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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rebecca on May 8, 2000, at 18:16:15
I haven't told anyone at work about my depression, and I thought it was getting to the point of not being a problem. But then things crashed over the weekend and I spent this morning feeling pretty crappy and not doing my job well at all.
I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but I knew my performance was suffering since I was capable of having less than one thought at a time instead of my usual few. I was considering going home sick, but it was the sort of thing where being home alone wasn't necessarily a good idea and I started feeling better in the afternoon.
This is my first job, so I'm not sure what to do...
Posted by Noa on May 8, 2000, at 18:39:19
In reply to Work issues?, posted by Rebecca on May 8, 2000, at 18:16:15
I don't have answers for you, but just wanted to tell you how much I can relate. I have written a lot about how my depression has affected my work. It is really tough.
Posted by Rebecca on May 8, 2000, at 19:21:30
In reply to Re: Work issues?, posted by Noa on May 8, 2000, at 18:39:19
I'm nervous about telling my supervisor because I'm getting to the point where I've been there long enough that I want to and am taking on more responsibility. I don't want to lose that.
So far people seem to think I'm doing a very good job, so I don't want to bring up issues that don't really exist. On the other hand, every time I think I'm getting to a nice and stable state something happens to bring that in doubt. If it were anything other than mental health, I think I'd feel comfortable saying "hey, medical things are going on, I might not be totally with it periodically."
Is it better to at least make my supervisor aware that there may be bigger problems at some point, or just deal with that if/when it happens?
Posted by tina on May 8, 2000, at 19:57:07
In reply to Re: Work issues?, posted by Rebecca on May 8, 2000, at 19:21:30
Well, ya'll know I can relate. I actually lost my job because I was off so much. My little miniscule pearl of wisdom for you is---If you can trust and respect your supervisor and he/she trusts and respects you then I don't see a problem with telling him/her. If you don't feel that way maybe you really aren't ready for the extra stress. Could you maybe be sabotaging yourself because deep down your confidence is a little shaky due to your depression(theoretically)? No offence intended, I just have a little experience with sabotaging my position because of low self-esteem but that's a childhood issue that I won't go into here. Just a thought. Don't hate me for it.
> I'm nervous about telling my supervisor because I'm getting to the point where I've been there long enough that I want to and am taking on more responsibility. I don't want to lose that.
>
> So far people seem to think I'm doing a very good job, so I don't want to bring up issues that don't really exist. On the other hand, every time I think I'm getting to a nice and stable state something happens to bring that in doubt. If it were anything other than mental health, I think I'd feel comfortable saying "hey, medical things are going on, I might not be totally with it periodically."
>
> Is it better to at least make my supervisor aware that there may be bigger problems at some point, or just deal with that if/when it happens?
Posted by kellyR. on May 8, 2000, at 20:49:42
In reply to Work issues?, posted by Rebecca on May 8, 2000, at 18:16:15
> I haven't told anyone at work about my depression, and I thought it was getting to the point of not being a problem. But then things crashed over the weekend and I spent this morning feeling pretty crappy and not doing my job well at all.
>
> I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but I knew my performance was suffering since I was capable of having less than one thought at a time instead of my usual few. I was considering going home sick, but it was the sort of thing where being home alone wasn't necessarily a good idea and I started feeling better in the afternoon.
>
> This is my first job, so I'm not sure what to do...I find every morning hard to get going, & feel like calling out of work,& sometimes there i feel so panic that i have a hard time doing my job wright,& just want to run out of there. I keep telling myself that I have to do this I can't let this get to me & win,& i try thing about my pay check & how it would be effeted.& i don't want to be put on the shit list w/ my boss. Try finding out why you need this job & use that to keep going. kellyR.
Posted by FP on May 8, 2000, at 22:58:40
In reply to Re: Work issues?, posted by Rebecca on May 8, 2000, at 19:21:30
> I'm nervous about telling my supervisor because I'm getting to the point where I've been there long enough that I want to and am taking on more responsibility. I don't want to lose that.
>
> So far people seem to think I'm doing a very good job, so I don't want to bring up issues that don't really exist. On the other hand, every time I think I'm getting to a nice and stable state something happens to bring that in doubt. If it were anything other than mental health, I think I'd feel comfortable saying "hey, medical things are going on, I might not be totally with it periodically."
>
> Is it better to at least make my supervisor aware that there may be bigger problems at some point, or just deal with that if/when it happens?
In a word, NO. Wait till you crack up, first. If you tell him/her you risk never being promoted at all. Some supervisors might be very understanding; others might be totally weirded out. Unless you have a real good sense of you how your supervisor will react, it's not worth taking the chance, IMHO. That kinda talk makes corporations VERY NERVOUS.At the very least, wait until your boss asks if there's some kind of problem at home, or gives other indication that people have noticed your performance is slacking off: odds are, they haven't. (As the Church of Sub-Genuis says, "Act like a dumbsh*t and they'll treat you like an equal")
After all, you may never crack up....
Of course, this is just one person's opinion. I DID have two long-term periods of Disability while at my last "real" job, (pre becoming a highly paid consultant), and I'll tell you, I was never treated the same again - everyone acted as though I was made out of glass. It sucked, and my career advancement at that co. was over.
Obviuosly, YMMV.
I'll say a prayer for you tonight - this is a tough place to be in.
