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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by quilter on August 16, 2000, at 0:46:44
I have an appointment with a cardiologist tomorrow. I'm sure he will be unhappy with my weight, probably my diet, certainly with my lack of exercise. He will possibly try to add another med to the seven I already take. He may try to reduce my thyroid dose (the only thing that ever gets me close to a normal energy level).
I am worried he will tell me my heart is just fine and I'm wasting his time, or that there is something wrong and I'll need to make sweeping changes to stay alive.
I'm quite sure he will not understand why living longer is not a great desire of mine, and that a guilt free death sentence is something I have prayed for for many years.
I'm worried that he will expect me to control more parts of a life that already has overwhelming problems to juggle. I'm afraid he will underestimate how devastating depression has been in my life. I'm afraid that I will not be brave enough to talk to him, or smart enough to remember and understand what he says to me.It has taken me months to decide to go ahead with the consult. I finally decided to go because my pdoc said that the exhaustion might be due to a heart problem that could be improved. I sure do wish I was sure I wouldn't regret this. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.... Quilter
Posted by SarahB on August 16, 2000, at 1:13:41
In reply to I'm scared, posted by quilter on August 16, 2000, at 0:46:44
Hi, there... I'm with you on alot of that. I always get nervous before an appt that I will not know the outcome of. Worry Worry Worry... musta been raised Catholic! ;-) It will work out and you will feel better and get on with a new life of health and happiness... Keep your attitude up and say a quick prayer and hope for the best.... Think of you....
Sarah
Posted by Cam W. on August 16, 2000, at 6:46:33
In reply to I'm scared, posted by quilter on August 16, 2000, at 0:46:44
Quilter - Tell your cardiologist to check out the psych journals for articles on weight gain with psychotropic meds. He should realize that the weight gain is mostly not your fault.
Anticipation sucks, sometimes. Good luck with your appointment and keep us posted. - Cam
Posted by Cindy W on August 16, 2000, at 9:16:07
In reply to I'm scared, posted by quilter on August 16, 2000, at 0:46:44
> I have an appointment with a cardiologist tomorrow. I'm sure he will be unhappy with my weight, probably my diet, certainly with my lack of exercise. He will possibly try to add another med to the seven I already take. He may try to reduce my thyroid dose (the only thing that ever gets me close to a normal energy level).
>
> I am worried he will tell me my heart is just fine and I'm wasting his time, or that there is something wrong and I'll need to make sweeping changes to stay alive.
>
> I'm quite sure he will not understand why living longer is not a great desire of mine, and that a guilt free death sentence is something I have prayed for for many years.
>
>
> I'm worried that he will expect me to control more parts of a life that already has overwhelming problems to juggle. I'm afraid he will underestimate how devastating depression has been in my life. I'm afraid that I will not be brave enough to talk to him, or smart enough to remember and understand what he says to me.
>
> It has taken me months to decide to go ahead with the consult. I finally decided to go because my pdoc said that the exhaustion might be due to a heart problem that could be improved. I sure do wish I was sure I wouldn't regret this. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.... QuilterQuilter, I hope you will be able to talk honestly with the consultant, and that you find that you'll live longer. Your posts have helped me a lot. Also I hope you will keep talking to us about the overwhelming aspects of your life so at least you will know that others care. Good luck at your appointment!
Posted by Kath on August 16, 2000, at 10:36:54
In reply to I'm scared, posted by quilter on August 16, 2000, at 0:46:44
Hi Quilter,
Sorry you're going through this. One suggestion; take a pen & pad of paper to write down what the doctor says if you're afraid you'll forget it. The doctor is there for you; this is your appiontment & I'm sure lots of people other than me do this.
You're in my thoughts & prayers.
Kath> I have an appointment with a cardiologist tomorrow. I'm sure he will be unhappy with my weight, probably my diet, certainly with my lack of exercise. He will possibly try to add another med to the seven I already take. He may try to reduce my thyroid dose (the only thing that ever gets me close to a normal energy level).
>
> I am worried he will tell me my heart is just fine and I'm wasting his time, or that there is something wrong and I'll need to make sweeping changes to stay alive.
>
> I'm quite sure he will not understand why living longer is not a great desire of mine, and that a guilt free death sentence is something I have prayed for for many years.
>
>
> I'm worried that he will expect me to control more parts of a life that already has overwhelming problems to juggle. I'm afraid he will underestimate how devastating depression has been in my life. I'm afraid that I will not be brave enough to talk to him, or smart enough to remember and understand what he says to me.
