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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by socks on December 29, 2003, at 10:52:40
First, thank you for this board and to all who contribute. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes trying to come to terms with the idea that the above mentioned problems are my own. I have seen several Psychologists at various times in my life but nothing ever really made the difference. I would charm my way into getting a positive response from the therapist and they would pat me on the head and send me on my way. At 40, and with the recommendation of my current therapist, I am seeing a Psychiatrist, who has called my symptoms a "cycling disorder". He suggested Depakote and continued Wellbutrin. I have been taking the wellbutrin for almost a year but the Depakote is new in the last two weeks. I still feel awful and find myself more inclined to cry at the least sad feeling. My interest in my job is almost gone and I am avoiding reading my emails and listening to my voicemails for the fear of what they might hold. My background is simple; intelligent in High School but never lived up to my potential. Went to college and failed miserably during my Freshman year. Got married at 20 and had my first child at 25, second child at 28, both boys. Husband was a pot user until 4 years ago, everyday, 3x a day. I was a social user until 10 years ago and drink very little these days. I am the sole source of income in my family, my husband doesn't work due to his own psych problems. My job is high end, high stress with great financial rewards for performance and little for mediocrity. I go in cycles with doing really well to doing really poorly. I am in the poor performance period now and cannot seem to crawl up over the mountain again. As I read the "doctor babble" on the various websites, it leads me to believe that therapy is ineffective in these cases, which is scaring the hell out of me. I need to hear from someone that can offer me some personal experience with this. Someone that has been able to get in better control. This is the worst I have ever felt, please help!
Posted by Utopia on December 29, 2003, at 13:28:32
In reply to Cyclothymia or Bipolar? Need inspiration!!!!, posted by socks on December 29, 2003, at 10:52:40
Hi socks
If theres any one who understands what you're going through is me. I too have Ultra rapid cycling and have gone through years and years of failed medication regimens. The ups and downs will never be discribed adequately or understood adequately.
Before I launch into any experiences I might have had, please never give up hope. No matter how dark it looks and flattened you feel, there is always something that will help you. I just try and remind myself that my brain has intensified the problem 100 times and I must push on.
The meds you are taking are indicated for Rapid Cyclers, the Depakote stabilizes the cycling and the Welbutrin does not 'push' your mood around, as in from dpressed to euphoric or vice versa. This is bad.
With Cyclers, just an antidepressant does not work so a mood stabilizer like Depakote is VERY necessary.I have THREE mood stabilizers and two anti-depressants in my 'cocktail' (no-one said it was going to be easy)
Two weeks is early days on the Depakote and it's important that you hang in there and get to the therapeutic blood level suggested by your doctor a.s.a.p.
Hey, don't feel bad about being teary. You can allow yourself that indulgence. Depakote has that reputation at the beginning but when it eventually kicks in... you'd better hold on to your socks!
Rapid Cyclers are difficult to treat but not impossible. The pure and and only reason is that you have a sublimely sensitive brain. They eventually get us under control.
I hope it helped a little.
Post me if you need more info or to shoot the breeze.
Posted by socks on December 29, 2003, at 17:23:43
In reply to Re: Cyclothymia or Bipolar? Need inspiration!!!!, posted by Utopia on December 29, 2003, at 13:28:32
Thank You Utopia,
I appreciate the speedy response and kind words. I had a meeting this afternoon with my therapist and we talked alot about hope and acceptance of this label. She says she can help me with many of my fears, ie; self doubts, self esteem, etc. I hope she is up to the challenge, I am so scared of this. I know the hardest part will be handling my own exectations. I see myself as a failure, something that I don't know if I can come to grips with.
I will see my Psychiatrist tomorrow and see where we go from here. Iknow two weeks is a little early to expect alot from the Depakote. I have to trust that the psych will be able to chart my course but trusting is not one of my finer qualities. My therapst suggests that I take some time off work so I can take a break. I don't feel like I can do that.
You said that you have been dealing with this for years. Has it affected your work, marriage, etc? Have you ever taken time off from work to deal with this?
I am so glad that I found this board and again, am grateful for your response. I will try not to give up hope and work to look ahead. The hardest things we ever do are ultimately the most rewarding.
Thanks Again,
Socks
Posted by Utopia on December 30, 2003, at 12:42:49
In reply to Re: Cyclothymia or Bipolar? Need inspiration!!!!, posted by socks on December 29, 2003, at 17:23:43
Hi
Yes, it has affected my relationships, past and present. I even find the disorder makes me anti-social, to a certain extent. Work has suffered a great deal yet I'm considered by third perties as having more than two brain cells.
I tried ECT and had to take time of work because of short term memory problems. It's been suggested that I now go through a wash-out period (which will take two months if you include the new drugs getting up and running).
Trust me, i've been there. The fact of doubting you pdoc is also normal. But if you respect her knowledge and skill, stand fast.
My fear of failure is a continuous spectre, but the fact that I can still question whether I'm failing or winning is a victory in itself.
Bye
Posted by socks on December 30, 2003, at 21:48:32
In reply to Re: Cyclothymia or Bipolar? Need inspiration!!!!, posted by Utopia on December 30, 2003, at 12:42:49
Hi Utopia,
I find that I cannot get enough reading on other peoples experience with this illness.I guess I find comfort in the fact that I am not alone.
As for me, my marriage has suffered a great deal as a result of this problem. I am not entirely to blame but have been the creator of many a mess, from affairs to money issues. I feel very alone in the world right now.
I did see my pdoc today and he has increased my depakote from 500 mg to 1000mg. I also take 300mg of wellbutrin.I know from what you have said and other things I have read, that getting the right combination of meds is the key. I pray that this happens quickly, not a very patient patient am I.
Again, thanks for your support. Glad someone is out there. Got to stop now before I turn into a sobbing mess.
Peace,
Socks
This is the end of the thread.
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