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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Janelle on June 24, 2001, at 15:30:52
My depression and anxiety are so bad that I'm unable to work and basically lost a wonderful job opportunity. I'm feeling very "alone" in this, in being at like 10% (if that much) of capacity. For awhile, I didn't feel like and couldn't do ANYTHING. Has anyone out there been this way, barely able to function? Just curious (misery loves company, or should I say NEEDS company). Thanks!
Posted by Zo on June 24, 2001, at 16:32:35
In reply to Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by Janelle on June 24, 2001, at 15:30:52
Medscape Pyschiatry newsletter just published a study comparing CFS, MS and Depression. .. and many scores were even worse for Depression. Does it help to know what's happening to you is, however painful, "normal" for depression?
I hope so.
Love,
Zo
Posted by cjay on June 25, 2001, at 21:34:37
In reply to Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by Janelle on June 24, 2001, at 15:30:52
> My depression and anxiety are so bad that I'm unable to work and basically lost a wonderful job opportunity. I'm feeling very "alone" in this, in being at like 10% (if that much) of capacity. For awhile, I didn't feel like and couldn't do ANYTHING. Has anyone out there been this way, barely able to function? Just curious (misery loves company, or should I say NEEDS company). Thanks!
Janelle,
I have been unable to work for 9 months.I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety.
I feel like I have almost lost a year of my life and only now do I have the occasional good day. My memory seems to of gone for a walk! I have a hard time coming up with the right word and when I do I can't remember how to spell it!
I have no energy, motivation, I have gained 30lbs on the meds etc etc etc.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE, I am sure there are a lot of people in the same boat as us Janelle!
Cjay
Posted by Willow on June 25, 2001, at 21:53:54
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by cjay on June 25, 2001, at 21:34:37
I can still whine, blubber, and pout on a steady basis. Did I forget crying? I think I've gotten tennis elbow from chain smoking. I'm also getting good at acting, during the day I can smile.
Posted by Janelle on June 25, 2001, at 22:23:46
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by cjay on June 25, 2001, at 21:34:37
Cjay,
Thank you ever so much for posting about my question about people being unable to work.I too was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety (goes back before this episode) and feel like I'm losing part of my life as each day goes by, weeks pass and become months.
I have occasional good parts of the day. My longer-term memory also seems to have gone for a walk! I have no energy, motivation, but had LOST about 30 lbs before I crashed (losing that much in a short time period probably contributed to my current state)
Thanks for those words "YOU ARE NOT ALONE". I would imagine there there are a lot of people in the same boat as us Cjay.
take care, Janelle
Posted by Lorraine on June 26, 2001, at 0:10:23
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by cjay on June 25, 2001, at 21:34:37
>
Did I hear someone call my name? How about 5 years of no work and used to run an entertainment company. Depression sucks. Trying to find the right med does too. One foot in front of the other as we sing....
Posted by Kingfish on June 26, 2001, at 18:49:10
In reply to Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by Janelle on June 24, 2001, at 15:30:52
Absolutely! And I'm glad that Lorraine pointed out how difficult it is to find the right meds. I keep thinking I've found the perfect mix, and it "backfires" on me. Depression seeps in, I have a hypomanic episode.
I, too, feel like I've lost the last year (have hardly worked at all). But then, again, even though I worked steadily, I feel like I lost the last ten because I didn't seek help.
So, I guess we have to try and stay positive. Ug! And I am NOT a positive person. :)
Thanks for the post. It helped me to see it.
Posted by lissa on June 26, 2001, at 19:17:43
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by Willow on June 25, 2001, at 21:53:54
Posted by somebetter on June 27, 2001, at 11:04:53
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by Kingfish on June 26, 2001, at 18:49:10
> Absolutely! And I'm glad that Lorraine pointed out how difficult it is to find the right meds. I keep thinking I've found the perfect mix, and it "backfires" on me. Depression seeps in, I have a hypomanic episode.
