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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jennyann on February 26, 2000, at 13:33:50
hello everyone..its been a long time. I have recently been hospitalized for depression... I have never been so "low" before. slowly I am accepting the limitations of my illness and finding reasons to remain alive. the hardest part is just acknowledging that I am ill...I have always functioned in "perfection" mode. I ignored, self medicated and avoided my depression for a long long time. and now, despite years and years of intensive therapy and what I thought was the pinnacle of my own "self actualization", here i am. so, my reason for this post, is just to get some feedback about anger. I have done a lot of work around grief, and Ive been sad, and mourned my own childhood etc. it is time now to release the rage...and for all of my skills and abilities, I find this the hardest thing I have ever been faced with.
thanks for listening
JA
Posted by Phil on February 26, 2000, at 13:48:55
In reply to back from the depths of...., posted by jennyann on February 26, 2000, at 13:33:50
jennyann, Glad to hear from you. I have a lot of anger in my life, still, despite years of working w/ a great therapist. Had to write anger letters to anyone that I had problems with. Then I had to read them to her and it was tough.
I don't have the answer; I still have tons of rage just driving these days but don't show it or act on it. Hopefully we'll get some answers.Phil
Posted by Rick on February 26, 2000, at 16:40:12
In reply to back from the depths of...., posted by jennyann on February 26, 2000, at 13:33:50
Hi Jenny,
I just wanted to say that I related a lot to your posting. I too was recently hospitalized for depression, and it also was the lowest I have ever felt in my life. I hate the fact that I have to take any meds whatsoever, but I cannot deny the fact that I became suicidal without them. I am afraid of having to live the rest of my life on meds, I really dont want to do that, but I also know that I have some deep rooted anger issues, and my life has undergone so many downfalls of late that everything has just piled up and I have this great big glob of mixed emotions about everything.
I have real problems getting my anger out, and its not for a lack of trying. It's more like ignorance I suppose, I just dont know what to do to heal all these wounds that I know I walk around with. I know they're there, I know they affect everything I do, but I have no idea how to "reach in and pull them out". Maybe someone else will have some insights about anger.
There are so many possibilities in life...good and bad...but all unforseeable. Suicide is not the answer and never will be, so take your meds, feel better, and try to take life one day at a time if you have to. Thats where I am.
I wish you the best in recovery...and am most grateful to you and all the others who post here, it makes me feel like I have friends who do understand, and that means everything to me right now!
RICK
Posted by Noa on February 26, 2000, at 19:54:26
In reply to Re: back from the depths of...., posted by Rick on February 26, 2000, at 16:40:12
Hi Jenny,
Welcome back!
I have had a lot of anger, myself, and at the moment, feel my anger at the people in my life/past is at a settled point. Now, what I am dealing with is the anger I feel about/at my illness, coming to grips with how severe an impact it has had on my quality of life for so long, how much time it has robbed me of, how much of my life I feel it has robbed me of, how much a burden it has been.
Rick, I don't think you have to force your anger out. Focus on building your life, step by step, and be mindful of allowing yourself to process your anger when you are ready to.
Posted by Katy on February 26, 2000, at 21:32:34
In reply to Re: back from the depths of...., posted by Noa on February 26, 2000, at 19:54:26
> It is very sad to be robbed of a happy childhood because of genetics, bad upbringing or whatever. For this one should mourn --- and yes, feel cheated and be angry. Maybe you were from a family that didn't allow you to be angry. That is a lot of stored up rage to get out -- like when you vomit and you hate it while you are doing it but then you feel better after it is out of your body. A therapist can help getting the anger out.
