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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rach on July 30, 2000, at 18:07:37
I am in such a state at the moment. I have determination to get better, and I have always been a stubborn thing, but then sometimes I just really cannot be bothered. I mean, why should I bother getting out of bed in the morning - what does it matter? I certainly do not have anything to offer at the moment - I am just a whinging, annoying, lazy person. Then I think about all the things that I have interests in, and when I am feeling a bit more positive, I am really determined to get better. Then I think, why bother?
It is such a struggle. At the moment I am obviously in a down state, because I just do not believe I have the strength to keep struggling on. I feel like an absolute idiot - how hard can it be to get up, go to uni, do a few hours of work, and then have oodles of free time in which to do nothing? I feel so pathetic - I whine and thrash about in my bed, making such a huge deal out of simple things like getting dressed. Why is it so hard? Why do I not have the strength to care that I am slipping down again? Why do I have to endure myself? Why have people here been ignoring my posts? Why do I have to get better? Why can't I just stay in bed for the rest of my life? It's cosy, I can use the computer, I'm comfortable and it's so easy. I just want to sleep. I don't want to die - I don't see the point in that. I just want to sleep, lie in bed and eat chocolate. Feeling so so sorry for myself, pathetic, and useless.
I hate this shit. Sorry if you have actually read this post.
Posted by Nibor on July 30, 2000, at 18:33:20
In reply to Feeling neglected, posted by Rach on July 30, 2000, at 18:07:37
> I am in such a state at the moment. I have determination to get better, and I have always been a stubborn thing, but then sometimes I just really cannot be bothered. I mean, why should I bother getting out of bed in the morning - what does it matter......
Sure it matters--Getting IN to bed when you're tired and looking forward to getting comfortable and going to sleep is what feels so good. But you can't do that if you're already in bed. So you miss out on one of the great pleasures of life.
Tell me what you're studying. What other things do you like to do? Where do you live? (I'm new here.)
And I'm sorry I didn't answer you directly on the SuperHero thread; my message was to everyone who answered the original post.
Take care,
Super Nibor
Posted by tina on July 30, 2000, at 18:45:49
In reply to Re: Feeling neglected » Rach, posted by Nibor on July 30, 2000, at 18:33:20
Rach: Been there. I spent months on the couch. I would force myself out of bed in the morning and go directly to the couch and not move. Everytime I thought, I better get something done, I would say to myself what's the point or why bother or I don't like doing that anyway........Every excuse in the book. I don't really have any advice for you except "it will pass" The right meds, the right time for you and it will pass. Sometimes you just have to take care of yourself and wallow a bit before you get better but you WILL get better. Nibor asked you what other things you like to do, I'd be interested in knowing too. If you can pick yourself up and reach out to us for help when you are feelig this way, it's proof you WANT to feel better so you will. It will just take a little time, patience and effort. The effore will come when you are ready. Keep talking though. I'll be here to listen. If you want a kick in the butt, I can do that to. Just let me know what you need and I'll do my best for ya, ok? If I made it through, you can believe--you will.
Take care of yourself, I do care what happens to you
Write again soon with your interests and hobbies and anything else that tickles your fancy. It's what we are all here for.
Peace and hugs
Tina
> > I am in such a state at the moment. I have determination to get better, and I have always been a stubborn thing, but then sometimes I just really cannot be bothered. I mean, why should I bother getting out of bed in the morning - what does it matter......
>
> Sure it matters--Getting IN to bed when you're tired and looking forward to getting comfortable and going to sleep is what feels so good. But you can't do that if you're already in bed. So you miss out on one of the great pleasures of life.
> Tell me what you're studying. What other things do you like to do? Where do you live? (I'm new here.)
> And I'm sorry I didn't answer you directly on the SuperHero thread; my message was to everyone who answered the original post.
> Take care,
> Super Nibor
>
Posted by shar on July 30, 2000, at 20:00:50
In reply to Re: Feeling neglected, posted by tina on July 30, 2000, at 18:45:49
Rach,
I am actually a big fan of self-pity, but it has gotten a bad rap. I think (as others said) it will pass; but while you're in it, why beat yourself up? I believe a thorough wallow is a worthy cause.It IS hard to be depressed and struggle with meds, and it IS a hassle to have more to do than you have energy for, it is just really very crappy sometimes.
I've spent so much time on my sofa I'm afraid it will get grooves in it. And then someone will come over and see the grooves and know my awful secret. So, I try to shift my position regularly. And, as a true couch potato, I zone out on TV or sleep.
The house can be falling apart and I will just not look at it. No worries--at some point I will do a little here and a little there as I get more energy.
And, I am so sorry you felt ignored here! That is an awful feeling. (I have a fear of responding to too many posts, you know, people will see me as a buttinski or people will say "she thinks she knows everything.") People here are so fond of you, and enjoy hearing from you--even if you are not all smiley and happy--I can tell from their responses to you.
Well, I hope you will feel better soon; it happens a little at a time. And please be sure to write whenever you want! Nobody wants you to feel alone with all that crap.
Take care,
Shar
Posted by Janice on July 30, 2000, at 20:05:30
In reply to Re: Feeling neglected, posted by tina on July 30, 2000, at 18:45:49
hi Rach,
been there, actually sometimes I was quite happy in bed with my fake fur sheets and my imagination kept me entertained for the hours I wasn't sleeping. Sometimes I wonder if the struggle was worth it. I mean I'd still probably be exactly where I am today whether or not I struggled or not. I don't know what disorder you have but if you believe it's one based on your biology, I wouldn't struggle too much except to make it to the psychiatrists to keep up your search for a decent medication to help you stop the struggle. try to eat well and be real easy on yourself.