>
> I, too, feel like I've lost the last year (have hardly worked at all). But then, again, even though I worked steadily, I feel like I lost the last ten because I didn't seek help.
>
> So, I guess we have to try and stay positive. Ug! And I am NOT a positive person. :)
>
> Thanks for the post. It helped me to see it.EXACTLY--I managed to keep working most of the time, but I was a dead person once I got home. I have used a phenomenally small percentage of the time I've had on this earth. And yes, I finally seem to have a really effective mix of meds but - I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall...again.
Posted by PuraVida on June 27, 2001, at 17:30:00
In reply to Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by Janelle on June 24, 2001, at 15:30:52
Just a thought:
I think we probably tend to get down on ourselves by thinking that "normal" folks are accomplishing so much more. But what is normal anyway? Everyone has a challenge, and ours isn't as physically apparent as those confined to wheelchairs, or fighting cancer, or those with substance or violence problems. And depression isn't as socially acceptable as most challenges are.
There was a post on here of famous people who had similar challenges - so what if Lincoln missed opportunities, sat around for a few years, or even most of his life? In the time that he was out of his hole he contributed so much more than the "normal" man...
I also think that as a group, we are probably more goal and achievement oriented - we just care more and honestly want to do more. So, we just have to remember that we can only do what we can, and sometimes our achievments may not bring us monetary gain or acknowledgement, but just by getting through each day the best we can, we are doing something...
Two cents from a fellow hold-on-for today-er...depression has challenged me a lot in my career and relationships the past five years - now I'm just trying to get better
> My depression and anxiety are so bad that I'm unable to work and basically lost a wonderful job opportunity. I'm feeling very "alone" in this, in being at like 10% (if that much) of capacity. For awhile, I didn't feel like and couldn't do ANYTHING. Has anyone out there been this way, barely able to function? Just curious (misery loves company, or should I say NEEDS company). Thanks!
Posted by Autumn Despotis on June 27, 2001, at 18:38:40
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by cjay on June 25, 2001, at 21:34:37
> > My depression and anxiety are so bad that I'm unable to work and basically lost a wonderful job opportunity. I'm feeling very "alone" in this, in being at like 10% (if that much) of capacity. For awhile, I didn't feel like and couldn't do ANYTHING. Has anyone out there been this way, barely able to function? Just curious (misery loves company, or should I say NEEDS company). Thanks!
>
I hope there's room in your boat for me! I am the same way. I haven't been stable enough to work for quite some time. I haven't worked since December. Part of that was due to a liver tumor, but I had that removed in march and my bipolar disorder went completely out of control at that point. I tried a job for a week. It led to an ER visit. I don't feel like doing anything, it's really a wretched existence, isn't it?Autumn
> Janelle,
> I have been unable to work for 9 months.I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety.
> I feel like I have almost lost a year of my life and only now do I have the occasional good day. My memory seems to of gone for a walk! I have a hard time coming up with the right word and when I do I can't remember how to spell it!
> I have no energy, motivation, I have gained 30lbs on the meds etc etc etc.
> YOU ARE NOT ALONE, I am sure there are a lot of people in the same boat as us Janelle!
> Cjay
Posted by Wendy B. on June 28, 2001, at 13:38:50
In reply to Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by Janelle on June 24, 2001, at 15:30:52
> My depression and anxiety are so bad that I'm unable to work and basically lost a wonderful job opportunity. I'm feeling very "alone" in this, in being at like 10% (if that much) of capacity. For awhile, I didn't feel like and couldn't do ANYTHING. Has anyone out there been this way, barely able to function? Just curious (misery loves company, or should I say NEEDS company). Thanks!
Janelle,
Thank you for starting such a great topic. I
also have gained much by reading the others'
posts, it helps a lot.
I am the low end of BP II disorder, have maybe
found the right drugs, for a while (wellbutrin
and neurontin), but as someone said, I keep
waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing
others have had these drugs stop working
for them after a while.
