, at 0:21:08
i think since the dawn of the internet, porn is so readily available for free ,that a lot of people are spending a higher percentage of their time porn surfing. i do not think this would mean you had sexual addiction.
best to ya!
fly
Posted by PoohBear on January 8, 2004, at 14:58:38
In reply to sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 8, 2004, at 0:21:08
Please see my earlier post and see if it might shed some light on your situation:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031219/msgs/292402.html
I realize that sexual thoughts are *normal*, but not all the time. You should be able to get relief if you want it, as I have.
Good luck!
TR
Posted by JohnFromCalifornia on January 8, 2004, at 20:35:16
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by PoohBear on January 8, 2004, at 14:58:38
There's a distinction between compulsive behavior and addiction, and enlightened members of the medical/psy community have acknowledged the reality of both in sex AND the Internet. Combine the two, and in the words of Patrick Carnes, the authority on Web/sexual treatment, you have the "crack cocaine" of sexual addiction.
I sugggest you take a look at Carnes' books on the topic. There's a link from this (excellent) site to Amazon, where all Carnes' major books are listed. (Sorry Dr. Bob, I still haven't figured out the details!)
Medication-wise, if your p-doc recommends SSRIs, you might want to start with Paxil. It nixed my libido, and by extension my browsing of naughty Web sites, within about four days.
Good luck! -- John from California
Posted by ian24 on January 8, 2004, at 22:21:00
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives » ian24, posted by f l y on January 8, 2004, at 13:24:19
No dude, Im talking like 4 to 600 a month on pros and massages. My mom was schizo and I cant have relationships more than 3 months.
Posted by cubbybear on January 9, 2004, at 2:03:54
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 8, 2004, at 22:21:00
I think it's great that you're brave enough to post on this subject. My opinion is that, probably everyone, to one degree or another, has some sort of an "addiction," whether it's to nicotine, alcohol, gambling, illegal drugs, sugar (like myself), or sex (like myself).
We can bat around the word "addiction" forever, as it has different connotations for different people. I define "addiction" as any strong passion or craving for anything that must be satisfied as soon as possible, followed by a rebound craving shortly after.
I realize that such a loose definition would probably encompass the world's population when you consider such favorite pastimes as watching television or playing video games.
What's really important is whether the person has been creating difficulties for him/herself in terms of finances, self-esteem, or relationships with others. If you feel compelled to spend X amount on prostitution every month but you can still live comfortably, pay your bills, and cause no emotional harm to yourself or others, then I say there's no problem.
But if you feel that you're putting yourself in a financial or emotional black hole over your addiction, then you'd best seek professional help in the form of talk therapy and/.or medication. In other words, when your craving turns into a form of enslavement that becomes crippling, it's probably time to do something about it.
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to be so brutal on yourself. Guilt and shame are the unnecessary side effects from Western culture which openly denigrates sex (for anything but procreation) as disgusting and "sinful."
Posted by Francesco on January 9, 2004, at 11:09:29
In reply to sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 8, 2004, at 0:21:08
My guess is that is not 'just' behaviour if you find that this worsen the quality of your life.
I'm not sure about this but I think that sexual compulsive behaviour is treated by psychiatry like every other compulsive behaviour: with serotoninergic meds. Have you tried any med in the past ? do you have other syntoms along with the ones you talked about ?
Posted by HappyGirl on January 9, 2004, at 14:05:43
In reply to sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 8, 2004, at 0:21:08
Hi:
Sex problem is a part of 'Hypomania' that Bp II has. In my knowledge, one 13-14 years old girl rubbing on her own father to get attention on this, ... because of her Bp condition. It's sad, isn't it? With a proper medication, she's OK tho'.
In your case, if you suspect you have Bp, it's mostly likely due to 'manic' you've been experiencing. However, without Bp, you might be sufferring from some sort of 'Obsession' that could be due to even 'depression'(some sort of dep., ... but very rare, ) or simply 'OCD.'
Either way, you need to seek this problem for professional help.
Posted by Mimi on January 9, 2004, at 17:19:03
In reply to sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 8, 2004, at 0:21:08
>Yes, it is an addiction and will not be compatible with a loving, long-term relationship. You can't use a person for sex and be in a real partnership.