They say depression is repressed anger. Maybe the rage is there.They also say anxiety is a step up from depression -- I guess because you are at least feeling something. Just be patient. It too shall pass. Hating yourself and beating yourself up because you are on meds is only going to make it worse. Cherish the person you are and know that you are doing the best you can. Katy
Posted by CarolAnn on February 27, 2000, at 10:20:41
In reply to back from the depths of...., posted by jennyann on February 26, 2000, at 13:33:50
Like Noa, I have come to terms with the anger over actual events in my past, but I know I still have unresolved anger. Everything I've read says that "anger needs to be released". What I can never figure out, is how do you release anger that has no target? How do you resolve a rage that seems to come from nowhere, has no apparent cause? This rage that is just in there, like a sleeping dragon, and can be awakened(by the stupidest little irritations)into a screaming, cursing, roar of indignity? How do you get rid of a dragon, when you don't know how he got in, in the first place? CarolAnn
Posted by Janice on February 27, 2000, at 17:33:05
In reply to Re: releasing anger...how?, posted by CarolAnn on February 27, 2000, at 10:20:41
> Like Noa, I have come to terms with the anger over actual events in my past, but I know I still have unresolved anger. Everything I've read says that "anger needs to be released". What I can never figure out, is how do you release anger that has no target? How do you resolve a rage that seems to come from nowhere, has no apparent cause? This rage that is just in there, like a sleeping dragon, and can be awakened(by the stupidest little irritations)into a screaming, cursing, roar of indignity? How do you get rid of a dragon, when you don't know how he got in, in the first place? CarolAnn
I am seriously looking for answers about anger too. CarolAnn, for me too, it is like a sleeping dragon, awakened by the stupidest of things.
Once I saw a therapist who wanted me to role play - I found that to be very humiliating and never went back. I am thinking of trying EMDR therapy, as the thought of talking about all that garbage for 5-10 years is extremely unappealing. I believe I have PSTD - because certain memories cause extreme emotional reactions from me I cannot control.
How many types of anger are there?
Carlos Santanas mentioned on 60 minutes about his PTSD from being molested every second day for a 2 to 3 year period. He said he was always angry, and his wife got fed up with him.
One thing I have noticed about my anger is that Dexedrine gives me the power to control whether or not I show it.
CarolAnn, any more insights, sounds like you know alot. Janice
Posted by Noa on February 27, 2000, at 17:38:09
In reply to Re: releasing anger...how?, posted by CarolAnn on February 27, 2000, at 10:20:41
Carol Ann, it used to be thought that the best thing is to release anger. But now it is recognized that it is not universally helpful. Because sometimes, when anger is released, it can feel out of control and uncontained. I think the older idea was very psychoanalytic, the idea of pent up anger, like steam building up, needing to be let out or else the whole thing will blow. For many people, releasing the anger would be disastrous because they don't have the ability to process it and then calm down. And the idea of "releasing" anger gives the false impression that somehow you will purge it from your mind and body. Untrue.
Instead, think of ways to think about or process bits and peices of issues related to anger. Exercise can help channel some of the energy and stress that can be experienced as rage, too.
As for the little things that set you off, perhaps it would be helpful to brainstorm ahead of time things that help to deal with these little situations, to prevent the blow ups. For me it helps to try to be aware of things that set me off, to try to anticipate that I might get angry or frustrated in those situations, and to prepare myself to deal with them or avoid them if possible. For example, I try to notice my mood, energy level now before it is too late, before I am cranky in the long line at the pharmacy. I'll remove myself from the situation ("If I go to that one more store, even tho I am ok now, I have a feeling I'll be exhausted halfway through and then I'll pass my point of no return, so I better head home now and leave this for tomorrow"). Yes, perhaps the meltdown in the store is related to my feeling powerless in my life which is related to my feeling angry and helpless about this that and the other thing. But all of that isn't so helpful. What is helpful is to learn how to manage it all, and in truth what is more important than the remote connections with psychodynamic stuff is the little ways I learn to read my body, my mood, what stresses me, what helps me. Much more useful to me than any releasing of anger.
