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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 2 to 26 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by Simcha on January 15, 2002, at 11:35:31
In reply to Anyone reached the feeling good stage ?, posted by sid on January 15, 2002, at 10:14:53
Sid,
I also have dysthymia. I've had it longer than I can imagine.
My first med was EffexorXR. For me 75mg was not enough. When my doc got me up to 150mg and I stayed there for a couple weeks something happened.
I woke up one morning and it was as if a veil had lifted. I wanted to be awake (I don't ever remember feeling that) and I wanted to be alive (It had been a long time since I felt that!).
75mg is a low starting dose. It took 150mg for me. For others it takes more. For some this is not the med that will work.
I had to wait 6 weeks and be on the 150mg dose for at least 2 weeks to have the veil lifted. Give it time if it's not producing unbearable side effects. From what others say on the board, if it does nothing for you 2 months into treatment then it is time to try something else.
Your mileage may vary. We are all different.
Take Care,
Simcha.> Hi all,
> I saw my doc this morning, continuing at 75 mg of Effexor XR for a while longer.
>
> She mentioned that once I "feel good," I will stay on the med(s) at least one more year to avoid relapses once I come off it(them). Problem is, I don't know what it's like to "feel good." I've had dysthymia since I was 13 years old (I think) and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so any improvement over a pretty low baseline is "feeling good" to me.
>
> As a result, I can't imagine how we'll decide that I'm at the right dosage and I need to tough it out one more year. Sometimes I think I complain too much and should live more and ask myself less how it is I am doing today. I also think that if I felt really good, perhaps I would not ask myself how I am doing. I am confused with it all. Any insights? What is it like to "feel good"?
>
> - Sid
Posted by kid47 on January 15, 2002, at 11:59:43
In reply to Anyone reached the feeling good stage ?, posted by sid on January 15, 2002, at 10:14:53
Howdy. Good question. Over the past several years I have had limited success with meds. On the few occassions I have had a positive result it was an astounding "moment of clarity"! I felt a sense of well being & peace of mind. The darkness was peeled away & things that previously had been so troubling to me suddenly became non-issues. I was motivated & social. I wasn't always exhausted. The ever constant obsession with how I was feeling disappeared. I felt truly connected with myself & the people around me. I could express myself. I could easily make simple decisions that I used to agonize over. I understood the phrase "It's good to be alive." I was interested in stuff. I went out. All this was in a relaxed state of mind. Other than being a bit giddy (but not manic) from finally climbing out of the pit of despair, I was reacting, I believe, as "normal" folks do, to day to day living. But alas. After several days or weeks it all comes CRASHING down again. That is the cruelest part. You get a glimpse of a real life & then you're sucked back into the murky depths. Sorry. Didn't mean to be so dramatic & long-winded. It's just so devastating to realize what I am missing. But I do have hope that someday there will be proper treatment to destroy this demon. Take Care
kid
> Hi all,
> I saw my doc this morning, continuing at 75 mg of Effexor XR for a while longer.
>
> She mentioned that once I "feel good," I will stay on the med(s) at least one more year to avoid relapses once I come off it(them). Problem is, I don't know what it's like to "feel good." I've had dysthymia since I was 13 years old (I think) and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so any improvement over a pretty low baseline is "feeling good" to me.
>
> As a result, I can't imagine how we'll decide that I'm at the right dosage and I need to tough it out one more year. Sometimes I think I complain too much and should live more and ask myself less how it is I am doing today. I also think that if I felt really good, perhaps I would not ask myself how I am doing. I am confused with it all. Any insights? What is it like to "feel good"?
>
> - Sid
Posted by babyface on January 15, 2002, at 13:00:26
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » sid, posted by kid47 on January 15, 2002, at 11:59:43
Hi Sid,
Once you reach the right dose of the right medication(and by "right" I mean what works for you)you will have that feeling that Kid is talking about. This seeng everything clearly and the feeling as if a weight of your chest has been lifted.
True, you can crash or just feel low again but the meds prevent you from going too low by adjusting the dosage at those times.
It is such a long and frustrating process but you have to keep trying because depression is hell
and you have to try and feel as normal as possible.
It sometimes feels like you will never get out of it again but you do and you need someone like a therapist or someone else who suffers from depression to remind you of that.