Mimi
Obsessing about sex via porn or illicit sex , inability to have LTR's . Is this a real addiction like alcoholism(which I have) or is it just a behaviour?
Posted by ian24 on January 9, 2004, at 19:13:01
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives » ian24, posted by Mimi on January 9, 2004, at 17:19:03
Yeah, it's behaviral unless I have BP which I doubt bc someone may have noticed I hope. I had a severley menatlly ill mom, used alcohol heavily from 13 to 25 . I think it is simply reality avoidance. Instead of going to meetings going out etc I do porn and etc. It also is extremely engrossing and proly sets off little dope hits in my brain. So what begins as an aesy way to not feel emotions or not risk being out there , it eventually becomes totally out of control. Like I just spent a lot of time looking at nekkid women and I realized this is so lame this is so obviously a way that i can sit at home alone and not go crazy. I also think Klonopin enables me to isolate without going crazy because it numbs me.Oh and I was thinking I do want "intimacy" but can't cope with it so I try to get it fro sex. Like I went to a massage parlor and I felt like the massage was "loving " somehow. But it's not it's tawdry and awful. OK , hope no on knows who I am. LOL
Posted by AnneL on January 9, 2004, at 21:12:40
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 9, 2004, at 19:13:01
Do you seek information about where to get help for addictive behaviors that include sex and alcohol?
Posted by ian24 on January 9, 2004, at 21:26:14
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives » ian24, posted by AnneL on January 9, 2004, at 21:12:40
No I'm "in " AA and as for the sex thing I am going to a therapist now and looking into SLAA a 12 step sex thing. I was just talking and it made me feel better. Kind of an addicts or compulsive's Blog , which I should be doing in a journal. But thank you.
Posted by AnneL on January 9, 2004, at 21:39:36
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 9, 2004, at 21:26:14
Cool! Your post is excellent and undoubtedly will help someone with their own exploration of certain "behaviors". I remember it being said in a meeting, "We are only as sick as our secrets".
Right on, Ian and Write on! :) Anne
Posted by theo on January 10, 2004, at 14:08:06
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by Francesco on January 9, 2004, at 11:09:29
I would suggest 20mg Paxil for anyone with sexual compulsion problems. I'll be suprised if it's not approved for that problem soon. I'm in recovery (8 months now) with my big problem being anxiety bound around people. I was always thinking about sex and since I've been on Paxil for 1 month, the last thing on my mind is sex. It's so bad I'd rather do anything but! It can be good if your not in a relationship and you are trying to get your life together and focus on yourself. If you are in a relationship though, it can be a stressful situation trying to keep your partner pleased.
Posted by psychlover on January 10, 2004, at 17:13:22
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by theo on January 10, 2004, at 14:08:06
Something that I have found interesting is that a number of the people I know who are obsessed with sex (beyond the normal range) were sexually abused/traumatized in some way during their childhood, whether actually being forced into sexual acts or perhaps witnessing sexual acts of parents, etc. I know men and women who are consumed by their sexual desires who were molested as kids or witnessed sex acts.
Posted by cubbybear on January 11, 2004, at 2:04:07
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by psychlover on January 10, 2004, at 17:13:22
Posted by KimberlyDi on January 12, 2004, at 15:37:30
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 9, 2004, at 19:13:01
You've taken the first step, which is admitting that you have a problem. Have you tried therapy? I imagine you would be embarressed but you certainly don't want to spend the rest of your life alone or engaged in meaningless sex with strangers. Learning to love again, and all the risks involved, was the hardest thing in the world for me.
Good Luck
KDi in TX> Yeah, it's behaviral unless I have BP which I doubt bc someone may have noticed I hope. I had a severley menatlly ill mom, used alcohol heavily from 13 to 25 . I think it is simply reality avoidance. Instead of going to meetings going out etc I do porn and etc. It also is extremely engrossing and proly sets off little dope hits in my brain. So what begins as an aesy way to not feel emotions or not risk being out there , it eventually becomes totally out of control. Like I just spent a lot of time looking at nekkid women and I realized this is so lame this is so obviously a way that i can sit at home alone and not go crazy. I also think Klonopin enables me to isolate without going crazy because it numbs me.Oh and I was thinking I do want "intimacy" but can't cope with it so I try to get it fro sex. Like I went to a massage parlor and I felt like the massage was "loving " somehow. But it's not it's tawdry and awful. OK , hope no on knows who I am. LOL
Posted by ian24 on January 12, 2004, at 23:16:07
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by KimberlyDi on January 12, 2004, at 15:37:30
I'm going back to my AA meetings soon and attens S meetings but dont know whether SRA (total Abstinence ) or slaa ( which isn't totally cold turkey.) My question is How do I recover besides simply not acting out???
