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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 16, 2004, at 11:12:56
Well, yet again, I needed a tiny little bit of support this afternoon, but oh no.. he blows his lid, tells me I'm acting like a 12 year old, starts throwing things at me, and then storms out and I am now locked in the flat as he took both sets of keys and locked the door.
We've been out to lunch with my mum who was up in London.. her boyfriend embarrassed the hell out of me (he's a total bastard in my opinion), and I had to stop at supermarket on way home.. Get on the bus the rest of the way, and theres a man on there been really horrible and frightening.. threatening ti blow our heads off, and threatening to force to suck his d*ck.. I was scared, and ended up staying on the bus till he got off as I was scared he would get off at same stop as me. So I was aot longer than I expected, and got home, close to tears and really scared. The second I walk in the door he starts on me.. I try to explain I'm upset etc etc, but apparently I am making excuses blah blah blah. Next thing, he's throwing cups and glasses at me. Now he has stormed out - I have no idea where (he said he was going to get laid for once as I never want sex with him)
Now, theres only one thing I want to do.. and have the tabelts to do it.. but I know I mustb;t.. but don't know how I can stop myself.
I have to sit and msile at people as they tell me what a wonderful support J must be to me, and how awful it must have been for him to watch me so ill.. how he must have been such a help getting better. Thats bull.. he has never supported me in the smallest way. the year I got paid *nothing* (not even government stuff) he made me still pay him rent an dpay my share of the bills and food - hence i am now in major debt. When I was in the hospital for 10 days, he visited me ONCE (the hispital was a 15 minute walk from home)..
next month I turn 30.. to me this is quite a major mile stone, and I have a party booked. He informed me earlier that he's actually going away for the weekend of my birthday.. That he doesn't want me having a party, that 30 is nothing to bother celebrating, and so he's not going to bother being here. So I get to be alone for my birthday.. A friend is even flying over from Bemuda for the party that I now have to cancel. But She's travelling elsewhere for my actual birthday (day after the party)..
3 years ago I arranged a small party in our flat for my birthday.. the morning fo it he started kicking off at me completely and made me ring every single person on the list and tell them it was cancelled. When I broke down i tears he told me I was guilt tripping and proceeded to hit and punch the hell out of me.I want out. I've had enough. But I have absolutaly no where to go.. If I went back to mums I'd have to give up my job (too far to travel in every day and too expensive to do that travel).. but I can't actually afford to rent somewhere in london alone.. all my friends up here are his friends so I can't go to them.
Plus, I can't face starting all over with nothing what so ever..
I'm never going to be strong enough to leave him.. I know that. But I really don't know whether I can stand this anymore.. Its starting to feel like theres only one way out again.God I hate my life. I hate hate hate hate hate hate it.
Posted by Noa on October 16, 2004, at 13:24:22
In reply to Why is he unable to give me any support??, posted by NikkiT2 on October 16, 2004, at 11:12:56
Nikki, I'm very concerned. I sent you an email.
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 16, 2004, at 15:32:19
In reply to Re: Why is he unable to give me any support?? » NikkiT2, posted by Noa on October 16, 2004, at 13:24:22
Hey..
I'll go check my email.
Think people will have to contact me that way future. I think finally I am done with this place. I have had it up to here *waves in somewhere above her eyes*#
he's home by the way, and barricaded into bedroom. i'm cooking myself some corn on the cob.
but.. i come here and feel like I have been punched in the stomach.
Posted by Noa on October 16, 2004, at 20:56:43
In reply to Re: Why is he unable to give me any support?? » Noa, posted by NikkiT2 on October 16, 2004, at 15:32:19
What happened here? Must be one of the other boards that I haven't visited in a long time. Stay in touch.
Posted by Noa on October 16, 2004, at 21:09:57
In reply to Re: Why is he unable to give me any support?? » Noa, posted by NikkiT2 on October 16, 2004, at 15:32:19
Nikki, don't go to admin at all! I just browsed there and it's mostly a lot of hostility. I don't see anything wrong with your post here except that I hate to see you in such a bad situation, so I don't know why it would be raised at admin. Of course, I wanted to post in your defense because it irked me, but I decided it isn't even worth it. There is no dialogue there.
Don't read the posts of people who push your buttons (my buttons get pushed, too, by such hostile posts)--nothing good will come of reading those threads. You need to take good care of yourself now. Don't go to admin at all, in fact.
I'm thinking about you and want to offer support, and also hoping you will get some support IRL.
