Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 229517

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how supportful are your friends with depression?

Posted by fanni on May 27, 2003, at 17:10:44

just wanted to ask people that.this seems the only place i can talk about it and not be screamed at,and im sick of it,it really got to me today,im so down,no confidence,blahblahblah,and its not like i was going on about it,but my friends were just like oh shut the fk up your so selfish,im bored of you.i would love someone to turn to,i feel so isolated and all that stuff. sorry to whinge.it does get better,doesnt it?!anti depressants will work,after a while?

 

Re: how supportful are your friends with depression? » fanni

Posted by fallsfall on May 27, 2003, at 19:02:40

In reply to how supportful are your friends with depression?, posted by fanni on May 27, 2003, at 17:10:44

People who have never been depressed have a hard time understanding what is going on.

I go to a Depression Support group at my local hospital. You might find them listed in your newspaper, or your therapist, doctor, or pdoc might know of a group. It is really helpful to talk to people who can relate to what is happening with you.

Another idea is if you happen to meet someone who is also depressed you might be able to meet periodically, or at least telephone for mutual support. I am fairly open about my depression, and I'm amazed at the number of people who either are or have been depressed.

Good luck finding some local support! (But don't forget about us)

 

Re: how supportful are your friends with depression? » fanni

Posted by jerrympls on May 27, 2003, at 23:16:15

In reply to how supportful are your friends with depression?, posted by fanni on May 27, 2003, at 17:10:44

> just wanted to ask people that.this seems the only place i can talk about it and not be screamed at,and im sick of it,it really got to me today,im so down,no confidence,blahblahblah,and its not like i was going on about it,but my friends were just like oh shut the fk up your so selfish,im bored of you.i would love someone to turn to,i feel so isolated and all that stuff. sorry to whinge.it does get better,doesnt it?!anti depressants will work,after a while?

FANNI-

I can empathize with you completely. While I do have some wonderful friends who are there for me when I need them even if it's just to listen to me and all my troubles - I do have some friends who just do not understand and they take it personally. When my depression gets worse, I tend to isolate myself - not answer the phone, etc. I've tried to explain it to them and am constantly reassuring them that it has nothing to do with them - however, even though they do try to understand - they cannot. They just don't understand why, when Friday comes, that I'd rather sleep all weekend than want to go out to all the clubs and dance the night away and spend countless hours at the mall, etc.

They've stopped calling - and I don't blame them completely - and emails have been few and far between. I want desparately to explain time after time that it's not them and it's because of the illness - robbing me of energy, filling me with apathy, etc. The last time I head from them they were hinting that they had been having "fun" with "new" friends, etc. I'm sure it wasn't meant as mean spiritied, but as more of a "we can have fun without begging you to do things with us...."

One of the things that saves me is one of my very best friends also suffers from depression. Also, another very close, wonderful friend who lives in another state has always been there - even though he doesn't full understand all my treatments, etc and will read and respond to my long emails complaining about my life.....

I would recommend what others have posted - find a support group through your therapist or doctor and build some friendships from there. I also have heard there are many good books for friends delaing with a friend's depression, etc. - sorry I have no titles to share at the moment.

If your current friends are telling you to shut up - then perhaps it's time to look elsewhere - like a support group. The internet has been a great friend for me - being able to post on discussion boards like this one help tremndously.

I wish I could help you more...and I wish you the best and hope you find a friend(s) who will be there for you - no matter how much you complain or cry or whatever....

good luck -- hang in there..

Jerry

 

Re: how supportful are your friends with depression?

Posted by Caleb462 on May 28, 2003, at 0:48:33

In reply to how supportful are your friends with depression?, posted by fanni on May 27, 2003, at 17:10:44

> just wanted to ask people that.this seems the only place i can talk about it and not be screamed at,and im sick of it,it really got to me today,im so down,no confidence,blahblahblah,and its not like i was going on about it,but my friends were just like oh shut the fk up your so selfish,im bored of you.i would love someone to turn to,i feel so isolated and all that stuff. sorry to whinge.it does get better,doesnt it?!anti depressants will work,after a while?

I don't talk to many of my old friends anymore, but I'm fairly sure they wouldn't offer much in the way of support. Well, maybe one of em. I have some "new" friends... but I haven't been able to become close to anyone due to my mental/emotional state. There is one guy that is supportive, because he goes through it himself, but we don't talk much.

So, really, there's only my girlfriend. She's great, and goes through much of the same stuff. Like me, she suffers from OCD, SP, and the whole mixed depression/anxiety thing. We are quite supportive of each other. However, two highly neurotic, highly depressed individuals together can be trying at times. My parents and brother are also great, so that is a blessing. I have been a complete ass sometimes due to my conditions/problems, but my girlfriend and family always try their hardest to be understanding. I'm quite lucky in that regard.

Basically, I just stay away from everybody else though. Particularly the last few days, I've had no desire to do anything other than stay in bed.

 

Re: how supportful are your friends with depression?

Posted by stjames on May 28, 2003, at 1:41:09

In reply to how supportful are your friends with depression?, posted by fanni on May 27, 2003, at 17:10:44

I am lucky to have friends who have been there;
people who I don't have to cover so much ground
to get them to understand. The understans to short-hand of "brain fog" and "adipin coma".

For others I think it is important to tell them
what you need, otherwise they will annoy you, despite trying their best, with the usual "take a walk", "snap out of it" ect. Many just need to know that you want to talk and they just need to listen.

I have quit looking for approval from others about my depression.

 

Re: how supportful are your friends with depression?

Posted by cubbybear on May 28, 2003, at 10:42:21

In reply to Re: how supportful are your friends with depression?, posted by stjames on May 28, 2003, at 1:41:09

I read this entire thread with a sense of amazement, now being on the outside looking in. If you'd like, go to the Psychobabble archives and scan through January and February of this year for me--Cubbybear--and LyndaK. I haven't seen Lynda's name on the board for a while, but all I can tell you is that for a couple of months, she,and others on this board were basically my only sources of support. during severe depression.
Things can always be worse. I'd like you to consider this: I live in Bangkok Thailand and my family is in the U.S. They were all quite concerned and supportive via E-mail and telephone, but this was FAMILY. When it came to friends, I had only my English-speaking colleagues at work, who were helpful to an extent. They had been through the horrors of alcohol or illegal drug addiction and previously suffered from depression as well, so at least they knew what I was going through. But here I was, about 9000 miles from home, in a different culture, and the Thai people all around me were/are by far the worst "friends" you can have when you're sufferng. I've lived here for nearly 5 years and will NEVER understand certain aspects of their culture and ways of reacting to your problems. Can you imagine, what it's like, trying to explain what you're going through (I even showed them the Thai word for depression), and the typical reaction was a SMILE OR LAUGH?!? I'm NOT kidding! After my bicycle, camera, and money were stolen on separate occasions, the typical reaction was a smile. I've tried to get an explanation for this from Thais who speak English well (there aren't many) and their explanations still baffle me.
At leat you can take comfort in the fact that you're living in your native country, everyone around you speaks English, and you can buy the meds you want.
And lastly, you WILL overcome your depression with the right medication. Hang in there. As I always say, things could always be worse. And a TRUE friend would stand by you throughout the ordeal and beyond. I'm lucky that there ARE a couple of guys who put up with my incessant phone calls for support. The others who drifted away couldn't have been called true friends in the first place.
We're all here rooting for you!


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