I was fired from my full-time, crazy-making
job last August, which is a long story, but
I would go in and have anxiety attacks and
worsened depression because of my boss.
She thought I couldn't do my job any more,
which was only partly right... once the
stresses and the pressures got to a certain
point (we were understaffed and had too much
to accomplish), I just hit my maximum. I
couldn't "do more with less," as management
like to call understaffing/overworking,
whatever the hell... So I told them the truth,
we can't function in my unit this way, and the boss
just did the management prerogative bullshit,
and eventually had me fired. A situation that was
really not my fault, but the fault of an insane
workplace, not an insane worker (me). I have only
just recently come to this conclusion, blaming
myself and feeling horrible about *not having a
job* ("sorry Mom if I'm not living up to your
expectations of me"). It's all part of the
depression, I'm a failure, I can't "play well
with others," I was going to be a famous actor, or
write the great american novel, or be a human-
rights lawyer working on impostant cases, blah,
blah, blah... I thought I'd failed, and became
even more depressed. Thank god for therapy and
little blue and big white pills...
Anyway -
Have since held some cash-only, under the table
jobs. Then I started substitute teaching
in the local public schools this past spring.
I was amazed that I could do it, frankly.
First day was middle school (11 to 14-yr olds,
a terrible age!), vocal music. I actually got
them to sing out loud, some of them!
A lot of us on the BBoard say we are like
"actors" for our friends and family,
because we don't want them to know how bad
we are really feeling. The sub teaching was pure
acting, every day a different group of kids,
a different age level, and like I said, it was
a shock to me that I could do it!
The other thing that was great about it, and
something could be gleaned from this: I didn't
have to be responsible for the day to day
worries of curriculum planning, get over-involved
with the students, the way I would if I taught
full-time. This was the beauty of it. I just went
in, did my acting stuff, took care of the child-
ren well, made them do a little work, brought them
candy once in a while, and totally loved it. I told
someone it suited my multiple personality disorder
(which I don't have, like I said, I'm BP II). But
it was fun, and paid pretty well, too.
All this is a long-winded way of saying part-time
is beautiful for some of us. Something that we
don't have to get too emotionally involved with.
Just go in, do your thing, come home, and not have
to worry about it, because that's someone else's
job. Let them get the burnout...
I realize some of us can't even get off the couch,
or out of bed, I was that way for a few months
during a major depressive episode last January &
February, plus the meds were wrong (Effexor, hated
it). So don't misunderstand my posting, I know
exactly how it feels to not want to do *anything*
and not want to go anywhere, and watch as the days
and weeks and months go by... it truly sucks...
With much affection to you all,
Wendy
Posted by Kingfish on June 28, 2001, at 14:10:02
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)?? » Janelle, posted by Wendy B. on June 28, 2001, at 13:38:50
Wendy:
Thank you so much for sharing your story!!! It's a real lifter! One of the major problems with Bipolar Disorder (I'm BPII, too) or I imagine with Depression in general, is after you've been depressed and start to come back up, and up, and up, you decide you can take on the world, and you take on too much, and then you crash, and then it starts all over again (at least this has been my experience).
You offer a reasonable alternative. I had a similar experience when I temped. But I also dealt with extreme guilt the whole time, and couldn't keep it up because I was not getting help with meds, or a pdoc, or research, etc.
Thanks again.
- K.
Posted by Cheeser on June 29, 2001, at 15:51:07
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by somebetter on June 27, 2001, at 11:04:53
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I can repeat that as well! I lost about 6 months of work, almost got evicted from my apartment (several times), got the power cut, phone cut, etc etc.
It's very frustrating when you're trying to lift yourself up and everything else comes down on you. But many of the people I told re: my situation were very supportive (even the utilities and landlord).
Hang in there. It gets better. There will be ups and downs, but it's just a matter of staying one step ahead, or at least not falling back. It's a slippery slope when you start allowing yourself the "excuse" of not feeling as good as you want.