I have had depression since a small age and since age 18 it has been very very tough. Three hospitalizations and 23 years later I still think that the medication and therapy have saved me.
I have 3 children and just for them I needed to stay alive.
I went through hell with the amount of combos of different meds I tried and I switched many times over the years because what worked well at first stopped working for me the second or third time around.(I went of my meds to get pregnant 3 times)
I will not go off my meds ever again because I am terrified of another severe depression.
I have my down periods of weeks even a month and a half of dread that I will sink lower and lower but with adjusting my meds I get out of it again.
It is worth having that as a safety net.
So after rambling or a little background sharing:
Don't despair because you will find he right meds for you! Mine is Effexor right now. I'm at 150 at the moment but have been on 185,5 until recent. (I'm lowering it a little bit right now because of a rash I'm not sure has anything to do with the Effexor but just checking if it does).
Anyway I hope it will work for you too.
Good luck and all the best.
R
Posted by Mitch on January 15, 2002, at 13:11:49
In reply to Anyone reached the feeling good stage ?, posted by sid on January 15, 2002, at 10:14:53
> Hi all,
> I saw my doc this morning, continuing at 75 mg of Effexor XR for a while longer.
>
> She mentioned that once I "feel good," I will stay on the med(s) at least one more year to avoid relapses once I come off it(them). Problem is, I don't know what it's like to "feel good." I've had dysthymia since I was 13 years old (I think) and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so any improvement over a pretty low baseline is "feeling good" to me.
>
> As a result, I can't imagine how we'll decide that I'm at the right dosage and I need to tough it out one more year. Sometimes I think I complain too much and should live more and ask myself less how it is I am doing today. I also think that if I felt really good, perhaps I would not ask myself how I am doing. I am confused with it all. Any insights? What is it like to "feel good"?
>
> - SidYeah, I could say I've reached the "feeling good stage". I finally found a med combo that works for my seasonal major depressions (with nearly complete remission during them,too). The trouble is that I will be looking at "the feeling *too* good stage" here in a month or two and I will get to find out how good the "brakes" are :-)
Mitch
Posted by sid on January 15, 2002, at 13:24:12
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » sid, posted by Simcha on January 15, 2002, at 11:35:31
Thanks, Simcha.
I'll get to a higher dosage, but I've had so many side effects at 37.5mg that my doc is taking it slow. I prefer it like that since I am teaching (short term contract) and can't have my work disrupted by all this.
Thanks... I'll wait to go up and see if the veil lifts... I have anxiety too so Effexor is probably the best choice for me. I know that it'll affect the anxiety at 150mg+ a day, so for sure we'll get there.
I've been feeling pretty good lately, except since last night I'm a bit down. Perhaps it's the snow...-Sid
> Sid,
>
> I also have dysthymia. I've had it longer than I can imagine.
>
> My first med was EffexorXR. For me 75mg was not enough. When my doc got me up to 150mg and I stayed there for a couple weeks something happened.
>
> I woke up one morning and it was as if a veil had lifted. I wanted to be awake (I don't ever remember feeling that) and I wanted to be alive (It had been a long time since I felt that!).
>
> 75mg is a low starting dose. It took 150mg for me. For others it takes more. For some this is not the med that will work.
>
> I had to wait 6 weeks and be on the 150mg dose for at least 2 weeks to have the veil lifted. Give it time if it's not producing unbearable side effects. From what others say on the board, if it does nothing for you 2 months into treatment then it is time to try something else.
>
> Your mileage may vary. We are all different.
>
> Take Care,
> Simcha.
>
> > Hi all,
> > I saw my doc this morning, continuing at 75 mg of Effexor XR for a while longer.
> >
> > She mentioned that once I "feel good," I will stay on the med(s) at least one more year to avoid relapses once I come off it(them). Problem is, I don't know what it's like to "feel good." I've had dysthymia since I was 13 years old (I think) and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so any improvement over a pretty low baseline is "feeling good" to me.
> >
> > As a result, I can't imagine how we'll decide that I'm at the right dosage and I need to tough it out one more year. Sometimes I think I complain too much and should live more and ask myself less how it is I am doing today. I also think that if I felt really good, perhaps I would not ask myself how I am doing. I am confused with it all. Any insights? What is it like to "feel good"?