>
> It has taken me months to decide to go ahead with the consult. I finally decided to go because my pdoc said that the exhaustion might be due to a heart problem that could be improved. I sure do wish I was sure I wouldn't regret this. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.... Quilter
Posted by Kath on August 16, 2000, at 10:42:18
In reply to I'm scared, posted by quilter on August 16, 2000, at 0:46:44
Quilter - another thought. If you don't understand what the doctor says, it's not because you're not smart. Doctors study for years & years & years.... to learn their stuff. Some of them explain things to patients in 'easy-to-understand' words & ways. Some of them don't bother to simplify. If you don't understand something, there's absolutely no need to feel badly. It's the doctor's job to find a way to explain it so that you DO understand it. If you don't understand, I hope you can feel comfortable to say something like "Can you explain that in a different way; I'm not understanding it yet & I really want to understand what you're telling me."
Best of luck, Kath
> I have an appointment with a cardiologist tomorrow. I'm sure he will be unhappy with my weight, probably my diet, certainly with my lack of exercise. He will possibly try to add another med to the seven I already take. He may try to reduce my thyroid dose (the only thing that ever gets me close to a normal energy level).
>
> I am worried he will tell me my heart is just fine and I'm wasting his time, or that there is something wrong and I'll need to make sweeping changes to stay alive.
>
> I'm quite sure he will not understand why living longer is not a great desire of mine, and that a guilt free death sentence is something I have prayed for for many years.
>
>
> I'm worried that he will expect me to control more parts of a life that already has overwhelming problems to juggle. I'm afraid he will underestimate how devastating depression has been in my life. I'm afraid that I will not be brave enough to talk to him, or smart enough to remember and understand what he says to me.
>
> It has taken me months to decide to go ahead with the consult. I finally decided to go because my pdoc said that the exhaustion might be due to a heart problem that could be improved. I sure do wish I was sure I wouldn't regret this. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.... Quilter
Posted by noa on August 16, 2000, at 15:00:22
In reply to I'm scared, posted by quilter on August 16, 2000, at 0:46:44
Hey, quilter, sorry you are distressed.
The other day, I had my gyno appt. and got the lecture about my weight. Thing is, she is right, but because she delivered it in a rushed manner, with no time for me to actually talk to her, and there was a PA student present, it felt awful. But I lived through it.
BTW, have you seen an endocrinologist? Perhaps he or she could shed light on your exhaustion. I have a similar feeling about the thyroid meds--it made a HUGE difference in my energy level.
Good luck.
Posted by Cass on August 16, 2000, at 16:02:44
In reply to I'm scared, posted by quilter on August 16, 2000, at 0:46:44
Dear Quilter,
I can really relate to wanting a guilt free death sentence. I became suicidal when I was a teen-ager, and I never thought I would live this long. As a child, I had "Love Story" fantasies about dying romantically and being missed. Your life is worth living, though. You probably know that, deep down. I encourage you to talk to your cardiologist, and listen to his/her advice if you think it sounds good. If he/she is incommunicative or cold, try to find another one. It makes all the difference in the world having a kind, competent doctor. Also, the really frightening thing is that poor health may not lead to a death sentence. It could lead to a vegetative, dependent, and poor quality of life. I also used to have fantasies about being wiped out in a car accident, but what might really happen is paralysis, brain damage, dependence.... You should take whatever steps it takes to assure that live an independent and good qulaity of life. I'm trying hard to follow my own advice. Take care of yourself too.
Cass
Posted by medlib on August 17, 2000, at 5:19:38
In reply to I'm scared, posted by quilter on August 16, 2000, at 0:46:44
Quilter--
I really appreciated your supportive posts to me, and I'd like to offer you my 2 cents worth.
Kath is right--the cardiologist works for you, s/he is not a chastising parent. Anyway, chances are high that, if this is your first visit, s/he will refuse to say anything remotely useful and simply will order tests. Ask your doc to write down for you (in print, not longhand) names of tests, diagnoses, or whatever seems unfamiliar. If you're willing to share it here, we'll decode it for you; alternatively, you could look up the terms on the Amer. Heart Assn. website (a lot of which is written in English, not medicalese).
Whatever the outcome, the decisions about what to do, if anything, are yours--it's your life. You do not need to explain or justify anything you decide to do, be, or don't do. Fortunately, you don't have to be strong or feel assertive to achieve this independence, because depression robs us of energy and will. You need only be nonresponsive. Listening noncommitally and replying "Thank you for your time, doctor" is all that's necessary; having prescriptions filled or keeping follow-up appts. is not mandatory. Most decisions re heart disease are not emergencies; usually, you can afford to take the time to decide what *you* want.
