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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Elzabeth on September 1, 2001, at 11:39:28
I am tired of trying to explain depression -- and have found (as many of us have, I'm sure), it doesn't serve me well. My question -- what's a useful euphanism for explaining WHY I've bowed out of several work-related and volunteer-related commitments due to depressive-illness.
I'm sorry I haven't been available to take on extra duties during the month of September due to personal illness?
I've been struggling with personal illness?
I've been battling personal illness?
Come on? There's gotta be something better than this ....
What do you guys use?
Bottom line, it's none of their frigging business -- but isn't there something more -- ahem -- more useful than this?
How do you guys work with this?
Thanks, XXX, E.
Posted by Adam on September 1, 2001, at 12:05:06
In reply to Explaining or NOT Explaining Depression, posted by Elzabeth on September 1, 2001, at 11:39:28
> Bottom line, it's none of their frigging business --Precisely. I have a senior scientist and a senior director above me on the totem pole at work. They know all the relevant info., and I keep them abreast of my progress/problems, if work is somehow involved. The rest...well, they gossip. Gossip is for people with nothing better to do. Sometimes I worry about it, most of the time, I don't. I pretty much vanished for a month when I was in the hospital, and gave no one so much as an excuse. I owe no one a damn thing. Those I trust, I tell. Those I don't, I don't, simple as that.
You might consider that you honor those who you choose to share intimate details of your life with. They may or may not appreciate that fact, but it remains a fact all the same. People at work are not entitled to know anything about you you do not wish them to. If they are put-off by your lack of disclosure, they bear a false sense of entitlement. It is the job of your supervisors to keep track of you. The only thing your co-workers need is to do their own jobs to the best of their ability. That does not involve keeping track of your performance or knowing about your personal life. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a meddlesome busybody.
So, what explanation to give? None. Why do you have to? If you miss a day or a function with your supervisor's consent, you're not doing anything wrong, shameful, or even all that out-of-the-ordinary. That's what sick days and extended leaves are for. If people ask you questions point-blank, and you don't feel comfortable answering them fully, say "it's personal," and drop it. If that isn't good enough for them, they're the ones with the problem, not you.
Posted by JohnL on September 1, 2001, at 12:50:40
In reply to Explaining or NOT Explaining Depression, posted by Elzabeth on September 1, 2001, at 11:39:28
How about, "I've got some issues at home to deal with. There just isn't enough time in a day, so at least for now other things are taking up my time."
Personally I do not like sharing info about my mental problems, because sooner or later it always comes back to bite you one way or the other. Some things are best kept private. Sharing emotions is better done with a counselor who will keep everything confidential and still allow you to say whatever is on your mind. I know people who were open about their depression, and they were stunned when layoffs came they were at the top of the list. Of course, there was always a false reason why they were the ones chosen to be let go, but it was pretty obvious what really happened. I hate to admit it, but mental illness does seem to have a stigma attached to it. I personally do not share my problems with anyone, especially people I work with. I don't owe anyone any explanation. I just float a generic excuse like the one I quoted above.
John
Posted by susan C on September 1, 2001, at 12:51:43
In reply to Explaining or NOT Explaining Depression, posted by Elzabeth on September 1, 2001, at 11:39:28
I am not available
Posted by Zo on September 1, 2001, at 17:40:43
In reply to Re: Explaining or NOT Explaining Depression, posted by susan C on September 1, 2001, at 12:51:43
"I haven't been well."
"I have chronic health problems. . . ."
"My back hurts." Seriously, having a bad back -- which I don't, really, it just acts up from time to time -- must be The great excuse of all time. People immediately get it, are sympathetic, let you off the hook.
*Anything* but the emotional or mental! If I'm close enough to someone that warrants more, I let them know I have a "chemical imbalance."
It depends on the person and situation. The more neutral and matter of fact, the better.
Zo
Posted by thrud on September 1, 2001, at 19:38:22
In reply to Explaining or NOT Explaining Depression, posted by Elzabeth on September 1, 2001, at 11:39:28
> Come on? There's gotta be something better than this ....
>
> What do you guys use?
>
> Bottom line, it's none of their frigging business -- but isn't there something more -- ahem -- more useful than this?
>
> How do you guys work with this?
>
> Thanks, XXX, E.I use one that definitely will not work for everyone. I tell people I am obnoxious and lazy, it is a part of who I am and I don't give a flying ##$% what they think of my decision.
It is amazing how many ex-bosses were intimidated by this and that gave me satisfaction. Problem is you son't get good references next time you apply for another job! (Nor can you mention your special character traits during an interview!)There is no approach which will work universally. Just better ones and worse ones. I think I only use mine because I can appear intimidating physically and in personality...so tht at least the parting shot is sweet.
Thrud
Posted by Maisy on September 1, 2001, at 20:48:05
In reply to Re: Explaining or NOT Explaining Depression, posted by thrud on September 1, 2001, at 19:38:22
How about "I have another committment" LOL
Posted by sar on September 2, 2001, at 1:39:00
In reply to Explaining or NOT Explaining Depression, posted by Elzabeth on September 1, 2001, at 11:39:28
i had to explain to week-each absences to my employer this summer. the real reason i was hospitalized is because i was suicidal. what i told my employers and co-workers was, "it's personal." let them think what they want--ovaries, drugs, anything but chronic depression.
when i got sent home from work from coming in drunk, i cried and explained my situation fully to my managers--that some docs think i am bipolar, and impulsivity has alot to do with that (in addition to that, i've lost just about everything in the past year--home, car, school, cognition, trust fund)--
you are not required to explain what you've been hospitalized for or what you were sick with. my managers were fully cooperative, but--there's the stigma. tipper gore and marie osmond may be out of the closet, so to speak, but i think mental illness has a special aspect of privacy to it--just like you wouldn't go around telling everyone, "hey, i had an abortion" or "i got a boobjob" or what have you. discretion is needed, IMHO.
my peeps know that i take "medicine." i don't go into detail except with my closest friends, and the others probably suspect that they are AD's, but they don't want to hear about it.
like you know how yr parents have/had sex but ya just don't want to know anything about it? i think that's how the masses are with mental illness.
"i'm sorry, but it's personal" has worked well for me--and usually the other person is immediately embarrassed and apologetic. they probably don't want to know the lurid details any more than you want to give them.
sar
Posted by susan C on September 2, 2001, at 13:41:08
In reply to Explaining or NOT Explaining Depression, posted by Elzabeth on September 1, 2001, at 11:39:28
Most peole dont want to be obligated by knowing the details
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 3, 2001, at 20:06:38
In reply to Re: Explaining or NOT Explaining Depression, posted by susan C on September 2, 2001, at 13:41:08
> Most peole dont want to be obligated by knowing the details
I'd like to redirect this thread to Psycho-Social-Babble:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010901/msgs/10752.html
Thanks,
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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