> >
> > - Sid
Posted by sid on January 15, 2002, at 13:29:36
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » sid, posted by Mitch on January 15, 2002, at 13:11:49
Posted by bob on January 15, 2002, at 16:47:51
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » sid, posted by kid47 on January 15, 2002, at 11:59:43
kid...
I agree completely: the "awakenings" are bittersweet. They give you a taste of a healthy life, and for that they're glorious. When it goes though, it is very disappointing.
Bob
Posted by Mr. Scott on January 15, 2002, at 23:18:31
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » sid, posted by Simcha on January 15, 2002, at 11:35:31
Simcha,
Do you notice any side effects from the Effexor? I too am giving it a go.
Scott
Posted by JohnX2 on January 16, 2002, at 1:18:44
In reply to Anyone reached the feeling good stage ?, posted by sid on January 15, 2002, at 10:14:53
Hi Sid,3 years ago I took St. John's Wort after falling
into a severe depression. After 2 weeks I felt
a sort of majic. Like a hand from the sky pulling
me out of the gutter. Everything seemed easy going,
I had this feeling of peace and well being, I
felt more connected to other people. For the 1st
time in a long time I felt like I understood how
other people were motivated to do fun things in
life like hiking, etc.Then disaster struck and the herb pooped out.
To make a long story short, I was since diagnosed
with bipolar 2 disorder, which really requires
mood stabilizers to work. AD's will be erratic
and poop out or drive me manic. I have been trying
to hunt down that original St. John's Wort experience
like Captain Ahab going after Moby Dick. It has
been a long 3 yr struggle. I have finally made it
I believe on my current med cocktail of topamax
and lamictal.So the answer is, when it happens, YOU KNOW.
If you don't feel a makeover then you may
still be having some residual anhedonia.
Unfortunately not everybody catches the whale.I really hope you harpoon your whale.
Best regards,
john> Hi all,
> I saw my doc this morning, continuing at 75 mg of Effexor XR for a while longer.
>
> She mentioned that once I "feel good," I will stay on the med(s) at least one more year to avoid relapses once I come off it(them). Problem is, I don't know what it's like to "feel good." I've had dysthymia since I was 13 years old (I think) and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so any improvement over a pretty low baseline is "feeling good" to me.
>
> As a result, I can't imagine how we'll decide that I'm at the right dosage and I need to tough it out one more year. Sometimes I think I complain too much and should live more and ask myself less how it is I am doing today. I also think that if I felt really good, perhaps I would not ask myself how I am doing. I am confused with it all. Any insights? What is it like to "feel good"?
>
> - Sid
Posted by Simcha on January 16, 2002, at 7:27:13
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » Simcha, posted by Mr. Scott on January 15, 2002, at 23:18:31
Mr. Scott,
Unfortunately for me the Effexor took away all sexual feeling and function. It was chemical castration. I'm not on it anymore.
On the bright side it handled my depression beautifully.
Good Luck, Your experience might be different!
-Simcha> Simcha,
>
> Do you notice any side effects from the Effexor? I too am giving it a go.
>
> Scott
Posted by sid on January 16, 2002, at 7:46:53
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » sid, posted by JohnX2 on January 16, 2002, at 1:18:44
Thanks, John.
Some of the veil I had is gone because I don't have major depression anymore. I recently started talking about it in the past tense and I am not so afraid of falling back into it anymore. That's a huge step because for years just talking about my major depression brought me to tears. The dysthymia I've had for my entire adult life, so I don't know what to expect if I manage to get rid of it... but if you say I'll know when I get there, I'll trust that for now. Simcha's mail gives me high hope because I am on Effexor XR too!I've started painting again recently (oil), which I've wanted to do for a long time but always found a reason not to. And I am more outgoing and in a better mood in general. But some negative thought patterns have stayed with me and I hope these go away with the meds. Also, I am rather solitary, and sometimes I wonder if it's really me or the depression that did that to me. I'll figure it out soon I hope ! When the veil lifts and I see the whale !
Thanks again, and I hope you find the whale too!