Last week I went to the funeral of a friend 6 years younger than I who dropped dead of a heart attack. She had no risk factors and no prior history of heart disease, while the fact that I *haven't* had an MI or even angina continues to amaze my doc. Watching the "death ritual," I thought, "That should have been me." Then I thought, "Guess I just wasn't meant to be that lucky." So, you see, I can identify with your reactions. Unfortunately, my work in ERs and on cardiac floors has led me to the (wholly unscientific) conclusion that "Sudden Death" occurs much more often in people like my friend than in people like me.
I have no beliefs about whether the persistence of life or the timing of death has any meaning, but, if so, perhaps there is more you are meant to do, be, or create. When I'm feeling envious, I think that the great burden of depression might be more bearable if it came packaged with a great gift (such as your art). But, like it or not, we have to play (or fold) the hand we got dealt.
Years ago, when I was in the rehab hospital after a major paralyzing stroke, I used to take inventory immediately upon awakening to determine what worked and what still didn't. Then life was about seeing what I could do with what was left. These days, when I'm not trying to cope with the horrendous side effects of "musical meds," my life is about trying to get back *up* to that point. If there's any time or attention left over, I work on being okay with not being okay. Next to that, my cardiac disease seems relatively irrelevant.
You are in my thoughts, and I'll hope for you an empowering shift in perspective.
Well wishes, medlib
> I have an appointment with a cardiologist tomorrow. I'm sure he will be unhappy with my weight, probably my diet, certainly with my lack of exercise. He will possibly try to add another med to the seven I already take. He may try to reduce my thyroid dose (the only thing that ever gets me close to a normal energy level).
>
> I am worried he will tell me my heart is just fine and I'm wasting his time, or that there is something wrong and I'll need to make sweeping changes to stay alive.
>
> I'm quite sure he will not understand why living longer is not a great desire of mine, and that a guilt free death sentence is something I have prayed for for many years.
>
>
> I'm worried that he will expect me to control more parts of a life that already has overwhelming problems to juggle. I'm afraid he will underestimate how devastating depression has been in my life. I'm afraid that I will not be brave enough to talk to him, or smart enough to remember and understand what he says to me.
>
> It has taken me months to decide to go ahead with the consult. I finally decided to go because my pdoc said that the exhaustion might be due to a heart problem that could be improved. I sure do wish I was sure I wouldn't regret this. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.... Quilter
Posted by noa on August 17, 2000, at 9:45:10
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by medlib on August 17, 2000, at 5:19:38
Medlib, good to see you. Bearer of wisdom as always.
Posted by Kath on August 18, 2000, at 0:06:17
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by medlib on August 17, 2000, at 5:19:38
Hi medlib - Good to see you! Sorry about your friend's death. Apart from that, I hope your life is going well. Kath
> Quilter--
>
> I really appreciated your supportive posts to me, and I'd like to offer you my 2 cents worth.
>
> Kath is right--the cardiologist works for you, s/he is not a chastising parent. Anyway, chances are high that, if this is your first visit, s/he will refuse to say anything remotely useful and simply will order tests. Ask your doc to write down for you (in print, not longhand) names of tests, diagnoses, or whatever seems unfamiliar. If you're willing to share it here, we'll decode it for you; alternatively, you could look up the terms on the Amer. Heart Assn. website (a lot of which is written in English, not medicalese).
>
> Whatever the outcome, the decisions about what to do, if anything, are yours--it's your life. You do not need to explain or justify anything you decide to do, be, or don't do. Fortunately, you don't have to be strong or feel assertive to achieve this independence, because depression robs us of energy and will. You need only be nonresponsive. Listening noncommitally and replying "Thank you for your time, doctor" is all that's necessary; having prescriptions filled or keeping follow-up appts. is not mandatory. Most decisions re heart disease are not emergencies; usually, you can afford to take the time to decide what *you* want.
>
> Last week I went to the funeral of a friend 6 years younger than I who dropped dead of a heart attack. She had no risk factors and no prior history of heart disease, while the fact that I *haven't* had an MI or even angina continues to amaze my doc. Watching the "death ritual," I thought, "That should have been me." Then I thought, "Guess I just wasn't meant to be that lucky." So, you see, I can identify with your reactions. Unfortunately, my work in ERs and on cardiac floors has led me to the (wholly unscientific) conclusion that "Sudden Death" occurs much more often in people like my friend than in people like me.