Posted by somebetter on June 30, 2001, at 0:54:32
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by Cheeser on June 29, 2001, at 15:51:07
>It's a slippery slope when you start allowing yourself the "excuse" of not feeling as good as you want.
-and I'll tell you something about that. I have a dear friend who has been miserable for every one of the 9 years I've known her but refuses to do anything to try to make her life better. She's seen me face many disappointments and on more than one occasion sighed how now I must understand why she just wasn't ready to take that step yet because this could happen or that.
Nope. I'm afraid if I'm miserable I have to do something. Again, that's why I've kept plugging away at the med combos. I have lived among family members who rather than admit they needed help accepted being miserable as their lot in life. It's part of my family heritage---one of our most honored traditions. In fact maybe this is evil-minded, (of course it is) but sometimes what keeps me going is the thought I get that - yeah, you'd like for me to give up, wouldn't you? Well, I'm gonna be the last one standing.
I'll keep taking my 9 pills a day that are working so nicely, and if I fall down in the mud...I'll be really ticced. But I'll deal with it.
Posted by Autumn Despotis on June 30, 2001, at 7:36:21
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)??, posted by somebetter on June 30, 2001, at 0:54:32
> >It's a slippery slope when you start allowing yourself the "excuse" of not feeling as good as you want.
>
I have lived among family members who rather than admit they needed help accepted being miserable as their lot in life. It's part of my family heritage---one of our most honored traditions. In fact maybe this is evil-minded, (of course it is) but sometimes what keeps me going is the thought I get that - yeah, you'd like for me to give up, wouldn't you? Well, I'm gonna be the last one standing.Wow, we must be related, you described my family in perfect detail!!
I just wanted to let you know that your post was really inspiring, especially involving new meds. That must be more frustrating than the illness itself. Some of my family members don't believe in meds or pdocs, including my father, who is also bipolar. My husband doesn't believe in any of it, either. It is hard enough to deal with in the first place, so now I'm surrounded by these morons who are supposed to be supportive, but they're blind. They see what they want to, which is very little. It makes me feel, at times, like I am using this as an excuse, but I don't agree with that philosophy at all. This has nothing to do with excuses, it is a legitimate illness, and something you need to face head on, slippery or not!
Thanks for the great post!Autumn
Posted by Lorraine on June 30, 2001, at 11:30:01
In reply to Re: Anyone out there UNable to work (or do much)?? » somebetter, posted by Autumn Despotis on June 30, 2001, at 7:36:21
> I just wanted to let you know that your post was really inspiring, especially involving new meds. That must be more frustrating than the illness itself. Some of my family members don't believe in meds or pdocs, including my father, who is also bipolar. My husband doesn't believe in any of it, either. It is hard enough to deal with in the first place, so now I'm surrounded by these morons who are supposed to be supportive, but they're blind. They see what they want to, which is very little. It makes me feel, at times, like I am using this as an excuse, but I don't agree with that philosophy at all.***********************************
Isn't that the pits? When others think you are malingering or sitting on a pity pot? My SIL thinks that my depression is all in my head. Of course, she's right if you think that that is after all where the brain resides. She also thinks that we get what we deserve or want. It's really painful for me to be around her. She unfortunately is reopening and rubbing salt into an old wound and it's quite likely that she is doing this intentionally because she is angry with me or jealous or angry at my husband or angry at our "perfect" little life. Or angry. So, the end result is that "I" have to go back into therapy to deal with this little gaping wound that I have--isn't that the pisser? I don't even want her in my life, but "I" have to go back to therapy because of her crud.I cannot imagine living with a husband who didn't get it. My sense of reality would really become unbalanced. I would begin to believe that I was unlovable and unworthy. Fortunately, with my husband I can just duke things out if any of this type of attitude slips out of him (it's genetic). You hang tough and surround yourself with people who do get it because when things get tough you will need people who can "see" and show you the way.
This is the end of the thread.
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