- Sid
> Hi Sid,
>
> 3 years ago I took St. John's Wort after falling
> into a severe depression. After 2 weeks I felt
> a sort of majic. Like a hand from the sky pulling
> me out of the gutter. Everything seemed easy going,
> I had this feeling of peace and well being, I
> felt more connected to other people. For the 1st
> time in a long time I felt like I understood how
> other people were motivated to do fun things in
> life like hiking, etc.
>
> Then disaster struck and the herb pooped out.
>
> To make a long story short, I was since diagnosed
> with bipolar 2 disorder, which really requires
> mood stabilizers to work. AD's will be erratic
> and poop out or drive me manic. I have been trying
> to hunt down that original St. John's Wort experience
> like Captain Ahab going after Moby Dick. It has
> been a long 3 yr struggle. I have finally made it
> I believe on my current med cocktail of topamax
> and lamictal.
>
> So the answer is, when it happens, YOU KNOW.
> If you don't feel a makeover then you may
> still be having some residual anhedonia.
> Unfortunately not everybody catches the whale.
>
> I really hope you harpoon your whale.
>
> Best regards,
> john
Posted by sid on January 16, 2002, at 7:57:24
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » Mr. Scott, posted by Simcha on January 16, 2002, at 7:27:13
I don't mind the sexual side effects, as long as it helps with the depression. So I'll probably stay on it if the veil lifts and I expect to stop taking it at some point. Plus I want to avoid switching med as much as possible, given things I've read on meds not working the n-th time around.
Posted by IsoM on January 16, 2002, at 12:59:38
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » JohnX2, posted by sid on January 16, 2002, at 7:46:53
Sid, don't feel bad about being solitary. I'm one of those people who love reading dictionaries. Notice the difference in definitions between these next two words?
Sociable: friendly or companionable, convivial
Social: preferring to be in a community rather than alone
Just letting you know there's a difference. I prefer to say I'm very sociable, but not overly social. I don't go out of my way to visit or see people but when I do, I love an interchange of ideas & events. I love a good discourse. But when it's all over, I do dearly *love* going home to my quiet retreat.
I hate unexpected visitors who just drop in without phoning. Friends have learned this & no longer feel hurt. I will ALWAYS phone or make arrangements if I'm going to visit.
Sid, to me, you seem very sociable. You just value your alone time. People stimulate me & give me impetus but I need to be alone to accomplish things. Every one of my sons is like that & so is my Mom. I think it's another genetic feature.
Do you mind me asking where you live, your age, & what you do for a living? If you'd rather not answer that, it's okay by me. Maybe I'm a little forward. If you'd rather, you could e-mail me too. I think youalready know I'm female, don't you? And I know you are too, despite your user name. :)
< < "...Also, I am rather solitary, and sometimes I wonder if it's really me or the depression that did that to me. I'll figure it out soon I hope ! When the veil lifts and I see the whale !
>
> Thanks again, and I hope you find the whale too!
>
> - Sid"
Posted by sid on January 16, 2002, at 14:07:19
In reply to Re: Needing To Be Alone » sid, posted by IsoM on January 16, 2002, at 12:59:38
I'm 34, I am an economist doing research and teaching graduate classes in a University, and currently I live in Canada. I won't be more specific, it would narrow it down too much ! I'd rather keep some anonymity even though I say very personal things in here. I don't have a stable job yet as I recently finished grad school. In the past I have lived in Uruguay, in France and in the USA, either for work or school. Oh, and I'm on Effexor XR 75mg a day (trying to avoid yet another re-direct! hihihi)
How about you?
> Sid, don't feel bad about being solitary. I'm one of those people who love reading dictionaries. Notice the difference in definitions between these next two words?
>
> Sociable: friendly or companionable, convivial
>
> Social: preferring to be in a community rather than alone
>
> Just letting you know there's a difference. I prefer to say I'm very sociable, but not overly social. I don't go out of my way to visit or see people but when I do, I love an interchange of ideas & events. I love a good discourse. But when it's all over, I do dearly *love* going home to my quiet retreat.
>
> I hate unexpected visitors who just drop in without phoning. Friends have learned this & no longer feel hurt. I will ALWAYS phone or make arrangements if I'm going to visit.
>
> Sid, to me, you seem very sociable. You just value your alone time. People stimulate me & give me impetus but I need to be alone to accomplish things. Every one of my sons is like that & so is my Mom. I think it's another genetic feature.