>
> I have no beliefs about whether the persistence of life or the timing of death has any meaning, but, if so, perhaps there is more you are meant to do, be, or create. When I'm feeling envious, I think that the great burden of depression might be more bearable if it came packaged with a great gift (such as your art). But, like it or not, we have to play (or fold) the hand we got dealt.
>
> Years ago, when I was in the rehab hospital after a major paralyzing stroke, I used to take inventory immediately upon awakening to determine what worked and what still didn't. Then life was about seeing what I could do with what was left. These days, when I'm not trying to cope with the horrendous side effects of "musical meds," my life is about trying to get back *up* to that point. If there's any time or attention left over, I work on being okay with not being okay. Next to that, my cardiac disease seems relatively irrelevant.
>
> You are in my thoughts, and I'll hope for you an empowering shift in perspective.
>
> Well wishes, medlib
>
>
>
> > I have an appointment with a cardiologist tomorrow. I'm sure he will be unhappy with my weight, probably my diet, certainly with my lack of exercise. He will possibly try to add another med to the seven I already take. He may try to reduce my thyroid dose (the only thing that ever gets me close to a normal energy level).
> >
> > I am worried he will tell me my heart is just fine and I'm wasting his time, or that there is something wrong and I'll need to make sweeping changes to stay alive.
> >
> > I'm quite sure he will not understand why living longer is not a great desire of mine, and that a guilt free death sentence is something I have prayed for for many years.
> >
> >
> > I'm worried that he will expect me to control more parts of a life that already has overwhelming problems to juggle. I'm afraid he will underestimate how devastating depression has been in my life. I'm afraid that I will not be brave enough to talk to him, or smart enough to remember and understand what he says to me.
> >
> > It has taken me months to decide to go ahead with the consult. I finally decided to go because my pdoc said that the exhaustion might be due to a heart problem that could be improved. I sure do wish I was sure I wouldn't regret this. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.... Quilter
Posted by quilter on August 18, 2000, at 0:33:48
In reply to Re: I'm scared » medlib, posted by noa on August 17, 2000, at 9:45:10
Thank you all for the kind thoughts and good advice. I am relieved now that the visit is over. I'm wearing a holter monitor as I write this, but he doesn't expect to see any thing unusual on the recording. He feels that the changes in the echocardiogram are the result of the high heart rate the medications have induced over the years
He seemed to understand why I was not in a hurry to add more pills to the pile, so he said that if my heart rate was over 100 a lot of the time we would have to talk seriously about adding Inderal. I didn't get lectured about any thing, he did a good job explaining himself to me, and I didn't feel like he felt I was wasting his time. I do feel that having a friend of mine, an R.N. who used to work in cardio., there was helpful. She wasn't sure she could get off work in the next building to be my memory/encyclopedia/support.
Noa, he also thought an endocrinologist was a good idea when he saw the lab report. Apparently the #s look like the problem might be pituitary. I guess I need to do some more research. All these little sticky electrodes itch something awful, so I guess I will take some (more) pills and go to bed. Thanks again, folks. Quilter
Posted by Noa on August 18, 2000, at 6:12:38
In reply to Much ado ....., posted by quilter on August 18, 2000, at 0:33:48
So glad it went well. Great idea to have your nurse friend with you!!!
BTW, when your heart rate goes up that high, do you experience any feelings of anxiety or panic?
Keep us posted.
Posted by quilter on August 18, 2000, at 21:49:36
In reply to Re: Much ado ....., posted by Noa on August 18, 2000, at 6:12:38
I guess that I am so accustomed to the rapid beat that I don't worry too much. I do get frustrated and angry with myself because I get tired and out of breath so easily, and can't just keep on with what ever it is I'm trying to accomplish.
I associate anxiety and/or panic with hyperventilation and breath holding rather than heart rate. Its really hard to sort it all out.
I'm feeling quite crabby today because the sticky stuff from the electrodes has left my chest all red and rashy. sigh. Quilter
Posted by Noa on August 19, 2000, at 11:57:34
In reply to Re: Much ado ..... » Noa, posted by quilter on August 18, 2000, at 21:49:36
> I'm feeling quite crabby today because the sticky stuff from the electrodes has left my chest all red and rashy. sigh. Quilter
Sounds very uncomfortable. Reminds me of my sleep study--they stuck electrodes everywhere!!!
This is the end of the thread.
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