Just my two cents worth (of which the ins. co pays 60%, minus deductible)
Posted by CarolAnn on February 27, 2000, at 18:44:05
In reply to Re: releasing anger...how?, posted by Noa on February 27, 2000, at 17:38:09
Thank you Noa, that's excellent advise, and it reminded me of something. I tend to have "fly off the handle" episodes if my blood suger gets too low. My husband was actually the one who recognized the pattern. I think that lately part of the problem is lack of appetite(from Wellbutrin and Adderall), I find it hard to force my self to eat...highly ironic considering that I spent the better part of my life self-medicating with compulsive over-eating! oh well, C'est la vie!CarolAnn
Posted by Noa on February 27, 2000, at 18:51:54
In reply to Re: releasing anger...how?, posted by CarolAnn on February 27, 2000, at 18:44:05
I have a problem that I think is low blood sugar related, too. It seems to be more of an issue now, I don't know if it is related to my meds. Also, in the am after I take my meds, I feel too sick to my stomach to eat, so I wait. But then I get busy and forget, and then I often have a point when I get shaky and light headed and confused, and that is when I remember I hadn't eaten.
I know people who keep crackers in their purses or desks, just in case. I think I should start doing this.
Posted by CarolAnn on February 28, 2000, at 8:31:44
In reply to Re: releasing anger...how?, posted by Noa on February 27, 2000, at 18:51:54
I have exactly the same problem with not being able to eat in the am, then forgetting, ect...My savior has been Carnation instant breakfast, Either powdered w/skim milk or if I won't be home I take the canned kind with me. It's easier to drink something than eating, sometimes I even have the stuff in the afternoon or evening, if I need to eat but don't feel like anything would stay down. CarolAnn
Posted by Noa on February 28, 2000, at 21:14:01
In reply to Re: eating in the am...to Noa, posted by CarolAnn on February 28, 2000, at 8:31:44
Is it my imagination, or am I more sensitive to low blood sugar now, and could it be related to my medications?
I used to be able to go fairly long periods between meals. Now, I get this low blood sugar feeling every few hours. I really cannot process anything, my brain feels confused.
I really should start keeping some nibbles at my desk so I don't get to that crazy, cotton brain, fuzzy and anxious point.
Posted by medlib on February 29, 2000, at 5:08:14
In reply to Re: eating in the am...to Noa, posted by Noa on February 28, 2000, at 21:14:01
> Is it my imagination, or am I more sensitive to low blood sugar now, and could it be related to my medications?
> I used to be able to go fairly long periods between meals. Now, I get this low blood sugar feeling every few hours. I really cannot process anything, my brain feels confused.
> I really should start keeping some nibbles at my desk so I don't get to that crazy, cotton brain, fuzzy and anxious point.Noa-
I call it "fuzzing out or being "fuzzed out." As a life-long hypoglycemic (diagnosed at age 11) who raised 2 hypoglycemic children, I have a wealth of hints on hypoglycemic management. I would be glad to post or e-mail some of them if your interest runs in that direction.Others on this board will have to address the Rx issues that you raised, but I do know that both stress and stimulants can exacerbate hypoglycemia in those prone to it. Can you make a temporal connection between Rx ingestion and symptom onset(usually 2-4 hours post)?
Your symptoms are very familiar to me, but I know you have a lot going on now and this may not be very high on your priority list. Best wishes--
medlibP.S. I wrote the above when you first posted about a.m. nausea but didn't submit it because it wasn't directly responsive and I'm feeling very..tentative lately. Sorry if it's not on target.
Posted by Noa on February 29, 2000, at 7:18:41
In reply to Re: eating in the am...to Noa, posted by medlib on February 29, 2000, at 5:08:14
Thanks, medlib. I will have to start being more aware of the timing of it. The most obvious times are when I haven't eaten breakfast, it hits me mid morning. I do take stimulants--Ritalin SR. It is hard to separate the timing in relation to the dosing from the timing in relation to food intake, or lack thereof.
Posted by Janice on February 29, 2000, at 10:00:50
In reply to Re: eating in the am...to Noa, posted by medlib on February 29, 2000, at 5:08:14
I would appreciate it if you would post some of your tips on this. I'm pretty certain I have it. The symptoms are so similar to ADHD and depression.
When you treat your hypoglycemia, does it help with your depression?
Is this disorder found more often when people have psychiatric disorders?
Please just post your personal tips and any good sites you know of that I could visit?
thank you very much medlib, Janice
I pretty much know my next step will be my diet. I don't look forwards to this.
This is the end of the thread.
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