>
> Do you mind me asking where you live, your age, & what you do for a living? If you'd rather not answer that, it's okay by me. Maybe I'm a little forward. If you'd rather, you could e-mail me too. I think youalready know I'm female, don't you? And I know you are too, despite your user name. :)
>
> < < "...Also, I am rather solitary, and sometimes I wonder if it's really me or the depression that did that to me. I'll figure it out soon I hope ! When the veil lifts and I see the whale !
> >
> > Thanks again, and I hope you find the whale too!
> >
> > - Sid"
Posted by IsoM on January 16, 2002, at 14:23:46
In reply to Who am I? » IsoM, posted by sid on January 16, 2002, at 14:07:19
If you wish, e-mail me, Sid & I'll talk a little more. I, too, feel shy about saying much in a public forum.
isomorphix@hotmail.com> I'm 34, I am an economist doing research and teaching graduate classes in a University, and currently I live in Canada. I won't be more specific, it would narrow it down too much ! I'd rather keep some anonymity even though I say very personal things in here. I don't have a stable job yet as I recently finished grad school. In the past I have lived in Uruguay, in France and in the USA, either for work or school. Oh, and I'm on Effexor XR 75mg a day (trying to avoid yet another re-direct! hihihi)
>
> How about you?
Posted by bob on January 16, 2002, at 14:57:16
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » Mr. Scott, posted by Simcha on January 16, 2002, at 7:27:13
Effexor castrated me also.
Posted by sid on January 16, 2002, at 20:00:55
In reply to Re: Who am I? » sid, posted by IsoM on January 16, 2002, at 14:23:46
OK, I will. However I am going to visit someone for a week starting tomorrow and I am not sure how much I will be on the net in the next week. I prefer not to do much personal stuff at work, and my personal computer is not coming with me. So it may take a week before I write to you... Take care.
> If you wish, e-mail me, Sid & I'll talk a little more. I, too, feel shy about saying much in a public forum.
> isomorphix@hotmail.com
>
> > I'm 34, I am an economist doing research and teaching graduate classes in a University, and currently I live in Canada. I won't be more specific, it would narrow it down too much ! I'd rather keep some anonymity even though I say very personal things in here. I don't have a stable job yet as I recently finished grad school. In the past I have lived in Uruguay, in France and in the USA, either for work or school. Oh, and I'm on Effexor XR 75mg a day (trying to avoid yet another re-direct! hihihi)
> >
> > How about you?
Posted by manowar on January 17, 2002, at 16:22:49
In reply to Anyone reached the feeling good stage ?, posted by sid on January 15, 2002, at 10:14:53
> Hi all,
> I saw my doc this morning, continuing at 75 mg of Effexor XR for a while longer.
>
> She mentioned that once I "feel good," I will stay on the med(s) at least one more year to avoid relapses once I come off it(them). Problem is, I don't know what it's like to "feel good." I've had dysthymia since I was 13 years old (I think) and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so any improvement over a pretty low baseline is "feeling good" to me.
>
> As a result, I can't imagine how we'll decide that I'm at the right dosage and I need to tough it out one more year. Sometimes I think I complain too much and should live more and ask myself less how it is I am doing today. I also think that if I felt really good, perhaps I would not ask myself how I am doing. I am confused with it all. Any insights? What is it like to "feel good"?
>
> - SidHi Sid,
I'm glad you asked.
You know, I've been through hell over the last few days, and the best thing about my depression being in remission is that the last week is NOTHING like when I was really depressed. It's like I can bounce back from disappointments quickly, and I can LAUGH, even when I'm in the S***! I laugh at the dumbest things now! And sometimes it's hard to stop. I LOVE IT! I cry some too. The point is, I can now EMOTE! GOD IT'S GOOD TO FEEL LIKE A HUMAN BEING AGAIN! Hang in there-- you'll get better.