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 17, 2004, at 4:37:49
In reply to Re: Why is he unable to give me any support?? » NikkiT2, posted by Noa on October 16, 2004, at 21:09:57
I know everyone who cares baout me will see this here.. sorry fo rnot posting in a more "open" place such a social, but 2000 is really my home these days.. and I know its checked by those I care about most.
I *have* to stay away from here now. I simply cannot risk posting. I can't risk every little post I make being turned into a "is this civil or not" quiz.
Anyway.. Noa, my yahoo mail doesn't let me in anymore.. and for anyone else.. this is the addy you can reach me on.. nikkit at gmail dot com
I'm sure I will be back, I could never leave this place forever.. but I need time out..
sorry guys.. but.. well, I hope you can understand
Nikki xx
Posted by Noa on October 17, 2004, at 10:18:05
In reply to If anyone wants me.., posted by NikkiT2 on October 17, 2004, at 4:37:49
OK, just forwarded the email to the new address.
Posted by SLS on October 18, 2004, at 14:42:49
In reply to If anyone wants me.., posted by NikkiT2 on October 17, 2004, at 4:37:49
Hi Nikki.
I wish I knew what to say here, but I am at a loss for tact. I hope I don't seem too insensitive. Perhaps I am even mistaking or not recognizing the correct events causing you upset. I guess I jumped in here too late.
You seem like such a strong person, Nikki. I am surprised that you should let the obsessive postings of an unsettled person be so upsetting to you personally. I don't think anyone else is holding your posts under a microscope and finding anything uncivil or otherwise offensive in them. I don't think this person shows favoritism when it comes to his posting behavior. Why should you take it personally? I think it might be a misperception to feel like these requests for determination somehow draw the attention of the masses to your posts.
I apologize if I clueless. I just hate to see you go.
- Scott
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 19, 2004, at 2:49:22
In reply to Re: If anyone wants me.. » NikkiT2, posted by SLS on October 18, 2004, at 14:42:49
> it's mostly a lot of hostility.
>
> Noa> the obsessive postings of an unsettled person
>
> ScottI'm glad Nikki's getting support, but please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down. Thanks,
Bob
Posted by SLS on October 19, 2004, at 10:46:23
In reply to Re: please be civil » Noa » SLS, posted by Dr. Bob on October 19, 2004, at 2:49:22
I guess I should have tried refering less to a perceived characteristic of a person and referred more generically to a behavior. I don't know. It was a difficult maneuver that I think I could have tried harder to negotiate.
- Scott
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 20, 2004, at 1:14:06
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by SLS on October 19, 2004, at 10:46:23
> I guess I should have tried refering less to a perceived characteristic of a person and referred more generically to a behavior.
Or maybe just something like "someone's multiple postings"?
Bob
Posted by Noa on October 20, 2004, at 19:53:12
In reply to Re: please be civil » Noa » SLS, posted by Dr. Bob on October 19, 2004, at 2:49:22
Dr. Bob,
My comment about hostility was referring to a prevailing tone on the admin board in general at the moment.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 23, 2004, at 3:30:35
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by Noa on October 20, 2004, at 19:53:12
> My comment about hostility was referring to a prevailing tone on the admin board in general at the moment.
OK, I was just afraid people might take it personally...
Bob
Posted by Shar on October 23, 2004, at 22:34:46
In reply to Re: prevailing tone, posted by Dr. Bob on October 23, 2004, at 3:30:35
Dr. Bob,
or whomever,
I feel very upset that people who are trying to be supportive of the one (Nikki) and who do not have a "record" of being uncivil or insensitive, are singled out on this small segment of this forum for your criticism.I am very concerned about Nikki, and she expressed her own concerns. Others, who were trying to comfort her were told to be civil because of **** going on at another one of the boards?!
Does this not seem somewhat absurd to you?!
At some point, the PBC's and all that must be given their due and ideally achieve some sort of balance. It seems very unbalanced to me (in terms of body/mind/spirit) and there must be a better way. Because one is worried that "somebody might have felt" this way or that, does not seem sufficient to penalize others.
Sorry that I disagree, but I do. Especially here at 2000.
Shar
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 24, 2004, at 22:35:48
In reply to Re: prevailing tone, etc., posted by Shar on October 23, 2004, at 22:34:46
> I feel very upset that people who are trying to be supportive of the one (Nikki) and who do not have a "record" of being uncivil or insensitive, are singled out on this small segment of this forum for your criticism.
Think of them as reminders rather than criticism? It's great to be supportive, but though this may be a small segment, others may still feel accused or put down by what's posted here.
> Because one is worried that "somebody might have felt" this way or that, does not seem sufficient to penalize others.
>
> Sorry that I disagree, but I do.That's OK, let's just agree to disagree?
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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