Posted by MARKED on January 17, 2004, at 11:13:04
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 12, 2004, at 23:16:07
> I'm going back to my AA meetings soon and attens S meetings but dont know whether SRA (total Abstinence ) or slaa ( which isn't totally cold turkey.) My question is How do I recover besides simply not acting out???
I can totally relate to your previous posts, so much so that you begin to find that ultimate HIGH of sexual satisfaction, and try to have it last as long as possible. (Usually lack of sleep, lack of proper eating/fitness/social interraction, not content with just anyone for sex and basically having your feelings reach the sky...........then crash really hard), and that's probably the good things.
Ok, what I suggest is a routine. Yes everyone says that.....but have you considered a Cognitive Behavioval Therapy class (they are really helpful and a way to help create a routine/build confidence). Also on a bio/chemical point of view (as we all like to think it's not me, it's my mind) I think perhaps you are showing bi-polar symptoms, or the effects of being so high then crashing is equally the same thing. (mood stabilisers are helpful).
Budget for things that you spend on.....don't feel guilty about what you do (as it makes it worse believe me). Accepting your feelings is a good way to divert them. If you have to indulge in satisfying your desires, consider what you will do next. This helps to stop the "Ahhhhh, I feel (insert your own expletive word), and I have to stop this" mentality.
Don't think I HAVE TO........tomorrow never comes. Think ok, i'm doing this, and then i'm going to do this (whatever you decide to do) after that and be happy. You'll be amazed how you start thinking positive and divert your actions to some other ventures you'd rather persue.
How do you feel happy?
Well I know your body gets that craving for something (alcohol, sex, etc) but the only way to stop it is by suppressing, stabilising it (with medications...see posts of mood stabilisers) or replacing it with another MORE statisfying longer lasting desire (eg- achieving and marking off on a list what you did for the day).Vocalising what you want to do will also help you achieve different things (eg-I am feeling good today and I am happy). Physically saying out loud what you want to think will make it happen more, rather than pondering on all the negatives of "I feel like this". If you don't want the sexual thoughts, say it out loud. If you do, be decisive and accept it. Acceptance brings about change. Forcing yourself to change will just bring about negative thoughts that take away that natural feeling of confidence, and you'll give in because there is nothing else distracting you.
So how do you feel happy about the mundane things in life? Well this is what we all are after, but as a guide divide your time with rewarding yourself. (again the routine thing). By now you must realise when you have certain desires, so obiously those are the worst times. Try to create your lifestyle around the times that work, and don't work for you. If you compeled to drink or expressive your sexual desires at night or after work (for example), make that time routinely a ritual to go to the gym, go for a walk outside, go see friends, ring someone you know. Try to fill that time with some other distraction (people are a good distraction, talking is too, excercise or something mentally challenging). But make sure your in a comfortable environment or else it will just make you think "I want to get out of here".
Obviously these examples are very basic, and you already know this i'm sure......but, by following certain guidelines with what i've said and WORKING out what things make you happy, (truely happy) then you can limit and CONTROL your excessive thoughts and subsequent behaviour, and probably save money as well (if you know what i mean). Time management, acceptance, control, medication, confidence, comfortable environment, expressing thoughts/feelings............= these all bring about chnage. Don't think to stop anything suddenly as this rarely lasts more than a week. Be gradual and reward youself with your achievements, make note of your achievements (even silly things). Mark them off and create new ones ONLY when they are completed. Don't make unobtainable goals. It's better to have a goal of "Having a shower" rather than "In 2005 I am going to be president"....you know what I mean.
Hope this helps......I can't say it's a magical cure, but it has helped me to be in control at least,Good Luck.
Posted by ian32 on January 17, 2004, at 15:41:04
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by MARKED on January 17, 2004, at 11:13:04
Especially the last guy.
This is the end of the thread.
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