Happy health to ya,
Tim
Posted by manowar on January 17, 2002, at 16:29:00
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » sid, posted by kid47 on January 15, 2002, at 11:59:43
> Howdy. Good question. Over the past several years I have had limited success with meds. On the few occassions I have had a positive result it was an astounding "moment of clarity"! I felt a sense of well being & peace of mind. The darkness was peeled away & things that previously had been so troubling to me suddenly became non-issues. I was motivated & social. I wasn't always exhausted. The ever constant obsession with how I was feeling disappeared. I felt truly connected with myself & the people around me. I could express myself. I could easily make simple decisions that I used to agonize over. I understood the phrase "It's good to be alive." I was interested in stuff. I went out. All this was in a relaxed state of mind. Other than being a bit giddy (but not manic) from finally climbing out of the pit of despair, I was reacting, I believe, as "normal" folks do, to day to day living. But alas. After several days or weeks it all comes CRASHING down again. That is the cruelest part. You get a glimpse of a real life & then you're sucked back into the murky depths. Sorry. Didn't mean to be so dramatic & long-winded. It's just so devastating to realize what I am missing. But I do have hope that someday there will be proper treatment to destroy this demon. Take Care
>
> kidHi Kid,
Man, for a minute, I thought you were writing about me! "The ever constant obsession with how I was feeling disappeared." I'm with ya. That really sucks! Thank God though for: 1) Klonipin 2) those moments of clarity, without those memories it's hard to think you'll ever feel better.
--Tim
Posted by bob on January 17, 2002, at 20:10:21
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » kid47, posted by manowar on January 17, 2002, at 16:29:00
Thank God though for: 1) Klonipin 2) those moments of clarity, without those memories it's hard to think you'll ever feel better.
> --TimI agree wholeheartedly with the assessment given by Tim here. Klonopin is a Godsend for a number of reasons. The moments are clarity are definitely what keeps you going. The longer one goes without one, the harder it is. It's like being an amateur golfer. You hack your way around the course, and then... you hit an awesome, unbelievable shot. No matter how bad your round was, the feeling of hitting that shot keeps you coming back (hopefully). You know that you have it inside you.
Posted by BarbaraCat on January 17, 2002, at 22:03:13
In reply to Anyone reached the feeling good stage ?, posted by sid on January 15, 2002, at 10:14:53
I had a wonderful 3 months on 30 mg Remeron before it, like all the others, pooped out. The first AD to really lift the veil. Ahh, what delight. I started dancing again, playing the piano, calling old and neglected friends, falling asleep happily planning the next day's fun events. Getting more exercise because it just felt good, instead of whipping myself into a painful joyless struggle to just keep by bod from rusting. And simple things made me content, washing dishes, grocery shopping, watching my kitty cats playing in the yard and laughing at their antics, rather than worrying about them getting smashed by a car or carried off by a coyote. Enjoying watching TV with my husband instead of sobbing during news breaks. Nothing manic or whiz-bang, just a warm open glow in my gut and heart area that made eveything just, well, nice. It was just so easy and natural to be happy and didn't require any therapy or work to bring it on or sustain it.
When it pooped out, it really pulled the rug out, cause I truly thought that I'd found the right med at last. I hoped that if I could just manage to keep doing those healthy fun things I'd recently been immersed in, then I'd work through a minor slump. Nope, good times snuffed out and replaced by empty cold painful harsh world, in bed and in desperate straights for 6 weeks now. And just increasing the dose and adding other stuff to the mix doesn't work. It's like the myth of Tantalus - glorius life all around, just out of my reach. And my plans to go back to school, get a life? Yeah, right. Been there, done that, dropped out too many times.
> Hi all,
> I saw my doc this morning, continuing at 75 mg of Effexor XR for a while longer.
>
> She mentioned that once I "feel good," I will stay on the med(s) at least one more year to avoid relapses once I come off it(them). Problem is, I don't know what it's like to "feel good." I've had dysthymia since I was 13 years old (I think) and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so any improvement over a pretty low baseline is "feeling good" to me.
>
> As a result, I can't imagine how we'll decide that I'm at the right dosage and I need to tough it out one more year. Sometimes I think I complain too much and should live more and ask myself less how it is I am doing today. I also think that if I felt really good, perhaps I would not ask myself how I am doing. I am confused with it all. Any insights? What is it like to "feel good"?
>
> - Sid
Posted by sid on January 19, 2002, at 14:31:11
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » sid, posted by manowar on January 17, 2002, at 16:22:49
Posted by nightlight on January 19, 2002, at 21:16:04
In reply to Anyone reached the feeling good stage ?, posted by sid on January 15, 2002, at 10:14:53
Dear Sid-
I have seen this asked more than once over the yrs. I've read P-B, altho more often the ? is worded, "how do I know if my medication is really working?" It's not the exact same ?, but brings about responses in a similar vein. I think we all wonder at times, is this as good as it gets-for me, damned, acursed depressive/neurotic that I am?