FP
Posted by Rebecca on May 9, 2000, at 16:55:13
In reply to Re: Work issues?, posted by FP on May 8, 2000, at 22:58:40
FP--what you said makes sense. I was completely exhausted last night, so I was probably not terribly coherent. I'm not consistently performing up to my ability, but am performing up to expectations. I think everyone's been terribly impressed with my performance so far, so they don't know that I could be doing better.
I've got a performance review coming up next month and am due for a promotion in the next few months, so I'll just wait and see how those turn out.
Posted by JohnL on May 10, 2000, at 4:15:53
In reply to Work issues?, posted by Rebecca on May 8, 2000, at 18:16:15
Rebecca,
I remember similar discussions of work issues from half a year or maybe a year ago. At that time it seemed half the people felt bringing their depression out in the open at work was helpful, and half thought it was risky. As I remember it had a lot to do with where one lives. Some towns or states are more accepting, tolerant, and understanding than others.
I fall into the camp that believes discussing personal problems--like depression--is NOT a wise idea in the workplace. Even if you tell just one person, it's amazing how it always ends up being common knowledge--and often distorted rumor--all the way to your boss's desk. And then it isn't at all surprising to find that when cutbacks, layoffs, or whatever happens, you're the first to go. And of course they always find some legitimate reason--anything--so that it doesn't look like it's mental illness discrimination. Usually the reason has to do with poor performance.
So as hard as it is, I personally think it's best to keep it quiet and confidential at work. Work is not the appropriate venue to discuss depression or look for support. It's a place where we are hired to do certain tasks in return for financial compensation. That's the bottom line. Most bosses in my experience do not appreciate discovering they have an employee with a mental illness. Even friends and family often have a hard time filling that support role, not to mention casual work associates. If you need to open up, talk, share, get support, the appropriate and safe place to do that is with someone else like you who also suffers and/or or with a professional counselor.
You may likely be more aware of your dropoff in performance than others around you are. Sure they may notice something's troubling you, but something always troubles everyone from time to time. Hardly anybody consistently plows forward with unwavering performance. We all have peaks and valleys, personal problems at home, etc etc. If anyone confronts you or asks you about your performance, a simple answer stating that you are working through a family crisis is all they need to know. They don't need to know what the crisis is or any of the details. Just that you're dealing with something and you're trying not to have it affect you at work the best you can. And that you'ld rather not talk about it just now. That's all. But I wouldn't even mention anything at all unless confronted or asked.
On the other hand, if you want to risk losing your job, find out what mental illness stigma is firsthand, and discover who among your assumed friends are actually not friends at all...then go ahead and spill the beans. Like I said, some locales are accepting, many not. I have personally never seen a good outcome in the workplace when someone has made their mental illness public knowledge. Some things--as hard as they are--are best left unsaid.
So how do we get through the workday? What I discovered that works for me is to break work into segments. View it in little pieces, not in big chunks, and tackle each little piece one at a time. Focus only on the priority directly in front of you at the moment. Otherwise it can just be too overwhelming. Break it up into pieces for better coping skills. And always remind yourself...it won't always be this way! As time passes and your treatment continues, you'll feel better. You will get back to normal again. And because of it all, you'll be a stronger wiser person because of it. Just remember, EVERYBODY has peaks and valleys. You just happen to be in one of those valleys. It won't last. But until it passes, keep it personal and private. Just my opinion.
JohnL
Posted by Sherry on May 10, 2000, at 4:36:10
In reply to Re: Work issues?, posted by JohnL on May 10, 2000, at 4:15:53
Rebecca,
JohnL said: You may likely be more aware of your dropoff in performance than others around you are. Sure they may notice something's troubling you, but something always troubles everyone from time to time. Hardly anybody consistently plows forward with unwavering performance. We all have peaks and valleys, personal problems at home, etc etc. If anyone confronts you or asks you about your performance, a simple answer stating that you are working through a family crisis is all they need to know. They don't need to know what the crisis is or any of the details. Just that you're dealing with something and you're trying not to have it affect you at work the best you can. And that you'ld rather not talk about it just now. That's all. But I wouldn't even mention anything at all unless confronted or asked.
I agree with JohnL completely on this point. During some of my roughest times, I have used personal problems as an excuse. Other people can relate because it happens to everyone at some point or another, and it is temporary. Good Luck!
Sherry
Posted by Aylese on May 11, 2000, at 21:18:51
In reply to Re: Work issues?, posted by JohnL on May 10, 2000, at 4:15:53
As always, I think JohnL said it best. People WILL looking at you differently and will treat you differently if you talk about it. They just will. Be kind to yourself. Keep it to yourself.
Posted by Rebecca on May 14, 2000, at 19:18:44
In reply to Re: Work issues?, posted by JohnL on May 10, 2000, at 4:15:53
thanks for the advice. I'll keep it to myself. I've found that when I'm not feeling well (often due to medication side effects--I'm pretty good at covering up the depression part), I can get away with admitting to feeling sick and going with whatever assumptions the person I'm talking to makes.
JohnL wrote...
> And always remind yourself...it won't always be this way! As time passes and your treatment continues, you'll feel better. You will get back to normal again. And because of it all, you'll be a stronger wiser person because of it. Just remember, EVERYBODY has peaks and valleys. You just happen to be in one of those valleys. It won't last. But until it passes, keep it personal and private. Just my opinion.I admire your optimism and wish I could share it. The depression has been around for much of the time since I was 13, and I'm pretty sure it'll continue for the rest of my life. The treatment thing is relatively new--started last summer; I seem to be able to get a few good weeks, then things fall apart, I have new and more disturbing (to me at least) symptoms, and there's another med change.
Rebecca
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