Anyway Rach, I hope you can have faith that you will get better. It took me 6 years, but I'm great now Rach. I have a very long psychiatric history. The only thing I am kind of concerned about is that your a student. Do you think you can keep up with your studies? Could you get out of them?
Sorry your feeling so lousy, Janice
Posted by CarolAnn on July 30, 2000, at 20:51:50
In reply to Feeling neglected, posted by Rach on July 30, 2000, at 18:07:37
Rach, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low. I do know exactly what you are going thru, having experienced your situation frequently thru out my whole life. Forgive me if this is a bit incoherent, I've already had my Ambien(sleep med).
I don't have any words of wisdom, or preachy advice.
What I do have, is a genuine desire to help you thru your current state of mind. I'm a good listener, if you need one. And for some reason, i feel some connection to you. You just sound so alone, and I know what 'alone' feels like. Anyway, I know you have ICQ messaging. So, if you would like to have a friend who will really listen to anything you want to talk about, I'm here. I just got ICQ and you can get my number from greg...I would love to talk to you in 'real' time. Well, sorry for the whoozy note, maybe I should keep it simple: your post sounds like a cry for help, so I'm here to answer that cry. If you;d like for us to become friends, so you could have somone to talk to about all this stuff we've all been thru. I'm here,at pb most days,maybe between the two of us we can figure out the answer to all those 'why' questions.
Take care, and if there's weirdness in this post, it's not me, it's the Ambien. love to you, Rach!
Posted by Rach on July 30, 2000, at 21:15:30
In reply to Re: Feeling neglected » Rach, posted by CarolAnn on July 30, 2000, at 20:51:50
Thanks guys. I'm just really down today, and I went to write a really nasty post to ladiesofthelite, but I stopped myself when I began to realise I was just taking my frustrations out on everyone. Nobody really ignored me, I was just projecting the anger I have for myself onto you all. And I apologise sincerely. Thank you for not rejecting me when I got angry at you for nothing.
I'm studying Psychology, and I live in Australia. I enjoy dancing (ballet, jazz, tap), acting (I'm actually in a play at the moment - and it is going really well), my psychology subjects (but I don't enjoy the other subjects that I have to do), writing (poems, stories etc.), hiking (but I cannot do that much), hmmm...that's all I can think of at the moment. I just don't really feel I ever have the energy or motivation to do those things (except the acting at the moment - I am really loving it).
Shar- thanks for your post, I hope you don't mind, but I had a giggle at the thought of you changing positions regularly so visitors didn't see the grooves. I do strange things like that too - I won't let anyone in my room when I am on the internet, and I'll lock my door and ignore any knocks until I have shut down. I don't want people to know I have spent so much time doing nothing in my room.
Janice - I could get out of study if I really wanted, and if I had the courage, but I just don't know what I would do instead. I think I would lose all motivation because I would have nothing at all to do.
Tina, Super Nibor, and others, thanks for your kind words. I know I'll just have to wait this one out. I'm going to see my doc tomorrow, and I'll give you an update at a later stage. Thanks for being there.
RP.S. I wrote this msg, and then something went all weird, so I'm not sure if it got through. So I am reposting, with an add-on to CarolAnn because she posted just before I did.
CarolAnn - thank you for another lovely, nonweird post. I've asked Greg for your number, and told him to pass on mine. I would like to chat 'real time' also. Hugs to you.
Posted by JaneST on July 30, 2000, at 22:48:25
In reply to Re: Feeling neglected » Rach, posted by CarolAnn on July 30, 2000, at 20:51:50
Rachel:
I have been home alone all day dying for someone to talk to...or something to respond to...and now I read this!!! I wish you had posted at LOTL!!Sounds like you may be seeing a teeny ray of hope now...I hope you are feeling some better. I know about the bed thing...and right now I can't wait to get back into mine! Nibor was right when she said it was a pleasure to look forward to...and I had never thought of it that way. Hmmm...darn, I guess that means I will have to get up in the morning to!
Let me know how you are doing.
Love,
Jane
Posted by Greg on July 31, 2000, at 7:25:45
In reply to Re: Feeling neglected, posted by Rach on July 30, 2000, at 21:15:30
Ladies,
I will get the numbers passed on ASAP. I feel so important here! I hope you both have a great day.
Hugs,
Greg
Posted by Rach on July 31, 2000, at 8:26:03
In reply to Re: CarolAnn/Rach, posted by Greg on July 31, 2000, at 7:25:45
That's because you are important, silly!
> Ladies,
>
> I will get the numbers passed on ASAP. I feel so important here! I hope you both have a great day.
>
> Hugs,
> Greg
Posted by Kath on July 31, 2000, at 16:45:28
In reply to Greg, posted by Rach on July 31, 2000, at 8:26:03
Hi Rach - I've been away off & on for holidays, so haven't been able to keep track of PB happenings. I'm sorry about how you were feeling in the post at the beginning of this thread. It's obvious there are people here who care about you (me being one of them). I'm glad that lots of people who have felt awful & it's taken them awhile to feel better have let you know that.
Keep in touch here. I'd also like to know what interests you have, etc. I'm a firm believer in doing "nurturing" stuff for oneself...also in the 12-Step groups. I go to CoDA myself (CoDependents Anonymous) & it really helps me feel more steady, cared-about & grounded. I don't know if you've ever thought about it. I've heard of Depressed Anonymous but don't know anyone in it, so don't know what it's like.
You're cared about!! Hope to hear from you soon.Warm thoughts, Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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