My initial response has to be, no, I'm not at the 'feel good' stage yet,at least not at *all* consistently. But the past 2 months have allowed me to quickly glimpse the other side, and I am definitely feeling that I might be back in the race.
It's a good ? & one I've asked it of myself many times. Since I have been blessed with a loving family & good friends, respectible intelligence (tho I never finished college, for psychiatric reasons) and a deep love & appreciation for art, animals, nature, reading & simply 'learning' new stuff, I've often wondered, what the hell is this? This apathy, leaden limbed-ness, total lack of interest in the people and things that have always interested me, at least to some degree. What demon swooped down and stole my personality, along with euthymic side of my soul? Or, am I just not rational or objective enough to realize that this is life, and if I can't manage to squeeze some satisfaction and joy out of it, then I'm just a loser, period.I've had undiagnosed and unaddressed ADD for decades. Plus, lots of symptoms of anxiety/depression. I kept my life simple-nonsocialite husband who wanted dogs, not kids, easy job (boring as hell), kept friends to a minimum, so I cd. isolate as often as possible and lived in a separate state from my immediate family to avoid them thinking I was simply lazy and irresponsible when I didn't always come home for various holidays. I avoided the people I loved most b/c I knew something was wrong w/me, annd I felt ashamed.
When my 1st partner and I divorced 10 years ago, I slowly began seeking help. My dad had had a nervous breakdown 1 year earlier. If he cd. see a shrink, so could I, and if he cd. have a mental illness, then why couldn't I? Before he got sick, I was very afraid of seeking help, because, I knew n/t about p-docs and I really feared the intimacy & vulnerability I wd. have to experience. I believed in my heart I was definitely, somehow *screwy* and unstable, but I had no traumatic childhood to reveal & certainly no repressed memories or emotional negligence to report.
I moved back to my hometown after my divorce and into my old room (!) at Mom & Dad's. I was able to transfer within my retail co. to the store I had first worked in 12 yrs. earlier. Being close to my parents made me feel safer-I was 36-but I never confided my fears of mental instability to anyone.
I 'faked' it. And, probably not all that well. I spent LOTS of time alone in my room, reading, painting, drinking my little glasses of wine, & of course, sleeping.Life grew complicated, however. Funny how that happens when u actually begin to 'live' ur life, instead of hiding. My 'simple' job b/c too stressful and I walked out (after a respectful conversation w/my boss). I'm sure she was glad I had finally left, my abilities were nose-diving, & I couldn't keep up. Stress & depression were destoying my ability to think clearly.
I nursed my dad thru a long bout of staff infection after bypass surgery, took a couple part-time jobs, fell in love quite unexpectedly with one of my best male friends' friends, got pregnant (!), had a shotgun wedding (hehe) at 40 while 6 mos. pregnant, had my first child, etc, etc etc.
After I quit breastfeeding, I started searching frantically for meds/therapy that cd. cure my, 'Is that all there is, is that all there is,'blues' syndrome.(Gotta love that Peggy Lee song).
I had mega-responsibilities now, and they were growing by the day, I had newly diagnosed health problems, had trouble working part-time due to chronic pain, Mom developed colon cancer and Dad had a myriad of health/anxiety disorder problems and I was the only close relative in the city, my siblings had moved out of state, so, I KNEW I had to get well. (My parents never made many close friends, due to my dad's anxiety/panic problems. Never in my life, do I remember my parents going 'out' to dinner, alone, w/the kids, or with friends. It made him incredibly dysphoric, we thought was eccentric, but he was always the coolest dad in the neighborhood-great storyteller, loved the outdoors and teaching kids about the wonders of the natural world-he was an atheist/agnostic & altho he never 'dissed' God, he preferred to explain how things really worked & he also loved to whip out his delightful repertory of ghost stories, some of which he himself had experienced.God, Im dragging this out, but a little history helps clarify-I have had a psychologist, neurologist, g.p & psychiatrist in the past 5 years. I tried many, many, many A-D's thru these years, and to NO avail. I had a brief response to Wellbutrin.
It was lovely. I *wanted* to get up every morning, I wanted to clean up a bit, cd. actually figure out how to render order from disorder, &make a meal for my husband & child without being completely drained for the rest of the day. I could walk to the mailbox or do yardwork without feeling like everyone was staring at me. I loved getting up at dawn, just to have an hour by myself to be quiet, read the paper (w/o the news giving me an anxiety attack or wondering how ANYBODY on earth cd. really believe there's a benevolent god floating around up there, somewhere, taking such *wonderful* care of each and every soul on earth).
But, it pooped out quickly. My dad died suddenly in 2000, and my mom was (finally) diagnosed w/organic brain syndrome (Alzheimer's). She'd covered it well, but I knew she was very ill. I cared for her 'til her death in April of last year, and then the bottom dropped out. I had skimmed along by sheer willpower, the skin of my teeth, klonopin and my pain medication (3 herniated discs) until last summer. Then fell into the pit. I laid on the living room sofa, not eating, reading, watching TV-nothing. Just looking at the walls, grieving and crying at first, and then simply sleep, or nothing-random ruminations, complete inertia, much physical pain. And...lying in bed day after day is hell on a bad back.
After many weeks of that, I found the energy to go hound my gp some more, we got my pain under control, & then my best friend (who knew by now, I was desperately depressed) told me she wd. let me see *her* therapist. (She didn't want me to before, even tho she raved over him, and she knew I really wanted to get some help). Quite serendipitously, she had just found out that he was MARRIED, so now she didn't care if I saw him or not! I was too sick to be angry, I saw him quickly, twice, really liked him-he said I needed a stimulent and A-D most likely-got me an appt. w/an open-minded p-doc 3 floors up and by the end of 2 1/2 weeks, I had re-experienced a few 'moments of clarity' and, I thank the Great-Whomever, rediscovered the hope which supposedly 'springs eternal in the human breast.'
HOPE is a biggie. I REALLY lost that for awhile.
My docs and I are still working on therapy and med combos, but, I AM BETTER than I have been in many, many years. I have a great deal to re-learn, and if I am getting well, that frightens me a bit, too. MORE responsibility! But, of course, it's what I want, before all my friends and family give up on me and my cryptic (and seemingly rude, or at least, thoughtless) behaviour.So, Sid, when it's kind of a drag to go to bed, and you're anxious for the next new day to come, so you can bask in the simple pleasures of human existence that you've had seemingly *no access* to for years, months, decades, whatever--you'll know your feeling better. You'll know that you're probably even feeling pretty good!
My heart goes out to u and I wish u strength in ur struggle.
ps`
Are u old enuf to remember Peggy Lee's 60's hit?
**************************************************
Is that all there is?Is that all there is?
If, that's all there is my friend, then let's keep dancing....
Let's break out the booooze & have a ball...
If that's allllll.....
There is......
> Hi all,
> I saw my doc this morning, continuing at 75 mg of Effexor XR for a while longer.
>
> She mentioned that once I "feel good," I will stay on the med(s) at least one more year to avoid relapses once I come off it(them). Problem is, I don't know what it's like to "feel good." I've had dysthymia since I was 13 years old (I think) and anxiety for as long as I can remember, so any improvement over a pretty low baseline is "feeling good" to me.
>
> As a result, I can't imagine how we'll decide that I'm at the right dosage and I need to tough it out one more year. Sometimes I think I complain too much and should live more and ask myself less how it is I am doing today. I also think that if I felt really good, perhaps I would not ask myself how I am doing. I am confused with it all. Any insights? What is it like to "feel good"?
>
> - Sid
Posted by spike4848 on January 19, 2002, at 21:43:03
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » sid, posted by nightlight on January 19, 2002, at 21:16:04
Hey There,
Thanks for sharing that difficult but inspirational life story ....
Spike
Posted by sid on January 21, 2002, at 9:21:13
In reply to Re: Anyone reached the feeling good stage ? » sid, posted by nightlight on January 19, 2002, at 21:16:04
Dear nightlight,
thanks for sharing your experience. I am glad you're doing better and wish you the best too.
I don't know the Peggy Lee song; perhaps because of my age, and also because I am not American.
Keep hoping !- Sid
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